by Larry Smith
Country girl seeks,
finds, abandons city.
—Jenny Rose Ryan
What did you say? I’m deaf.
—Karen Putz
Became my mother.
Please shoot me.
—Cynthia Kaplan
Kinetosis, hemihypertrophy, testicular
elephantiasis; pleasureboat recalcitrant.
—Roderick Maclean
Explained Hitler, Shakespeare.
Couldn’t explain self.
—Ron Rosenbaum
If there’s more,
I want it.
—Alex Hart
It’s like forever,
only much shorter.
—Pete DeVito
God, grant me patience.
Right now.
—Michael Castleman
Cancer for sure. Still no cure.
—Jenn Siebel
Relatively famous parents,
very low self-esteem.
—Molly Jong-Fast
Pitched. Pitched. Pitched. Wrote.
Revised. Revised.
—Andrew Adam Newman
Lazy programmer,
ugly runner,
NASCAR dad.
—Frank Gilroy
Woman with man’s name—
thanks, parents!
—Curtis Sittenfeld
Born lucky, striving to die
worthy.
—Julia Carpenter
Tequila made her
clothes fall off.
—Susanne Broderick
After Manson,
my life became dull.
—Allan Sorensen
I told you I was crazy.
—Michaline Babich
Topless dancer. Circus clown. Spy. Writer.
—Susan DiRende
Sometimes it rains.
Sometimes I smile.
—Peter Hermann
I play dress-up for a living.
—Melissa Nicholl
Where the hell are
my keys?
—Brady Udall
Bank robber,
prison-humbled,
confesses all.
—Joe Loya
Found transvestite
hooker. Travis is pleased.
—Larry Tewksbury
She always wore socks to bed.
—Myfanwy Collins
Not as blond as I look.
—Ellen Meister
Often alone,
office drone,
feisty crone.
—Patty Quickert
Horny small-town boy
becomes writer.
—Kevin Sampsell
I closely resemble
my uncle Fred.
—Brian Van Nieuwenhoven
Well, I thought
it was funny.
—Stephen Colbert
Strived to become
everything I didn’t.
—Richard Tomas
Let’s just be friends,
she said.
—Mike Pfaffroth
Happenstance, she thought—
but maybe not.
—Amelia Allard
Chemistry? No. Law?
No. Motherhood? Yes!
—Anneliese Dickman
I died at an early age.
—John Coyne
Lived like no tomorrow;
tomorrow came.
—C. C. Keiser
Date with geek yields
chip-filled life.
—Robin Raskin
I couldn’t possibly
fuck him again.
—Theodore Bouloukos
Learned everything from
words, pictures, love.
—Dan Goldman
This imperfect life,
perfect for perfectionist.
—Sarah Gardner
Forgot to say I love her.
—Omi Castanar
Can’t read all the time.
Bummer.
—Rina Bander
I wrote a poem.
Nobody cared.
—Joe Heaps Nelson
Put whole self in, shook about.
—Melissa Delzio
Not quite what I was
planning…
—Summer Grimes
From Colombia to Columbia:
27 years.
—Marisa Catalina Casey
Mojo search resumes,
impossible flowers bloom.
—Nick Balaban
I inhale battles.
I exhale victories.
—William Heath
Working with what God gave me.
—David Schmoyer
Former band nerd
dreams big dreams.
—Jesse Poe
Coffee. Coffee.
Water. Water.
Wine. Tea.
—C. Hunter
Southern queer teacher
plays, sings, laughs.
—Amanda Northrup
Same Mistakes.
Over and over again.
—Matthew Oransky
Still trying
to impress my dad.
—Shoshana Berger
Hatless, shirtless,
shitless. Still, I sang.
—Scott Hartwich
Girl loved Jesus.
Girl loves boys.
—Lindsay Robertson
We were our own
Springer episode.
—Michelle Hoogerwerf
…exalted philanderer of the
English language…
—Steven Ekstrom
Laughter and inappropriate
humor since 1985.
—Annie Jacobson
I am a cartwheel of mentorship.
—Anne Asher
Asked for love.
Received confusion.
Waiting.
