by Ruby Dixon
“What?” I ask, curious.
She leans in and drops her voice to a whisper. “You didn’t resonate while you were out with Harrec, did you?”
“What? No!” I can feel myself blushing again. “Why?”
“Because you’re ovulating, and your estrogen levels are high.” She bites her lip and then tilts her head, studying me. “I might be wrong on this, but from what I can tell, the cootie suppresses a lot of reproductive function unless you’re resonating. The fact that all of your hormones are through the roof and you’re producing eggs? If you haven’t resonated, you’re about to.”
“To…Harrec?” I gasp. It’s unexpected, but I’m still delighted. I’d love to be his mate permanently.
Harlow blanches. “Possibly? That’s the bad thing about resonance. You don’t choose—it does.”
I stare at her in horror. Oh my god.
What if I started ovulating just now because Harrec brought me back around the others? What if my cootie’s getting ready to resonate to Warrek or Taushen? What happens if I resonate to one of them instead of Harrec the moment they get back?
I…need to fix this. And soon.
I can’t resonate to someone else. Not after I’ve fallen in love with Harrec.
13
KATE
To say that I’m freaking out for the rest of the day would be a gross understatement. Harlow lets me hide in the lab with her for a while so I can compose myself. Some panicked crying was involved, along with a bit of mild hysteria.
All I can think is that this is bad. If I was meant to resonate to Harrec, why didn’t I resonate when I was alone with him? The obvious answer is that I’m not meant to resonate to him. And that has me losing my mind with worry. Resonance means being permanently mated to someone. It means sex with them. It means babies.
I don’t want anyone but Harrec. The thought of having to touch a stranger makes me want to vomit.
At the same time, part of me recognizes that this makes sense. It explains why I’ve been attacking Harrec every chance we get and why I’m so restless at night. It explains why I feel so possessive when it comes to my kitten. My hormones are out of control.
So. Resonance is coming.
It takes me an hour or two to compose myself. Harlow gives me space, shooting me the occasional sympathetic look as she works on her machines, moving wires and testing connections. Rukh doesn’t talk to me at all, his focus on his mate.
And it’s weird, because I’m terrified of telling Harrec what’s about to happen, but at the same time, he’s the only one I feel I can tell. I know he’d support me no matter what I wanted to do, because he’d want what I want.
I think…I think I want to run away.
Well, no, that’s not quite right. I want to go away with Harrec again, to retreat out into the wild and not return until either the resonance thing has passed or I resonate to him. If I can influence this damn thing, then by golly, that’s what I’m going to do. So I need an action plan. I need to talk to Harrec.
Unfortunately, when I return to the campfire in the main part of the ship, Harrec isn’t around. He’s gone hunting with Bek and Vaza, and so I have to sit and wait for him. The others are nice enough, but they don’t realize something’s wrong. Gail chats up a storm while she makes stew. Either she’s oblivious to my mood or is trying to make it turn around by the sheer power of conversation. Elly emerges and sits next to me by the fire, as quiet as ever, but her smile is friendly and she’s content to let Gail fuss over her. Brooke plays with Harlow’s solemn little son, Rukhar, and both are so obsessed with Mr. Fluffypuff that I feel like an asshole if I ask for him back. I can’t exactly take a kitten from a child, can I? So I let him play with my cat, even though I want nothing more than to curl up in the blankets and hug Mr. Fluffypuff until my day gets better.
Farli emerges a short time later, disheveled and smiling to herself. She hums as she picks up her weapons, whistles for her pet dvisti, and then heads for the entrance. I’m tired of sitting by the fire, so I watch her head out to leave, moving to stand by the door.
“You okay?” Gail asks me.
“Just…preoccupied.” I cross my arms over my chest and do my best to give her a cheerful smile. At least, I hope it’s cheerful and not full of panic, which is how I feel. “It’s nothing.”
“Missing that man of yours?” she teases.
