It turned out Trent was wanted on numerous felony charges, from drug trafficking to kidnapping to attempted murder, in so many states I lost count. Pete explained in detail how Trent was on to Jack and somehow found out he was working undercover. When Trent brought us to that house, he intended to drug Jack and douse the place with gasoline with both of us inside it. Trent had arranged to sell Faith on the black market. Thankfully, none of that happened.
Somewhere, somehow, something went bad. Jack and Trent got into it. What Trent didn’t know was that thanks to the GPS on my phone, the house was already surrounded by cops. He decided he was going to run. He made it as far as his SUV and was surrounded. Knowing he didn’t stand a chance, he put the gun to his head and took the weasel way out.
It had been four days now, and having Spencer here made it not so lonely. He had been a tremendous support, and I wasn’t sure how I would have survived if not for my family and my friends.
Addie checked in daily, or more like ten times a day. The girl was slowly driving me nuts, but I loved her regardless. Grace and Monique checked in once a day, but they didn’t hound me like Addie did.
My mind continued to play tricks on me, telling me I should feel some kind of grief or guilt because Trent took his own life, but I didn’t. For the hell he subjected my daughter and me to, I could only hope he was offered the same eternal punishment.
In time, once I processed and accepted what had happened, I was sure I would forgive Trent. Not because I felt bad about him losing his life. No, I would forgive him because if I didn’t, the hatred would eat me away.
One day, when I was a stronger person, I would let go of it all.
Fear ripping through me was an automatic response whenever someone knocked at my door. This time was no different, but I stood on shaky legs and moved to see who it was. Peter stood tall in his uniform, void of any expression until I opened the door.
“Pete.” I choked on my whisper. I opened the door so he could come inside and closed it as soon as I could.
His expression softened, and he rocked back on his heels. He looked nervous.
“Sarah and Hugh Eason asked if I could give this to you,” he said as a way of greeting. Did he know I was sick of people asking how I was?
Confused, I asked, “Who are Sarah and Hugh?”
“Faith’s adoptive parents.” His hand moved to the inside pocket of his jacket, and he pulled out a thin envelope.
Those three words felt like a low blow to the gut, but I forced myself to breathe. I nodded but hesitated before holding out my hand.
Pete carefully laid the envelope in the palm of my hand. “Have you talked to Cy?”
“No.”
“I may be out of line here, but I have to tell you . . . he really does love you.”
Pete was wrong. If Cy loved me, he would be here with me. I wouldn’t be alone. I pursed my lips and pressed the white envelope to my chest. “Thank you for bringing this by.”
Pete nodded. “You’re welcome.” He turned and walked out the door, and for some reason I followed him.
At the second to the bottom step, Pete turned back around. “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thank you.”
Knowing I shouldn’t, not yet anyway, I peeled open the flap and held the three-part folded letter in my hand. Could I do this?
“Dearest Natalie. Please know this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. To write this letter to the woman who bore the child I call my daughter, our Faith . . .”
I fisted the letter in my hand. No matter how hard I tried, there was no way I would be able to continue reading the words my daughter’s mother had written.
I fell to my knees and the floodgates opened.
FROM ACROSS THE street, I watched as the heartbreaking scene unfolded, waiting patiently, not completely sure if she would need me or even want to see me. What if she hated me for leaving? What if she had already moved on?
As Pete’s cruiser drove away, I sensed exactly how this would all uncoil. Storming out of my car, I ran to her. Shattered, she dropped to the wooded porch floor, the letter fisted in her hand, her arms clutched around her waist as if she were physically trying to hold herself together as she sobbed. I picked her up and sat her in my lap.
“Shhh, it’s going to be okay.” I combed my hand through her hair while she buried her face in my chest and curled her body into mine. I rocked her, doing everything I thought would help to comfort her, but mostly I just let her cry.
“I got you. I’m here. Shhh, it’s okay.”
