"What the hell was that?" he snapped. "You could have killed us both!"
"But I didn't, did I? You're fine. Right? So you can just run along." I waved my hands at him.
Instead, he just crossed his arms and stared at me.
"What do you want me to say?" I choked out, sounding more like a crazy woman than anything else. "I'm sorry I almost killed us both. I didn't see the red light. In case you hadn't noticed, it's raining buckets out here! If you want to blame someone...blame freaking Mother Nature!"
Again, he didn't respond, just stood there continuing to stare at me. It was infuriating. As much as I loved him, I hated him sometimes.
"Fine, Landon! I'll say what we're all thinking. I'm a colossal fuck up! Is that what you want to hear? I should have my license revoked. Tell you what? First thing in the morning, I will surrender myself to the local sheriff. Will that help you sleep tonight? Knowing that a menace is off the road?"
He took a step toward me. "What are you even doing out this late?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You’re the one who should have a curfew."
He took another huge step toward me, glared down, and then his eyes got wide. He saw the fat lip. Shit!
"What happened?" He motioned to my mouth.
"Nothing!" I yelled at him. "Nothing that matters anyway."
"You’re eyes are all red. You've been crying," he accused. Rain dripped from the ends of his hair and down his face. We were both drenched.
"The power of observation is strong with you, Landon. Do you want a medal or something?" I was being incredibly mean. I’d almost killed us both and I was yelling at him?
Nothing could change the fact that I was hurt. On so many levels.
Derek had hurt me. But he wasn’t here now and Landon was, so all my anger was directed at him. He never had a chance.
In that instant, I got a glimpse inside my husband's mind and realized what it was like to take your hurt and anger out on an innocent bystander. I regretted it immediately and all my rage washed away with the falling rain.
"I'm sorry I almost killed you. But no one would be sorry if I killed me."
"Don't say that," he whispered. "I’d be sorry."
Landon, who should be pissed as hell at me, gently reached up and stroked a wet strand of hair from my face. His thumb traced the outline of my cheek and brushed tenderly over my red, swollen lip.
I pulled back. I was soaking wet, still in my ratty t-shirt and baggy sweats. I was hideous.
"Stop," I said to him, putting a hand up.
"Why?"
"Because I’m horrible. And I'm mean." I sniffled. "And I look like I'm homeless."
"You’ve never looked anything but beautiful to me."
He said it as if he believed it and for just a moment, he swept me up into his fantasy too. Landon cradled my head gently between his hands and brought his lips down to mine.
Before, I had been the instigator, the one to kiss him.
This time, I let him kiss me. He was so warm against my rain-soaked, cold skin. I let him take control — do with me what he wanted — as I clung to him.
I’d expected violence, his mouth to crush mine — a consequence of so many years of being brutalized, even in the name of romance — but it wasn't like that. Landon wasn’t like that at all. He was tender. I could just barely feel his lips on mine. I was unable to stay still for too long, moving closer to him, my mouth seeking his out.
I wanted more. I needed more.
When I parted my lips and felt his tongue touch mine, it was all I could do to keep from crumbling to the ground in one of the puddles filling up around me. I brought my hands to his chest, grabbed hold of his shirt, and balled it in my fists. There was tension between us and in that moment, I needed him more than the air.
Landon must have felt the same way because, without breaking the contact of our lips, he bent down and lifted me up by the waist. My legs wrapped around him and he carried me to his pickup. He fumbled with the handle, set me inside, climbed in with me, and let me out of his embrace only long enough to pull the door shut. His truck was dry and warm and the rain pattered softly on the roof.
When he turned back to me, I pulled back, not knowing what to do or say next. I knew what I wanted but I wasn't sure how to get there. We sat there next to each other in his truck for several long seconds listening to the rain. I matched Landon’s breaths with my own, fearing I might hyperventilate and pass out at any moment.
"Are you okay?" he asked. “Is that the only one?” His thumb brushed over my lip gently. I didn’t care that I was hurt. I couldn’t wait for his lips to touch mine again, anticipating him with excruciating patience. The next move would be his.
"Yes, that's it," I said, my teeth chattering.
"Are you cold?" He reached to turn on the heater but I pulled his hand back.
"No... not cold...nervous and a little scared."
"Scared of me?"
"Yes...no...."
"Relax," he whispered. "I would never do anything to hurt you."
"I know. I just want you and it freaks me out how much."
We stared at each other in silence for a moment before Landon said, "Come here, Belle."
It was simple, it was succinct, and it broke any resolve I had left.
He pulled me onto his lap, helping me straddle him in one easy motion. His hands went to my waist; my lips came down on his in a frantic, hot need. He reached inside my shirt, his hands cupping my breasts, and he gently brushed my nipples with the pads of his thumbs. My body involuntarily reacted and I cried out against his mouth.
I needed him, right now.
I reached between us and felt for the waistband of his pants. I found the button and with the flick of my fingers, the button was undone. I pushed the zipper down roughly, as my hand slid down the length of him. It was his turn to groan. When he was finally free of his jeans, well, as free as he needed to be, I leaned back for just a moment and slipped off my sweats and panties.