Oh god, she has no idea. “Something like that.” I lean against the doorjamb, gazing out into the endless white snow. Farli moves fast; she’s a distant blue dot already. And coming in from the other direction is…another cluster of dots. Three figures.
My heart pounds. I squint, trying to make out features. Is that two hunters and a human? Or three hunters? What if it’s Warrek and Taushen returning before Harrec does and I resonate the moment one comes close? Panicked, I race away from the door and grab at my pack. I have to get out of here. I can’t let this happen—
“Um, Kate? You okay?”
I look over at Brooke, who’s sitting with little Rukhar. The boy pets the kitten with careful hands, but Brooke’s got a confused frown on her face as she regards me. Near the fire, both Elly and Gail are staring at me, too.
“I just…need to get out for a few. A breath of fresh air,” I babble. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.” I sling my outer wraps on over my tunic and pile on the furs, then belt them tight as quick as I can.
“Honey, do you need to talk?” Gail asks, abandoning her spot by the fire to come to my side. “I worry about you. You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine. I just need a few minutes to myself, okay?” I give her an overbright smile and then race away. “Brooke, can you keep watching Mr. Fluffypuff for me? Thanks!”
And before anyone can say anything else, I race out the entrance and down the ramp. My boots sink into the snow—I’ve forgotten snowshoes—but I plow ahead, not caring. I just have to get away. How far do I need to be to avoid resonating? Fifty feet? A hundred? I follow along the side of the ship, looking for somewhere to hide. I know I’m panicking and being ridiculous, but I don’t want to stand like an idiot by the fire and wait for the wrong person to show up. If I can help this, I’m going to hide out until the right man shows up—
—And then I’m going to hold on to him and not let him out of my sight.
There’s an outcropping of rocks a few hundred feet away, and I trudge toward it then hunker down to watch the ship. The three dots are gone, and unfortunately out of my line of sight. Shit. I contemplate getting up from my hiding space and going to see who it was, but it’s probably a bad idea. No sense in rushing forward only to fall into the exact trap I’m trying to avoid.
So I huddle behind my rock and wait. It’s cold out, but not unbearable. The only thing that I miss are my gloves, so I tuck my hands between my thighs to warm them. Of course, that makes me think dirty thoughts, because then I imagine Harrec’s hand there instead of mine. Or his mouth. I moan, because I feel myself getting wet between my thighs. This sucks. I mean, it feels good, but it sucks because I want it to be Harrec, not one of the others.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was musing to myself that I could be happy here? That seems so innocent and foolish. No one ever imagines resonating to the wrong person when they picture their happy ever after. I whimper back a sob and bury my head in my hands.
This is a nightmare.
Footsteps crunch in the snow nearby. I wince inwardly, waiting for Gail to come and lecture me about hiding in the snow, or for Farli to ask what I’m doing. Or worse, for Taushen or Warrek to make my chest start going crazy. They’re nice guys, but they’re not my guy.
“Kate?”
It’s Harrec. Oh, thank god. A sob escapes my throat, and I get to my feet, turning to face him. “Hi,” I manage, and then ruin my bravado with a big, watery sniff.
He comes to my side, all concern. “Why do you hide out here? Why do you weep? What is wrong?” He cups my face in his hands. “Tell me.”
“I’m so happ
y to see you,” I weep, doing my best not to bawl. “I…I have a bit of a problem.”
“Whatever it is, we will fix it. This I promise.”
That just makes me want to cry harder. “I don’t know that we can.” I take his hands in mine, an idea hitting me. “I know. Let’s run away.”
“What?” He looks surprised. “We just arrived—”
“I know! But that’s all right. We can head back the way we came. I’ll get the language dump some other time. It’s not a big deal. We can say we want to go home and just head out right now, ahead of the others. And we can take as many shortcuts as you want.” I put my hands on his chest and give him my sexiest look. “We can tell them I kidnapped you to have my sexy way with you instead of the other way around.”
He tilts his head, then leans forward, sniffing at my breath. “Have you been in the sah-sah?”
