by Noah Harris
His only consolation was that he was completely confident that no one would come looking for him. Even as a child, he’d taken to wandering through the woods in the dead of night. He craved the nights where the moon was bright, with hardly a cloud in the sky to obscure its silvery glow. Everyone close to him knew that when those perfect nights came, he would usually disappear, and wouldn’t return home until much later. He might not have been able to find Liam in time, but he took comfort in his small, solitary habit.
He could see the light of the moon reflecting off the lake through the line of trees he carefully maneuvered around. The smell of the lake was strong, filling his lungs with each soothing, deep breath he took. Everyone seemed to believe he went on his walks to think, when the exact opposite was true. It was easy for him to lose his train of thought when he walked under the boughs of the old trees. The gentle sound of the water was a rhythm he could listen to for hours, without ever worrying over the same tired mental paths he did in the light of the sun. He’d never been able to master the art of meditation that Elder Marrow had tried so desperately to teach him. Sometimes he considered telling the older werewolf about what his night time walks were like for him, but he always held back. While he suspected it was very close to the state of mind meditation was supposed to bring him, he treasured the privacy of the moment more than anything. Even Erik had never been with him on those solitary walks before; they were for Dante, and Dante alone.
The light on the water grew brighter as he pushed through the branches of the old trees. He loved the way the lake looked like a sheet of shifting onyx at night, broken only by the silver glow of the moon upon its surface. He loved how everything was shadowed, cloaked in mystery, and reliant upon the light of the moon to illuminate its mysteries. The moon was more fickle than the sun though, and it sometimes left him to figure things out on his own.
Dante smiled at the gentle mist of musings spiraling through his mind. As much as the walks cast away any anxious, worry-drenched thinking, it seemed to invite other, almost spiritual thoughts into his mind. He was never sure if he really believed all the poetic thoughts that floated into his mind, but he certainly enjoyed them. They were a part of the experience that came with his solitary strolls, as much a facet of them as the moonlight and the shadows of the woods were.
He slowly passed a large boulder near the water’s edge, running his fingers over its rough texture as he breathed in the soothing smell of the lake. A faint scent, too brief for him to immediately identify, brought him up short. His heart beat harder, and the muscles of his stomach jumped as he took another, identifying breath. He realized he wasn’t smelling much more than the lake and forest at that moment, but something was pinging at the edge of his senses, and it had only translated as a smell. It was a nearby presence, one that he could only just make out.
Realization struck him, and he smiled. “How long have you been following me?”
Liam’s voice floated out from the shadows, bemused. “How did you know I was here?”
Dante turned in the direction he knew Liam was in. “Probably the same way you knew how to find me, unless you were stalking me all the way from the hall.”
Liam appeared to take form from the shadows. “I wasn’t, but your explanation doesn’t make me feel any better.”
He probably should have been bothered that Liam still wasn’t happy about what was happening between them, but Dante felt a wash of relief instead. It might have been better if Liam had known what to do about their growing bond, but it was nice to know Dante wasn’t the only one left unsure and worried.
“I’m glad you found me,” Dante admitted.
Liam glanced away, looking bashful. “I almost didn’t come looking, but I guess I couldn’t help myself.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Dante told him with a grin.
Liam shrugged, walking in Dante’s direction. “If you want to, though I’m pretty sure I can think of some better ones.”
Dante watched him, raising a brow. “Just how long were you going to wait to tell me you were lurking?”
Liam chuckled. “I was going to tell you I was there after a few minutes, but I decided not to.”
“Why?” Dante asked.
Liam hesitated as he drew closer. “I…well, because.”
Dante’s brow inched higher. “Because? Someone’s being evasive.”
“Probably because the reason is stupid, and probably weird,” Liam said with an uncomfortable chuckle.
Dante reached out, taking Liam by the hand and drawing him closer. “I bet it’s not. Tell me.”
Liam sighed. “I was going to interrupt your walk, but then I saw your face as you were walking, so I decided not to.”
“My face?” Dante frowned in confusion.
Liam grunted, still looking uncomfortable as he tried to explain himself. “Yeah, your face. It wasn’t like I’ve seen it before. Normally you look like you’re either deep in thought, or you’re…I don’t know, happy? You either look like you’re enjoying everything going on around you, or like you’re so lost in thought that nothing could shake you out of it. But when you were walking through the woods just now, you had this…I mean, it was a thoughtful look, but it was a different kind of thoughtful. Whatever you were thinking about was making you look so peaceful and content. Dreamy even.”
Dante continued pulling Liam closer to him, smiling. “You didn’t say anything because you didn’t want to, what, interrupt me?”
Liam was up against Dante now, looking up at him with a wary expression. “Something like that.”
Dante bent, nuzzling Liam’s forehead with his cheek. “That’s sweet.”
“That’s me. Super sweet,” Liam said dryly, though he didn’t resist the affectionate gesture.
