by Penny Jordan
Beyond them the Neva gleamed silver-blue beneath the pale sky, but for once Alena was oblivious to its beauty.
‘You have turned down the contract because you don’t want to marry me?’ Alena guessed.
Oh, the agony and the shame of knowing how bereft she felt. How humiliating it was to know that, against all good sense, a part of her heart had been clinging to the hope that somehow—miraculously—their marriage could bring them together.
Kiryl stopped walking to turn and look down into Alena’s upturned face.
‘I want to give you your freedom, Alena. Nothing I can do can make amends for the hurt and the damage I’ve caused you, but at least I can set you free from a marriage I know you don’t want.’
‘You turned down the contract for that … for me?’ She couldn’t believe that.
‘I was angry when you said what you did in London. Angry with you and then angry with myself. I took that anger out on you. But after you’d gone I couldn’t forget what you’d said—just as right from the first time I kissed you I couldn’t ignore the effect you had on me, no matter how hard I tried to ignore and deny it. I told myself over and over again that you meant nothing to me, and that the only reason I wanted anything to do with you was because you would make it easier for me to reach my goal. But a man can only lie to himself for so long.
‘You were right to accuse me of choosing the wrong path when I set out to prove that I could be more successful than my father, but wrong to say that I didn’t have a heart. I did have a heart—until my father ripped it apart and threw the pieces after me into the gutter. I thought I’d left it behind me there. I told myself that I was glad to leave it there, because without it I could never be hurt again. Without it I would never have to think about the pain of seeing the hurt in my mother’s eyes when she talked about my father. Without it I’d never again have to suffer the shame of my Romany blood or the bitterness of my father’s rejection. There was no place in my life for a heart filled with human emotions. That’s what I told myself and that’s what I believed—until I met you. Somehow, without me being able to do anything about it, you scooped up those discarded pieces of my heart and with every touch you gave me, every kiss, every word and look of love, you pieced it back together and gave it back to me again. Not that I was grateful to you. I wasn’t. In fact if I could I would have torn it out again if I’d been able to. I didn’t want your love. And I certainly didn’t want to love you back.’
If Kiryl had heard her indrawn breath of shaky disbelief as she listened to what he was saying he was giving no sign of it, Alena recognised. She wanted to speak but she couldn’t. Her chest felt too tight, her emotions too overpowering for speech.
‘I didn’t deserve your love, Alena. I didn’t value it and I didn’t value you. Because deep down inside I didn’t value myself. I was still my mother’s child, no matter what I had achieved, and that meant that in my father’s eyes I would never be good enough. It took you to show me—to teach me that being good enough meant turning my back on my father’s beliefs and reaching out instead towards my mother’s gifts to me. The gift of life, the gift of knowing that love matters more than anything else, and the gift of knowing what really is strength and what really is weakness. I thought the feelings I had for you that I couldn’t control were a weakness, but now I know that loving you would have brought me true strength if I had realised in time how much strength comes from being loved and giving love in return. I can’t turn back the clock, no matter how much I wish I could. I can’t expect you to forgive me and I don’t. I can’t bring back to life the love I killed. But what I can do is set you free to find love with someone else—someone who will recognise as I did not until it was too late just how lucky they are. And I can also try to grow into the man you once thought I was. Tomorrow I shall speak to Vasilii and tell him.’
‘No.’
Alena’s short, staccato delivery of rejection of his plans had Kiryl frowning slightly as he looked at her.
‘Alena, it’s all right,’ he told her gently. ‘There is no need for you to fear that Vasilii will try to force you to marry me. I won’t let that happen.’
‘I’m not afraid of that. But I am afraid of spending the rest of my life without you, Kiryl. I couldn’t bear that. I thought I could, but even when I thought that I couldn’t possibly still love you I found out that I did. At the house in London, when you … when we … You were right.’
Alena looked out across the river, not brave enough to look directly at Kiryl as she made her admission. Her chest lifted as she breathed in, in an attempt to calm herself. She failed as she exhaled unsteadily.
‘When you said that you could make me want you, you were right. I knew I did, but I hadn’t realised quite how much, how desperately, until then, until you held me. I’d told myself that it was just the you I’d created inside my own head I wanted—not the real Kiryl. I was wrong. I felt so ashamed of myself, so angry with myself, but it didn’t matter how much I wished I didn’t love you—I knew that I did. If you really love me too, and you’re not just—Kiryl!’
Alena gasped breathlessly as instead of answering Kiryl simply took her in his arms rather fiercely and kissed her, with a passion that showed quite clearly exactly how he felt about her.
