by RM Johnson
“I said, it’s cool.”
“All right. Then let’s lay low for a few days and hit it again next week.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
THE NEXT day, Rafe didn’t go to work. He lay in bed wondering what to do. The phone rang several times before he turned the thing off, and he knew it was probably Smoke.
How could he have done this to him? Rafe wondered. They used to be best friends. As a kid, Smoke ate in Rafe’s house, food that his mother had prepared for them. At night, he stayed there. Rafe never knew that Smoke had the capacity to do something like this. Had his parents, his mother, ever been in harm’s way? Had he?
An image of the screaming policeman flashed in Rafe’s head. He saw the man’s sweat-covered face, his bulging eyes. Rafe felt the gun heavy in his hand, felt Trunk pull the trigger, and then heard the explosion.
Rafe shut his eyes against what was playing out in his head, not wanting to see the event unfold yet again. It kept him up all night, the scene constantly behind his closed eyes.
Smoke had told Rafe he didn’t know what to do when he was carted off. He said it was the worst three years of his life without his so-called brother. He even told him that he loved him, that he would do anything, even die before he let them get broken up again, but he said nothing about killing. Had Smoke been that attached to Rafe? Had his issues with his parents’ abandoning him for weeks at a time manifested into this? Was that why he was going through all this just to keep Rafe around? Rafe didn’t know. But something had to be done. He had to find a way out of this before it got any worse.
Rafe thought about calling Dotson, but knew Smoke had his parole officer in his back pocket. If anything, calling him would do more harm than good.
The idea of going to the police crossed his mind several times, but the man Rafe killed, or was forced to kill, last night was an officer, and Smoke had Rafe’s prints all over the gun. He couldn’t go to the cops.
He was trapped. There was no place he could go, no one he could run to and tell, so he just lay in bed the entire day, trying to figure out why all of this was happening to him, and wondering if he would ever find his way out.
AT 9 P.M., Rafe was waiting outside the public library again. During the day, thinking about Henny was the only thing that kept him from going crazy, and as he waited for her, he tried to put out of his mind what he had done, tried not to think about the little droplets of dried blood still on his palms by the time he had gotten back to his place.
Rafe looked down at the back of his hands, still seeing the tiny red drops, even though he had long ago washed them off. He tried to tell himself to look normal when Henny came out the door, but when she walked up to him, she immediately knew something was wrong.
“Are you okay, Raphiel?” she asked, touching the side of his face.
He took her hand and caressed it in his. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got some stuff on my mind. But I’ll be fine in a little while.” He did his best to put a smile on his face, then said, “Now where you wanna go?”
“I don’t feel like hanging out tonight.”
Rafe thought he would lose what little grip he had on his sanity if he were forced to be alone again to fight with his conscience. Then Henny said, “Can we just go back to your place.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
THE CLOUDS opened up, and it started to pour just before Rafe and Henny made it into the house, drenching them both. He gave Henny one of his T-shirts and a pair of sweatpants to change into, and he did the same.
Half an hour later, soft music playing that Henny had turned on and a candle burning that Rafe had lit, Henny pulled herself off Rafe’s bed. She walked over to the chair he was sitting in and stood behind him. He was staring at the rain as it crashed into the window and ran smoothly down the pane.
Henny gently placed her hands on his shoulders. “Raphiel, what’s bothering you? You’ve been sitting here staring out at the rain since we got here.”
He turned to her, sadness written all over his face. “It’s nothing.”
“Don’t tell me that. You may not think so, but I know when there’s something wrong with you. Now tell me. Please.’
Rafe looked at her, wished that he could let her know everything that happened, and she could take him in her arms and tell him it would all be okay. But he couldn’t, and the pain showed on his face as he turned away.
Henny took his face in her hand and turned him to face her. “C’mon, baby. It can’t be that bad. Nothing is ever that bad.”
Rafe looked up at her, this sweet, innocent girl, and again he thought of telling her. But why would he do that? To drag her into this mess so his cowardly ass wouldn’t have to face it alone? Didn’t he know that getting her mixed up in this, getting her involved with Smoke, even indirectly, could ruin her life?
“You got to go,” Rafe told her softly, his voice unsure.
“What?” Henny leaned closer in to him.
“I said you should go.”
“No. I want you to tell me what’s wrong. I want to be here with you.”
“Why?” Rafe raised his voice some, shooting up from the chair, pacing away from her. “Why you want to be with me?”
“Because … I like you. Because we have fun together.”
“It’s not worth it just to have fun.”
“What’s not worth it, Raphiel?” Henny asked, standing too, putting herself in front of him. “Would you just tell me?”
“Ruining your life. There are things you don’t know about me, Henny.”
“But you told me everything last night, and I still want to be with you. Nothing could be that bad.”
Rafe walked over to the edge of his bed, lowered himself on to it, then let his face fall into his hands. “The man I was mixed up with …,” Rafe said through his hands.