“I guess it makes sense though. I’ve always used my walks to calm down and just breathe. I always feel so peaceful when I come out here by myself and walk. Sometimes I get some weird thoughts, but most of the time they’re simply calming thoughts,” Dante explained.
Liam looked up, concerned. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. Did you want me to go?”
Dante blinked down at him. “Go? Why?”
“You just said that you go on these walks alone, and here I am interrupting you after stalking you through the woods,” Liam said.
Dante chuckled, holding Liam tighter to him. “I come out here on moonlit nights to walk and relax. Having you around me is one of the most calming things I’ve ever experienced.”
Liam relaxed at his words. “And here I was worried about making a fool of myself by sounding sentimental.”
“I think we’re kind of past that already, what with the whole True Mates bond thing and all,” Dante told him.
“I take it you’ve been doing these walks for a while, then?” Liam asked, obvious as he shifted the topic away from their bond.
“Yeah, how’d you know?” Dante asked curiously.
“Because you were missing and from what I could tell, everyone knew you weren’t around but didn’t seem bothered by it. Kinda told me they were used to you just up and disappearing on them,” Liam explained.
Dante nodded. “I’ve done it ever since I was really little, though I didn’t do it alone. The first time I did it alone was shortly after Rosa took over watching out for me. I wanted to go for a walk one night and just wandered out of the cabin without saying anything. She woke up to find me missing, and boy when she eventually found me, did she give me an earful for it.”
“Doesn’t look like she did much to stop you doing it in the future though,” Liam noted.
Dante shook his head. “She was halfway through what I’m sure was a long-winded chewing out when she demanded to know why I’d done it. When I told her the truth, she just…stopped. Took me back to the cabin and told me that from then on, I was to tell her when I was going on those walks, even if it meant waking her up. I wasn’t allowed to go too far, but as I grew older, she let me go further and further afield until finally she deci
ded I was old enough to go where I pleased.”
“She doesn’t seem like a woman who’s easily deterred when she’s fired up. You had to have told her something really good to get her off your ass,” Liam noted.
Dante shifted his grip to hold Liam tighter. “I told her the truth: that it was something I used to do when I was a kid, with my parents. On nights like this, one or both of them would take me out into the woods. They’d usually talk to me about things, but most of the time, the walks were quiet. They used to tell me that in order to understand the world, you had to see it through the light of the sun, and through the light of the moon. Whenever I was scared, because it was dark where we were, or because of a noise, they would always tell me that night was the time for mysteries. That mysteries weren’t to be feared, but to be respected. Sometimes you figured out the answer to the mystery, and other times it would always remain a secret. You just had to learn to flow with the natural rhythms of the world, even if those rhythms didn’t see fit to answer your need to understand.”
Liam whistled low. “Deep lessons for a small child.”
Dante grinned. “Maybe, but I’m also paraphrasing their lessons through the lens of adulthood. When they explained it back then, it was a lot more age appropriate than what I just said. They always made sure to explain things to me, no matter what it was. My father believed fear came from ignorance, and that understanding something helped you conquer fear.”
“Didn’t he also tell you that sometimes you had to deal with the fact that you won’t ever understand some things?” Liam asked.
Dante nodded. “I asked the same thing shortly before they…well, I asked him anyway, and he said that was the point of mysteries and understanding. You won’t always understand everything, but sometimes that was half the fun, trying to anyway. He and my mother were always big on asking questions and trying to get answers, and they were always willing to talk to me about things.”
Liam smiled softly, searching Dante’s face. “They sound amazing.”
“They were,” Dante replied sadly.
“It still hurts,” Liam said.
Dante nodded again. “I don’t think it will ever stop hurting. It just hurts differently as I get older. I had ten years with them, and they were great years. My parents were excellent strategists, and they were at the forefront of fighting with Noah’s sept back then. They sometimes left to organize the warriors, or fight with them, but they had always come back. Then one time, they just…didn’t.”
Liam had grown silent, allowing Dante to sink back into his memories. He could still remember the day Elder Marrow had come to Dante, to explain what had happened to Dante’s pack, his family. At first, Dante had been so stunned that he had grilled the poor Elder with a barrage of questions. He couldn’t say how long he stood there, demanding to know how they’d died, where they’d died, when it had happened, even down to the exact details of the battle. By the time Dante retreated, the Elder had been left standing there with a look of bewilderment that Dante would see often in his life.
“It took me so long after they died to really understand what had happened. Or at least it felt like a really long time, it was only a few days. It took until the first clear night, when I looked out the window and saw the forest lit up by the moon, for it to hit me. I got up, and decided to walk, like my parents had done with me so many times before. Rosa didn’t notice I was gone for another couple of hours, and so she didn’t see how it took me only about ten minutes to sit down on a rock and mourn my family,” Dante told Liam.
It had felt like hours as he’d sat on the large rock, his heartache growing until it burst out. When the tears had come, they came with such sudden violence it had bent him forward, huddled atop that rock as sobs wracked his body. Dante could still remember it so clearly, how painful that moment had been, but looking back, he remembered the clean feeling of having finally released his pain.