—Irina Kendall
I always suffered
fools fairly well.
—Richard Ford
I re-met Lori after 27 years.
—Alan Weinkrantz
So devastated, no babies for me.
—Jennifer Faulkner
Nobel dad; tough act to follow!
—Andreas Wettstein
Me: fully reformed and
halfway happy.
—Koren Zailckas
Eat drink
man man
man man.
—Michael Musto
The day just kept
getting better.
—Jeff Cranmer
Met lots of crazy famous
people.
—Jonathan van Meter
Waited too long to get it.
—Rhona Yolkut
Took up photography.
Got the shot.
—Keith MacDonald
Strange like cat.
Smart like rat.
—Andrew Randall
I answer to the name Mom.
—Lynne Chesterton
Girls aren’t 6'; I am 5'12.
—Marlee Sayen
Born in city that
doesn’t exist.
—Jackie Delamatre
Disco jeans, 1977:
mine alone
finally.
—Susie Park
Fact checker by day,
liar by night.
—Andy Young
House of boarding passes,
like cards.
—Mike Kuniavsky
Weird quiet girl
fading from view.
—Felicia Sullivan
Four eyes are
better than
two.
—Marissa Walsh
Shot my penis in photo
booth.
—Jeffrey Zeldman
After which he was never sane.
—Aleksandar Hemon
Gay Puerto Rican in
straight clothing.
—Ryan Roman
Yes, singing
rocks,
but money calls.
—Jonathan Cogswell
Almost nothing was
under my control.
—Joel Stein
Sold clocks carved out of
soap.
—Aaron Fagan
Learned. Forgot. Better
off relearning anyway.
—Brian DeLeeuw
More broken bones
than broken
hearts.
—Evan Rosler
Suburban girl tries
to make bad.
—Sari Wilson
Wife: one;
Degrees: two;
Arrests: seven.
—Patrick J. Sauer
Coulda, shoulda, woulda:
a regretful life.
—Joe Maida
These sails have never
settled long.
—Justin Kownacki
Let me in, you
narrative whore.
—C. McClosky
Fearlessness is the
mother of
reinvention.
—Arianna Huffington
It got better after middle age.
—Ruth Haworth
God who? Oh, him. No
thanks.
—Carin Rhoden
Seeking route,
not sure of destination.
—Gary Belsky
Divorced! Thank God
for Internet personals.
—Maryrose Wood
Cheese is
the essence
of life.
—Mary Lynch
I waste time looking for love.
—Sean Gannett
Vietnam Protests.
Equality Protests.
Disability Protests.
—Ron Kendricks
My family did not
kill me.
—David Sampliner
Things happen because
I see holes.
—Susan Chi
Serial missed
connections
end with you.
—Liz Brown-Inz
Born in California.
Then nothing happened.
—Mark Harris
Named Hope. How else to be?
—Hope Hall
Straight jacket on
the gentle cycle.
—Stewart Rudy
Love Brooklyn,
but London still calls.
—Sarah Butterworth
Tickle, trample,
come back for more.
—Kathryn Waggener
I still secretly read
wedding magazines.
—Lestlie Berryhill
Asian, white trash Scranton.
Let’s Polka.
—Jeannie Lee
Eat to live, live to eat.
—Tim Toomey
The freaks, they
always find me.
—Ginger Lime
Wildly crooked,
unlikely to be straightened.
—lê thi diem thúy
Got a pony, broke my arm.
—Layne Bell
Should have learned
to count.
—David Wheatley
dam smart—
never lerned to
spel.
—Rachel Ehrlich
My ancestors were
accented cow herders.
—Nina Moog
Filled blank spaces with ambitious
endeavors.
—Adam Schachner
Gin joints. Love affairs.
No relation.
—Dean Ellis
I traveled each
and every highway.
—Sebastian Buhai
Widowed. Forging reluctantly
forward with faith.
—TerriAnn Ferren
Still a very bad
Mormon. Yay!
—Marsha Brown
This Tolstoy gets
no Oprah promotion.
—Victor Pelevin
Political stance makes
my family crazy.
—Steve Collins
Once was blind.
Now I see.