“Yes. Your best friend,” Henny encouraged him, standing over him, rubbing a hand over his hair.
“He made me do something bad, and … and …” Rafe started to cry. He tried to hide the tears with his hands, but Henny knelt in front of him, bringing his face up, and kissing them away “… and I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Rafe finished.
“It’s going to be all right, baby,” Henny soothed him, still kissing his wet cheeks.
“No, no, no.” Rafe shook his head.
“It will. I’m telling you it will. You just have to trust me.” Henny grabbed his face with both her hands, holding him still. She looked into his eyes, then gave him a long, soft kiss.
“Do you believe me?” she asked, pulling away from him.
Rafe didn’t answer, just lowered his head.
Henny kissed him again. “Do you believe me?”
“I want to, but things never work out for me. They just don’t.”
Henny reached down and started to lift up Rafe’s T-shirt. He raised his arms, allowing her to lift it over his head.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know,” she said. “I want to.”
THE NEXT morning brought a cloudless sky with it, and when Rafe rolled over in bed and saw Henny’s smiling face, he felt as though what she said last night could actually come true, that everything could be all right.
They had made love, and Rafe felt as if it had all been a dream. He remembered holding her tightly, hearing her calling out his name, and him questioning whether he loved this girl. Could it be just gratitude for being there for him when there was no one else, and for believing in him when it seemed no one had ever before?
Rafe moved in close to Henny, leaned in, and kissed her on the lips. She smiled again. He smiled as well, wanting to ask her something.
“What?” Henny said, reading the expression.
“You okay … from last night?”
“Yeah. I told you before we did it that it was what I wanted.”
“I mean, physically. You know it’s been a long time for me,” Rafe said, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
“Y
es,” Henny smiled. “You’re a big boy, but I think I’ll be able to walk again. Thanks for your concern.”
“Stop it. You know I ain’t mean it like that. I was just thinking about you.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re thinking about a lot, aren’t you?” she asked, and Rafe knew she was referring to what he had started telling her last night.
“Forget about that. It was nothing.”
“Whether it was or it wasn’t,” Henny said, raising herself up on one elbow, “I was thinking that maybe if you want to get away, you can come down with me to school when I go. You know, help me move, and if you want to, stay a little while. I have two weeks before school actually starts.”
“You’d want that?” Rafe sounded surprised. “To see me after you leave?”
“Yeah. What did you think—that I just slept with you because I thought I’d never see you again? No, no, buddy. Now that you got the goods, I don’t just want to see you after I leave, I expect to.”
“But ain’t there nothing there but smart people with Porsches and loads of money that their parents give them to go to school with?”
“Yeah, there are those people, but there are also people like me. I don’t have a Porsche.”
“But you’re smart.”
“So?” Henny said.
“You wouldn’t rather be with somebody smart like you? Somebody with money, somebody …,” Rafe said, looking away from Henny, “… who wouldn’t embarrass you?”
“Raphiel,” Henny said, rolling on top of Rafe. “You’re smart. You don’t embarrass me. And who gives a damn about money? I want you, okay? Now think about it. And your answer better be yes.”
“I’ll think about it,” Rafe said. “Now I should be gettin’ you home before your moms thinks I kidnapped you.”
“Can we do dinner next time? My treat.”
Rafe was about to say yes, excited that she would want to take him out and pay his way, but then he stopped himself. If he were one of her soon-to-be-doctor friends, would she think she had to pay for him? Rafe told himself that she’d offered because she didn’t think he could afford to take her out. But he could.
“Yeah, we can do dinner. But it’s my treat, okay?”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
WHEN HENNY walked into her room later on that day, Alize quickly hid something under her mattress.
“What was that?” Henny asked.
“Just a little something I’m saving up for.”
“For what?”
“Something for Mama.”
“I thought you all were mortal enemies. The last person I thought you’d be trying to buy something for would be her.”
“She’s always workin’ so hard, and I need to let her know how much I appreciate all that she’s done for me, even though she kickin’ me out. What you think she’d like?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask her,” Henny said, sitting down next to her sister. “Can I tell you something, though?”
“Yeah, like where your ass was last night.”
“I’ll tell you that, but I want to know something first.”
“Shoot.”
“The boy you met in the library that day. The one you went out with. Did you like him?”
“The one wit’ the braids, and the tattoos. Naw.” Ally waved the entire idea off. “After a minute of being on that date with him, I knew I shouldn’t have been there. Why? You like him, don’t you?”
Henny started smiling and blushing at the same time. “I think it’s more than that. You wouldn’t be mad if I told you that I’m falling for him?”
“Girl,” Ally said, hugging her sister, “I’m happy for you, sis.”
Henny leaned away from her sister, looking as though she was questioning what she was about to say next. “If I tell you something, you have to promise not to tell nobody, especially Mama. You promise?”
“Girl, just tell me, and stop acting like a child.”
“Naw, I’m serious, Ally. Do you promise?”