“It wasn’t the only time I mourned them like that. There were a lot of walks over the years that brought it out of me, but that was the first time. At first the walks were just a way for me to remember my parents, and to mourn them. As I got older though, the walks started being less and less about mourning, and more about honoring their memory. I still feel the wonder that they tried to encourage in me as we walked through these woods, but mostly it’s just a peaceful feeling. Sometimes it’s sad, walking through here and remembering them, but not a lot,” Dante said, breathing deep once more, this time taking in the smell of Liam with the smell of the lake and wood.
Liam was quiet as he spoke. “I bet it took a while. Losing that much can’t have been easy for a child.”
“I guess in some ways, it was hard. But, I grew up with Rosa after that. I know how she comes off, but she never once made me feel less loved or wanted than a child of her own would have felt. She was always there for me, and then Erik came into my life as well. Even Elder Marrow, in his nosy, pushy way, cares a lot about me. As much as it hurt to lose my family like that, I never grew up without love, and that makes me luckier than some people,” Dante told him, feeling warmth spreading through his body at the thought.
Liam was quiet, and Dante allowed the man time to process the story. Telling Liam the story, brief as it was, had given Dante a greater sense of peace. He thought it might have opened old wounds, but it had done the complete opposite. Telling Liam some of the darkest parts of his history had come as natural to him as breathing. He didn’t understand it, but he understood that it felt right, and that was enough for him.
“Would you like to keep walking?” Liam asked finally.
Dante peered down at him, a soft smile on his lips. “I would.”
Chapter Thirteen
They walked in silence, neither leading the other, but simply treading an unspoken, agreed upon path. Dante had imagined what it would be like to go on his regular walks with someone else, but he’d never thought it would be like it was with Liam. It had taken many months to build up the level of comfort with Erik that allowed them to share easy silences. With Liam, it had taken a matter of days, and had come so swiftly and quietly that Dante hadn’t noticed it until they’d been walking together for an hour.
Eventually, they came to a clearing in a circle of trees. Dante recognized it as one that he and Erik had run to before, when they were trying to hide from the prying eyes of the rest of the sept. It looked different in the light of the moon, but Dante liked it. The wildflowers that sprouted up randomly between the various grasses looked softer in color, less brilliant, but were no more beautiful for that seeming lack of vanity. The moon was almost completely overhead, banishing the darkest of the shadows to the edge of the trees.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in this place when the moon was like this,” Dante said, finally breaking their silence.
Liam looked around, nodding in approval. “Looks like something out of a storybook, doesn’t it?”
Dante hummed his agreement, sitting down and waiting until Liam followed suit, to continue. “Makes me think of the old stories my mom would tell. She said that a long time ago, back when humans were just a bunch of tribes, or small settlements, there was a lot more magic in the world. Places like these woods would have been a haven for creatures like the Fey.”
“What, like Elves and Fairies?” Liam asked, the corner of his mouth quirking up.
“That’s what she used to tell me. I was ready to believe it, but when she told me stories like that, she always made sure to point out that they were just stories. You can’t always tell if the stories were true or not, just that they were told often enough to be remembered,” Dante said as he grew more comfortable.
Liam seemed to instinctively lean against him. “Kinda takes the wonder out of things, doesn’t it?”
Dante shook his head. “No, she just wanted me to know. She never once told me to not believe. She and my dad never said so, but I think they really wanted me to think about the world, like, truly think about it. It had a big effect on me now th
at I look back on it. They always encouraged me to learn things, but to always question stuff too. It’s probably why I can be such a pain in the ass for the sept.”
Liam’s fingers traced Dante’s thigh and knee. “I like that about you.”
Dante laughed. “What, that I’m a pain in the ass? That’s usually the first thing people say they don’t like about me.”
“It’s not like you’re cruel or abrasive about it. You just do what you think is right for you…for the most part. You like to do your own thing, and you don’t always care what other people think about what you’re doing. Even when you’re driving people crazy because you’re questioning everything, I think it’s a good thing. Our world is filled with a lot of people who think they know everything because they were taught one way. I think it’s a good thing there are people like you, who make people question what they believe,” Liam said, squeezing Dante’s thigh.
Dante wasn’t so sure he agreed with that assessment, especially since he was allowing himself to obey the wishes of the sept without question. For all of his hardheadedness and desire for independent thought, he was still falling in line. In truth, he’d never thought to question the decision to arrange for him to be mates with Noah, not deeply anyway. Having Liam around was complicating things, but he wouldn’t send him away any more than Dante would willingly cut off his legs.
“You feel good,” Liam murmured, his hand still stroking.
Dante’s thoughts were interrupted by that seemingly benign statement. For all the emotional intimacy and sweetness shared between them that night, his body was beginning to respond to Liam’s touch. Suddenly, he was aware of just how much of Liam was pressed against him, his mind’s eye following the path of the man’s fingers.