I hovered above him and our eyes met. His hand came up to my neck, his fingers curling into my hair as he nudged my face forward.
“Kiss me.”
I wanted to look into his eyes. “Not yet.” I needed to see his expression as I lowered myself down onto him. The look on his face was pure ecstasy. His eyes rolled back in his head and a moan came from deep inside of him. I felt every inch of him slide into me. It was enough to send me over the edge. I began to move in a slow rhythm on top of him.
I had been waiting so long for this. So many times, I’d imagined it, fantasized about it, but the reality was so much better.
Our first time together was hot, quick, and frenzied. I needed him, wanted him, as much as he needed and wanted me. Despite the hurried momentum that brought us here, Landon waited patiently for me to find my way. Never given the opportunity to learn, I struggled with finding the right rhythm. The exact movements eluded me even though instinctively my body knew what it needed to do. Landon's hands wrapped around me, urging me, guiding me.
When I cried out, my hands gripping his shoulders for dear life, I felt him shudder and finally give up his control. We both tumbled over the edge of pure ecstasy and it was not violent at all...it was joy.
As we came back to earth, neither of us moved right immediately. We clung to each other, still intimately joined, and my ragged breathing slowly returned to normal. I rested my head on his shoulder and savored every inch of him inside me.
After any number of minutes ticked by, I felt him stir beneath me. I pulled my head up and looked deep into his eyes.
"That was amazing," he said quietly, a smile crossing his beautiful face.
I could only nod as the emotion of what had just happened threatened to overwhelm me. Tears stung my eyes. He dropped silent kisses on my cheeks and my eyelids, his breath warm on my skin. So this is what it felt like to be loved?
Landon wrapped his arms around me and took me with him as he stretched us out along the bench seat of his
truck. I nestled into his shoulder and closed my eyes.
"Are you okay with all of this?" he asked.
I nodded against him. He propped up on his elbow as he studied me. He didn’t look convinced.
"Are you sure?"
I thought for a moment. "It's just that sex has never been anything like that for me. It's a little overwhelming."
"It was good, right?"
"Fantastic," I answered.
"I was kind of thinking spectacular...but fantastic works just as well." He lowered his face to mine and our lips met. The kiss was gentle at first, sweet, but within a matter of moments turned to something more, deeper — filled with a renewed spark of need. Our first time had been too quick, too fevered. I wanted him, needed him once again.
Landon reached for the bottom of my shirt, lifting it up and I panicked. I grabbed both of his hands in my own and stopped him.
"Did I do something wrong?" he rose up, concerned.
"No." He couldn’t do anything wrong. Our first time had happened with the majority of our clothing still intact. Even though it was dark, I was suddenly shy when I thought of him, looking at me...all of me.
"What is it, Belle?"
"Um...thirty-eight is a far cry from twenty-five. I just don't want you to be disappointed in me."
He leaned down and pressed his lips softly against my own. "You’re beautiful."
I looked into his eyes, petrified.
"I want to see you."
With those five words, I released his hands and let him remove the rest of my clothes. He was so gentle with me. The best part of allowing him to take off my clothes was I got a front row seat when he removed the rest of his own.
He was a god. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
This time, we made love. We weren't in a hurry. Well, he wasn't in a hurry...and it nearly drove me mad. He explored my entire body with his fingertips, his lips, and, at the perfect places, his tongue.
The rain pounded down on the roof but it was nothing compared to the frenzied storm Landon created in me. He painstakingly kissed nearly every inch of me. His warm body covered my own while his mouth wandered its way back up, over my stomach and even higher. I shifted on the seat, moving my hips toward his, needing to be put out of the beautiful misery he was causing.
Landon didn’t succumb to our shared desire. His patience was a painful contrast to my own need. He flicked his tongue lightly across one of my nipples and I cried out. For a young man, Landon was very skilled at what he was doing.
"Oh my God," I whispered, my voice hoarse. He grinned. No man had ever taken the time to discover me as he did. I ran my hands through the tangles in his hair, seeing him without a hat for the first time. I urged him upwards needing to feel him inside me again. He dropped a few kisses on my lips and my neck but then his mouth trailed back down to my stomach and lower still. If he was as hot and bothered as I was, then he didn’t show it. Again, I arched my hips up toward him.
“Landon, please,” I begged. I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for him to catch up to me. He looked up and smiled, his face poised between my legs. Before I knew how to react, his tongue had flicked across the point in me where everything came together: desire, pleasure, and intense emotion. My hips bucked off the seat and I cried out. His hands went to my waist, holding me down as his mouth took me, tongue darting in and out, around and around, as I began to hyperventilate. The world started to spin.
I reached back behind me, grasping hold of the armrest because I thought I might fly away. I lost all control then, my instincts taking over. I sobbed for him not to stop. I heard my voice call out his name, though it seemed miles away, as the waves of pleasure washed over me again and again.
It was by far the most intense experience in my life and even as it was ending, I couldn’t wait for him to do it again.