“Yeah, I promise.” Ally crossed her finger over her heart. “Hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Satisfied?”
“He spent three years in prison for selling weed. You think I’m crazy if I keep seeing him?”
“Is he still sellin’?”
“No.”
“You think he’s a good guy, and you say you really like him, right?”
“Really like him,” Henny smiled.
“Then just go with it, Hennesey. You ain’t getting married. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“You’re right,” Henny said, giving Ally another hug. “What is the worst that could happen?”
TWENTY-NINE
THAT NIGHT Livvy had Wade over. She felt terrible about having asked him for the money to turn her phone back on, and it had taken her three days to finally get him over so she could apologize to him and, she hoped, put their relationship back on the right track.
She had made him dinner. Porterhouse steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, apple pie and ice cream for dessert. But when she tried making conversation, he responded with one-word answers and when she asked him how his food was, he only nodded his head, looking at her for a moment, saying, “It’s good,” then lowering his face back into his plate and sticking another piece of meat into his mouth.
After dinner, they moved over to the couch in the living room. Livvy brought out the essay that she and Henny had been working on, her entry in the contest for the nursing scholarship, and read it aloud to Wade. She was very proud as she read it, glancing up at him every few moments to get his reaction as she read from the page. He looked thoughtful, as though he was being touched by every word she spoke, and when Livvy was finished, she said, “The end.”
“That was good, Livvy. It was really good,” Wade said, not standing and giving her the hug she knew she would’ve gotten had she not blown it with him the other night.
“It’s almost done,” she said. “Just a couple more touches, and it’ll be finished.”
“I’m sure it’ll be even better then,” he said, instead of saying something like, “Wonderful! I want you to read it again to me when you’re finished.” That led Livvy to believe that maybe he wouldn’t be around to hear the final version.
It was after midnight now, and the room was almost totally dark save for the light that came off the TV. They had been sitting in silence, both staring at the television for over an hour and a half, Livvy going over and over in her head what she should say to this man. Unable to come up with any great speech that would remedy all her problems, she simply said, “Wade, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He turned to her, a fake look of surprise on his face, as if he had no idea of what she was talking about.
“For asking you for that money. I had no right.” Wade just gave her a long, questioning look.
“What?” Livvy asked.
“We both know that’s not true. We’re adults, Livvy, and me being a much older adult than you, I believe we both know what’s going on.”
What“s going on, Wade? Tell me,” Livvy urged, sliding closer to him on the couch. Wade got up, stood over her.
“This is an arrangement, Livvy. I think we both knew that going into this thing. Why else would a beautiful young woman be seeing an old guy like me?”
“Because I’m attracted to a guy like you,” Livvy said, grabbing the hand that hung by his side. “And you’re not old.”
“In a relationship like this, there are conditions that must be met in order to keep it going. I expect certain things from you, namely sex and your time, and in return for that, from me, you expect money.”
Livvy couldn’t believe what she had just heard, because even though he accurately summed up the situation, it made her seem like nothing more than a pay-for-hire prostitute. She wanted to rise from that couch and slap the smug look off his face, but he was right. She wished he hadn’t been, but he was, and Livvy wondered why she ever listened to her big-mouthed fr
iend, Sharika.
“I see.” Livvy sounded hurt. “So since it took me giving you sex in order to keep this relationship going, if I hadn’t given it to you when I did, if it had been months, then you just would’ve stopped seeing me?”
Wade looked away from her, giving it thought, then told her, “No. It really wouldn’t have mattered, because I was really starting to like you. And that was where the problem was, Livvy. Wade lowered himself back down to the sofa. “I thought what was going on between us could’ve been turning into more than just a damn arrangement. And then after we made love, you asked me for that money. That let me know where we really stood, that I was a fool to think any more of this.”
“But you’re not, Wade. I knew I shouldn’t have asked you for that money right up to the point that I did.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Livvy shook her head, not wanting to sound stupid, but said, “My crazy friend told me to. I shouldve never listened to her, but then again, she’s the one that dragged me out in the first place, the one that saw you and forced me to introduce myself. Wade,” Livvy said, moving as close to the man as she could, without actually sitting on top of him. “I’m sorry that this happened. I have to tell you that when I first went out with you, it was partly with the intentions of finding someone to help me out, but now that I’ve gotten to know you, I really like you, and I want this to be something special.”
“You mean that?”
“Yeah, that’s why as soon as I get paid, I’m giving you your money back.”
“Did you really need that money?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have asked for it if I didn’t.”
“Then I don’t want it back.”
“But—”
“No,” Wade said, firmly. “It’s not about sex for money or money for sex. It’s about me wanting to help you. You need help, and I’m in a position to do that. Let me.”
“But, Wade—.” Livvy tried to interrupt again.
“Livvy, It’s done, and that’s all to it. I’m sure there’s going to be a time when I need something from you, and I’m hoping you’ll be there for me.”
“Of course,” Livvy said. “That’s what real relationships are about.”