by Cairo
I think, try to remember the last time I gave a ho this dick naked. My mind drifts back to the days down in my boy Red’s basement and all the bitches we fucked raw and how good that shit was. Then LaTonya’s nasty, skank-ass flashes in my head and a nigga frowns. She was the last bitch to get it naked, and the first—and last—bitch to give me an STD. “Nah, I’m good,” I say. “Broads can’t be trusted; when that pussy gets hot, they’ll get straight nasty wit’ it to make that thing pop.”
“That’s not true. All women aren’t like that. At least I’m not.”
“Well, okay, most of ’em, then.”
“Don’t you ever think about being with one woman?”
I sigh. Didn’t we already go over this the last time I was out there? What the fuck?! See. This is the shit I don’t like ’bout bitches. They wanna ask a muhfucka the same muthafuckin’ questions they done already asked, like the fuckin’ answer’s gonna change. “Nah, I don’t. Why?”
“I’m curious; that’s all. I asked you before, but you never gave me a straight answer.”
“I didn’t give you a straight answer ’bout what?”
“About how many women you’re sleeping with.”
I roll my eyes, shakin’ my head. “I thought I did.”
“I’m sure in your mind you thought you did.”
“I told you I had a few friends wettin’ this dick. How was that not answerin’ ya question?”
“Hmmph, okay. Well, now I want to know how many women did you sleep with last year?”
I frown. What the fuck is up wit’ her today? How the fuck I know? I don’ keep count. “I don’t know; a few.”
“A few like in three, or in five?”
I see she’s not gonna let this shit go ’til I give her what she wants. I take another long pull off my blunt. Hold it in my lungs, then slowly blow it out. For some reason, I close my eyes and start countin’ in my head. Cherry, one…Ramona, two…Electra, three… Akina, four…Falani, five…Lydia, six…Sherria, seven…Maleeka, eight…Crystal, nine…Vita, ten…Stephanie, eleven…Keisha, twelve… Lahney, thirteen…Tameka, fourteen…Ramona, fifteen…Nicole, sixteen… Carla, seventeen…Naomi…eighteen…Shalonda, nineteen… Damn, only nineteen. Fuck! I need to do better in oh-nine.
“If I told you fifty, would that change anything?”
“No, not at all. Like I said, I’m only curious.”
“Oh, aiight.”
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
She sucks her teeth. “Did you sleep with fifty women last year, or not?”
“Not.”
“Well, how many then?”
“Let’s just say over ten,” I tell her, decidin’ she doesn’t need to know the exact number.
“And out of all of those you’ve slept with, were there any who you considered being exclusive with?” I tell her no. Ask her why. “Do you think you might be addicted to sex?”
“Hell no, baby,” I say, laughin’. “Sex is addicted to me. It won’t leave me the fuck alone. E’ery time I turn ’round, it’s yankin’ my damn dick.”
She laughs. “OhmyGod, you’re a hot mess. But seriously, do you think you might be?”
“Nah, I’m not. Pussy isn’t the only thing I think ’bout. It’s one of the things, but not the only thing.”
“Okay, then answer me this. What’s the longest you’ve gone without having sex? And that includes getting head.”
Damn! Is this broad serious? Okay, okay, she got me. I love to fuck and be sucked. Does that make me some kinda addict? Hell no. I ain’t consumed by the shit, feel me? I try to remember the longest I’ve gone wit’out gettin’ this dick wet. “Does masturbation count?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says.
“What about usin’ sex dolls?”
She laughs. “No sex, silly, means no sex. No fucking, no sucking, no cumming. Nothing.”
“Well, shit, if that’s the case, I plead the Fifth,” I say, laughin’ wit’ her.
“Exactly what I thought.”
Since she wants to play Twenty Questions, I decide to flip the script and ask her the same shit. “What ’bout you? How many dicks you ride down on last year?”
“One,” she answers.
“One other besides mine?”
“No. One as in only yours.”
“Oh, word? Why?”
“Because sexually, you’ve been all the man I’ve needed. Besides, it’s too risky out here. God forbid, I ever catch something. I need to know exactly who I need to confront. I don’t want to be running around trying to figure out or guess who gave me shit. My body, my pussy, I have to be responsible for. Not you or anyone else. But it would be nice to one day be able to give myself to a man without using condoms; to be able to feel him cum deep inside of me and him feel my warm wetness all over him. Sometimes I fantasize about that someone being you, but then I laugh, knowin’ that’s the craziest shit to entertain.”
