Uschi Returns

  Roger still sensed that familiar Damoclean Sword dangling over proceedings. But, as before, his craving for breasts was bringing out a reckless side. He had quit his previous job before Uschi drove him too far, but this time he was finding himself worryingly curious to see if he could get himself sacked, an eventuality that was seeming bizarrely remote. He wondered what it would take to really drive things beyond the boundaries of what even Nina would deem acceptable, and he had a feeling that Uschi was going to actively test those limits.

  ‘Roger, you should listen to this call Louise is dealing with.’ Uschi leaned across, the heavy cleavage swaying in her low-cut black top getting Roger’s attention more readily than the sound even of his own name. He was dealing with paperwork while Uschi was monitoring calls.

  ‘What is it,’ he said to Uschi’s breasts.

  Uschi pointed at her eyes. ‘Up here Roger darling,’ she said. ‘Just plug in to Louise’s line and listen.’

  Roger put his pen down and slid the small plastic headset around his ear. A chirpy female Essex accent was talking to Louise down the phone.

  ‘Is it best to be on top or underneath when you’re doing it,’ the woman was asking.

  Roger’s ears pricked up. Uschi wagged her eyebrows at him.

  ‘Miss,’ Louise said, strained, ‘Much as I would like to help you, this is a support line for matter relating to lingerie we sell. I can’t really advise you on your… your personal matters such as these…’

  ‘Oh, but I’m getting round to that,’ said the voice. It was beginning to strike Roger as familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. ‘I want to buy one of your bras, but it’s going to make my boobs look so irresistible that my fella’s going to want to… you know…’

  ‘Put his…. his…’ Louise was sounding deeply uncomfortable. The boob-banter training so far had clearly not been enough.

  ‘His old chap between them,’ the guileless young woman said, completing Louise’s hesitant sentence.

  Roger looked up sharply. This conversation did not sound especially plausible. He suspected Uschi’s hand in this. Uschi simply gave a wide-eyed accused shrug back at him and placed an innocent hand on her upper chest.

  ‘So you don’t own the bra yet?’ said Louise.

  ‘I’ll buy it just as soon as you’ve told me the best way to go about using my boobs in the bedroom. You’d think I’d know the ropes by now with these 32F’s, but, well, I’ve always kept them covered up, and they’ve not been a feature of our lovemaking until now… You understand, don’t you?’

  ‘Uh…’

  ‘What’s your name?’

  ‘Louise.’

  ‘You got big boobs? Sorry for asking.’

  ‘Yes, 32F’s, as it happens madam. Same as yourself.’

  ‘Well, what a coincidence!’ said the increasingly familiar estuary accented voice. ‘You’re even better qualified to advise me than I thought!’

  Thirty-two F. The penny dropped. Roger knew who this was. He leaned towards Uschi and lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper. ‘Alice?’

  Uschi grinned broadly.

  ‘You’ve got Alice involved in this, too?’

  Alice had been the unwitting catalyst for the unusual relationship between Roger and Uschi. It had been obvious to Uschi that he had recruited the Essex blonde purely on the basis of her bust size, fitting a physical type that all his hires shared. Her accidental discovery of the spreadsheet where Roger documented his bra size estimates had confirmed this suspicion, and she had taken the two of them on a trip to a nearby department store to buy Alice a new bra on Roger’s corporate credit card. The sight of Alice’s juicy round F-cups with their pinprick scarlet nipples, filmed clandestinely by Uschi on her smartphone in the lingerie department fitting room, was still printed indelibly on Roger’s mind. Now here she was, having been presumably briefed by Uschi behind his back, engaging one of his new staff members in a ribald exchange on the very subject of titfucking itself! She was matching one set of girls to the other by cup size.

  ‘I’m assuming you must own some Tempest bras?’ Alice continued her pursuit of obscenity.

  ‘I do, madam,’ said Louise.

  ‘And the sight of your F-cups while wearing them must drive men crazy with desire, am I right?’

  ‘Um, yes, I suppose... ‘

  ‘And then you let them slide those stiff erections into your cleavage, correct? I just need some advice from you regarding how best to carry out this sexual act, what the best position is, that sort of thing. Please, just some pointers. Then I’ll buy not just one of your bras, I’ll buy the whole range!’

