by Adler
The nagging questions that I have are eating away at me and I don’t want to repeat history by sweeping it under the rug and forcing it to be something I can live with. No, I need to stand up for myself and what I need for a change. If I don’t learn how to do this now, I will never get the happiness I desire. I sigh, wishing Simone’s voice wasn’t nagging me at the back of my mind. She’s always my devil’s advocate or maybe more my voice of reason. Her philosophy is that if it doesn’t work for her, she moves on no matter if it’s a relationship or a professional situation. Maybe I should take her example.
I pull my Jeep into the driveway of my parents’ house. Good, it looks like they’re at the gallery. I welcome the time to collect myself and decompress before they assault me with their barrage of questions. I grab my overnight bag and head into the house. I let myself in with the spare key that’s kept in the fake snail in the planter by the front door. Not very discreet, I think to myself. The house is always so welcoming and feels safe to me right now. It’s just the rest and relaxation that I need. I head to my room and deposit my bag on the floor. True to form, mom has left a note and care package of wine, chocolate, and lavender-vanilla bath oil for me.
Baby Girl,
Completely forgot we have an opening tonight at the gallery. Stop by if you’re in the mood, otherwise don’t wait up for us and will catch up in the morning. Enjoy the treats and help yourself to anything in the kitchen.
Love,
Mom
She’s so amazing. I don’t know how I would have gotten past the last year if it hadn’t been for their unconditional support. I am truly blessed. If only I could have their kind of love for one another in my own life. I would have everything I ever wanted.
I hear my phone buzzing in my bag. I pull it out and as if she has telepathy, it’s my mom calling.
“Hi mom, just got here.”
“Oh good, baby girl, just calling to make sure you were okay. Your dad wants to know if you will be stopping by the gallery tonight?”
“Geeze mom, I don’t know yet. If not tonight, maybe I’ll go with you in the morning and check things out. I don’t know how social I’ll be feeling tonight.”
“Okay, sweetie, just text me if you’re going to head over. Kiss kiss.” She makes a smooching noise with her mouth.
“Bye mom.” She sure knows how to put a smile on my face.
I turn to go about unpacking my bag when my phone buzzes again. This time it’s a text. I pick it up and see it’s from Simone. She must have been typing rapid fire as four new messages just came in.
3:43 PM
Clarke
OMG!! Have you been on Twitter lately? You may or may not want to, depending on your mood today.
Um no, I have not seen Twitter; I have been driving.
3:43 PM
Clarke
I am so sorry honey! I know you are super hung up on him. Hope it is not true!!
Hope what is not true???
3:44 PM
Clarke
Maybe you should just call me.
3:45 PM
Clarke
Wait, do you even use Twitter?
Oh for crying out loud Clarke, I hate it when you do this. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I’m hoping it’s nothing. I don’t think I can take one more thing right now.
I dial Simone’s number and she instantly picks up.
“Danners, holy shit! Did you see that Harrison has announced his engagement to Marion Devereaux?” She blurts out without taking a breath.
I feel a sickening thud in my stomach. I almost drop the phone as my blood drains from my face.
“Wha… What? That’s impossible!” My heart is pounding in my throat.
“I just read it on Twitter and then I looked it up to confirm it on Global Next and it said that unknown sources confirmed that a union between the Towers and Devereaux families in Montreal has been announced.” She continues, “It says that it will be officially announced later today in a formal press release. I’m guessing since Montreal is like three hours ahead that something official has been released by now.”
I collapse to the floor. My breathing is shallow and raspy. I sit there in stunned silence and I momentarily forget that I’m on the phone.
“Danners?” Her voice brings me back to the moment.
“I refuse to believe that Harrison would get engaged without telling me personally. He just told me two days ago that he’s not into Marion Devereaux. We just made love before he left to Montreal Monday night. Not only that, as far as he knows, I’m staying at his penthouse. That is not someone that decides to get engaged to another woman. No! Besides all that, he’s commitment phobic after his last fiancé passed away.” I know I sound like I am grasping at straws now.
“No, something is not right here.” The tears begin to flow freely and I continue to feel short of breath.
She sighs. “I’m so sorry honey. I hope this is a prank or something. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt by some selfish mogul. Where are you anyway? Do you have someone you can be with until I get back?”
I’m trying to keep my composure and not fall completely apart on the phone. I barely choke out that I’m at my parent’s house and that I will need to talk to Harrison first before I react to any of it.
“Okay, well I am stuck here until Monday with sketchy phone reception. Let’s try to keep in touch over the weekend and I will cross my fingers for you, okay hun?”
I think I need more than fingers crossed at this point.
I attempt to take a deep calming breath, but instead it feels jagged. “Thanks Clarke, I have to go, I need to reach Harrison. There has to be more to this and I don’t want to react until I know what the truth is.” The tears continue to spill down my face.
“Danners, please let me know what happens. I’ll be dying over here! I luv ya honey!”
I mumble acknowledgement into the phone and then hang up.
I’m still collapsed on the floor when I hit send to call Harrison. Please pick up, please pick up I repeat over and over in my head. Damn it, I get his voicemail. I leave a quick message telling him to call me back immediately. I follow that up by sending a text of the same message.
