Not Quite What I Was Planning

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Not Quite What I Was Planning Page 2

by Larry Smith


  in many ways.

  —Meghan DeRoma

  I sell hamburgers,

  and french fries.

  —Richard Maurer

  Coffee junkie journalist

  seeks trendy nerd.

  —Jackie Olson

  Fight. like. hell.

  for. the. living.

  —Susie Bright

  On her birthday, my life

  began.

  —Lisa Parrack

  Xenophile escapist tumbleweed

  globetrots, finds self.

  —Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli

  The shit invariably

  hits the fan.

  —Ashleea Nielsen

  Blogging is easy.

  Writing is hard.

  —Jennifer Shreve

  Quit Uni, have baby, now bored.

  —Samantha Ng

  I fell in love with Charlie.

  —Kristine Allouchery

  And he nerded

  as never before.

  —Jon Thysell

  Iowa to Brooklyn,

  hair growing everywhere.

  —William Johnson

  Fix a toilet, get paid crap.

  —Jennifer James

  Tow truck drivers

  are my psychiatrists.

  —Joanne McNeil

  Should have used

  condom that time.

  —Rob Bigelow

  Macular degeneration.

  Didn’t see that coming.

  —Ian Gould

  Fifty years so far.

  Happened fast.

  —Mark Michaelson

  Atheist plus Methodist make

  Jewish children.

  —Richard Michelson

  Infinite calm beset with emotional

  architecture.

  —DJ Spooky

  Won the fight;

  lost the girl.

  —Jim O’Grady

  Near death experiences

  are my forte.

  —Anna Mauser-Martinez

  Illustration by Josh Neufeld

  Fight, work, persevere—

  gain slight notoriety.

  —Harvey Pekar

  Lived in moment

  until moment sucked.

  —Janine Goss

  She said nothing could go

  wrong.

  —Derek Powazek

  Laughing until I pee my pants.

  —Carolyn Waller

  Go find your father; my life.

  —Adam Danielson

  Life goal:

  Maximum results, minimal effort.

  —Phil Kahn

  Clawed my way out of Tennessee.

  —Nae Shell

  Quite undecided, yet hopefully

  unsatisfied, generally.

  —Daniel Gumbiner

  Took a spectacle, made

  it sport.

  —Dana White

  Slightly psychotic,

  in a good way.

  —Patricia Neelty

  She walked barefoot

  in wet cement.

  —Michelle Pinchev

  As a child, nomadic. Now static.

  —Kristin Gotski

  Mushrooms.

  Clowns.

  Wands.

  Five.

  Wig.

  Thatched.

  —Amy Sedaris

  Found true love after

  nine months.

  —Jody Smith

  Hillbilly does right

  by his teeth.

  —Jason Snyder

  No words can describe my life.

  —John Baldridge

  Afraid of everything.

  Did it anyway.

  —Ayse Erginer

  On the playground, alone.

  1970, today.

  —Charles Warren

  I wrote it all down somewhere.

  —Ben Greenman

  Inside suburban mom

  beats urban hear t.

  —Julie Goss

  Missed Halley’s Comet.

  Miss virginity too.

  —Yoz Grahame

  Not a good Christian,

  but trying.

  —Alexander Tsai

  Red diaper baby, hippie,

  bourgeoise adult.

  —Adrienne Ross

  Lost and found, rescued by dog.

  —Gail Reilly

  Afraid of becoming

  like my mother.

  —Jocelyn Pearce

  Goodbye Fat Kim: I now live.

  —Kim Kaufman

  Two boys, my life,

  conquering autism.

  —Michelle DePasquale

  Montana Jew—drives Toyota;

  holsters pen.

  —Michael Finkel

  Illustration by Brian P. McEntree

  What the hell.

  Might as well.

  —Nancy London

  Hexed:

  curse of the happy childhood.

  —Cree McCree

  Sometimes I’m crazy,

  sometimes I’m sane.

  —Bella Von Phul

  Can’t tonight,

  watching Law & Order.

  —Rory Evans

  Musician gone bad.

  Darn law school!

  —Stephen Adams

  I take photographs. I see life.

  —Daniel James

  Hippie parents.

  Early independence.

  Surprising success.

  —Darci Groves

  My life’s a bunch of almosts.

  —Shari Bonnin

  Struggled with how

  the mind works.

  —Steven Pinker

  It’s not you. It’s me. Honest.

  —Allison Glock

  Brought it to a boil, often.

  —Mario Batali

  Scribbling twit dreaming

  lit every minute.

  —Jamie Grove

  Thought I would have

  more impact.

