“Since when do I let you tell me what to do?”
“Women. I need a drink,” he muttered as he walked out the door.
✯✯✯✯✯
Over the next few weeks, Logan and I grew closer than ever. With my attacker out of the picture, I moved back to my apartment, which really bothered Logan, but I wasn’t about to keep living with him. I still had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that he would do something stupid and I would end up hurt. Luckily, he didn’t fight me on it too much.
Sean had interrogated my attacker, John Keen. Apparently, the guy had seen me at the club several times with Vira and had developed a sick obsession with me. He had been following me for weeks and I had been totally oblivious. He was in jail now, so I didn’t have to worry about him for a while.
Vira and I met up at The Pub on Saturday night to let loose from the work week. We were drinking beers when Vira shocked the hell out of me.
“So when are you moving in with Logan?”
I almost spit out my beer at her question. She knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t the type to just move in with a guy, not any more. I valued my independence and enjoyed not having anyone at home waiting for me. It was liberating to answer only to myself, and while I really liked Logan, we weren’t there yet.
“Why would you think I’m moving in with Logan?”
“Oh come on. Two lovers reunited after all this time? The chemistry is off the charts with you two. I just figured that you would want to take that next step with him. It’s pretty much the natural progression in a relationship nowadays.”
“Really? So, should I expect you to be moving in with Sean soon?”
She rolled her eyes at me, but conceded my point. “Point taken, but it’s a little different with you and Logan. You know that I’ll never settle down with anyone, but I always figured that you eventually would.”
“You’d have to actually love the person you’re with in order to take that next step.”
She was about to take a drink, but halfway to her lips. “You don’t…you mean to tell me that you aren’t in love with that man?” Her jaw was hanging open and I had a strong desire to reach across the table and close it.
“I’ll always see him as the man who completely devastated me when I was younger. He changed me and I can’t help but look at him that way. He’s great in bed and I have fun with him, but he’s a good time. That’s it.”
Vira looked at me with a sad face. It was the last thing I was expecting coming from her. She was just like me, in it for a good time, so when I saw that look on her face, it made me angry.
“Don’t you even look at me that way, Vira. There is nothing wrong with the way I live my life. I get to choose who’s in it and who I fuck. I’ve kept him around a lot longer than any other man before him. He’ll understand when our time is up. I never promised him more than some fun.”
“I’d just hate to see you miss out on something great.”
“I’m not missing out on anything. That something great is what we have right now. Anything more is just a mess I don’t need.”
She changed the subject like any good friend would, but Logan was on my mind the rest of the night. I lied to Vira for the first time that night. She had always been the one person I was honest with, but I couldn’t tell her that I had already fallen for Logan. I was so afraid that if I admitted it, things would end and I would be devastated again. I knew it was silly to think that way, but I couldn’t handle being hurt like that again. What Logan and I had would end eventually and I just had to keep my head on straight until then.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Logan
Ryan and I were meeting at the bar tonight for a few drinks. Things were going great with Cece, but I still wanted some time to myself. I was thinking about asking her to move in with me because we had such a great time when she was staying with me, but I knew I had to wait. If she was ready, she wouldn’t have moved back to her apartment a few weeks ago. This required me to make her see how much she meant to me. I would have to really work at it because she was a tough shell to crack, but I loved this woman and I was planning on telling her very soon.
I walked into The Pub and saw Ryan waiting for me at the bar. He was already started on a beer so I ordered one for myself and sat down on a stool. “Hey, man. How’s it going?”
“Shitty.”
“Why’s that?”
“Let’s just say that a certain woman is on my mind and it’s making my life difficult.”
“Dude. If this is about Cassandra, just go for it. I know you wouldn’t do anything to put the company in jeopardy. She doesn’t strike me as the vindictive type either. If things don’t work out, I can deal with her.”
“I don’t know. I’d still rather wait until the deal is done. How are things going with Cece?”
“Good,” I said with a smile. “I’m gonna ask her to move in with me soon.”
“Really?” he asked in surprise. “Things are that serious?”
“I love her.”
“Have you told her yet?”
“No, but I will be soon. I’m trying to keep things slow with her.”
“Well, ya know, there’s no time like the present,” he said with a smirk.
“What do you mean?” I glanced around the bar and saw Vira and Cece sitting slightly behind a wall. They obviously hadn’t seen us yet. I jerked my head in that direction and we both stood, walking over to them. I stopped when I was just about to them because it sounded like they were talking about Sean and me. Eavesdropping wasn’t something I normally condoned, but it was like pulling teeth to get Cece to have an honest conversation with me.
“Really? So, should I expect you to be moving in with Sean soon?”
“Point taken, but it’s a little different with you and Logan. You know that I’ll never settle down with anyone, but I always figured that you eventually would.”
“You’d have to actually love the person you’re with in order to take that next step.”