  ‘Madam, I’m going to have to end this… this conversation…’

  ‘I see. Well, you just lost yourself several hundred pounds’ worth of business.’

  The line went dead. Roger and Uschi sat in silence, and took their headsets off. The other girls were carrying on with other, less explicit telephone conversations with customers in the background, oblivious to what had just happened.

  Then Louise’s line rang again.

  ‘Tempest Lingerie, how may I support… Oh, hello Nina! Yes, this is Louise. I… oh, you were listening in to that conversation too? I can explain… you want to see me? Straight away? Yes, I’m on my way over to your office now.’ She took off her headset, sat, motionless, for a couple of moments, then stood.

  ‘Nina wants to see me,’ she said to Roger and Uschi. She looked a little sick. ‘I messed up that call pretty badly. Were you listening?’

  ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ said Roger. ‘Would you like me to go with you?’

  Louise shook her head. ‘Thanks, though.’ She headed off down the corridor towards Nina’s office.

  ‘Uschi, a word,’ said Roger, and led the way to the conference room. Uschi skipped behind him, chest rebounding with perky glee in her tight black top.

  ‘Please,’ said Roger in dull exasperation once Uschi had closed the door, ‘Please tell me that Nina knew about this beforehand.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Uschi with a knowing smile.

  ‘No games, Uschi,’ said Roger. ‘Do you realise how lucky we are to have Nina on our side? What a narrow escape that was the other day? And you’re risking abusing that trust by going behind her back yet again? And going behind my back, too?’

  ‘It was a genuine call from a real customer,’ shrugged Uschi.

  ‘We both know that was Alice,’ said Roger, teeth clenched. ‘You put her up to this.’

  Uschi sat down and sulked like a teenager, arms folded. ‘Oh all right. It was Alice. I met her for a drink the other night. She was the one who brought up the subject, I promise! I just… put the idea in her head to call. She really does want to buy some Tempest bras, and she really wants to get into titfucking.’

  ‘But no-one really phones a bra company with a query like that!’ snapped Roger. ‘Not in real life! Nina will never believe it wasn’t a setup!’

  ‘It wasn’t a setup though,’ Uschi said. ‘Plain and simple. Yes, perhaps I… influenced things… but I can deny it with a clear conscience.’

  Roger regarded her in grim silence. He knew he couldn’t trust her. But nevertheless she was the gateway to the bosomy pleasure he needed, the enabler of his addiction. And, once again, he had let himself get in too deep. All he could do was go along with things and hope for the best. His cock surged in his trousers at the sight of Uschi’s cleavage, and he hated himself for being so weak-willed.

  Louise’s familiar shapely silhouette passed by the frosted glass wall of the conference room. Her meeting with Nina had clearly been brief.

  Uschi and Roger headed out and followed her back to the pool of desks.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Roger asked her.

  Louise jumped a little, not having noticed Roger slink up behind her. She was more tense than usual. ‘Yes, fine I suppose, I just…’ she saw the nosy faces of her colleagues, eavesdropping, and took Roger to one side, lowering her voice and sta
nding very close to him. ‘Nina happened to be doing a spot check on the calls from her office. She says I cost the company a sale. I tried to argue that I’m not a salesperson, but she said that we’re all salespeople in one way or another, and I suppose she has a point. Anyway, she wants me to phone the woman back, patch things up, and… advise her.’

  ‘You seem uncomfortable at the thought, Louise,’ said Roger. The tips of Louise’s breasts, heaving with nervous rhythmic frequency, were inches from his chest. ‘Would you like to talk through it with someone? I’m sure Uschi could help you with ideas, it’s what she’s here for after all.’

  Louise looked over Roger’s shoulder at Uschi, waiting nearby, just out of earshot. ‘No, I should do this myself. I’ll do the call in private though, the privacy will help.’

  ‘Whatever you say,’ said Roger. ‘We won’t listen in.’

  Louise thanked him, put on a brave smile, then grabbed her radio headset, dialled Alice’s number which she had scribbled on a Post-It, and disappeared down the corridor to find a quiet corner of the building.