I struggle to a standing position again. My legs feel like jelly and I seriously feel like I might get sick. My stomach is churning and I have bile in my throat. The thought of Harrison with another woman makes my head spin. I can’t bear the thought of some other woman’s hands on his body or having his children someday. Dear God, I think I’m becoming hysterical. I’m getting way ahead of myself. The room is spinning out of control and my thoughts have gone wild. While the image of that woman walking down the aisle with Harrison is stuck in my head, I quickly grab my windbreaker jacket and head outside for a walk on the beach. Hoping it will clear my head. I forget my shoes, but it doesn’t matter, I like the feeling of sand on my toes anyway.
Despite the cold drizzle, it feels really good to be outside walking along the shore. My toes feel numb from the cool wet sand. I raise my face to feel the salty mist cover my skin. I take a deep cleansing breath and feel my lungs fill with fresh clean air. I can’t get those grotesque thoughts of him with her out of my head and I still feel like I’m going to get sick, so I find a driftwood log and sit down. I watch the seagulls fight over some poor beached sea creature. It’s so savage; the irony is not lost on me. In a lot of ways, I feel like that little sea creature right now. I’m being pulled in different directions and my fate is yet to be determined. My tears feel hot on my cool salt covered face. I swipe them away with my hand, but they continue to flow so it’s fruitless. I can’t seem to catch my breath. My nerves have gotten the better of me. Waiting for his call is torturing me as my mind races, thinking of all the possible explanations. My mind then settles on the news clipping I received yesterday. Of course, that was foreshadowing of today’s announcement. My god, I fear the truth.
I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out to see that it
’s Harrison. I feel a cold wave of dread overtake my entire body and penetrate my soul.
“Hello?”
“Hi Danielle, I guess you have heard. I wanted to get to you first but…”
I gasp for air as the tears begin to gush out of my eyes and cascade down my face.
I barely whisper, “It’s true then?”
“It is complicated, Danielle and unexpected.” He sounds withdrawn and distant toward me.
I choke on my own tears and clear my throat.
“What do you mean exactly, that it’s complicated? Are you or are you not engaged to Marion Devereaux?” I feel the pulse in my neck pounding and my breathing has now increased to a pant.
“Danielle, the short end of it is no, I am not marrying her, however, for all intents and purposes I am engaged to her. As I said, it is complicated and I need you to trust me. I can’t tell you anything else about it right now. ”
What the fuck? I’m supposed to trust him? Oh no way. Enough is enough, so I let him have it.
“I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel better that you’re engaged to her, but you have no plans to actually marry her? How is that grounds for trusting you? You need to do better than that! Why did you tell me she means nothing to you? Why did you insist that I stay in your penthouse while you were gone? And, why did you fuck my brains out right before you hopped on a plane with her?” I scream into the phone.
“I am not in a position to tell you the details surrounding my engagement. Just know that I am not marrying her and at the end of all of this, the truth will come out and all will be crystal clear at that time.” He sounds like he rehearsed that. Something just does not jive here.
The tears start flowing heavily from my sheer frustration and despair. I’m trying to disguise my heaving and sobbing by holding the phone away from my mouth. I collect my breath.
“Damn it Harrison, you are cold and callous. You must think I’m just someone you can play with and then throw away when you’re done, I-”
He interrupts. I stand up and start pacing a path into the compacted wet sand. I have my hair twisted around my fingers so tight it’s cutting off circulation.
“Whoa, Danielle, I have been nothing but honest with you about what I wanted from our arrangement. I never promised anything further. “
“Arrangement? That’s what you call it? Have you have been just using me for your own entertainment until you landed Marion?” I once again scream into the phone.
“Oh no, don’t you get this mixed up with your ex-husband, Danielle. I have feelings for you. I just cannot act on them right now. I am asking you to trust me until this is over.”
He has feelings for me. That’s the first I’ve heard of any feelings other than how his body feels, which has always been rather evident. I think for a second and attempt again to dry my eyes.
I try to calm down, “Harrison, if you want me to trust you, then you need to tell me the truth about EVERYTHING. I need questions answered now, truthfully.”
He doesn’t answer right away.
In a cold and ominous hushed voice, “The truth is a dangerous game, Danielle.”
What the fuck kind of answer is that?
A second later, I get a beep and I hold the phone so I can see whom it’s from; it’s Unknown Caller, again.
That’s it, I’m done. I’m sick of being stalked by this phantom caller, I’m done with my home being invaded and having the feeling of being followed. And I’m done with feeling like I’m only entitled to half a relationship. With that, I hurl my phone as far and as hard as I can into the cold salty Pacific Ocean. With a splash that alerts the ravenous seagulls, my phone is gone.
Void of emotion, I say, “Goodbye Unknown Caller. Goodbye Harrison.”
Glass Towers-Shattered
Book Two
Chapter One
Goodbye unknown caller. Goodbye Harrison.
“Danielle… Danielle?”
All he hears is a beeping and then a voice says, “Call failed.”
“Damn it!”
