by Fiona Lexus
I decide to sit on my bed. “Ok, first of all, where is Molly right now?”
“She is asleep.” He replies.
Of course she is, you idiot (talking to myself). I start to tap my fingers against my thigh, I am anxious.
“Where does she think you are?” I ask.
He coolly takes a sip of wine and replies “She probably thinks I am at work. I stay at the office a lot. It’s not a big deal.” He says this as if he believes himself.
“Hey, look, I am not going to judge, and I don’t want this to stop but I want to at least have all of my bases covered.” I say, trying to persuade him to let a little truth into our conversation.
“Ok, so next question…” He says in a nonchalant way. Again with the sipping.
Now he is leaning up against the wall to my bedroom. He is glorious. If I wasn’t such an idiot, I would forget about these questions and just let him ravish me right here on my bed! But I am an idiot, and I have taken this conversation too far now to turn back. My ego is involved!
“Why did you have a picture of me? Why all of those women?” He starts to undo his tie and I grab my legs and roll up into a ball waiting for this epic story I am about to hear. I am one part excited and two parts scared to death of the answer, and the remaining parts are doing something to my lower regions which I can’t explain.
He runs his hands over his face, scratching his five O’clock shadow. Now he seems a little edgy. “You don’t need to worry about the answer to that question, Emily. Just know that I am here now and we have a choice to make.”
I squint my eyes.
“No, no buddy, you aren’t getting away that easily. I will admit I am turned on, but Jesus Christ, I need an actual answer. Don’t I?”
Jonathan laughs. I am starting to wonder what Molly would think of this. I am starting to think I got myself into something that I may not be able to get out of. He sits down next to me and I tense. I tense for many reasons, one of them being that he is probably going to try and tear my clothes off, and I want a damn answer from him first.
“Emily, if I explain something to you, will you promise to stay calm and not overreact?” My eyes widen. Any time someone starts off a sentence like that, you know for sure you will overreact. It’s like saying to someone ’don’t be mad at me, but…’ For sure as shit you are going to be mad! I take a gulp and my throat is dry, very dry. I need water ASAP! But I nod my head in agreement and brace for it.
“Molly and I work as a team. You could say we both like the same things. This is partly why I married her.”
OK great, we are making progress, I think to myself.
“Go on…” I take another swallow and now I am distracted by my dry mouth and I lick my lips. I bite the bottom one and wait in suspense.
“We find women we like and we choose. I choose some, and she chooses some.”
My mouth is open wide at this point.
“Wait a fucking second, you mean to tell me that Molly knows about our little escapade? And she allows this?”
He smiles and looks at me head on. I recoil and wonder if I have crossed some boundary here.
“I am saying that we have similar interests and that she would understand me being over here. Even if she might be a little upset at first.” (He whispers the last part)
“What was that I didn’t hear you? She’s upset? I-“
He interrupts me. “Yes, she would probably smack me across the face right now if she knew I snuck around and got to you first!”
So, here is the point in the story where we are all a little confused. I am confused, you are probably confused. I’m living it though, and I am telling you it gets better. I never thought in my entire lifetime I would be stuck in the middle of some fucking soap opera, but here I am. This would be doomed if it weren’t for my fascination with dirty romance novels and the lack of enthusiasm for my beyond boring lifestyle. I am the perfect candidate for something like this.
I swallow hard and look at my clock sitting on my nightstand. It reads 1:30am. Jesus, I would be tired if I wasn’t so wide awake right now. My awkwardness is beaming out of me I am sure of it. But, Jonathan moves closer and he brushes my hair back from my face.
“I know this is hard to understand, but I have been watching you for a while now and… I claimed you. She can’t do anything about it.” Jonathan ads.
These words come across as strange to me. I have never been claimed and I don’t know if I want that. I mean for fuck sake, I’m not a piece of land! I am staring at him. Jesus he is a stunning man. I blink his face away and stutter. “I, I, I think you need to explain this a little more.”
He sighs, gets up and stands next to my window. He is looking out and one arm is leaning against the frame. “You want the whole story? Will that make you happy? Let’s just return to, whatever it is we are doing here.”
He looks over at me and he seems pissed. What the fuck did I do? “Can I get some water first, I mean how long is this twisted shit going to take? Should we shack up now or after?” He smiles and realizes I’m trying to lighten the mood.
“How about some wine instead?” Wine sounds perfect to me right about now.
Wine and maybe a NORCO.
We head into the kitchen.
I resume my position on the counter like before and he unbuttons his top button on his shirt. We are now both sitting on the counter. Red wine in our hands and I am open to what he has to say. I am also open to other ideas, but I have to wash all of my horniness away and actually listen.
9
Jonathan’s Story
“So here it goes Miss Hawkins. Molly and I met at NYU about five years ago. I was studying Law and she was in Marketing. We didn’t exactly fall in love, but we realized we had similar interests. You see, the first time I saw Molly was at a party. Man, she was beautiful… but she was with another woman.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Bummer.” I say. This shit is getting good.
He continues: “Anyway, flash forward a year and we are dating. But we try this thing called swapping. A couple friends of ours were doing it. You know, experimental stuff. Every couple of weeks we swap sexual partners. We have always had an ‘open relationship’ from day one.”