  —Kevin Clark

  This is aggression in

  pink, Mom.

  —Nicole Tourtelot

  Graduated May.

  21 June.

  Married July.

  —Amara Rockar

  Oh, to have just one puff!

  —Suhana Selamat

  Bad reputation,

  such a good girl.

  —Erin Oldroyd

  Mom left. Returned! Left.

  Reconciliation! Cancer.

  —Kelly Streit

  Laughing intellectual

  ronin danced,

  unlearning lies.

  —Tom Buckner

  At the end of normal street.

  —Tracey Morgan

  Found great happiness in

  insignificant details.

  —Alisdair McDiarmid

  Spent life looking

  for dead people.

  —Melody Lassalle

  Forty Five.

  Never Married.

  Oh poo.

  —Sonia Oney

  Enjoying my fuck ups too much.

  —Susan Crippin

  My reach always

  exceeds my grasp.

  —Ray Garraud

  Marked time till 55,

  reborn thereafter.

  —Doug Fraser

  Details.

  I really hate

  drawing backgrounds.

  —Starline Hodge

  Four children in four decades;

  whew!

  —Loretta Serrano

  An unusual turn of

  gender circumstances.

  —Dragana Varadinac

  Hiding in apartment knitting

  against depression.

  —Laurie White

  She kissed me and said yes!

  —Ricardo Saramago

  Dabbler in much, expert in none.

  —Joan Cady

  Once wed,

  twice loved,

  past prime.

  —
Betty Black

  Grading AP essays,

  I crave Tolstoy.

  —Carinna Tarvin

  Always dreamt of kissing pretty girls.

  —Jessica Furey

  I lost god. I found myself.

  —Joe Kimmel

  Everyone who loved me is dead.

  —Ellen Fanning

  It was embarrassing,

  so don’t ask.

  —Alex Lindquist

  Verbal hemophilia.

  Why can’t I clot?

  —Scott Mebus

  Time to start over again,

  again.

  —Dan Petronelli

  Always even keel

  except when sailing.

  —Maryann Pirrotta

  Still lost on road less traveled.

  —Joe Quesada

  Over fifty, still a Boy Scout!

  —Jerry Richstein

  The car accident

  changed my life.

  —Kristin Stanefski

  Said goodbye,

  hasn’t shut up since.

  —Michael Collins

  Burned my bridges and

  my britches.

  —Dave Zablocki

  Trains, planes, thumb;

  then children come.

  —Karen Franklin

  Older now, I draw myself better.

  —Peter Arkle

  Batteries are cheap.

  Who needs men?

  —Rebecca McLenna

  Clueless meets Ophelia,

  without the suicide.

  —Larisa Ballinger

  Atheist alcoholic gets

  sober through God.

  —Bob Todd

  Discovered moral code

  via Judy Blume.

  —Beth Greivel

  Artsy married Fartsy,

  has two kids.

  —Mary Organ

  Anything possible—but I was tired.

  —Cheryl Family

  I ate, drank, and was hairy.

  —Yianni Varonis

  Girlfriend is pregnant,

  my husband said.

  —Shonna MacDonald

  I am awfully bored at work.

  —Chris Ponchak

  Learned reading, writing,

  forgot arithmetic.

  —Elizabeth Gruner

  —Lauren Redniss

  Trying to medicate my redneck past.

  —Garrett Sparks

  Lucky in love,

  unlucky in metabolism.

  —Leah Weathersby

  I live the perfect

  imperfect life.

  —Paul Lore

  Ate caterpillars.

  Still won’t grow up.

  —Chris Jackson

  Wannabe heroine but

  just Plain Jane.

  —Tanya Holland

  Civil servant answers phone after five.

  —Jason Prince

  Glass half full;

  pockets half empty.

  —Marina Guthrie

  We undercover agents

  need mental toughness.

  —Joe Pistone

  Rebel librarian on

  sabbatical from boys.

  —Heather Meagher

  Arthur-ectomy taking years!

  Beware: wed cautiously.

  —Natalie Windsor

  Woman Seeks Men—

  High Pain Threshold.

  —Yin Shih

  No Wife.

  No Kids.

  No Problems.

  —Rip Riley

  You are all in my imagination.

  —Becky Weinberg

  School geek married a

  luscious cheerleader.

  —Christopher Clukey

  I couldn’t protect me

  from myself.

  —Patrick Eleey

  Eat mutate aura

  amateur auteur true.

  —Jonathan Lethem

  Aspiring lady pirate, disillusioned,

  sells boat.

  —Diana White

  Kentucky trash heap yields unexpected

  flower.

