Not that it mattered. Being conscious had brightened my vision, not my thoughts.
I looked around anyway. I was in a typical hospital bed. Typical white hospital walls. Typical IV-thingie hooked up to my arm.
Pull it, a dark, painful corner of my mind whispered immediately. Rid your family of the burden you've become.
I looked at the cord.
“You're awake!” A voice to my right said. I turned my head and saw the haggard form of my mother.
She was aging, I finally realized. She had a young face for her age, not that she was even in her late forties yet, but for the first time I had noticed the lines that had begun to form. Dad's suicide and everything else had been hard on her. My face flushed with shame. Leaving her and my sister would not relieve them of a burden. It would only add more lines to my mother's face. More crying into my sister's pillow.
“Mom,” I said, turning my head from her. “I lost it. I'm sorry.”
“Hush dear,” My mother said, leaning forward and grabbing my hand. “I lost it too. I should have believed you.”
I turned my head to look back at her.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean all of it,” she gave a sad, but grateful, smile. “The bullying. The hazing. The gaming. The testing. Instead I pushed you and pushed you, and when you had done everything right I pushed you more, until you finally broke.” Her lip trembled for a moment. “You suffered for it, and I'm so sorry.”
I swallowed. I didn't know what to say.
“Thank you,” I finally settled on, then tried to change the subject. “Uh... What happened after I knocked out?”
“I called the ambulance,” Mother said simply. “But you probably figured that. Then I called the school and heard that you got into it with Mr. Jammers. I had trouble believing you were at fault with that, so I called Davelon -he's coming to see you later too- and found out that you were attacked, and that was why your helmet was dented in the back. Christ, Wes, I can't believe you didn't say anything about it. And you still tried to take the test.”
“I knew they wouldn't let me retake it,” I said uncomfortably. I realized it hadn't mattered in the end, but I was really tired of defending that decision.
“And normally I would have said you were being irrational. Davelon told me he said the same thing until he heard Mr. Jammers with his own ears.” Mom's eyes narrowed. “So after what happened today, with you getting attacked in the middle of the hallway, with no one protecting you or at least disciplining the attackers, for lying to me about the whole thing and trying to cover it up-by pinning the blame on you, of all things- I'm going to call a lawyer, then go to the papers and tell about what the school did. Those cretins could have killed you, never mind the scholarship. You better believe I'm suing the school for every penny they have and letting everyone know why I'm doing it.”
“But I would have failed the tests anyway.” I offered, not sure why I was arguing. “The testers said I failed all three subjects.”
“The testers were wrong, and called me earlier explaining their mistake. Apparently they confused your test with someone else- I don't know who, but they only admitted to it after I started screaming about what had happened to you today.” Mother gave another sad smile. “But I got an idea of what your results probably were from your teachers. You excelled on your English test- both portions, the teacher loved your essay and wants to post it online- you barely passed Math, and you failed Science, like you said. I'm sorry,” She added, still sounding sad, but proud. “I know you're not satisfied, but it's the best you've ever done. I'm proud of you honey. I really am.”
I turned my head away from her again. “Still lost the scholarship,” I muttered.
“And that's the school's fault,” Mother snarled. “If they don't make another exception for you, I'm going to make sure we get every penny out of them for it no matter how long it takes me. I promise you that honey.”
I wasn't sure that would still work out, but I'm glad Mom was optimistic.
And I was glad I had her on my side.
There was a knock on the door.
“Mom?” My sister's voice called through the door. “Is he awake now?”
“Yes honey. He just woke up. Come on in.”
A slender and beautiful girl several years younger than me walked in. Her hair was a darker red than mine, cut very short, and she wore a black jacket and black skirt. She looked mad.
“You better be okay, because you fell again and didn't tell anybody. Again,” Rachel said, her eyes practically stabbed at me as she spoke.
I sighed.
“Now that you understand, Mom, can you answer her? So that I can catch a break?”
“Wes was attacked at school, dear. And when the school found out, they wouldn't let him reschedule the test or get help.”
My sister stared at my mother with her mouth open for a moment, then closed it.
“Mr. Jammers again?” She finally asked. I nodded.
“Figures,” She said, taking a small notebook out of her jacket and flipping it open to a page with a lot of writing on it. The top of the page had the title “Punch List.” She took out a pencil, erased a name that had a line drawn through it, then rewrote the same name.
“This is still how you write his name, right?” She asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, sis, but you can't punch a teacher.”
“I respectfully disagree with your hypothesis, but will test it for you anyway,” she said loftily.