She shook her head against my chest. With a tight grip on my shirt, she mumbled between crying. “I’m sorry, Cy. I’m so sorry.”
“I know. I know . . . me too, I’m so damn sorry.”
Natalie leaned back and looked at me full of uncertainty. Red blotches tainted her swollen tear-stained face. I stood with her in my arms. “Let’s go inside.”
She laid her heavy head on my shoulder. Sitting with her on her favorite chaise, I held her tight, and I didn’t intend to let her go. She tried to scramble away, but I held on tighter.
“No, I need you to listen.” She relaxed a little, laying her head on my shoulder again. “We both screwed up,” I explained but paused, stumbling over my words. Ready to admit my fault, I lowered my voice. “From the very beginning, I should’ve stayed and let you explain. I should have given you a chance.”
Lifting her head from my shoulder, Natalie looked at me, searching. It killed me to see all the doubt and worry in her eyes. Just because we had been apart for the month and a half, it didn’t mean the love was lost. It was just a little guarded now. I ran my thumb across her cheek and whispered, “We have a lot to talk about.”
She nodded slowly while still staring at me.
We didn’t talk though. Instead, she tucked her head against my chest and let me hold her. We both needed the comfort. Having her in my arms again made me feel whole.
Listening to Natalie’s steady inhales and exhales, it was evident she had fallen asleep. I carefully maneuvered out of the chaise with her in my arms and headed straight for her bedroom. She was lighter than the last time I had held her, and I didn’t like it. All the emotions, her tears, and the time apart, must have worn her body down.
I set Natalie on her side of the bed, gently kissed her forehead, and covered her with the blanket. My mind kept screaming for me to lie beside her, hold her, love her, but my heart knew it wasn’t exactly ready for that yet. Instead, I decided it would be best to go back into the living room and lie on the chair. I would wait for her to be ready.
Almost forgetting where I was, I woke with a soft hand caressing my cheek. I leaned into her touch, nuzzling before slowly opening my eyes. I glanced at the clock on the wall. I had been asleep for a couple of hours.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Hey.” I really just wanted to kiss her.
“How did you know?”
I wanted to take credit for my being here, but I knew that if Pete hadn’t mentioned he was going to deliver a letter to Natalie from her daughter’s parents and that she would most likely need me, I might not have had the nerve. “Pete mentioned you might need a friend.”
Her face fell, and she scooted a few inches away.
“Hey, don’t do that. Come here.” I pulled her closer to me and held her. Everything in me wanted to start back where we left off, having her in my arms felt like she belonged there. Her chest shook again, and I knew she was crying.
“Maybe you should go,” she whispered close to my ear, crushing my hope. When she pulled away this time, I let her.
“If you want me to.” I stood inches from her and looked deep into the eyes I loved so much. “Are you sure?” I hoped she would say no.
After a few seconds, she shook her head. “This is all too much.” She took a few steps closer and buried her face back into my chest.
“I know. We’ll figure it out,” I promised and cradled the back of h
er head to my chest.
“I hope so. I’ve really missed you, and I’m so sorry.” She sat up again, her expression full of worry. “But . . .” She swallowed nervously. “I thought you’d moved on?” The questions that swirled in her eyes had me wondering.
She stepped away, putting a small distance between us.
With furrowed brows, I shook my head. “Why would you think that?”
Her gaze dropped. “The clothing . . .” She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “I assumed . . .”
“What are you talking about?” I grimaced.
Sighing, she turned away. “The red dress, the underwear?” Her voice trembled.
I scratched the side of my face. “Umm, Nat. I honestly have no idea what clothing you’re talking about.” She stared at me blankly. “I haven’t been at my place since the night you were taken to the hospital. I’ve been crashing in Atlanta with Levi the whole time we were apart.”
With a fixed stare, she folded her arms across her chest and clarified. “There was a red dress, and some underwear mixed in with my things that Candace delivered back to me.” Staring harder she concluded, “I don’t own a red dress, Cy. I can go get them if you don’t believe me.”
