by Gina Shafer
One of these days I will chase her, but I have a feeling she needs her space right now as much as I do. Instead, I lie back and place my head on the pillow that still smells of her, and I try my best not to dream.
When I wake, I see nothing but darkness and a small amount of moonlight streaming in through the window. I’m disoriented, my eyes heavy with sleep. I suddenly remember I wasn’t supposed to be up here for this long. I meant to go down and watch Soren begin his training, but I must have fallen asleep. I wonder why no one came in to wake me?
I notice the silence in the room and take a deep breath, reveling in it. I feel like I haven’t had a still moment since I returned from my twenty-year sleep. Before I left, I would sit in those still moments, sipping coffee, thinking of Vara and Soren and how happy my life was in the middle of all this grief and loss. I would think of how lucky I was and sometimes, I would feel guilty. No one should be this happy, feel their life so fulfilled in a time like this. Undeserving is the word that would come to mind. How could I be worthy of all this? I would finish my cup and stand with determination that I would never take what I had for granted. I would love Vara with every bit of myself and I would spend my life making sure Soren knew how much Vara and I loved him. There were days, after getting news of a raid, that I worried I wouldn’t return. I lived in constant fear and anxiety that somehow life would find out how happy I was and come take it away.
My heart feels heavy, like it’s been tied to an anchor and thrown overboard. All that time I spent, my happiness surrounding me, reminding myself every day that it could all be taken away in a moment. And then it was.
Part of me wonders what Vara would have said if she had told me the truth about her. I wonder what I would have said. Was I so blinded by my love for her that I would have seen past it, loved her through it? I sigh, feeling nothing but regret. Regret for leaving, regret for not telling my family that I loved them more often, regret for ever loving Vara at all, regret for everything but Soren. He’s the only good that came from all this.
I stand up from my bed, throwing the sheets to the side, and set out to find Soren. He’s probably asleep, and though I should probably let him get some rest, I have this undeniable urge to go to him. I had the same feeling when he was little. I would lay him down in his bed at night and only an hour later I would be itching to sneak in just to stare at his face. I would take in his features like I was afraid they would change in the morning, like he would be suddenly older the moment I looked away. Sadness washes over me again when I realize that is exactly what happened. I didn’t get to watch his face change; I missed the moments I so desperately held on to. The quiet moments where it was just us. Where I felt a love so strong for my son that I wasn’t sure how my body could contain it.
I take the stairs two at a time, feeling energy wash over me, raw and new. My anger and bitterness for the demons takes a back seat to the tenderness I feel for my son.
The house is dark; only the soft snores coming from the four different bedrooms can be heard. I walk past Karina’s door and hear gentle music coming from inside and stop in surprise. I creak open the door, hearing the squeak in the wood, and run my eyes over Karina, curled up tightly under her blankets. My heart squeezes at the sight of her face. Maybe it could be possible to have it all again one day, to love again. I’m not sure.
I close her door softly, trying my best to not wake her. I need to find Soren. I knock lightly on his door and hear nothing come from the other side of the door. He’s probably sleeping, but as I curl my fingers around the cold brass doorknob, I hear voices coming from the open back door. Loud voices. And barking. Growling. Shouting.
What the hell?
I run to the open door and I’m met with fear… pure fear, for everyone in this house.
We aren’t prepared for this.
Demons are climbing over the fence at the far edge of the lawn. Soren and Lincoln are in the middle of the yard with Willow. When Soren sees me, I see the same terror that overtakes me explode behind his eyes. He knows how bad this is going to be.
“Dad, get everyone. Now!” he shouts and I spin around as quickly as I can and run down the hall, banging on doors as I go.
“Wake up! Grab your weapons! Demons!” I yell, over and over again. I run back to Karina’s room and throw the door open to wake her, but she’s already up, reaching for her swords, dousing them in that flammable liquid.
“How many, Elijah?” she asks quickly.
