by Bess Norton
“Naturally.”
She had all her warpaint on when she steadied Simon down the stairs. Not that he needed steadying, but that wasn’t the point. And she had on her yellow jersey dress, too. She looked fantastic, and any fool could see that Simon thought so, too. Alan and I stood at the hall window and watched her drive the big car out of the gate. Alan whistled. “What a woman!” he said.
“Yes,” I agreed. And then I said deliberately, “They make a handsome pair, don’t they?”
Concerned, he turned to me. “Oh, ducky! Don’t be so defeatist. Not now, when you’re nearly home and dry.”
“I’m not,” I pointed out. “That’s just it. I was walking the wrong way all the time and didn’t know it.”
He didn’t believe me at first. And then he put both his arms around me. He was trembling again, the way he had been when we had stood under Dallas’s window, months before. “You... you do know what you just said don’t you?”
“Yes. I know.” I held my mouth up for his.
It wasn’t any better than it had been the last time. Not at first. And then, as he continued kissing me, it dawned on me that bells are often hard to hear when people strain their ears for them, so I relaxed and stopped worrying. After that it was wonderful. Instead of the wild thrill of Simon’s kiss I found something much more satisfying. I felt utterly safe and loved.
Mrs. Cox coughed loudly behind us, and I don’t think it was the first time. We simply grinned at her.
“You may congratulate us,” Alan told her. And then he added, “But not a word to a soul. Understand?”
She nodded, then wiped her hand on her apron and held it out. “I’m sure I hope you’ll be happy, Doctor, and Miss Dair,” she said doubtfully. “I do hope you’re doing the right thing.”
“Of course we are, Coxy, you old baggage.” Alan was radiant. She managed a smile.
I said, “But we don’t want anyone to know yet. Not until we’ve told the doctors. Be a dear.”
When she had gone off into the kitchen, Alan said, “We’d better break the news fairly quickly, love. Otherwise the whole town will know, when Coxy gets home.”
I simply didn’t care. I was so glad to have everything settled at last, and my hopeless longing for Simon behind me, that I would cheerfully have stood on the Town Hall steps and announced it to the world through a megaphone.
“I wish I hadn’t been so long seeing the light,” I said. “I wish you’d bossed me into it before.”
“Love, I did try. But you simply wouldn’t play. Far be it from me to shove my neck out. Mummy always told me that young gentlemen shouldn’t force their attentions on young ladies until they had made tactful inquiries through a third party.”
“And did you?”
“I have my spies. For example, the fair Dallas.”
I blinked up at him. “Dallas?”
“Well, love, you must admit that what she said to Simon did rather precipitate things. Didn’t it? And when I was moved to choke her off I did mention to her that my heart was another’s, so to speak.” He kissed the end of my nose. “Mind, I don’t imagine she meant to be constructive; it just happened to work out that way.”
“I thought I’d be afraid to tell Simon,” I said. “But not now. I know now that he simply won’t care. He just isn’t with me at all, since this operation.”
“And if he had been?” Alan’s boyish face was serious again. “If he had remembered all he said and all you said that evening? Would you have come to me then?”
“I don’t know. I can’t analyze things like that. I only know that this feels right ... and that I’m sorry I’ve been such a blind fool, Alan.”
But he persisted. “I don’t have any illusions, love. You may as well know it. I know that you could have been very happy with Simon—if things had gone right. I’m just selfishly glad that they didn’t. Because I want you to be happy with me, instead. See?”
“And won’t you be happy, too?”
He pulled me into his arms again. “What do you think? Why the blazes do you think I didn’t want to go to the airport. I love you. I always have. Only I’m not good at romantic gestures. I just know when I’m happy.”
I pulled his dark head down and kissed him very quickly, saying, “I’ve got to get the tea. Don’t you dare come near me for the next 20 minutes. Do you hear?”
“Hearing is obeying,” he nodded. All the same, he went out into the garden and watched me through the kitchen window.