“What? No!”
“You are not acting like yourself.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “While I like the thought of you and I together in the furs alone, I worry about your safety. Until I can make sure that I do not lose consciousness if I break my leg again, I think it is best if we stay with the others this time—”
“I’m ovulating,” I blurt out.
Harrec stares at me, then frowns. “Off-you…”
“I’m about to resonate,” I explain. “And I worry that it’s not going to be you. So I thought if we go away together, we could make sure that it’s you.” I grab the front of his vest and try for a light, playful laugh and just end up sounding a little hysterical. “Want to be my mate?”
He blinks. “Resonance? Are you certain?”
“Harlow scanned me and said so, yeah.” I bite my lip. “And I’ve been feeling…really frisky lately. So can we please, please get out of here? Just you and me?”
I know I’m asking for the ridiculous. I know there will be a ton of explaining to do. I know there’s a million reasons why it’s stupid for us to bail out, and I’m mentally cringing, waiting for him to tell me that it’s a terrible idea.
But he just leans in and gives my mouth a light kiss. “Of course. When shall we leave?”
I sob out of sheer relief and fling my arms around him. “God, I love you so much. Thank you!”
“Why do you thank me?” He sounds amused, his big hand stroking my hair. “Did you think I would abandon you to another? Do you think I want any other mate than you?”
I press my face against his chest, warm and delicious despite the rough tunic he’s wearing. I love him so much. No other man can make me laugh, can push me as much as he does, and no one else makes me feel so perfect and…dainty. Like a lady. I don’t want to be anyone’s lady but his. But I’m not sure he realizes what he’s getting into. “I just…what if you’re not ready to be a parent?”
“Are you ready?”
I choke back a half-laugh, half-sob. “No.”
“Then we will be completely unprepared together.” He rests his chin on my head. “I do not care if we are the tribe’s worst parents, as long as we are together, my mate. You have been mine since the moment you landed here, standing above all the others like a tree with its head in the clouds.”
“That is a terrible, terrible analogy, and I love you anyhow.”
He chuckles and caresses my cheek. “You have my heart, my sweet mate. Never doubt this. If you wish, we will leave. If we hide away together and we do not resonate, what will you do then?”
My heart breaks at the thought. “Um, live away from the tribe permanently?”
He nods. “I agree with this plan.”
“You do?” I lean back to look up at him in surprise. “You’d give up your tribe for me?”
Harrec strokes my cheek, and there’s such a loving, intense look on his face that it makes my heart feel as if it’s shattering into a thousand pieces. “Of course. You are my mate and my heart. How could I do anything less?”
That just makes me cry harder. “But what if you’re meant to resonate with Summer or Brooke? What if I’m keeping you from them?”
“They will just have to wait until I am tired of you.” He leans in and presses a kiss to my nose. “Which will be never.”
I’m a sucker for all of these kisses. I tilt my face up so he can claim my lips, and swallow my little sigh of pleasure when he does. If he’s trying to distract me, it’s working. There’s nothing more exciting than his mouth on my mouth…unless it’s his mouth on my skin. We break apart, and I suck lightly on his lower lip, letting him know that I’m more than ready for additional kisses.
He groans and gives me another quick, fierce kiss. “You are cold. I should get your furs. And we should be on our way soon if we’re going to get to the nearest hunter cave before it’s dark.”
I nod, but I don’t release my arms from around his neck. I cling to him, wanting to stay in his embrace for as long as I can. “It’s already getting dark…is that bad?”
“We will hurry,” he promises me with another kiss and a caress to my butt. “I do not want you resonating to another, either.”
I grin at that. “What are we going to tell the others?”
“I am going to tell them that you were so hungry for my cock that you tackled me as I approached and demanded that I mate with you in a private cave where you can scream as loud as you want.”
That’s too close to the truth to even be funny. “Um…or you could tell them that I’m shy about us being together and we changed our minds about staying on the ship.”