“Why you say that? Anything’s possible.”
She laughs. “Alley Cat, please. I might be many things, but I will never be delusional. You know like I do that you’re the type of man who is always going to want, maybe need, multiple partners. And unfortunately, there’s not going to be too many women who are going to accept that for what it is. At some point, they are going to want more from you. And get frustrated when they can’t have it.”
That’s their problem, not mine, I think, chucklin’. “Damn, you got a muhfucka all figured out, huh? Are you speakin’ for ya’self?”
“Not at all. I know there will never be a shortage of pussy for you. And I’m not bothered or concerned about it.”
I ask, jokin’ly, “So tell me, pretty baby. Are you addicted to the sex or to me?”
“Neither,” she says, laughin’
I laugh wit’ her. “Yeah, right, don’t front.”
“Let’s just say you’re my guilty pleasure. I’m very clear on our arrangement. Like I told you before, it works for me because it’s what I want for now. Everything I do for you, and with you, is because I want to. Not because I need to. The minute this thing we got goin’ on no longer works for me, then I will walk away. And you can do the same. No hard feelings.”
Outta nowhere I say, “Not if you have my baby.” I’m not sure if the trees got me talkin’ sideways, or if it’s the fact that I’ve been kinda thinkin’ ’bout her proposition; sorta wonderin’ what my seed would look like; tryna imagine what kinda father I’d be. I never really gave havin’ kids much thought ’til she asked me to give her one.
“Excuse me? OhmyGod, did you say what I think you said?”
Silence. Damn, nigga, what the fuck you thinkin’? Ya ass is buggin’, for real. I knew I shouldna bought my smoke from that nigga, Storm. He probably got my shit dusted out; got a muhfucka talkin’ crazy ’n shit.
“Alley Cat?”
“Yeah, wassup?”
“Repeat what you just said to me.”
“I’m sayin’, yo…there’s no way you gonna bounce, if we have a child together.”
“So does that mean you’re considering it?”
“It means I’ve been givin’ it some thought. We can talk more
’bout it when I get out there.”
“That works for me. Listen, I gotta get ready to drive out to Santa Monica to meet with a client. Have a great time in Phoenix. And try not to give out too much of that good stuff while you’re out.”
“Thanks, babe. Don’t worry. I’ma have enough nut for you when I get back.”
“Mmmmm, you promise?”
“No doubt. You know this dick comes fully loaded, baby.” Wit’out thinkin’, I slide my hand down into my boxer briefs and start playin’ wit’ my shit. E’ery time I talk to her, she bricks this dick.
“And I can’t wait for you to get here to unload it all over my pussy, ass and face.”
“I got you, baby,” I tell her, strokin’ my dick ’til it thickens. She got me wantin’ to bust a nut. “Yo, keep that pussy tight for me.”
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“Always, baby.”
I smile. “What’s my name?”
She sucks her teeth, laughin’. “Daddy Long Stroke.”
I deepen my strokes. “Say that shit like you mean it, Cherry.”
She moans. “Daaaaaaaddy Loooooooong Strrrrrrrrrrrroke.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout. Don’t forget that shit either.”
“Bye, Alley Cat.”
“Bye, baby. You be safe out there.”
“You, too,” she says. “Call me when you get back.”
“No doubt.” We disconnect. I set my cell up on the counter. Spit in my hand, then yank a hot one out right here in the middle of my kitchen floor.
When I’m done spittin’ my nut, I walk over to the kitchen sink and wash my hands. I take the paper towel I use to dry my hands and wipe up the floor, then toss it in the garbage. The weed and poppin’ that nut got a muhfucka hungry as hell, I think, openin’ the ’fridge and pullin’ out a pack of four veggie patties. I place ’em in a pan wit’ some olive oil, then let ’em brown. I pick up my cell and decide to hit Pops up. “Hey, old man,” I say the minute he answers. “How you?”
“Good,” he says. “Where you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’ve been kinda layin’ low, feel me?”
He chuckles. “Woman drama, hunh?”
“Never that. I don’t entertain that mess. Why you say that, though?”
“You haven’t been around, so I kinda figured that’s what it was. On top of the fact you got these gals coming here looking for you.”