When the tray was ready I went out to him and we walked arm in arm up the long lawn. “Simon never did get those plants put in,” I regretted.
“No. There are a good many things Simon hasn’t got around to lately. Thank goodness!”
“The partnership,” I reminded him. “Will this make a difference? I mean, will it still go ahead?”
He swung my hand and smiled. “That’s up to you, sweet. It’s a question of where you want me to be. Just say the word.”
“We ... we couldn’t live here,” I said. I thought of the master bedroom upstairs. That was the only one big enough for two people. And that was out, obviously. It would have been some kind of sacrilege. “Did you really hate the airport or did you just miss Retby?”
“I think I just missed Retby. But don’t let that influence you, love. There are other jobs after all. Be nice to have a practice of my own, some time—” His voice trailed off. “That’s not the only thing I’d like,” he added. He put both his hands out, standing there in the dappled light under the big apple tree, and I let mine fly into them. That was where they seemed to belong.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I had hoped for the cosy pleasure of a teatime for four, where two of us would have been warmed by a secret, but that selfish thought was quickly sabotaged. Alan Was called out.
“Mother Bridger again!” he sighed. “Now what?” He pushed my hair back and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “I don’t suppose I’ll be long, love.”
Half an hour later Nurse Green pulled her car up in the driveway and came in. She was frowning. “Did Alan tell you?”
“Alan? He isn’t back yet,” I said. “Did he tell me what?”
“About Mrs. Bridger.” She sat on the arm of the settee and took off her hat. I thought how tired she looked.
“He said he was going there, that’s all. You’d like some tea, wouldn’t you?”
“Please.” She took the cup and saucer thoughtfully. “She’s lost the baby. And your guess is as good as mine.”
“Oh, no!” I sat down beside her. “You don’t think...”
Green shrugged. “I don’t think anything. If I were to begin to think in this job I would despair. But I don’t much like the train of thought that reminds me that your Dr. Teare went down there and raised Cain over the baby, and had Mrs. B on the verge of gassing herself—and that now she’s lost it.” She gulped her hot tea and looked up. “Sorry—but I’m furious about the whole thing.”
I nodded. “Yes, I can see that. Has Alan gone on somewhere else?”
“Yes, Johnson stopped him in the road and asked him to look in on Ma Tarsh.”
“Of course. I’d forgotten she was back. “What’s wrong?”
Green smiled. “I don’t suppose anything’s wrong—she just thinks it’s time she saw Alan again, I expect. He’s in an exceptionally good mood, so he went.”
“Is he?” I hesitated. The secret was heavy to carry. “Green,” I said, “Alan and I...” I looked the rest.
She looked up, suddenly bright-eyed. “Oh! I’m so glad! But I thought—what about Simon?”
“It wouldn’t have worked. Besides—”
“Besides, he’s occupied with Dr. Teare?”
“Good heavens, no! She tends to chase him, but there’s nothing in it.”
“No?” Green put her cup down carefully. “I wonder what they were doing in the Jewel Casket this afternoon.”
“Were they in there? She just took him for a ride, for some fresh air.”
Green st
ood up and picked up her round blue blob of a hat again. “I must go. Yes, they were in there, as I came past. I suppose they could have been buying teaspoons—but from the predatory expression on that woman’s face I’d say not.”
She had to halt in the drive while Dallas and Simon drove in—but she didn’t bother to put her window down to speak to either of them.
The first thing I did was glance at Dallas’s third finger. I needn’t have bothered. It was still bare. And what was more, Dallas looked as bad-tempered as I had ever seen her. But Simon was perfectly happy.
She took herself off and we heard her banging about in the consulting room. Simon sighed. “Why that woman has to shift about every single thing in there before she starts a surgery session beats me. It’s not as though she were left-handed, or anything.”
“Or as though she ever put it back again,” I said meanly.