—David Hansen
Good things happen
to bad people.
—Michael Malice
Secret of life:
marry an Italian.
—Nora Ephron
Slightly flabby,
slightly fabulous,
trying hard.
—Amy Friedman
Palindromic novels fall
apart halfway through.
—Chuck Clark
Saw clearly after blind date. Marriage!
—Saralee Rosenberg
Thank god the suicide
attempt failed.
—Rhett Miller
Made labor-saving software: thousands
unemployed.
—George Girton
I hear nothing and see everyone.
—Eunice Chang
Secretly, I dream of
my ex-boyfriend.
—Rosally Sapla
Unfortunately,
there was no other way.
—Atom Robinson
A daydream, or so it seemed.
—Eva Meszaros
She danced, and
did little else.
—Sarah Cost
Came out.
Went in.
Came out.
—Earl Adams
Only black girl.
Fierce woman now.
—Courtney Kemp Agboh
My wife made me do it.
—Jeffrey Yamaguchi
Nature, nurture, lost, found, lost, found?
—Sarah Saffian
Other people’s trash:
show and teller.
—Jason Bitner
—Barry Blitt
Like an angel. The fallen kind.
—Rick Bragg
Full of tequila and bad ideas.
—Buck Johnston
Lived in America.
Came back different.
—Nigel French
Lehmann-Haupt, yeah;
not that one.
—Rachel Lehmann-Haupt
Expected prime rib;
ended with hamburger.
—Bernard Lam
Drew on walls,
creative for life.
—DeAnna Sandoval
Unborn baby,
dancing belly,
arriving soon.
—Tami Piccione
Watchful crooked girl:
Comes with ink.
—Erin Cressida Wilson
Committed voluntarily,
until trying to leave.
—Michael Holland
When all else fails, start
running.
—Dean Karnazes
Carnivore and herbivore birth
magical omnivore.
—Morgan Spurlock
Never going to
have a dog.
—Lily Redman
Asked to quiet down; spoke
louder.
—Wendy Lee
My computer screen tells it all.
—James Browne
Indelibly tenacious,
I read and breed.
—Shawna Lisk-Sprester
Catholic girl. Jersey.
It’s all true.
—Mary Elizabeth Williams
Don’t marry a lawyer, be one.
—Deborah Schneider
Still waiting for you to ask.
—Alice Massey
Ex-addict now addicted
to book deals.
—Susan Shapiro
When talk matters,
make it count.
—Phil Liggett
Love New York;
Hate Self. (Equally.)
—David Rakoff
My penultimate act is to imbibe.
—Alex Twersky<
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Mmm, tea.
So stereotypical.
Rule Britannia!
—Paul O’Brien
Arty dad, rocker mom,
crazy childhood.
—Summer Pierre
Ordering soup for two, for one.
—Dan Silverman
Still here despite
logic and likelihood.
—Elisha Marshall
She read too much…
into everything.
—Jessica Reed
Father, son, both hit by cars.
—Gordon Hurd
Women’s magazine
employee now
misogynist novelist.
—Stephanie Lessing
I didn’t skateboard
nearly often enough.
—Kevin Wilkins
Internet famous,
for what that’s worth.
—Ron Hogan
Sometimes at night I lay lonely.
—Mark Jaynes
Deported once,
legal now—Green Card.
—Michael Kaminer
I didn’t walk off a roof.
—Tobin Levy
Say no now, I
now know.
—Steve Woodruff
Left house one day
for cigarettes.
—Sheila Ryan
What?
Lemony Snicket?
Lemony Snicket?
What?
—Daniel Handler
Made some good choices,
got lucky.
—Matthew Kett
Jew-born.
Yeshiva-educated.
Date goyim.
—Abby Ellin
Pop split; I write him in.
—Sepideh Saremi
True love was prevented
by leprosy.
—Peter Hayward
Pay attention to
me! Go away.
—Kathy Rogers
Big hair, big heart, big hurry.
—Larry Smith
Melancholy marvel at how
everything connects.
—Lawrence Weschler
Climbing, porn, crack,
science. Still bored.
—Lenny Oliker
I’m the fine
print;