“Too many…” I answer. I turn around, running up the stairs quicker than ever before. I slide my feet into my boots and grab my gun and my dagger. As I dash out of the room, I scoop up a few extra magazine clips, shove them in my back pocket, and move like a blur back down the stairs and out of the house.
A fight ensues outside, and I’m thrown into the middle of it. Karina is on the edge, dancing with her flaming swords. Soren and Marcel are back-to-back, standing in the middle, firing flaming bullets into burned bodies one after the other. I look up and see Ted in the upstairs window perched with a rifle, picking off shadow-walkers one at a time.
A shadow-walker comes at me from behind and I spin, stabbing my dagger into its left eye and yanking the blade out as it falls to ground. Knowing that all the other Sicarri wear their tiger’s eye like it’s a part of them, I don’t worry about burning them all right away. Unless there’s an unprotected person nearby, the dead shadow-walkers aren’t going anywhere. And I’m not even sure if shadow-walkers know the magic that it takes to jump from person to person. When I look to the left I’m immediately met with more shadow-walkers. Two lunge at me at the same time and I duck down, sending them crashing into the grass. I fire one bullet into the first one to rise, but before I have time to shoot the second one, a shadow-walker grabs me from behind. I feel its body tense, and I see Karina move from the corner of my eye, removing her fiery blade from the top of its spine. It falls to the ground like a bag of water, no life left in it’s bones. The shadow-walker on the ground lunges at me again, but this time I’m ready. I rake my dagger up from its navel to its throat, jerking my hand upwards with more force when I feel my blade slow at its rib cage. Blood spits out from its throat and is thrown across my shirt. I feel the warmth of it hit my skin and shiver at the difference from cold air surrounding me.
I squint when I notice Micha exit the back door, a shotgun in his hand and Scarlett flanked at his side, her hands shaking, holding a pistol. My face falls when I realize that Scarlett doesn’t know how to fight. She is purely intel, and can’t defend herself here. Micha’s look is hard as he shoots a shadow-walker through the forehead. He’s trying to get her out of here. Willow is trailing behind Scarlett, her hackles raised; she must have sensed she was needed elsewhere.
I begin to run toward them, hoping to help them long enough to get her to safety, but I’m stopped by a shadow-walker who reaches out its long fingers and curls them around my bicep, jerking me back. I trip over my feet and fall backwards, dropping my gun to the side. I scramble to grab the pistol, but the shadow-walker kicks me backwards. I feel dizzy, but I stand and charge the piece of shit, stabbing the shadow-walker through the bottom of its chin. I can see the shine of my blade through its half-open mouth. I pick up my pistol again and when I check behind the shadow-walker, I notice that Micha and Scarlett made it out.
A roar rips through my throat, and I look to Soren. He is surrounded by shadow-walkers. They’ve made their way in between him and Marcel, but he’s still picking them off with every bullet he fires. A shadow-walker steps in front of me, his steel eyes shining in the moonlight. It wraps its long fingers around my T-shirt, ripping the sleeve in the process, but I’m too quick for it. The noise is wet and sloppy as I slash through its face with my dagger. It sinks to its knees at my feet and I lift my boot to kick it backwards into the dirt. A bullet in its chest finishes it off and its shrill scream is cut off through the gurgling of blood in its throat. I quickly glance to my left and then to my right.
There’s so dam
n many of them. How did they find us?
My eyes move to Lincoln, standing to the side of the fight. I’m surprised to see him with two small blades in his hands, pushing them through bodies of shadow-walkers as he works his way through the battle. There’s no way he tipped them off. Maybe he really is on our side.
Karina’s swords sing loudly as she swings them through the air, swiftly beheading a shadow-walker in one fell swoop. I see the bright flames igniting her face as the blades move through the air, hacking through burnt bodies left and right. Her feet are moving so sure through the grass, like this is a dance, and she’s dedicated her whole life to memorizing the steps.
I use the back of my gun to smash into the side of another shadow-walker’s head, crushing its skull in. The pieces of bone and brain splatter onto my hand, and I reach back, firing a bullet into the crevice there.