  —John Kurtz

  Married for money.

  Divorced for love.

  —Rosie Abraham

  My life is a beautiful

  accident.

  —J. D. Tenuta

  Thank God I lived

  through Vietnam.

  —Captain John Irving

  Meat and potatoes man

  goes vegetarian.

  —Perette Lawrence

  Smart, tall, independent woman.

  Men scarce.

  —Annie Schmidt

  I was and now I’m not.

  —Gayla Buyukas

  Oh sweet nectar of life, coffee.

  —Daniel Axenty

  Young, skinny, ridiculed.

  Old, skinny, envied.

  —Phil Sweet

  No shit I’m critical—

  you’re flawed.

  —Elizabeth Koch

  It’s pretty high. You go first.

  —Alan Eagle

  One tooth,

  one cavity,

  life’s cruel.

  —John Bettencourt

  In a Manolo world, I’m Keds.

  —Colleen Cook

  Lonely gay

  hates work,

  loves play.

  —Ray Ivey

  Wasn’t noticed so

  I painted trains.

  —Mare 139

  Chinese immigrant loathing drama

  in Anaheim.

  —Eric Wong

  Running away:

  best decision I made.

  —Stephen Elliott

  I served my debt to society.

  —Michael Frisch

  Scarred by 9/11;

  helped by penguins.

  —Audrey Blackburn

  Fleeting nights, cloudy mornings,

  coffee’s ablution

  —Heath Hardin

  When she proposed, I said yes.

  —Josh Neufeld

  Black Latina. Slave ship stopped

  everywhere.

  —Veronica Chambers

  My hear t is deaf,

  head dumb.

  —David Matthews

  My first concert: Zappa. Explains

  everything.

  —Janet Tashjian

  Nobody knows how

  I have suffered.

  —Tim Hall

  Dweeb, pussy…stronger than

  anyone knows.

  —Jim S.

  Wandering imagination

  opens doors to paradise.

  —Rebecca Perlstein

  After eighteen years,

  sold my book.

  —Susan Runholt

  Too many lovers—

  too little time.

  —Joel Kincaid

  Confused Communist child,

  enlightened American engineer.

  —Attila Kalamar

  Couldn’t cope so I wrote songs.

  —Aimee Mann

  Timid teacher takes

  ’tude from tykes.

  —Kathy Gates

  Angry guy gets law

  license, sues.

  —Bryan Gates

  Long lost girl

  recently found, unharmed.

  —Tracy Bishop

  Gave commencement address,

  became sex columnist.

  —Amy Sohn

  3,000 miles away from

  the truth.

  —Michael Slenske

  Mormon economist marries

  feminist. Worlds collide.

  —Michael McBride

  Mormon feminist loves

  husband, hates patriarchy.

  —Caroline Kline

  Followed dim shapes through

  narcotic haze.

  —John Law

  Mom, Dad have dementia.

  Got gun?

  —Carol Belding

  Born a twin, died a loner.
/>   —Heather Thompson

  Young optimist:

  proven wrong.

  Prematurely old.

  —Buzzy Porter

  It was worth it, I think.

  —Annette Laitinen

  Students laughed appreciatively. The

  professor relaxed.

  —Laurie Hensley

  Drink because I am a poet.

  —Maria Essig

  People always pronounce

  my name incorrectly.

  —Linnea Jimison

  Dorothy Gale had the

  right idea.

  —Pamela Vissing

  Dropped out, got

  out, lucked out.

  —Ben Kweller

  Take a left turn, then fly.

  —Hillary Carlip

  I was never the pretty one.

  —Joan Nesbit Mabe

  Born at 23,

  childhood doesn’t count.

  —Krissy Karol

  Perpetual work in

  progress,

  need editor.

  —Sherry Fuqua-Gilson

  Left Aruba for

  Maryland.

  Pretty dumb.

  —Barbara Phillips-Seitz

  I was the only planned

  sibling.

  —Mary Sebas

  Age grows,

  I’ve finally accepted me.

  —Kate Mammolito

  Paralyzed at fifty,

  life still nifty.

  —Gib Henderson

  Snuggling, setups.

  These are my specialties.

  —Laura Cooper

  Was big boy, now

  little man.

  —Chris Cooper

  Lost Colorado wife.

  Found Seattle life.

  —Jason Cain

  Ex-con making good

  on lifestyle promise.

  —Doug Houston

  Canoe guide, only got lost once.

  —Taylor Stump

  Aging late bloomer

  yearns for do-over.

  —Sydney Zvara

  American backbone,

  Arab marrow,

  much trouble.

  —Rabih Alameddine

 

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