  Uschi scampered to her own desk and made for the headset with an anticipatory lick of her lips, but Roger placed a gentle hand on her arm and shook his head. ‘Leave her to it,’ he said. Uschi, chastened, agreed for once with Roger’s decision.

  The next day, Uschi told Roger that she was meeting Alice for lunch in town, and invited him to join them. It was clearly another phase of some engineered scheme, but Roger was beginning to think that plausible deniability was his best strategy. The less he knew about what Uschi was really up to, the less blame he could take when it all blew up. And it had to blow up sometime. Uschi’s luck, his own luck, couldn’t last forever. But he wasn’t about to throw away these stage-managed opportunities to ejaculate over this procession of beautiful big breasts.

  They took Uschi’s car from the industrial estate into Godalming. Alice was waiting for them outside the small café. The bubbly long-haired blonde grinned her dazzling grin when she saw them, and went in for a hug and a peck on the cheek with Roger, pressing her dense round F-cups into his ribcage. He could feel her stiff little nipples burrow into him.

  ‘Alice, so nice to see you again,’ said Roger. It certainly was. She was wearing a tight grey top and jeans, and the strap of her handbag cut deep into her cleavage, separating her orb-like breasts and rendering them beautifully distinct. If she was wearing a bra at all, it was a slight thing indeed. ‘And I’m so sorry to hear about the redundancies. Have you found something new?’

  ‘Oh, no hard feelings,’ laughed Alice, unaware of the hard feeling brewing in Roger’s trousers. ‘Even though I hadn’t been there that long it was quite a relief to be let off the hook. It was like that feeling when you take your bra off at the end of a long day. So liberating! Oops, sorry Roger, you wouldn’t know. Or perhaps you would, Uschi tells me you’re in the bra business!’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Roger. ‘Tempest Lingerie.’

  ‘Not just any bras then,’ giggled Alice. ‘The big ones! Landed on your feet there, eh Roger?’

  Roger mumbled something sheepish.

  They found a table in the corner of the café and ordered sandwiches and drinks.

  ‘So, Uschi,’ Alice said as they tucked in. ‘I tried what you said and phoned your support line. Told them I’d buy a whole load of bras. I’ve got the redundancy money, so I can afford to. But when I asked for advice about.. you know… what we talked about, they refused.’

  ‘Alice wants advice on titfucking,’ Uschi explained to Roger, maintaining the subterfuge that Roger was oblivious to this whole situation.

  ‘Uschi!’ gasped Alice. ‘Not in front of…’ She jerked a thumb at Roger.

  ‘Oh, there’s not much can shock Roger where bosoms are concerned,’ said Uschi. ‘Not now that he’s in the management of a specialist big-cup lingerie brand.’

  ‘Well maybe I should have got advice from him instead,’ Alice was joking, but Roger’s dick lurched at the notion. ‘The girl I spoke to was a right prude. At first she was, anyhow.’

  ‘Oh yes? What happened?’ Uschi enquired innocently.

  ‘She called me back a short while afterwards and gave me some tips from her own personal experience. She still sounded a bit reluctant, but I appreciated the gesture so I placed an order. Five sexy new bras should be arriving at my flat tomorrow! So excited! Haven’t had a new bra since… well, since you bought me the one I’m wearing now, Roger.’ Alice sucked at her milkshake and winked across the table.

  ‘Your boyfriend’s in for a treat, then.’ Roger chanced a risqué remark.

  ‘That’s the thing,’ said Alice, licking the white creamy drink from her pink lips. ‘I don’t have one. The bras, the… bedroom tips, they’re to help me snare the right guy. You know what it’s like, Uschi. When you’ve got big boobs you want a fella who appreciates them, so you want to show them off. No point all this lovely bouncy flesh going to waste, is there? Sorry Roger, making you uncomfortable?’

  Roger cleared his throat. ‘No, not at all, like Uschi said, this is all in a day’s work.’

  ‘So, I suppose you guys have a file on me?’ said Alice. ‘Seeing as I’m a caller and a customer?’

  ‘I imagine so,’ said Roger, ‘But there’s so many calls I don’t have the chance to read every single case.’

  ‘But there’s something you could perhaps help us with,’ said Uschi.

  ‘Sure,’ said Alice, then drained her milkshake with a powerful gurgling suck.