“Man, them broads are crazy.”
“They’re only as crazy as you make ’em. And it looks like you done drove a few of ’em over the edge.”
“Man, they were already there. All I did was stop givin’ ’em their dose of dick.”
“Shit,” he says, laughin’. “And now they got you ducking ’em. There was a time I couldn’t get rid of you; now I hardly see you.”
I laugh. “Hey. You threw me out, remember?”
“Yeah, fool, but I didn’t tell ya ass to stop coming by.”
“You right, man.” He tells me ’bout Akina comin’ to the house twice lookin’ for me and how she apologized to him. “Yeah, she told me that.”
“That gal seems to really care about you.”
I huff, flippin’ my patties over. “Well, she had a fine way of showin’ it.”
“Look, son, you know I try to stay outta ya business. And you know I’m not gonna take sides, but she told me what happened. And she was hurt by what you did. I’m not sayin’ she was right for what she did, but you gotta take some of that blame, too. Ya’ll both were wrong.”
I bite my bottom lip. Think before I speak to keep from snappin’. “Yo, that shit’s over wit’, man. It is what it is. I ain’t beat for her. I told her to stop comin’ by there. Speakin’ of which, that nut Sherria hasn’t been by there, has she?”
“No. But that other gal has.”
“Who?”
“The one who claims you knocked her up.”
I suck my teeth, sighin’. “What’d you tell that nut?”
“I told her I’d let you know she was looking for you when I spoke to you, and for her to stop coming over here.”
I shake my head, thinkin’ I’m haveta take out a restrainin’ order on her ass, too. “Yo, that chick is real extra wit’ hers. Let me get off this phone. I’ma try to come through to check you out before I leave for Phoenix in a few days, aiight?”
“Phoenix? What’s out there?”
“All-Star Weekend,” I tell him, puttin’ my patties on a plate, then sittin’ at the counter. I dig in.
“Oh, that’s right. How long you gonna be out there?”
“’Bout a week.”
“Oh, aiight. Well, you be safe out there.”
“Always,” I tell him before endin’ the call. I scroll through my address book, then hit Ramona’s ass up. Her shit’s disconnected. I’m not ’bout to let these crazy bitches stress a muhfucka out, I think, sparkin’ another blunt. I hit up Maleeka. “Yo, what’s good, baby?” I ask the minute she answers.
“Shit. Chillin’. What’s up with you?”
“Tryna fuck, baby. You feel like wettin’ this dick?”
“When?”
“Now,” I tell her, puffin’.
“You smokin’, nigga?”
“You already know.”
“I shoulda known, with ya fiend ass.”
“Yeah, aiight. I gotta fiend for that ass, aiight.”
“Then bring it on, nigga.”
“See you in an hour,” I say, laughin’. I finish up my blunt, then head upstairs to hit the shower. The minute I step under the showerhead, I hear Cherry’s voice. Are you addicted to sex? “Hell, no,” I say out loud. “Like I said, sex is addicted to me!”
39
The 2009 All-Star Weekend in Phoenix is aiiight this year; nuthin’ major, like how it was in Vegas. I haven’t gone to an All-Star yet that compares to that one. Anyway, it is what it is. The weather’s great. The W in Scottsdale is tight. My room overlooks Camelback Mountain, and I dig the floor-to-ceilin’ windows. Last night I had them shits slid open to let that fresh desert air in while I was butt-ass naked underneath the comforter. I slept good as hell. I swear I didn’t wanna get up. All I needed was some pussy to knock down into the featherbed, and I woulda been good to go. But most of the bitches I’ve been seein’ here so far are fuckin’ mediocre! So when these muhfuckas woke me up this mornin’, talkin’ ’bout goin’ to the Phoenix Suns forward Amare Stoudemire’s All-Star Brunch, I wasn’t really feelin’ it.
For one, we didn’t get in ’til almost three in the mornin’ from the comedy show down at the Orpheum Theatre last night. That muthafuckin’ Joe Torry is funny as shit, word up. The rest of them comedian cats were aiight. Then we headed to the after-party down at club PHX. And that shit was whack! Yeah, I popped shit to a few broads up in there, and did a two-step here ’n there wit’ a few of ’em, but that was it. There wasn’t one bitch in that spot that made my dick jump, or that I would consider lettin’ gargle my balls. Hell, lickin’ my ass, for that matter. Maybe if they were comin’ up offa some paper, but to straight fuck, nah…none of them hoes were worthy of this cock ’n cum—for free!