Of course one kiss wasn’t enough. And since they weren’t the only lovers out walking in the milky light no one paid any attention to them as they walked entwined in one another’s arms, pausing to exchange loving looks and even more loving kisses every few steps, until Alena whispered tremulously, ‘I love you so much, Kiryl. So very, very much. I want you to make love to me properly tonight. I want us to be together like we were before. Only this time it will be even more special. I thought I wanted you to be the man I had created inside my head, but now I know that that man was simply a pale shadow of the wonderful person you really are. Your mother would be so proud of you—and so am I. Take me back to your hotel with you.’
He went so still that for a moment Alena thought she’d made a horrible mistake and misunderstood him, that he didn’t really love her after all. But then he moved his head, and in the half-light she could see the sheen of emotion in his eyes.
‘I’ve got a better idea,’ he told her, his voice husky and slightly raw.
‘Where are we going?’ Alena asked, when he reached for his mobile and gave instructions for them to be picked up by a limousine company.
His, ‘Wait and see,’ was accompanied by a tender smile that drew a responsive surge of happiness from her own heart.
Half an hour later, speechless with delight, Alena had no need to ask him where they were as they stood together outside the house where they had stayed earlier in the year.
‘But we can’t just walk in,’ Alena told him.
‘Oh, but we can,’ Kiryl assured her. ‘You see, I booked it for our honeymoon. I told myself that as it would be expected that we honeymoon somewhere it might as well be here, but of course it wasn’t the convenience of this place being so close to St Petersburg that was really motivating me.’
‘No?’ Alena teased him as they waited for one of the servants to open the door. ‘Then what was motivating you?’
‘Ask me that question again when we’re alone in our bedroom—unless you want to embarrass the staff,’ Kiryl responded, laughing at the pink colour warming her face as the door opened to admit them.
The servants, like all well-trained staff, showed no surprise at their unscheduled arrival, earlier than planned and in their evening clothes, or at their lack of luggage. Alena was feeling so euphoric that she didn’t really care what they thought. All that mattered to her now was Kiryl and their love—as she told him over and over again in the magical white night hours that followed in the privacy of the bedroom, where Kiryl showed her over and over again how very much he loved her.
For the first time he could experience the intimacy of her body wrapped around his own as he had longed to that very first time—flesh to flesh, without any barriers between
them. As she held him and caressed him within her soft sweetness Kiryl knew that he had at last found everything he would ever need or want. A soft moan, a small movement of her body and the urgency that created within his own had him taking them both soaring to the heights, to fall through space and time together wrapped in one another’s arms.
Finally, when she was unable to stifle a yawn, he drew her close to him so that she could nestle her head on his shoulder, and told her, ‘This is the beginning of the journey we will share for the rest of our lives, my darling one—the only journey I shall ever want to make from now on.’
‘Mmm,’ Alena agreed sleepily. ‘Although, given that we didn’t take any precautions, it could be that we’ll soon be sharing that journey with a third party.’
A child. His child. Their child. A child who would grow up knowing just how much it was loved by his father as well as its mother.
Kiryl drew Alena closer. ‘I love you so much,’ he told her, and knew that it was true.
EPILOGUE
SO, ARE you now prepared to admit that I was right about this marriage being the right thing for you?’ Vasilii teased as he stood at Alena’s side in a receiving line for the wedding guests who were now queuing up to congratulate the newly married couple.
‘You wanted me to marry Kiryl because of the family reputation and your business interests,’ Alena reminded her half-brother, turning away from him to exchange a loving smile with Kiryl as he reached for her hand.
‘No,’ Vasilii told her. ‘I wanted Kiryl to marry you because I knew how much you must love him to have given yourself to him.’
Alena stared at her brother.
‘It’s true,’ Vasilii assured her quietly. ‘My father left the responsibility for your happiness with me when he died, Alena. I could never ever have abdicated that responsibility.’
‘But Kiryl told you that I meant nothing to him.’
‘He told me that, yes. But let’s just say that I wasn’t totally convinced. I know my own sex, Alena, and everything I’d heard about Kiryl told me that he was an honourable man. I decided that, given time, the two of you might just find that you wanted to be together.’
‘So everything has worked out perfectly, then?’ Alena teased him.
‘Fortunately, yes—no thanks to that irresponsible woman who left you un-chaperoned. She had better hope that her path never crosses mine, because if it does I shall have something to say to her.’
A hard note had entered her brother’s voice, and Alena knew better than to argue with him. Besides, she had far more important and pleasurable things to do—like basking in the loving look her new husband was giving her, and feeling her toes curl up in her shoes at the thought of not just the night ahead but all the nights they would share in the future. The nights and the days, and the happiness of knowing how strong their love for one another was.
As though he knew what she was thinking, Kiryl mouthed to her, ‘I love you—now and for always.’
‘I love you too,’ Alena whispered back.
* * *
All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.
All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II BV/S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
® and TM are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.
First published in Great Britain 2011 by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited, Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR
© Penny Jordan 2011
ISBN: 978-1-408-92611-6
Table of Contents
Cover
Excerpt
About the Author
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue
Copyright