I see Xo out of the corner of my eyes holding an axe; he’s finally come to join the fight. Where was he? He motions for me to follow him when he sees me notice him. I run in his direction, firing bullets and slicing through shadow-walkers on the way.
When I reach him, he puts his hand on my shoulder.
“You have to get everyone to the next house over. Stay off the middle of the grass— only shadow-walkers in the middle. Surround them, Elijah, don’t let them move.” His face is so serious; I can only nod my head. I have no time to ask questions. A shadow-walker comes up from behind Xo, and I aim my pistol over his shoulder and shoot it in the forehead, watching as the flames spark behind its eyes.
Xo lifts the sledgehammer over his head and slams it into the fence next to us. After three hits, the fence slams to the ground. Soren’s eyes meet mine through the shadow-walkers surrounding him. He must see that we have a plan, because he nods his head and moves through the beasts around him, killing every one that gets in his way. Marcel does the same when he notices Soren is on the move. I see Ted fire off a few bullets into shadow-walkers surrounding Lincoln. When they fall to the ground next to him, Lincoln looks up and sees we’re making moves and begins to follow.
Karina is the last to move. A shadow-walker grabs one of her swords, its long nails tapping against the burning steel, ignoring the burning of its fingers. Karina’s eyes go wide when the demon grabs her by the throat and lifts her from the ground. I’m completely filled with panic. The angle they’re at makes it hard to aim, but I lift my pistol in the air and fire a bullet aimed at the back of the shadow-walker’s head. He drops Karina, and she scrambles toward me, picking up her swords in the process.
“Get to the edge of the grass, surround the fence!” I shout to everyone. We run toward the yard of the house next to us, catching a head start from the shadow-walkers. We flank the back edge of the yard, taunting the shadow-walkers. Micha runs up from the side yard, without Scarlett. I suspect he’s hidden her. At that moment I see so much of myself in him that my body goes still. He takes his place next to Lincoln on the far side, shotgun still in hand.
“Duck and cover in ten seconds,” Xo shouts to the group.
Holy shit, he’s going to blow them up.
In exactly eight seconds, the shadow-walkers are standing in front of us, ready for more blood. There are at least fifty of them, seething with anger, their steel eyes cold and angry. They pause, sensing we have a plan. I glance at Xo as he pulls a small black square from his pocket and places his thumb over the small red button on top. His lips curl up into a smile as he lifts his hand higher.
“Cover, now!” Xo shouts, and we all lurch backward, covering our heads. I hear an explosion so close behind me that I feel the heat through the soles of my boots. My ears ring from the noise, and I turn my head back to see nothing but flames. The shadow-walkers are completely taken over, burning and screeching in pain from the fire.
“Fuck you!” Xo screams as he rears back and tosses the detonator into the blaze.
“My sentiments exactly,” I say as I pull my body into a sitting position and hang my head between my knees until the ringing in my head stops.
“Is anyone injured?” Marcel asks once we all make it back into the house. As far as I can tell, everyone made it out okay with only a few minor scratches. He receives nods from most everyone in the room, all too exhausted to say much. We would have all been killed if it weren’t for Xo.
“Xo, thanks for the quick thinking. I’m not sure we would have made it out of that one without you,” I say. When I stand to shake his hand, he meets me halfway and grabs my arm.
“Salvar las vidas de muchos,” Xo says. I don’t understand what he’s saying, but the intensity of his stare tells me it means something personal, words he lives his life by.
“Spare the lives of many,” Micha says as he walks through the front door holding hands with Scarlett. Willow runs in afterward, finding Soren immediately and giving him a long lick across the cheek. He smiles and pats her on the head, her tail wagging. She must have been worried. Damn, she’s a good dog.
Xo nods his head and releases me from his hold. Spare the lives of many? He sees the question on my face.