Irritated, I pressed the balls of my palms into my temples. I knew what my sister was trying to pull. I shut my eyes for a short moment. “Nat, I’m pretty sure that was all Candace.” I stepped a little closer and lowered my voice. “There’s been no one else since we’ve been apart. No one.” Tilting her chin so our eyes met was a mistake. I couldn’t control my urge to kiss her. Tangling my hands in her hair, I gently pulled her close so that my lips hovered over hers. The faint sound of her breath hitching was my undoing. I wanted so badly to taste her sweet lips, but there were things that needed to be said first. Control, I needed control. This wasn’t about me, I told myself and stepped back.
“Cy, let’s sit.” Natalie’s voice was hushed.
I followed her to the couch. She sat with her hands clasped in her lap. I sat and watched her for a minute. Even with bloodshot eyes and a slightly red nose, she was absolutely breathtaking.
“Cy, what are you really doing here?”
“Come here.” I held my arms open for her, but her brows pinched and she shook her head slowly. “Natalie, come here. I want to hold you. After all the shit that just happened, I want to comfort you.” Staring at me, her brows relaxed and then pinched again.
“Why? Why would you want to comfort me? You’ve made it perfectly clear we were done.” Her throat and rib cage moved as she gulped. “And I wasn’t very welcoming the day you showed up to talk.”
“Natalie, please. Please just come here.” I did not want to argue with her, I wanted to be her means of solace. Or maybe I need her to be my solace.
Took her long enough, but the stubborn woman crawled into my lap. I kissed the top of her head and held her, comforted her. She had just lived through a hell most people would never understand, and I hated to admit I was one of those people.
“Cy— ”
“Shh, I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you like I should have been.” I hugged her a little tighter and whispered in her ear, “I’ve never felt fear like that before—
“Seeing you on that gurney, hurt and unconscious, almost killed me. I had no clue what had happened inside that house or how badly you were hurt. I thought I’d lost you and then that pretty little girl . . .”
Removing herself from my hold, Natalie sat cross-legged and faced me. Holding my hand between hers, she nodded and asked, “You saw her? You saw Faith?”
I nodded. “I did. That’s her name, Faith?”
A small smile grazed Natalie’s lips.
“She’s beautiful—just like her mom.” I ran the back of my knuckles down the side of her cheek, needing reassurance that she was not a figment of my imagination. I brushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m not sure what you remember of that night . . . Have you been sleeping all right?” It just dawned on me that she might be having nightmares and I wasn’t there to hold her through it.
“I’m okay. Spencer being here has helped,” she answered softly. Right. Her knight-in-shining-armor cousin was always there to swoop down and save her.
Envy weaved through me. I was the one who should have been there. It should have been me saving her. Not her cousin. If I had just allowed her the courtesy to explain, this most likely would have never happened.
I didn’t think I would ever be able to forgive myself for abandoning her. Not when she needed me the most.
“That’s good. I’m glad you had someone to help you.” My words contradicted my thoughts.
The squint of her eyes was all the recognition I needed for her to tell me that my comment had stung. Then she failed miserably at her attempts of squaring her shoulders.
“He was. I don’t think I could have survived this if he hadn’t been here.”
Leaning forward, resting my head in my hands, I let the sting of her words hit me with a fraction of pain that she had endured. Realizing I wasn’t her savior had my heart pausing for two beats and dropping to the pit of my stomach.
Looking back at her, I caught a flash of color. I sat up and looked a little closer. A tasteful blue butterfly tattoo was inked on her shoulder. My thumb made a few delicate passes over the beautiful insect.
“This is new. It’s beautiful.” Natalie peeked at me and nodded carefully. “When did you get it?”
“A little while after you left . . . I’ve always wanted one.”
I rubbed my finger across the inked wings. “It’s beautiful, and it suits you.”