Just as I was coming back to reality, Landon moved up my body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. He finally positioned himself above me. In the moment before he brought our bodies together, I whispered, “Landon…” There was desperation in my voice that I couldn’t quite contain. This was so much more than sex…this was making love.
“What is it, Belle?”
“I’m…I…uh…”
“What are you thinking?”
“You. Me. Us. You’re perfect, and I’m…not.”
Landon held my gaze, locked with his own. “Belle, you’re everything.”
Tears of happiness filled my eyes as he began slowly making love to me. I never knew it could be like this with a man. Love didn’t have to hurt. He was tender, gentle. Being with Landon was an intimacy and pleasure I had never known existed. Where our first time together had been a quick dousing of a fire that had been burning since we first met, this time was so much more than that. It was an expression of a deep desire, a lifetime of searching and then finding the person you were meant to be with all along.
I watched his face as he moved inside of me — every expression, every moment — until the very end when I couldn't hold out any longer and I toppled over the peak of pleasure...
…and he went with me, timing it with exquisite perfection.
Landon curled around me and held me close. He kissed my shoulders and my neck as we lay in each other's arms in the afterglow, listening to the soft rain serenade us.
I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to a soft whisper in my ear. "You are so beautiful."
"Hmmm..." I sighed as he stroked my hair in the darkness.
"Did you fall asleep?"
"No. Well...maybe for a minute."
"It's okay. Sleep as long as you want. I'll be here when you wake up."
"What time is it?"
Landon shifted to see the clock on his dash. "A little after midnight."
"I need to go home soon."
His entire body went rigid. "I don't want you to go. I'm worried about you."
"Believe me," I said, dropping soft kisses on his arms and hands. "It’ll be much worse if I don't."
“I don’t want you to go back to him.”
“You don’t have a say in that, Landon.”
“Well, I should. Especially now.”
“I’m not going home to him. But I live there.”
“What if I told you that I wouldn’t let you go back there?”
I paused and considered his words. “Well, then I would tell you that you’re no better than he is.”
“Bullshit!” Landon yelled, nearly dumping us both in the floor with his outburst. “I don’t want you to go back to him because he hurts you. It’s not the same thing and you know it.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t change what is. And I don’t want to fight with you…not after how perfect tonight has been.”
“It was perfect, Belle…except for that split lip you’re wearing.”
I withdrew instantly. “That’s just mean.”
“No, the guy who gave you that fat lip is the mean one. It’s time you learned the difference between mean and honest.”
“Landon…” I began to formulate the list of justifications I had perfected over the years.
“Don’t!” He stopped me. “Whatever you were about to say…just don’t. I just want to help you.”
"Landon, you’ve helped me more than any person in the entire world. Please, let me have this moment, hold it safe. No future. No past. Just this one moment here with you."
"Okay," he finally responded, though it was reluctant.
"You know...for being so young...you’re pretty good at all this." I rolled over to face him, our two bodies still completely naked and entwined. "Well, you gave me a lot to look forward to. I’ve had some time to think and fantasize."
"I bet you never fantasized about this...in your truck...on the side of the road."
"Actually..." He smiled and his voice trailed off. "A time or two."
"Really?"
He nodded. "You know what
, though? You broke your promise."
"What on earth are you talking about now?"
"You promised...actually you threatened, as I recall, to break me in two."
I laughed and lifted my head to kiss him. "I'm not finished with you yet."
"Promises...promises," he teased.
Feeling brave, I rolled on top of him, pinned his hands down with my own — a determined look in my eye. He grew hard beneath me. Again. I leaned down and dropped a quick kiss on his lips.
"Now you're in trouble," I said with a devilish grin.
"Whatever are you going to do with me?" he asked, laughing.
"This,” And I raised up and took him inside of me again.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, I woke with a start, glancing around quickly only to find the bed empty, as usual. I rubbed my eyes, fell back onto the pillow, and for just a moment believed it all to be a dream. Had I imagined the entire night? Making love to Landon in his truck on the side of the road?
I sat up and flipped my legs over the side of the bed. They were weak, like the muscles in them had never been used in quite the same way as they had been last night. I crossed the room and looked at myself in the mirror. My upper lip was still just a bit swollen from where Derek's elbow had smacked me but beyond that, my lips were entirely red and just a bit chapped. Chapped from...kissing.
It wasn't a dream.
It had really happened.
A huge smile broke out across my face. Weakness in my legs aside, I twirled around the room, dropped back onto my bed, landing dead center, and kicked my legs in happiness.
This was going to be the absolute best day ever.
I hurried to the shower. The sooner I was ready for work, the sooner I would get to see Landon. There was no greater incentive than that.
Landon, true to form, was waiting for me with a hot cup of coffee at the front door of the bookstore. He was also fifteen minutes early. And on this particular morning? The smile he greeted me with was much brighter than usual.
"What are you so smiley about?" I asked. Of course, I knew why my head was in the clouds this morning, but I still wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to know that he remembered it to be as spectacular as I did.
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