“Quite. Still, she’s very competent, so—”
“Isn’t that Alan’s car?” I said hastily. “I must fill up the pot.” I escaped as quickly as I could, before he said any more, and took my time boiling more water in the kitchen. And I stayed out there until I really did hear Alan’s car pull up.
I met him in the hall. “You’ve been a long time,” I said. “What kept you?”
“I went up to Mrs. Tarsh’s after Bridger is. Lanna, she’s not too good. And she wants to see you.”
“Does she? Poor old soul.” I preceded him into the sitting room. “I’ll go up later.”
“No, I’ve sedated her fairly heavily. I said you’d probably visit in the morning.” He nodded to Simon. “Had a good day?”
“Good enough to make me feel I should be working.”
“There,” I said. “I knew that would be the trouble with you! I knew you wouldn’t rest.”
“It isn’t that...”
Alan grinned. “I know. You want to get rid of me.”
“Don’t be absurd. What about that partnership I offered you?”
Alan looked at me and hesitated. “I don’t know yet. I haven’t quite decided, Simon. It may not work out so well, after all.”
“Why on earth not?”
“Well—for example, suppose I wanted to get married? I mean, I might not find a house nearby, and there wouldn’t be room here, would there?”
Simon smiled in an odd way. “I might marry myself. In fact I’ve decided that’s what I intend to do. This house needs—”
“A capable cook?” I said sharply.
He was surprised. “Well, yes, among other things. After all, I may as well be quite objective about it.”
I couldn’t believe that he could have changed so much. I swallowed. “But you don’t marry a woman on those terms,” I pointed out. “Can you imagine a woman assessing a potential husband on that kind of basis? Asking him if he was good at fuses and putting up shelves, and if he was an experienced gardener! Not many men would get married at all, if that was the way it happened.”
“I would,” Alan boasted. “I can do fuses and shelves and washing up and gardening!”
“Then let me speak first,” Simon told him. “Not that I imagine you were making a serious offer.” He turned to me. “Lanna—I’m not much good at any of those things—but will you accept me as I am?”
I stared at him, and so did Alan. I don’t think either of us could really believe our ears. “Funny joke,” Alan said at last.
But Simon was still gazing at me. It was clear he meant every word. “I’m perfectly serious,” he said. “I’ve thought it all out, and I think it would be the best thing we could do.”
I lost my temper with him. “You do? You’ve thought it all out, have you? I see! Well, that’s fine. So romantic, to make it a business proposition, in public! Didn’t it ever occur to you that I might have ideas on the subject?”
“Of course. But I took it for granted that—”
“Exactly!” I knew that my face was bright red, and that my voice was rising. “You took it for granted. So I have news for you—”
Alan stood up. “Shush! Let me explain, love.” He came across to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Simon. I’m afraid I put my application in first, old man.”
If we had hit Simon in the face with the tea-tray he could not have looked more shocked. “You?” he said. “You’re joking, of course.”
I couldn’t bear it. I released myself from Alan’s arm and hurried out, leaving them together.
As I ran along the hall I heard Simon say worriedly, “But Lanna swore there was nothing between you!” He paused. “So Dallas was right, after all?”
That was the only thing I regretted. If she could have been wrong it would all have been so much more pleasant I felt. It annoyed me to inadvertently play into her hands.
My escape didn’t last very long. Alan ran me to earth in the woods, where I sat between banks of gorse, soaking my wounds in its warm golden vanilla smell. It was one of those sunsets that make every green thing piercingly green and heighten every sense unbearably. And when he dropped to the turf beside me that was the last thing needed to make perfection. I let the tears come, and he held me close and waited.
After a while I lifted my head and said, “I’m sorry, my dear.” I gave my face a final mop and stuffed his big handkerchief into my sleeve. “Stupid of me.”
“Not, not stupid.” He brushed my cheek with his lips. “Not stupid. Very understandable.” He looked thoughtful “Well, we knew there would be a personality change, to a certain extent. But I didn’t think it would be quite like this.”
“Simon?”