Knives to the chest wouldn’t have hurt more than that. It wasn’t so much that she said she didn’t love me, but the vehemence in her voice as she said it.
“You don’t…you mean to tell me that you aren’t in love with that man?”
“I’ll always see him as the man who completely devastated me when I was younger. He changed me and I can’t help but look at him that way. He’s great in bed and I have fun with him, but he’s a good time. That’s it.”
I pushed back against the wall to keep from being seen. Glancing at Ryan, the firm set of his jaw reminded me of how much he distrusted Cece to begin with. Anger filled my entire body with every word she said. I thought we had moved past all that, but all she saw was the old me. I couldn’t change who I had been, but I thought she saw me as the man I had become.
“Don’t you even look at me that way, Vira. There is nothing wrong with the way I live my life. I get to choose who’s in it and who I fuck. I’ve kept him around a lot longer than any other man before him. He’ll understand when our time is up. I never promised him more than some fun.”
“I’d just hate to see you miss out on something great.”
“I’m not missing out on anything. That ‘something great’ is what we have right now. Anything more is just a mess I don’t need.”
I felt Ryan pulling me away from where they were seated and a few seconds later, the cold air from outside slapped my face, bringing sanity back once again. The last thing I needed was Cece to keep me around for a good time. I wasn’t the same person I was before I met her months ago. Sure, I had known her much longer than a few months, but this woman was the woman I had truly fallen in love with. To know that she was going to continue to use me until she’d had enough about tore my heart out. I couldn’t deal with it for one more second, but I also couldn’t just storm in there and let my emotions get the better of me. I would find a way to end it with her and break her just like she had just broken me.
I turned to see
Ryan looking at me with concern on his face, his hands shoved in his pockets. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Logan, I know how you feel about her, so don’t try to bullshit me. That was rough for me to hear and I’m not the one in love with her.”
“What do you want me to say? You’ve never trusted her.” He started to shake his head, but I cut him off. “Don’t pretend you did. I saw it every time you looked at her and when you talked to her on New Year’s Eve. You were right. It was weird that she didn’t tell me who she was. All this time, she just wanted payback.”
Ryan didn’t say anything for a moment. There really was nothing left to say. I started walking back towards my car when Ryan called out to me.
“Logan, what are you gonna do?”
I turned and faced him, no longer feeling anything. Ice had seeped into my veins and all that was left was a cold-hearted man. “I’m gonna end it.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I didn’t respond the Cece at all that week. When she called, I ignored her. When she texted, I ignored her. When she showed up at the same coffee house as me, I nodded hello and then headed out the door to work. It wasn’t hard to ignore her. I really did have a lot to get done this week. We were really getting going on the VAS project and it took up a lot of my attention. Still, at some point I would have to address the problem with Cece.
After much debating, I decided that I would take her out to her favorite club on Saturday and then leave her the same way she left me that first time. That would be my final goodbye to her. I could just end things and not tell her why, but part of me wanted one last taste of her before I threw her away.
I told her to meet me at the club because I was going to be working late, but really, I just didn’t want to ride with the bitch. I walked into the club about a half hour after I said I would meet her and immediately dragged her out to the dance floor. I didn’t say a word to her and I could see it was on the tip of her tongue to ask me what was wrong. I danced with her and teased her body all night long before I decided I’d had enough and needed to end this night.
Pulling her from the dance floor, I wound my way through the club, back to the bathrooms. A dirty bathroom seemed a fitting way to end our time together. I opened the girls bathroom and after checking for other occupants, closed the door and locked it. I thrust her up against the sink and lifted the dress from her delectable body. There would be no going slow or kissing this time. I felt no passion for this woman, only a need for revenge.
I ran my fingers over her slit once and when she moaned, I took that as a sign that she was ready enough. I yanked my cock from my pants and rammed into her so hard that I’m sure it hurt her. I didn’t care right now, though. I pounded into her with all the rage that had been building inside me over the course of the week. I saw her eyes in the mirror questioning the change in me. While we had always been rough with one another, there was passion involved. This was nothing but cold, hard fucking. I took what I wanted and didn’t wait to see if she finished.
When I grunted out my release, I tucked myself back in and zipped up, heading for the door. She hurried to get her dress down before calling for me.
“Logan, what’s going on? You haven’t been yourself this past week.”
She stared at me with hurt in her eyes, begging me to talk to her. I considered telling her what I had overheard, but that would be like admitting that I was hurt and felt used. I didn’t need her pity and I sure as shit didn’t need her excuses. I walked closer to her and stared at her with no feeling at all.
“Cece, you’re a great lay, but I think it’s time we end this.”
Shock tore through her and her head reared back like I had slapped her.
“Excuse me?”
“What’s the problem? You said from the beginning that this could never be more than what it was. You told me you don’t do relationships, so what’s the problem?”
“I just….I thought that….with everything we’ve been through..”