“No, really,” I said, a little concerned that my sister had a list like that, and that I hadn't noticed before. “You can't just a punch a teacher. Even one like Mr. Jammers. You'd get expelled.”
My sister gave me that pained, patient look, the one she started using back in 6th grade, then held out her hand and slowly began to count.
“One, I usually don't physically punch a person on my list, and if I do decide to I'm not going to just punch them, so that entire first sentence is wrong. Two, it's Mr. Jammers. No matter how good his lawyer is, there are too many other lawyers in this town that would be willing to help me counter-sue him for free. You have no idea. Finally, expulsion? Really?” she snorted. “If Mom still has me enrolled in this school next year, I'm running away to go find a school on some other planet, where people are more normal and less douchey.”
“That's fine dear,” Mother said. “By the time I'm done suing the school, you'll have enough money to study wherever you want.”
“Really?” My sister's eyes widened. “That's great! Our school's super-rich! And you can probably sue the football program too!” My sister turned to another page and started scribbling something else.
“Sis,” I warned. “I can't remember for a fact whether a football player hit me or not.”
My sister snorted again.
“Gonna need you to say that online,” she said, still scribbling. “I'm pretty sure there's a website where I can bet money that it was the football team, and make a lot of easy cash. Then you can use it to buy me and Mom a new car. And yes it has to be you buying,” my sister added, waving the pencil. “Studies still show that guys get better deals from car salesmen. You're the man in the house now. It's your job.”
I grinned at her.
“Can I get out of the hospital first?” I asked playfully. “And how did you get here without a car? Did Mom drive you?”
“Nope,” She answered, still scribbling. “Himari and Andre did. Oh right,” she suddenly looked up. She walked over to the door and stuck her head out. “Hey guys! He's up!”
Apparently my room really was that close to the waiting area, because Himari and Andre came right around the corner. Himari and Andre were two international students from Japan and Mexico, respectively, that came over for seventh grade, and then wound up staying when their families moved over. People in our town welcomed them at first. But when it became known that they liked anime and black clothing, they had a hard time finding people to get to know, despite the fact t
hat they both spoke English pretty well. But their cultures seemed fascinating to me, and I figured they deserved a chance as much as anyone else, so I tried to show them around at school. A lot of the other kids still stayed at arm's length around them, but they really hit it off with the drama team and my sister. Since they were closer to my sister's age than me, they wound up hanging out with her more, but they somehow started idolizing me like she did, even after my accident and the family's drama. I've never understood that, but I've always appreciated their friendship.
“Hey man,” Andre said as they both walked in. “Heard you had a bad day.”
I flushed for a moment, then I realized he wasn't talking me losing it at home; he was talking about everything else that happened.
“Yeah, well,” I tried to smile. “They come and go.”
“Well if you need anyone beaten up,” Andre began with a light tone. “...Himari knows karate.”
“I do not,” Himari said, punching him in the shoulder. “And you pronounced it wrong.” She turned back to look at me, eyes worried
“Nii-san, are you really alright?” She asked me.
“Why are you calling him nii-san?” Andre whispered. “You don't hear me calling him 'mano.”
She ignored him and waited for my answer.
“Yeah, Himari, I'm fine,” I said, still smiling. “Thanks for asking. And thanks for coming, both of you. And bringing my sister.”
“No sweat man,” Andre said. “I mean, de nada.”
Himari rolled her eyes at him. “We just wanted to make sure you were alright, Wesley. We were worried about you.”
“Seriously man,” Andre added, his eyes darkening. “You need anyone beaten up?”
I shook my head, but my sister saved me from answering.
“Too late,” she said. “Mom's suing everybody responsible. This way you and I don't go to jail for beating anyone up, and we all get rich instead. So this time I can drive you guys in my car instead.”
“Well alright,” Andre said. “But you have buy Wes some new shoes first, okay? His went out of style like five years ago.”
“Oh I know,” Rachel responded, rolling her eyes. “ You wouldn't believe how hard he's holding onto those old things.”
“I can't help it that they're so comfortable,” I replied, then continued. “Don't worry guys. I'm not dying. I'll get out of here, and I'll see if I can figure out school after all of this.”
I had no idea as to what that looked like. But I wasn't ready to tell anyone that yet.
And they weren't ready to hear it either.
“Well, we're not really worried, mano,” Andre said. “You've always come out on top. We just wanted to be able to see you before the game this weekend. That's still on, right?”
As I said, Himari and Andre mostly hung out with my sister, but I still came to their role-playing table-top games. Aside from electronic media, it was about the only thing I could do with people that didn't hurt.
