“I’m not under your command, Sam. You can’t stop me.”
“Yes, I can.”
It wasn’t any easier to walk away from her this time, but he knew he could do it. Leaving to keep her safe was never something he’d regret.
“You are such a coward, Samuel Hawkins!”
He spun around and marched back. “Don’t you dare! I’ve faced more hell in my life than most. I’ve had to chase down criminals who’d undergone body augmentations that nearly killed me from shock just to look at, not to mention the fact that their owners were also trying to kill me in the usual ways. Don’t you stand there and tell me I’m a coward.”
Her hair had come loose and was blowing wild around her head. “Then explain why every time you don’t like something, you run away?”
Her words were like a punch to the gut. He swallowed down the bile and forced his fist to loosen. “What?”
“You ran away from the Archives. You ran from the Guild Masters. You ran from me.” Unshed tears filled her eyes. “I’d always been there for you, Sam. You used to talk to me, tell me things you would never say to the others. I trusted you with my secrets. Every time we were alone, I spoke the truth to you.”
“Pip…” But what could he say? She was right.
More than once since he’d left, Samuel had gone over her confessions. How she wanted to make Master Ryerson happy so maybe he’d care about her. How she wanted nothing more than to find someone to love her for who she was, despite her commitment to the Archives. When she had nightmares, she’d tell him every detail, needing to be pressed against his side. Samuel had only shared the barest of his hopes and dreams. He hadn’t wanted to frighten her away and lose his only friend.
Someone he knew he could grow to love.
Someone he did love.
“You never told me what scared you away back then. Was it me?”
“Dear God, no.”
“Then what?”
Samuel was certain he hadn’t been in this corridor before. It didn’t look like anyone at all had been here for quite some time. The greasy black walls and damp floor made it tomblike. Even sound itself seemed to be swallowed by the stones. Carefully, he continued, ready to bolt back the way he’d come given the slightest provocation.
It would have been easy to miss the door, tucked into a recess in the wall. Had he not tripped and stumbled, he wouldn’t have been looking the right way, wouldn’t have seen the eerie glow flickering from beneath the door.
He shouldn’t be here, doing this. It was like that time when he was a kid, getting caught by the Administrators. Except this was different. Darker. Wrong. He needed to go.
Samuel started to move away, but then he heard the crying.
Oh my God, he found him.
The door was a challenge to open, taking every bit of strength Samuel could muster. The room was staggeringly hot. A gigantic metal grate forced blasts of heat over him as he stepped inside.
“Hello?”
The crying stopped.
“Is anyone here?”
The machines seemed to watch him, the glow from their cathodes brightening as he approached. A soft flutter of sound came from the walls around him, the ceiling, the floor, all whispering. The Archives, alive.
In his nightmares, there was a monster that chased him through the halls of the Archives. He didn’t know what it looked like, his dream self refusing to glance back as he ran. That fact was always sharp and hugely important in his dreaming mind, that he had never ever looked at that thing, because it would mean a fate worse than death.
“I don’t want to discuss it.”
If Constantine was to be believed, Jack had always been there, a living part of his one-time home. It must have been Jack’s eyes he felt, Jack’s voice he heard calling out to him in the night. So much worse than anything Samuel’s young mind could have invented or comprehended. Jack had truly been in hell.
And Samuel had abandoned him.
He hadn’t wanted to expose Piper to the blackness back then. She’d been the one good thing in his life, the one untouched purity in a world of ash. And now, Samuel knew if Jack even suspected there was something between them, he’d hunt her down, rip her to shreds as he’d done with the other women.
“Coward.” The word was said with little bite. “You’re too good a man to end up alone. But that’s what’s going to happen if you keep refusing to let people in.”
She brushed past him, his grasp missing her as she passed. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Pip, you can’t—”
“Yes, I can.”
His feet refused to follow her as she crossed the street to the iron walk that led to the Archives. Maybe this was better. She’d be safe under the protection of the Guild Masters, hidden deep within the walls of the Archives. Jack wouldn’t dare go back there, not if he had any sense at all. Not even if he was as mad as he seemed.
Samuel had to let her go, had to leave her behind one more time to save her life. He only hoped he’d survive his next meeting with Jack so he could make things up to her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Master Ryerson was standing in the main doorway to the Archives when Piper passed through the gate. His face lacked any sort of expression, and for the first time in her life she realized she never really knew where she stood with him. She might have been at the top for her training, recipient of more attention and praise from Ryerson than most, but he was always the inscrutable Master. Always at the advantage.
She stopped two stairs from the top, leaving a respectable distance between them. While the Archives had been the only home she’d ever known, there was no guarantee she’d be welcomed back.
“Miss Smith.” Master Ryerson’s clipped tone was practically arctic. “Why are you here?”
The problem with having one’s memories wiped was not knowing the full extent of one’s sins. She certainly could issue a blanket apology, but knowing her mentor, it wouldn’t be enough. The truth, or as close to it as she could manage, then.