“Sounds complicated.” I say as I take a sip of wine and stare at him, tasting the words he is speaking. This is some great shit.
“Yes, it can be complicated, and because of that, we decided to make an agreement. A sort of legal agreement. I mean I am a lawyer after all.”
“A hot lawyer.” I say. What the hell? Am I like twelve or something? He pauses and smiles. I look down and nod for him to continue.
“Molly and I made a legal agreement. The marriage is, part cover up and part security. We have never been in love but we really enjoy each other and let’s face it, she’s easy on the eyes.”
I nod in agreement. I mean case and point, I fell for Molly first. Oh, the skirts! Jonathan and I have more in common than I thought. I blink my eyes and try to refocus.
“So, we openly see other people, but we also like to share. Molly has more of a thing for women than men, so we sort of started helping each other.” He takes a sip of wine and gathers himself. “About a year ago when we bought the apartment downstairs, we had just started making records of women we wanted to start seeing. Co-workers, Shop owners, hairstylist, bartenders. All different kinds of women, from everywhere. We take their pictures as sort of a catalog. And, before you ask, yes they usually know we are taking their pictures. But, in some instances, like yours, they don’t “
He pauses and looks to me for my reaction. I know I should be creeped out at this point, but honestly I had never been so intrigued. I mean shit like this isn’t real is it? People don’t actually do this! He moves over closer to me and sets his wine down. “I know this sounds sick Emily. I’ve never told any of my girls this before.” He tries to continue being sweet and caring, but I interrupt him.
“One of your girls?” I question.
He swallows,
“Let me explain that.” He looks down.
“Please do.” I cross my arms.
He must have realized that my mouth was dropped open and my wine was gone, so he pours me another glass. I close my mouth, and after a large sip, I reach down to grab his hand. Large and soft and incredibly sexy, I give it a squeeze. I look at him dead on. “This is some of the sickest shit I have ever heard, and I never want you to stop. Please continue. And don’t leave anything out ok? I know how you men are with your story telling capabilities. I am not fragile. I can take it. I want to.” I say this with sincerity, but he laughs and hops back up onto the counter with a new sort of enthusiasm.
He is relieved. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that. Molly was wrong about you. You are exactly what I have been looking for.”
Now is the part where he grabs my hair and tries to seduce me into the bedroom with his freakishly good looks and sexy body, but I am a professional and I resist. I want to finish this story and I want to hear it from his lips. I pull away and hold my hand up. At this point I am a little tipsy, so as I push him away I stumble. I regain strength and look at him with my “evil eyes” which basically consists of me squinting and pouting my lips which makes me look like a bad version of Donald Trump. “Ok, Mr. I am not done. You have not finished your story. No story, no sexy-time.” I am pointing my finger at him now. I realize what I am saying as I am saying it, too late for take-backs! I clear my throat and while still holding out my hand I climb back onto the counter. The microwave reads 2am.
Jonathan finishes off his second glass. “There isn’t a whole lot left to say Emily. I mean we are twisted. I know that, but ever since I first saw you. Excuse me, since we first saw you, we have been fascinated with you.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Ok, now this is getting interesting. Explain what you mean by fascinated. I have never heard anyone in my life describe me as fascinating. Are you guys into Hello Kitty or something?”
“What? No!” He yells this. He thinks I am not taking him seriously and who would?
He quiets himself. He collects his glass and pours more. Wow, this must be hard for him. “Look, about a year ago, Molly and I saw you in the mailroom in this little robe thingy? I am not sure what it was but your black hair and tiny figure, we both looked at each other. Molly and me. And we immediately knew. We saw you before you saw us. We watched you for weeks. We saw how awkward and shy you were. You were always dressed in black and never noticed men looking at you. It was cute, it was different.”
“That’s because they never do!” I scream.
“Do what?” Now He is confused.
“Stare! Well, except Derek, he stares, A LOT!” I say this laughing while looking off into the distance. Man, thinking of Derek just makes me laugh, in the ‘I am laughing at him, not with him’ sort of a way.
“Who’s Derek?” Jonathan says firmly, staring at me. Nay, through me.
I am taken aback. “Um, no one. Well, he’s my boss. But he is completely harmless. Don’t get all crazy on me now.”
“Oh, right I’ve seen him.” Jonathan does not look pleased. I roll my eyes.
“You’ve been to my work?” that refocuses me. He doesn’t answer, but his face language is giving it all away.
“I need a cigarette!” I jump off of the counter and head towards my special cig sit-down area near the window.
“You smoke?” Jonathan furrows his brow.
“Ya, is that a problem?” I say trying to light the damn bastard. I look up at him as I am taking my first puff. Ah the joy! I French inhale and the chemicals head straight for my brain.
“We can work around it.” Jonathan says very matter-of-factly. He realizes what he says and quickly covers his tracks. “I mean, no of course it’s fine. It’s your body.”
“Damn straight!” I say and I lay into the cig hard. Man this is such a release! “So you were saying how amazing I am, continue…” I say trying to be humorous but Jonathan just gets more serious.