He nodded slowly. “He’s behaving like a prefrontal leuccotomy, isn’t he? No inhibitions at all. All this—this cold-blooded decision to get married and so forth. It’s not so good.”
“Have you told him? About us?”
“No. It would have been like talking to a zombie. I meant to—but I couldn’t bring myself around to the idea. Not when he was in that odd mood. Even what I said about putting in my application first didn’t really sink in. He thought I was just joking.”
“But I heard him say, ‘Dallas was right.’”
“I know, love. But don’t you see—he doesn’t really attach any weight to it. Maybe when you wear a ring he’ll take it in.”
“I wonder what he and Dallas were doing in the Jewel Casket today? Green saw them there. She said Dallas had a ‘predatory expression’ on her face.”
“I can’t imagine.” He pulled me around to face him, then. “Does it matter?”
I leaned toward his kiss, wrapping myself in the warm safety of his arms. It was like coming home on a cold night.
Alan and I were alone for breakfast next morning. Simon was still sleeping, and Dallas had been down to collect her coffee and swept back upstairs again. When he pushed his chair back Alan smiled faintly. “It’ll have to be the Jewel Casket,” he apologized. “No time to get into town. All right?”
I blushed. “No hurry,” I said awkwardly. “Any time, darling.”
“We’ll make it this morning. After surgery. All right?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I must see to Simon’s breakfast first.”
“Oh, send Coxy up with it. Otherwise you may get involved in another of those odd conversations.”
That was, after all, a good idea, I decided. Once I was wearing Alan’s ring it would all be so much easier. I loaded Simon’s tray, and called Mrs. Cox down from the landing. “Would you mind?” I said. “I’ll wash the dishes.”
She nodded. “Does the doctor know yet? I mean, about you and Dr. Murray?”
“No, not yet. Don’t mention it, will you? We’ll tell him today, some time. Don’t tell anyone yet.”
Grudgingly she agreed that she wouldn’t. But I would have been willing to bet that she had told half Retby already. If she hadn’t, it was only for lack of time.
When she came down she looked bewildered. “Miss,” she said, “you did say it was Dr. Murray that you ... well, you know.”
�
�Yes.” I looked at her and wondered why she was frowning. “Why?”
“Well, Miss, Dr. Pullar’s just been showing me your engagement ring. Bought it yesterday, he said.”
I did stare then. “My engagement ring? Mrs. Cox, you must be out of your mind!”
“That I’m not!” She bridled, offended. “He showed it to me. ‘Look, Coxy,’ he said. ‘This is the ring I’ve bought for Miss Dair.’ And he showed it to me.”
“And he said it was an engagement ring?”
She nodded importantly. “Yes, he did. I asked him.”
So that was what he had been buying in the Jewel Casket, I decided. A ring for me. I blinked at Mrs. Cox. “I feel dreadful,” I confessed. “I do hope you’ve made a mistake. Because Dr. Murray is buying me an engagement ring this morning. You may as well know.”
She sighed. “I thought it was funny, Miss.”
“What did you say?”
“Well, I just said it was very pretty and all that. I never said a word about the other.”
“Sit down a minute,” I told her. "There’s something you’d better have explained to you.” I sat at the kitchen table for a full ten minutes and tried to explain to her that Simon wasn’t quite himself. “He may say and do odd things,” I finished. “We mustn’t let him see that it bothers us.”
It worried her. “He wouldn’t do anything really silly, would he, Miss?”
“No, I don’t think so. But the effect it has had on him is that his judgment is altered. As though he’d thrown off all his shyness. As though—” I fumbled for an example she might understand. “As though he had had a couple of drinks, and was over-confident, if you see what I mean. And besides that, there’s still a gap in his memory you know. So just be patient with him, and if he tells you anything really wildly off the beam, well, take it with a pinch of salt. Like this engagement ring, for example.”
She stood up heavily, and I could see she was still troubled. “I see, Miss. Won’t they—won’t they be able to put him right, ever?”