“To file my report as best I can, sir. I have no recollection of any events from just prior to the extraction until this morning.” Lord, had it been only a day since she’d woken up in Timmons’ home and faced the truth of her situation? How quickly events had unraveled since then.
Master Ryerson’s frown pulled his lips as he stared. “How was it possible for you to have your memories erased? No one outside of the Archives possesses that technology.”
“I don’t know the gentleman who did it, sir.” While she hated lying outright, Piper had no intention of putting David or Timmons at risk. If the Guild Masters suspected David could do what they could, his life would be in peril, as would his entire household. “He stayed only long enough to ensure I was alive and my memories were gone.”
Master Ryerson beckoned her closer. Piper locked her hands behind her back, not wanting him to see how her fingers trembled, and approached. He grabbed her by the chin, forcing her head back, and shone a small light in her eyes. After studying her irises for a moment, he released her with a grunt and a sneer.
“This was arranged by Hawkins?”
“Yes, sir. Sergeant Hawkins wasn’t present when I woke, which is why I was so desperate to see him. I had questions that I needed answers to.”
There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but couldn’t. Piper no longer trusted the man who’d been the only father she’d ever known.
“You attacked me at the Tower. Why?”
“I couldn’t let you bring me back home just then. As much as I know you were trying to protect me, I had to see things through.”
“You chose that fool over your duty.”
“I felt I had no choice.”
Master Ryerson said nothing. There was only so much she could say or do before things were out of her control.
“Sir, if you have no further questions for me, I’d like to make my report and retire to my room now. I’m very tired and I suspec
t I should still be resting after so many procedures over such a short time.”
Master Ryerson shook his head, his stern expression melting. “I’m sorry, child. You have been banned from entering.”
For a moment, she forgot how to breathe. “Sir?”
“You fled from us, convinced to do wrong by a dead whore and a traitor to our cause. You and Dennison. I knew he’d one day be brought down by his hubris and self-importance. But you… I thought I’d trained you better. The knowledge we acquire is the most important thing. More than our desires, our happiness, or even our very lives. You attacked me, spit in the face of our beliefs to help an outsider. These are sins that cannot be forgiven.”
“I don’t remember.” There’d been a reason, something she believed was the right thing to do, a reason to keep those stowaway thoughts as long as she had. The faint recollection of laughter, like the sensation of warm water flowing along the back of her brain. There was something there, just out of reach.
“I think… it almost seems as if I might be able to recall just a bit. There’s something, but I can’t quite grasp it.”
“It’s starting to come back to you.” Master Ryerson closed the distance between them and pulled her into an awkward hug. “You should have no recollection of events after an extraction is wiped away. That is a necessary cost, the only way to ensure the extracted memories are truly erased. No one can hold two minds at once without going mad. Whatever barbaric process your sergeant subjected you to, it didn’t work and it will destroy your mind. We can never allow you back.” Taking the pin identifying her as an Archivist from her collar, he stepped back. “I’m sorry.” Setting her aside, he marched back into the Archives and pushed the door closed with a hollow thunk.
Piper stared at the door for quite some time. That was it. Her life as she knew it was over. She’d never had to fend for herself before, never had to survive alone in a city whose residents would never accept her. With no resources of her own she’d not survive long on the streets of New London. The factory guilds would snatch her up, or, if she was really unfortunate, one of the press-gangs would force her to work on one of the airships.
Or Jack would get her.
The short path she’d traveled from the door to the gate stretched out before her when she finally turned to leave. Each step brought with it a fresh battle between panic and control, every breath growing shallower. Wrapping her fingers around the cold metal of the gate, she forced herself to cast one final glance at the oval watch glass. The brass guard flopped forward, blocking her from sight.
So that was it. She was officially an outcast.
The street was empty, save for a man and a woman strolling toward the iron walkway. Her skirts were full, but even from this distance Piper could see the material was worn and well out of season, her bodice too low cut for propriety. A prostitute. Earning her keep.
Piper let out a breath. That wouldn’t be her fate. She wasn’t without friends in the outside world. Despite their fight, Samuel wouldn’t leave her to fend for herself. He’d do whatever he could to keep her safe. Not that she could go to him yet. His anger was too raw, too much to handle with her pain so fresh. She’d need time to collect herself before she could face him.
That left Timmons and David.
Piper watched as the man yanked the woman down into a side alley. She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have a man take her at all, let alone against the cold stone wall. Then the flesh between her legs grew damp and for a moment she had the sensation of knowing exactly what it was like to be with a man. The warmth of his arms wrapped around her. The strength of his body as he pushed into her. The heat of his mouth against her core, sucking the pleasure from her body.
Piper took several steps toward where the couple had disappeared, stopping when she heard a loud moan. Images of her stretched out on a bed, Samuel’s naked body poised above her, holding her down, made her skin tingle.
Oh, Sam.
Fleeing in the opposite direction, she flagged down the first steam carriage she could find, not quite hearing the cries from behind her.