“If you prefer.” The grin he gives me is classic Harrec. “So long as this evening ends with you in my arms, I do not care where we go.”
“Oh, I’ll be in your arms, and in your pants, and everywhere in between,” I tell him breathlessly. “We’re sealing the deal tonight. Enough foreplay. I want you inside me.”
Harrec’s teasing smile fades and is replaced by a look of such intense lust that I press my thighs together tightly. “All the more reason for me to hurry. Wait here.” He turns to head back to the ship, pauses, and then crosses back to me. He pulls me into his arms and hauls me against him for a deep, searing kiss full of tongue—and promise.
When I’m completely dazed, he releases me, gives a little nod as if to reassure himself, and then marches off toward the ship.
I sit down on the rock, my knees weak.
HARREC
My mind is racing as I storm into the Elders’ Cave and grab our things. It grows dark outside, which means I must return to my Kate quickly, but there is so much to take in order to be prepared. Still, this must happen.
I cannot let her go alone.
I dare not let her return to the cave, not if what she says is true and she will resonate. She wants to be with me. I want her to be with me. It makes sense for us to escape together.
My heart feels as if it stops in my chest every time I think of my Kate resonating to another. Smiling at another as he takes her into his furs. My tall, pretty Kate with her cloud-mane resting on another male’s shoulder. My Kate with her belly rounded with another male’s kit.
I die inside at the thought and rush to shove more furs into the closest pack.
“Harrec?”
It is Vaza. “I cannot talk now, my friend. I must take Kate away from here.”
“Away? But you just got here.” He sounds confused. “You are packing already? This makes no sense.”
“I know it does not,” I tell him. “But my female wishes to leave, and I will honor her decision.”
“Bah,” Vaza says. His boot is on the fur I am currently trying to roll up, and I tap on his leg to get him to move. “She is young, your female. She will change her mind a dozen times. Tell her to stay. My Chail will feed her, and she can get the words put in her mind like the others.”
“Not now, Vaza.” I grab at my pouch of rations and shake it. Nearly empty. The kitten has been eating all of it. I curse under my breath and try to think, rubbing my face. “I need supplies.”
“You do not. You should stay. W
e have missed your company on this trip.” Vaza tries to take the pack from my hands. “Just when we were to enjoy your laughter by the fire once more. Surely you will not—”
“Leave him alone.”
I glance up as Rukh stalks forward, moving to my side. He has a heavy pouch in his hand and offers it to me with a little nod. “He has something he must do.”
I stare at Rukh. He knows. He knows I will take my mate away so she will remain my mate. Grateful, I take the pouch and stuff it into my pack, clawing at the nearest fur to try and make it fit in. Each moment that passes is another moment that my Kate is left outside alone. Each moment is another that the others might return and someone will resonate to her.
I gather the furs into my arms and fling the pack onto my back. I will fold everything neatly later, when we are at the hunter cave, alone together. “I am sorry,” I tell them. “I cannot stay. Not tonight.”
“But it’s dark,” Chail protests by the fire. “Isn’t it dangerous?”
“It will be fine,” Rukh says. He pulls his knife from his belt sheath and offers it to me. “We will watch your Poof for you.”
Poof? I blink, trying to recall what “Poof” is. Then I realize he means the tiny snow-cat with the terrible name. I look over and see the others gathered by the fire, all staring at me with wide eyes. Rukhar has the kitten in his lap, fast asleep under his small, stroking hand. “Ah. Yes. You have my thanks, friend.”
He nods. “And when you return, perhaps you will tell me how to get one for my son.”
“I shall.” I clasp his shoulder in thanks, juggle my furs, and then rush back out into the cold and the snow.
Already, the suns go down behind the mountains, and twilight makes the air pick up a chill. My poor Kate will be cold, her hands frosty without her mittens. She will not like the walk to the hunter cave, but we will be fast. I know she can keep up. And we have no choice.
In the dark, I see the faint glow of her eyes in the distance. She sits on the rock still, waiting for me.