  ‘In my capacity as a consultant working with Roger, have to assess the call centre girls on the advice they give to the customers,’ Uschi leaned a little closer. ‘Usually we’ll hear back if there’s a problem, but in your case…’

  Alice raised her eyebrows, not following where Uschi was going with this.

  ‘In your case, we don’t know if the advice the support representative gave you on the subject of, you know…’ Uschi poked a finger in and out of her own partially exposed cleavage, ‘If the advice would actually be helpful in practice. Seeing as you don’t have a current partner.’

  ‘I could tell you what she said,’ Alice offered. ‘First, I’m supposed to take a bottle of baby oil, and…’

  ‘Not here,’ said Uschi, looking around at the young families and elderly people in the café.

  ‘Well,’ said Alice, keen to help, ‘I could find a willing partner?’

  ‘We wouldn’t want to rush you into that kind of encounter,’ said Uschi. ‘And besides, we have a man at our disposal already.’

  ‘Who’s that?’

  Uschi indicated towards Roger, looking rather embarrassed beside them.

  ‘Roger? Oh yes,’ Alice looked mildly perturbed. ‘Sorry Roger.’

  ‘So, that’s settled, then,’ said Uschi. ‘Are you free now?’

  Alice shrugged, a little shell-shocked. ‘Not like I have a job to go to. Can we do it at mine?’

  ‘Yes, certainly,’ said Uschi. ‘We’ll all drive back to your flat now. And we’ll pay you for your time, of course. We can stop off at Boots for any supplies. Roger, would you get the bill?’

  Roger reached for his wallet in speechless compliance while Uschi and Alice got their jackets, chatting amongst themselves.

  ‘Nina, it’s Roger.’ Roger raised his voice into his mobile phone above the sound of Uschi’s car as it headed through suburbia. ‘Uschi and I have headed out on some impromptu field research. Back this afternoon. Yes, thanks. See you then.’

  ‘All good?’ asked Uschi.

  ‘All good.’ Roger stowed phone in suit pocket.

  ‘Was that Nina Bridges on the phone?’ asked Alice from the back seat. ‘The Nina Bridges?’

  ‘It was indeed,’ said Roger.

  ‘Wow,’ said Alice, starstruck. ‘She’s such an inspiration. A real big-boob role model.’

  It always surprised Roger how renowned his employer was in well-endowed female circles. She had helped a lot of top-heavy women feel proud of their assets,
even empowered by them. Big breasts were a potent thing, as Roger knew all too well.

  ‘It’s just up here on the right,’ said Alice, indicating a small block of ex-housing authority flats.

  Uschi parked, and they followed Alice into the building and up the concrete steps along the walkway to her front door.

  ‘Anyone in?’ called Alice as she led her two former colleagues inside the shabby apartment. ‘Looks like we’re alone. My flatmates Danielle and Joanna are out at work. That said, we should probably do it in my bedroom in case someone comes home early.’

  Roger felt by this point as though he were in a dream, a preposterous yet horny wet dream. He should have ceased to be amazed by now, given Uschi’s consistent Midas touch with her fellow bosomy young beauties, but it came as a surprise every time. Here he was being led into the bedroom of a buxom blonde he had mere months previously given a job purely for the ulterior motive of ogling her across the office, and now she was about to demonstrate titfucking advice on him that had been imparted to her by another buxom blonde who also worked for him. And this time it was all legitimate—more or less, anyhow. He wished that he could take Uschi anywhere, and found himself dreading the moment when either her consulting contract expired or the lingerie regulator put an end to all of this. Whichever came first, he would first and foremost miss his accomplice’s ability to give his cock access to any cleavage he desired. And, despite his endless frustrations with her methods, he would miss Uschi herself, the drop-dead gorgeous sex-bomb who seemed to love the act of titfucking more than he did, even if he were enacting it upon a pair of tits other than her own.

  ‘Let me find my notes,’ said Alice, kicking her heels into the corner of her wildly untidy bedroom and rummaged through the piled up contents of her bedside table while Roger and Uschi stood patiently by the chest of drawers. Uschi closed the bedroom door gently behind them.

  ‘You should get undressed,’ said Uschi.

  Roger fumbled with belt and suit trousers.