That was another thing, something else I could share with people, I'd lose it if I quit on life.
“Yeah, guys. As long as the doctor clears me, I'm in.”
Himari smiled.
“That's good, nii-san. We need our paladin back.”
I smiled back at them all- Mom, Rachel, Andre and Himari.
I decided then and there.
I didn't know what there was left for me.
But I wasn’t giving up.
Not today.
Chapter 7: Light at the End
They cleared me to go home later that day. They said my head injury exacerbated my condition, and then they threw a bunch of other medical mumbo jumbo at me that I couldn't understand no matter how many times Mom and I asked them to clarify. But since they had done a better job on me than any other doctor we visited, and were the only doctors our insurance covered anyway, we settled for just smiling and crossing our fingers that they were somehow on top of things and went home.
I went straight to bed.
And when I woke up, I knew I really hadn't.
I keep my room pitch-black at night, because any light at all will wake me up. I cover my cell phone screen with a baseball cap. I keep heavy blinds over my window. Even my alarm clock has a thin screen I pull over it.
So when something bright from the window brought me to grouchy awareness, I knew in a second that something was wrong.
At first I thought the blinds had moved, or fallen. I always mess with them to try and block more light. When I felt the light hit my face, I figured they had slipped a little and that I needed to get up and adjust them again. But they hadn't slipped, or fallen.
They were wide open. So was the window.
And as groggy as I was, I knew I would never have forgotten to close either them or the window. I blinked rapidly, trying to adjust from all the starlight streaming in from outside. It shouldn't be this bright. Was there a moon outside?
Then I finally processed that if my window was open, then someone other than me had opened it.
But who had done that?
The outside of my window was directly over some heavy shrubbery. If a burglar was still outside I should be able to hear branches crack as he tried to hide. And if he had already gotten inside the papers off my desk should have been disturbed.
As I tried to process this, I heard a sound from the hallway by my door. Finally thinking I was in some kind of overly-lucid dream, I took a step toward the hall, grabbing my cane as I walked past it. At that point I wasn't sure if it was for assistance or defense.
I stepped carefully past my door into the hallway, following the thin beam of light that came from my room's window. The beam continued down the hall, turning around the corner to the living room- something the back of my mind insisted was impossible. The rest of me was too curious to ignore it, however, and so I crept into the same room I had tried to destroy my gaming harness in. Despite the presence of the beam, this room was much darker, but I could still make out much of what was in it, including my gaming harness. The sturdy headpiece was lying right where I left it, still undamaged from my recent foray into self-destruction.
The beam of moonlight led near, but not over, my harness, touching the center of the far wall, somehow darkening as it got closer until completely disappeared at the wall. Despite that, I could still make out a small shape next to my harness. My mind's back-alley portion started screaming again, reminding me that I hadn't left anything else in this room and neither did anyone else.
There shouldn't be anything at all next to my harness.
Nevertheless, still believing this was a dream and having no reason to think otherwise, I walked over to get a better view of the small dark shape next to my gaming set. It was a small, dark handle to a larger object, the grip to a weapon or something, worn with age and missing the rest of whatever it was connected to.
It was the handle I had looted of the Canyon Dragon in Heroes Unbound, the video game. A virtual item was lying in my living room carpet.
The back of my mind went silent in shock and disbelief.
Now I was beginning to wonder if this was more delusion then mere dream. If I wake up anywhere other than my bed I'm changing my medication I remember thinking. But I still carefully bent down and picked up the handle. The back of my mind quietly pointed out that kneeling like this usually hurt and made me dizzy. For a brief moment the handle felt warm, tingling my hands, then in a blink it went cold, like a normal piece of metal, or wood or leather or whatever medieval-fantasy handles are usually made of. But the beam of light suddenly brightened, and when I looked up I saw the beam crawling up to the middle of the wall and ending in a small dot.
I looked down and realized that the circumference of the handle matched the circumference of the glowing moon-dot.
My other hand let the cane clatter to the floor. Completely yielding to the weirdness of it all, I stepped carefully to the wall and ground the rod-shaped handle into the dot on the wall. The wall around the dot brightened, widening into a d
oor-shaped rectangle, then completely filling out my vision.
I blinked from the brightness, and when I opened my eyes again I was no longer in my living room. There were no walls and there was no ceiling. My floor had become damp grass, my living room had become fog and tall trees. My roof was now a black expanse filled with small jeweled lights.
I was in some kind of strange, beautiful, mist-covered forest.
And someone was crying.
I couldn't see her. But it sounded like a young woman my age. I heard shushing sounds next to her, as if two other people were trying to comfort her.
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