Second, this brunch shit was from nine to eleven, which meant I had to get up early as hell. I’m like, what the fuck?! Yeah, it’s all gravy that Amare and his crew are hostin’ the shit to benefit the Ronald McDonald House and some kinda Each 1, Teach 1 Foundation. But for a buck-twenty-five…man, listen, I ain’t feelin’ it. But I’m up ’n dressed and downstairs in the hotel lobby wit’ Mike, waitin’ on Gee and Glenn to get down here. Mike looks like shit. His eyes are red and puffy. The nigga is definitely hung the fuck over.
“Man, you look like shit,” I say, glancin’ at my watch. It’s eight-thirty. “Looks like you been up all night.”
“I have,” he says, stretchin’ out his six-four frame. “And I feel like shit, too.”
“Yeah, and you smell like it, too,” I joke.
He laughs. “Muhfucka, go ’head wit’ that.”
“What ya’ll niggas get into after I dipped?”
“I’m not sure what Gee’s drunk ass did. But Glenn and I ended up hittin’ the casino. Man, them slots weren’t doin’ shit. They were rapin’ muhfuckas.”
“Oh, word…what they get you for?”
“Like eight hunnid; somethin’ light. You know a muhfucka like me knows when to get the fuck up. But Glenn’s dumb ass let ’em drag his whole wallet, then the muhfucka gonna ask me to spot his ass.”
I shake my head. “Did you?”
“Yeah, I hit that nigga wit’ a couple of hunnid.”
I laugh. “What a loser.”
“I told that muhfucka I want my shit back, too.”
“Good luck. You know that nigga don’t like payin’ up.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, I ain’t tryna hear that shit, man. That
’s my boy and all, but let ’im fuck around and don’t pay me my money. I’ma end up goin’ in his mouth, real talk.”
I shake my head, checkin’ out these two honeys standin’ at the concierge desk ’cross the lobby. I squint as they turn ’round and make their way toward us. “Gotdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, them bitches are bad,” I say, practically droolin’. They the hottest and baddest hoes I’ve seen this whole trip.
Mike agrees. “Word up, but I bet they some stuck-up ho-types.”
They both look mixed. One of ’em is light-skinned wit’ long, thick wavy hair pulled back into a ponytail; the other is the color of cinnamon wit’ bone-straight, shoulder-length hair, lookin’ like an Egyptian goddess. They fine as fuck, and I’d dick ’em both. But the one who stands out the most is the one wit’ the chinky eyes. She looks exotic. And she has the kinda swagger that lets a muhfucka know she’s ’bout her business. She catches me starin’ at her. And I swear I think I see her lick her lips at me. Her hips sway, hard. And I’m convinced she’s throwin’ me the twat. That bitch got some good-ass pussy, I bet. My mouth waters.
“Yo, what’s good?” I ask the minute they walk past.
No response.
No, these bitches didn’t disregard me like I’m some crab-ass nigga. Mike looks at me, smirkin’. I frown. “Aye, pretty ladies,” I say, gettin’ up and followin’ behind ’em.
The Egyptian goddess tosses her hand up in the air, not botherin’ to look back at me. “Beat it,” she says.
I hear Mike laughin’. “I told you, man,” he says. But I ain’t the one to be dismissed or easily deterred when I see sumthin’ I wanna get at. I get up behind them in the revolvin’ door. “Oh, word. It’s like that? A muhfucka speaks to two beauties and he can’t even get a simple hello?”
“What, nigga, you want some pussy?” the light-skinned broad snaps, cuttin’ her eyes at me.
I smile, flashin’ my pearly whites. “Now we’re gettin’ somewhere. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. But for now, a simple hello will do.”
She stops, smacks her lips, pullin’ her Louis V shades up over her head. The Egyptian goddess walks off as if I don’t exist, bouncin’ her hips toward the parkin’ lot. I try to keep from starin’ at her ass shakin’ ’n bouncin’. The beauty in front of me, stares me down. Although she’s not who I have my sights on, I decide if I can break the ice wit’ her, eventually, I might be able to get at her peeps. “What’s good?” she says wit’ much attitude, eyein’ me.