“It was her fault first. She took the camera, she started without me and now here we are.” He takes a large gulp of wine now.
“Do you want one?” I’m pointing to my cigarettes.
“No thanks, I don’t smoke. Those things will kill you.” He’s judging me now.
“Oh, but wine and stalking women, that is a better life choice?” I say this sarcastic as shit and I am sorry I do. I apologize.
He walks over to me and puts out my cigarette. How rude! Once again trying to distract me, he pulls me into him. He grabs my breast. I pull away.
“Look, I want this as badly as you do, but the last thing I need is for Molly to come up here with a shotgun and shoot us both! I mean, plus, you are a married man, however sick and perverted your relationship is, it’s cheating!”
I storm into the kitchen and pour my wine into the sink. I am so confused right now and I just want him to leave. I lied, I really just want him in me, but this shit is complicated!! I don’t do complicated. I do simple.
Very calmly Jonathan replies. “Look, I will leave if that is what you really want. But, I have never met anyone like you, and I am willing to take the risks here, Emily. I’m opening up to you and it’s fucking terrifying.”
Wow this guy has real feelings. Is he about to cry? Aw, he is so sweet, like a Saint Bernard at supper time. Either he is the biggest piece of shit in the world, or I might as well give in and see what happens. We meet in the kitchen again and he doesn’t take my hand but waits for me to make the first move.
I bite my lower lip and say something I don’t say too often. “I’m sorry. You are right.” What the fuck did I just do? Oh, my gosh all these years of saving that one up for just the right time and this is when I choose to use the ‘sorry, you are right’ button?
He takes my hand and kisses it. “What does this look like exactly?” I say as I pull my hair behind my ears and look up at his six foot frame. I’m missing my favorite shows for this guy so he better have a damn good response. Right then Gertie bitch-face decides to interrupt as she weaves her body between our legs.
Jonathan looks down and smiles.
“See she likes me!” He says.
“Yes, well my cat and I are very different.” I say, which I realize was mean. “Look, what I mean is, it’s almost three in the morning and I need to sleep. You need to go home to your wife and you also need to come up with a good fucking answer to that last question!” I am pretty much yelling at this point.
“What was the questions again?” Jonathan is baiting me. He smiles.
“Fuck off and don’t come back until you have an answer!” I am basically pushing him out the door at this point. Right before he turns to go, he reaches down, grabs my face and plants a good one on my lips. I mean real good. Unforgettable good. I can feel my body giving into him, and I resist. I push him away and open the door. He licks his lips.
“You are it Emily Hawkins.” Jonathan whispers into my ear as he walks out the door. I watch him as he leaves. He walks quietly. I shut the door to my apartment and lean my back up against the inside of it. I am exhausted. I am drunk (well almost). I am starting to get a headache. I lay down on the couch and fall asleep immediately.
10
The Contract
I am getting dressed.
I am wearing a skirt. It is sunny today. The birds are chirping, and my cat is trying to chase them in her wildest dreams, from inside my apartment. It’s really cute actually. I look down and realize my legs are as white as snow. I change back into my pants and give up on trying to look cute. Today will just be Levi’s and a graphic T sort of day.
I am meeting them today. We are signing the papers. I haven’t talked to my mother in over two weeks and she is probably worried sick. I just haven’t had the energy, between nights at work and even later nights with Jonathan, I feel like a vampire who never sees the sun. I feel like I have been having sex 24/7. My mind is sort of foggy, and if there is any day I need a clear head it’s today.
I r
an into Molly yesterday in the mailroom and she just raised her eyebrows at me. No ‘hello’, no ‘fuck off’ or anything. She then began to compliment my figure and even touched my hips. This woman is delusional, I thought. I would never have guessed she was interested in me at one time by the way she acts now. I mean I guess she has every right to be upset. But if this is really their lifestyle, then she sort of asked for it right? I hope if I do this with Jonathan she won’t make my life a living hell.
But then again, if I was in a marriage like hers, I might behave in the same way. Never really wanted by your husband, having to hide your secret desires, living a lie in a way. That must suck.
Jonathan has explained to me that all is well, and he talked Molly into an arrangement and swears she agrees to it. I told him that maybe we should give it more time, but he insisted that we should move forward with it now. I am in one big fucking mess here.
On Saturday Jonathan took me out to a bar near his firm and we drank and laughed and came back to my apartment and made love for three hours straight! He calls it making love, I just call it fucking. He sends daily texts and emails. He even sent flowers to my work…which is weird because it’s a gym but I’m not complaining.
He told me that he has never been this happy and to be honest, neither have I. But I feel like I am living a lie. These past few weeks have been nuts!
Let’s just break it down here: I am sleeping with my neighbors husband and, later today, they will both make me sign a contract stating that I am his exclusive girlfriend and who else knows what. It sounds a lot worse when I lay it out there in those terms. Am I fucking crazy?
Well, yes, yes I am. I have been waiting for something to happen in my life for so long. The money is there, the education is there, the inspiration is there, but the action is missing and always has been. I have no action. Well, actually now I get action all of the time, but that’s beside the point! I have never wanted to do anything with my life. I have never been driven and never wanted to have a family. I have always been different and liked it that way.