Samuel managed to spend all of twenty minutes at his flat before notice arrived from the men. Mary Kelly was nowhere to be found. The detectives had spent the better part of the evening patrolling her usual spots, asking every man and woman they met if they’d spotted her. They didn’t know if the lack of information stemmed from reluctance to speak to the King’s Sentry or some prostitutes’ code of honor, but nobody was talking either way.
Samuel knew she would be dead before morning. Jack had gone from carefully planned attacks to aggressively finishing the job Constantine had laid out for him. Not knowing the man’s state of mind, where his sense of twisted duty would come from now, meant Samuel wouldn’t be able to track Jack if he left New London. He had no idea where to look after Jack killed Mary. It didn’t seem likely that he’d go to France or Spain, but at this point Samuel couldn’t rule anything out.
They had no choice but to find Mary before Jack did.
The streets were unusually quiet as he took the irons to Timmons’ place of residence. The night merchants who’d been out earlier had packed up their wares and disappeared into the cracks where they hid during the day. Jack’s killings were slowly paralyzing an already damaged city, eroding the fragile sense of security and safety that had emerged since the last war.
Aiko had the door open, her hands on her hips before Samuel even had his foot on the first step. Her scowl was one she normally reserved for David, which meant he’d done something very wrong.
“You didn’t keep her in the house.” Best to be on the offensive with this one.
“You yelled at her and took away what little confidence she had when she left. Bastard.”
How the hell does she— “Is Pip here?”
“Apparently the Archives produce nothing but bastards.” She flicked her unbound hair over her shoulder. “They have disowned her. Banished her from her only home. The poor chibi usagi had nowhere else to go.”
Dear God, how could they do that to her? While he knew they wouldn’t be pleased, he’d hoped that they would simply reprimand her, take her from active duty. The thought that they’d cut her loose, leaving her to fend for herself, seemed heartless, even for them.
No one left the Archives. Not alive.
Except for him.
And Jack.
“Where is she?” He pushed past Aiko, ignoring her warning growl. “Piper?”
“Sam, if you’re going to show up unannounced, please be quiet.” Timmons leaned in the doorway to the sitting room. “She’s freshening up. Why are you here?”
“Is she all right?” His heart pounded and he could barely contain his need to find her and wrap her in his arms.
“Scared, not that she’d admit it. She was the perfect image of New London refinement despite her predicament. But she had no place to go.” Timmons cocked an eyebrow. “She didn’t feel she could go to you for some strange reason.”
“I’m an ass.”
“Of course you are.”
Samuel pinched the bridge of his nose. “I came here because they can’t find Mary.” He held out the tube for Timmons to read. “I thought you and I might go out and try again. Maybe the women will speak to us. They’ve seen us investigating the other murders and might be willing to trust—”
Timmons held out a second tube. “Arrived a minute before you did. They found a body.”
“No. Dammit!” Fuck. He’d failed them all. Jack had been his responsibility, his to catch and bring to justice, and he’d failed. “Where?”
“Close to the Archives, actually. Down an alleyway. Her screams brought the attention of a clockwerker making a delivery. They’re questioning him now.”
Aiko pushed past them. “I’ll make tea and bring biscuits.”
Timmons snorted. “Forget tea. I have scotch.”
“Cheers.”
Samuel fell onto the couch before the fire, accepting the glass Timm
ons pressed into his hand. “We’ll never find the bastard now. He’s done what he set out to do.”
“The boys will find his scent and we’ll hunt him down. He won’t get out of the city without us knowing. Guards have been placed in the tunnels, and we will partner with the city police.”
“You’re right.” The scotch burned as Samuel swallowed down a mouthful.
The sound of the fire crackling was the only noise interrupting their uneasy silence until Aiko returned. She set the tray down on the table and turned to leave.
“Aiko, where’s Pip?”
“She’s retired. The events of the evening have exhausted her.”
Samuel swallowed down the rest of the scotch and was out the door before either of them could stop him. He opened the door to the room they’d shared on their previous night here—Aiko had a twisted sense of humor—and found Piper sitting on the side of the bed. She’d stripped her archivist clothing from her body, the cloth now lying in a heap on the floor. The sight made his chest tighten. Quietly, he closed the door and stepped fully into the room.
“Pip?”
She swallowed. “I couldn’t bear to wear them any longer, now that I’m not one of them.”
“I’m sorry. If I’d known—”
“You’d have done what? Never tried your best to track down a killer? Please. If nothing else, I still have my Welsh stubbornness. I’ll survive.”
The bed sunk under his weight as he sat beside her. When she didn’t pull away, Samuel wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I’m sorry.” He’d been furious, but not at her. The old pain and hate he’d thought had long disappeared had done nothing but gone to ground. It had festered over the years, darkening his outlook on everything, making him hate the past, hate himself and his actions. Her words had been a painful lance, bringing the poison to the surface.
“I shouldn’t have pushed.” Her voice was too soft as she spoke.
“Yes, you should have. I was terrified that I was slowly losing my mind in that place. But something happened that night…” The memories were starting to come back ever since the machine had latched on to him. “I couldn’t tell you much because I couldn’t remember. I’d found something that night.”
Gilded Hearts (The Shadow Guild Series) Page 27