“I will die to save lives, one or one hundred. It’s all the same to me,” Xo says, and then he walks from the room. He is a true warrior, no questions asked, and I’m damn happy to have him on our team. He isn’t looking for thanks or recognition; he just does what he does because it’s important. I take a second to appreciate that all these Sicarri come from all different walks of life, and we are all united for the same purpose. To save innocent people, afraid of their magic and afraid of demons.
This time, I turn to Scarlett.
“Are you okay?” I ask her. I can’t begin to comprehend her terror in being involved in a battle with no fighting skills, no way to defend herself.
“Yes, Willow was by my side.” She nods her head and smiles at the dog, who flaps her tail twice, the thud echoing across the wood floor. Once Willow receives her praise, she turns over and falls asleep against Soren’s feet as he lounges on the couch.
“Elijah, your shoulder is bleeding,” Karina notices.
I glance down to the side of my already wounded shoulder and notice a patch of blood leaking through the white cotton. It must have happened when that shadow-walker ripped my shirt. I didn’t feel the pain, but its long nails must have scratched through the new skin of my burn.
“Want to stitch me up again, doc?” I ask Karina. She tries to hide her smile behind her hair, but I see it anyway.
“Follow me.” She slaps her hands against her thighs and leads me into her room to fix up my injury.
“Sit on the bed,” she orders again. She’s all business right now, so I do as she says without arguing. Seeing her on the battlefield once more reminded me of how much I don’t want to get on her bad side.
I pull my shirt slowly over my head, wincing when my shoulder flexes as I move. I almost had this shoulder healed, and now it’s gone to shit again. When I lift my head to watch Karina grab random things from her bags, I’m caught off guard when I catch her staring at me. The air in the room suddenly feels thicker, like it’s more difficult for me to take in a full breath.
I’m about to open my mouth, to say… something.
I’m not even sure what would have come out of my mouth if someone hadn’t knocked on the door.
“Yeah,” I call out, and the door creaks open quickly to reveal Marcel standing at the threshold. His face is stark white and I instantly feel a shiver run through my body, one that reaches from my toes to the roots of the hair on my head. Karina crosses the room to patch up my shoulder, working with quick fingers. I know she senses the urgency in Marcel’s face and wants to finish her work to deal with the next problem.
“What happened?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his face.
“We weren’t the only ones attacked tonight. Scarlett just got word that the warehouse was attacked, by hundreds of shadow-walkers. They… We… lost so many.” His voice sounds like tires driving over rough gravel at the last word. This is utter devastation; they att
acked our largest force, and succeeded.
Fuck.
“We have to go… to help them,” Karina whispers next to me. She is taping up the last piece of gauze over the bloody patch on my arm, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. She swallows once, deep, and I can see her throat move when she does.
“Of course.” I bend my head until her eyes meet mine. “We’ll do everything we can,” I pledge.
“Soren and the others are already packing; we plan to head out soon,” Marcel adds. I should have known Soren would already be planning to help his brothers, the same ones that turned him away only days ago. His unfailing loyalty is both a blessing and a curse, I’m sure. I’m surprised he isn’t walking out the door already. Before we head out, I swipe my journal from my bed planning to read and write on the drive.
Once I’m done scribbling my thoughts, I fan the pages of my journal, searching for more entries. Karina keeps looking at me questioningly as I bury my head in these pages, reading and writing on the drive to the warehouse. When I find the one I’m looking for, I pause, running my fingers over the deep indents I scratched into the paper with my pen. The day I found out my father was killed by the demons.
My father wasn’t a bad dad. He wasn’t rough or too angry with me, he taught me to ride a bike, taught me the importance of the brotherhood, of family. He taught me a lot of things, but he never taught me how to cope with his loss, and I know that he knew it would happen soon.
Soren has been having a hard time sleeping lately. Vara has been exhausted trying to keep up with his schedule and sleeping only a few hours at a time. When my dad asked me to join him on what would be my first raid back with the brotherhood, I took one look at Vara and noticed the dark circles and bags under her eyes and declined. I told him I needed a little more time, and I planned to let Vara sleep through that night and I would handle anything Soren could throw at me.