“You thought we would all the sudden become this couple that would get married and have kids?”
Anger and indignation took over her features and fighting Cece came out. “Don’t pretend like we didn’t have something more. I know you felt it just like me. What happened?”
I wasn’t about to tell her what happened, but her argument did provide me with the perfect way out. It would be cruel, but effective.
“You are right about one thing. I do want more, but you’re not the girl I used to know. That girl I could have built something with, but let’s face it, you’re a bit of a slut now. Not exactly marriage material.”
I saw the tears build in her eyes at my low blow, but the next minute, she pulled it back and stiffened her spine.
“I never said I was anything else. You’re right. I take whatever men I want, when I want. It was getting a little stale with you anyway.”
I turned and walked out of the bathroom and left the club, jumping in my truck and driving away. It had been horrible of me to throw her sexual history in her face. After all, I had originally broken up with her because she wasn’t experienced enough and now I accused her of being too loose. Really, what right did I have to judge anyway? I was a man-whore myself. Still, I felt better as I walked away from the club knowing that that chapter of my life was over.
✯✯✯✯✯
I wanted to tell myself that I was fine. I wanted to believe that everything that Cece and I had really had meant nothing to me, but the fact was, I was drowning in my own misery. I couldn’t stop kicking myself for falling for a woman that could disregard me so callously. Yet, I couldn’t blame her either. She was the way she was because I had done the same thing to her first. My pride was wounded and that really rankled me.
Just keep moving, that’s what I told myself. I had better things to do than waste my time thinking about Cece or Cecelia, whatever she wanted to call herself. I knew that Cece was nothing like Cecelia anymore, but at times, I would catch a glimpse of the girl I once knew. I was well informed now on who exactly she was.
I went back to my old habits within a week. I needed something to wipe her from my memory and getting lost in new pussy was exactly what I needed. None of them were as good in bed, though I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t thinking about her when I was with them. Still, if I kept on, over time I wouldn’t think about her so much anymore.
Then I started seeing her more and more around town. She was everywhere I went, though I don’t think she knew it. She never paid attention to anyone around her, so she didn’t see me. I did all I could to avoid her, but she was still always there.
Which was why it really sucked when I ran into her and Vira at The Pub one weekend while I was out with the guys. Jack, Sebastian, Ryan, and I were all hanging out drinking beer when they walked through the door and headed to the bar. I must have been seething because the table got quiet and when I looked back towards everyone, they were all staring at me like I would explode. I hadn’t told any of the guys about what happened with Cece. Only Ryan knew and he was keeping my secret. It wasn’t something that a guy wanted spread around.
“So, you haven’t talked to her at all?” Jack asked. Jack was probably my least favorite fan. He had always thought that I was a screw off and though he didn’t agree with my asshole ways, he was still a friend that supported me. Most of the time.
“No. There’s nothing to talk about. We had fun and now it’s over.”
Sebastian took a pull on his beer and then started in on me. “Don’t you think maybe it’s time to stop dickin’ around take someone seriously? I mean, you guys were perfect together. You seemed to really be into her and then you ran.”
Ryan started to speak up, but I cut him a harsh look. “When I’m ready to stop dickin’ around, I’ll let you know.”
The last thing I needed was Ryan telling the guys how I was pussy whipped and then got my heart broken. I didn’t need their sympathy and their sad looks. I just wanted to hang out and
have a good time.
“Logan, not to get all mushy, but you two were perfect together. I don’t get why you dumped her. She was just like you except with a vagina.”
“Jack, just because you found the woman you want to spend your life with doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be tied down to one pussy the rest of our lives. I like fucking different women and while she was a good time, I don’t need the complication of a girlfriend.”
Luckily, Ryan came to my rescue and changed the subject. “Anyone hear from Cole? How’s Alex doing?”
Sebastian, who had helped with protecting Alex, was taking this whole situation especially hard and made sure he always knew what was going on with her now. He had taken on the role of protective brother where she was concerned.
“I went by to see her yesterday. She’s coming along okay. Her speech is a lot better, still a little slow to come at times. I see it more when she’s tired. She’s still struggling to move a lot, but the physical therapy is helping.”
“That sucks. I wish there was something we could do to help.” It made me feel like absolute shit that Cole was going through this and there was nothing I could do to help. Alex had been seriously injured New Year’s Eve during the fire. Some psychotic detective from her past had attacked her, leaving her with a traumatic brain injury. She could barely function most days. She had to learn how to speak all over again and when she tried to move, a different area of her body would move than what she intended. She was basically left to the care of others all day and night.
“Well, there is something you can do. She needs Cole to give her some space.”
“She doesn’t want him around?” Ryan asked.
“No, it’s just that he’s always there with her and she thinks that it would do him some good to start doing other things. She has his mom to help her during the day, so she asked me to have us help her get him out of the house.”
Logan Page 18