After throwing my phone in the ocean, I sit back on the log and have the biggest cry I have had since my dog, Barney, died when I was nine. After sobbing uncontrollably for at least the better part of an hour, I stagger back to the house. I have a lump in my throat and need a glass of water. I take the glass back to my room. I undress and take a quick steaming hot shower. I then crawl into bed and sob myself to sleep. I sleep straight through my crazy parents coming home and through Stormy jumping into bed with me. I awake the next morning and am disoriented. For one brief second, I have forgotten all of the previous day and the end of Harrison and me. When my mind snaps on, the despair sets in and then the tears return. I don’t notice that Stormy is in bed with me until I feel her snout nuzzling my head. I reach up to pet her and find a brief moment of solace. Then the guttural sobs ensue. My mom must have heard me from the kitchen. She knocks lightly and then pops her head in the door. One look at me and she comes rushing forward while yelling for my dad to get in here.
With my parent’s shoulders to cry on and several days of them pampering and waiting on me hand and foot, I feel stable enough to return to Portland and to my condo. I leave early in the morning and arrive before lunchtime. Once inside my condo, I look around nervously to assure myself that nothing has been disturbed. Once I feel comfortable enough, I proceed to sit down to my laptop and catch up on emails. I will need to head to the mobile store at some point today to replace my damned phone. It feels weird not having a phone. I had to use my mom’s phone to contact Simone and let her know my whereabouts. I used their computer to make sure there weren’t any urgent business matters to tend to. Other than that, I had shut myself off from the world. From Harrison.
I open my personal email and notice there are dozens of emails from Harrison. I just can’t bring myself to open them presently, so I decide to just leave them for the moment. Maybe later I will look at them. Or maybe later I will just delete them.
I do notice one from Simone that intrigues me. The subject says: Brace yourself. So I do. I open the email and scan over it. It is a confirmation of what I have already had confirmed by Harrison himself a week ago. Attached to the email is a copy of the official press release. I don’t read the whole thing, but it just states that Harrison is indeed engaged to the Wine Witch and though the date has not yet been set, it is expected to happen by the New Year. The Towers and Devereauxs are thrilled to bring the two families together. I feel a bitterness forming in the back of my throat. Why couldn’t Harrison have been honest with me? It sickens me further to think that I have completely fallen for him. I can’t help but to wonder what the hell that charade was at the winery. If he was planning this the entire time, why would he flaunt me in front of her and the entire world at the gala? There is so much that doesn’t make sense, but at the end of it, he is due to marry her by the end of the year. Well, he isn’t one for long time frames, that’s for sure.
I feel the tears threatening and I take a deep breath and respond to Clarke to let her know that I don’t want her to forward anything else. It hurts too much and it’s insensitive. I also let her know that I will message her later in the day when I have a new phone number. I log out of my personal email and start to log in to my business email, when, despite my best efforts to stifle it, I start weeping uncontrollably, shuddering at the thought that Harrison has gone from my life. I’m not sure what I have to live for. My business has lost its excitement for me, I have no one but my parents, and Simone, and none of them are here in town to prop me up. I feel so alone and empty. How could I have allowed myself to let my guard down? I chastise myself. If there was this long-standing situation between Harrison and Wine Witch’s families, then I never stood a chance. I stop sobbing, wipe my eyes and blow my nose before I moved my attention back to the task of checking my overflowing business inbox.
I scroll down and yet another email catches my eye. It’s from Harrison’s personal assistant, Hilary. The subject: Appointment Con
firmation. I open it. I scan the email and gasp. Oh no! They’re still expecting me to execute the decorating for the new space that HQ is moving into in just a few days. No way! I will not do this job. The pit in my stomach is growing to the size of a watermelon! I send Hilary a message explaining that it would be best if they find a more suitable designer for the job. I hit send, get up from my chair and walk over to the fridge. I pull out a bottle of wine and don’t even stop to notice what kind. I grab a water glass off the counter, pour the contents into the sink and replace it with a generous helping of the wine. I take a large swig of it, wishing it was something stiffer. After a couple more sips, I feel a little calmer. I lay down on my sofa and before I know it, I have fallen into a deep but disturbed sleep. I dream that I am running on the beach and someone is following me, but every time I look back, all I can see is an outlined shape. The shape has no face or features to use to make out who is pursuing me. Just as a dark hand reaches out to grab me, I wake with a start. I wipe the drool off my chin and sit up. I notice an envelope dancing across my screen. Yeah, yeah, I’ve got mail. I open my computer and find a few recent emails from my new clients in Lake Oswego, it appears they are thrilled with my suggestions and are ready to move forward. Well, that’s a piece of good news, a distraction. I look at the next email down and it is a response from Hilary. I suck in my breath and open the email.
From: Hilary Durand
To: Danielle Austen
Sent: Mon, Sept.26, 2011 1:23 PM
Subject: Appointment Confirmation
Ms. Austen,
Thank you for your prompt response. I shared your email with Mr. Towers and he respectfully declines your resignation from this project. He feels that you are the best designer for this job. He also indicated that since our move is scheduled for next week it would be nearly impossible to find a suitable replacement. He is expecting you Wednesday at 10:00 AM at the Rogue Towers Suite to cover final preparations.