“Why do you say that? That it suits me?”
I shrugged. “Because it’s beautiful, just like you. You have no idea how beautiful you really are.” I attempted to brush her hair behind her ear, but my nerves had me moving my hand away.
“That’s not it— ” Her stare started to make me uncomfortable, but I squashed it.
“Tell me what it means to you.”
“Transformation.”
WATCHING THE BARE patch of skin between Cy’s brows squeezed together, I knew I’d have to explain my reasons just as he explained to me why he called me Blue. It was my nickname that made me choose the color blue for my butterfly. My permanent reminder of the transformation my life had made.
“My life had changed at such an extreme rate, it’s just like the way a butterfly transforms.” I held his gaze and leaned back into the couch. “It reminded me to hold on to my faith as these changes took place, and I chose the color blue . . .” I choked, and he grabbed me again, pulling me into his lap. I buried my face in his chest and held onto his shirt.
“Shh.” He rubbed his hand lovingly from my head down my spine and back. “Shh, baby it’s going to be okay. It’ll take some time, but we’ll be okay.”
I nodded into his chest.
“Will you tell me what happened with your little girl?” He whispered and held me tighter.
Sitting in his lap and holding on for dear life, I contemplated. He deserved to know, and now was the time to tell him. After that, he could decide what he wanted and if he still wanted me.
“While I lived with Spencer, before I came here, I had a child.” His chest and forearms tensed around me, and I still couldn’t look at him. “Before I ran from Trent, I toyed with the idea of an abortion. There was no way I would bring a child into this world. A child with his DNA would be predisposed to violence. But Spencer being Spencer talked me out of it and into adoption. I didn’t even know the sex of the baby when I delivered.”
Cy’s masculine but gentle hand rubbing my hair and back made explaining a bit easier; he calmed me.
“Anyway, only Spencer knew.” My chest squeezed. Here, explaining why I never trusted him with my secret would be the hard part. “I’m sorry, Cy. I just couldn’t . . .” I choked again, and he sat there patiently comforting me like he said he came to do. “Only Spencer knew, not even Uncle Blair.”
I took a deep breath, leaned back to look in his eyes. It killed me to witness his pain. “I buried everything about that entire ordeal.” A tear slid down my cheek. “I hated myself for doing what I did even though it was the best decision I could have made in my circumstances. Does that even make any sense?” He stared at me blankly, but eventually nodded. “It was no longer my secret to share. I gave up that baby, and I needed to forget in order to survive.”
He pulled me closer and held me while I sobbed. “I’m never going to see Faith again,” I mumbled into his chest, and my body shook as he sat there holding me.
Once I calmed down a bit, I slid the plastered chunks of hair away from my cheeks. I must have looked awful and was in desperate need of a box of tissues to blow all that clogged shit out of my nose. I stood and pointed to my nose. “Tissues.”
One side of his lips pulled up in a smirk, and he nodded.
Returning to the living room with a clear but raw nose, I walked to the other end of the couch, but he stood before I took my seat. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he held his hand to the back of my head and instinctively I laid my cheek to his chest.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. My mind can only imagine the hell you’ve experienced, and I’m truly sorry for walking away from you that day.” I shook my forehead against his chest, but that caused him to hold me a little tighter. “No, stop. Enough with the faults. I never should have reacted like that. I love you, and I’ve never stopped. I’ll never stop, and if I said this would be easy and we could just pick up where we left off, I’d be lying. But I need you, and I love you and want to try to work this out with you. Do you think you could ever forgive me and give us another chance?”
The look of love in his eyes took my breath away. The man who used to struggle with his words had all the right ones now. I wanted that too, so badly. I bit the inside of my lip and nodded, hopeful to have a second chance.
“I could never stop loving you either.” My palm caressed the side of his cheek. “I think we owe it to ourselves to give us a second chance.”
Waiting on Faith (She's Beautiful Series Book 2) Page 25