by Ross, Aubrey
“How far did it go with the three of you?” Katie’s soft voice drew Josiah back to the present.
“We just kissed that night, but we kissed for hours. I kissed Ronnie, she kissed me and Chase, and we both kissed Chase together. He seemed to like that best. Of course the next morning I got the ‘I was really drink, bro’ speech.” He shook his head annoyed by the hypocrisy even now.
“You said that’s all you did ‘that night’. That infers there were other nights and other intimacies.”
“Ronnie was into Chase, but she was really into having us both together. I promised Chase I’d never touch her unless he was there and he agreed to let us explore.” He halted her question with an upraised hand. “Let me finish, then I’ll answer your questions.” She nodded, so he went on. “If you haven’t figured it out already, Chase is a touch homophobic. I’ve caught him looking at men as often as he looks at women, but he’s not comfortable with the complications that inevitably follow a nontraditional lifestyle.”
He paused for a sip of coffee, so she slipped in a question. “I understand that his parents’ marriage is rock-solid, but are they homophobic? Is that why he was so reluctant to act on his desire?”
“No. His parents are remarkably open-minded, especially considering their background.”
“Don’t they own a dairy farm or something?”
“Cattle ranch out on the Eastern plains. They sold it a few years back and moved to Texas, but they’re small town to the core. They have some interesting ideas about the role of the federal government, but they’re friendly and welcoming to everyone regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation.” He set down his mug with a sigh. “It might have been different if Chase was only attracted to men. But he thinks he can avoid the conflict gay people face by focusing on females.”
“It’s not a bad strategy. You must admit that life is easier for people who play by the rules.”
“No doubt. And James is a perfect example. He seems genuinely content behind his white picket fence. I think that’s part of the reason Chase has held on to this for so long. Unfortunately, not all of us are satisfied within the boxes society draws for us.”
She paused for a moment, obviously processing the information. “I appreciate the insight, but you didn’t answer the question. Did it ever go beyond foreplay with you, Chase and Ronnie?”
“Repeatedly. Having her there freed Chase from the gay stigma, at least in his own mind.”
After scooting closer to the table, she motioned him nearer as well. “Did you…you know, do Chase or did everything stay focused on Ronnie?”
He chuckled. Her reluctance to say sexual words only made him more determined to hear her whisper them while he was inside her. “Did I fuck Chase? Is that what you want to know? Did I put my cock in his—” She kicked him under the table and he laughed. “As long as Ronnie was there, Chase let me do whatever I wanted to him. In fact, the more demanding I became, the more he liked it.”
Again her perceptiveness caught the subtle distinction. “You could do whatever you wanted to him? Did he ever do those things to you?”
Not willing to embarrass her unnecessarily, he kept his voice low. “Chase gives an amazing blow job, but he won’t let me go down on him. He’ll let me fuck him, but he won’t fuck me. I don’t know why one is okay and the other taboo, but the limitations are nonnegotiable.”
“Both of those are passive. Maybe it’s more about being dominated and less about being with a man.”
He shrugged. “I’ve spent years trying to figure out Chase. Ultimately, I have no problem with his boundaries as long as I’m part of his life.”
“What happened to Ronnie?”
He shrugged again. She’d been an entertaining flirtation, like so many others. None of them had expected it to last. “She moved on to her next adventure, so things cooled down between me and Chase for a while. I graduated and got my own place. James met his wife and settled down. Chase seemed to be doing the same.”
Her brow furrowed and she fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. “Did you feel shut out by the change in their attitudes?”
“Not for long.” He grinned. “Chase graduated a year early, but didn’t find a job right away. He asked if he could crash at my place while he worked things out.”
“Did he allow things to heat back up?”
“Not as frequently as I would have liked, but he stopped trying to pretend he wasn’t into it.”
“Were there other threesomes?”
A fresh blush colored her cheeks, triggering a need deep inside Josiah. Did that captivating flush spread over her entire body? He’d been too distracted the night before to pay attention to her skin. “Chase is far less inhibited anytime a woman is involved. I thoroughly enjoy women, so you do the math.”
“Has he lived with you ever since?”
Josiah nodded. “The arrangement is comfortable, so he started paying rent once he found a job. We moved from the apartment, to a small house, to across the street from you.”
“And still he doesn’t consider you a couple?”
She sounded disappointed, so he clarified, “Neither do I. We’re best friends who occasionally interact sexually. Our friendship is much more important than sex.”
A challenging smile parted her lips as she shook her head. “I think you’re both in denial.” When he didn’t respond, she went on. “You said Chase’s parents were open-minded ranchers. What about yours? Did you have a happy childhood? What were you like before your wild frat-boy days?”
“Not a chance, Katie-cat.” He grinned and pushed back from the table. “If you want to see more of mine, you’ll have to show me more of yours.”
She quickly drained the last of her mimosa. “Are we leaving?”
Rather than answer her question with words, he looked at the check then threw several bills on the table. He stood and crossed behind her, pulling out her chair. She smelled clean and faintly floral. Was that shampoo or perfume? Either way he liked the fragrance. Soft and subtle, yet sweet, it suited her personality.
Clouds had gathered as they ate. The afternoon was still warm, but the air was heavy with the promise of rain. Luckily they didn’t have far to go. He reached down and grasped her hand, threading his fingers through hers.
She looked up at him, obviously surprised by the gesture, yet she didn’t pull away. “You’re not going to be able to do this, are you?”
“Do what?” The question didn’t sound nearly as sincere as he’d hoped.
“Pretend that you want to be my friend.”
His confusion was genuine this time. “I’m not pretending. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t interested in you.”
“But you don’t want to be friends.”
“I don’t want to be just friends. I can’t pretend I don’t want you. I’m not that good an actor. But I don’t think I’m the only one holding back what they really want.” He led her into the multi-level garage, but they didn’t make it to his car. He spun her around and pressed her back against a concrete pylon, caging her there with his arms. Her eyes rounded and her hands came up between them. “Are you going to pretend last night meant nothing to you? Can you honestly say you haven’t wanted it to happen for years?”
The tight movement of her throat told him more than her calm expression. “Last night just happened.”
“That’s almost as lame as ‘I was really drunk at the time’.” He cupped her chin, preventing her from escaping his stare. “How often have you thought of us while you touched yourself?”
Her lips trembled as if she’d say something, then she licked her lips and something deep in her eyes changed, calmed and gathered strength. “You’re right. I’ve been fascinated by you both ever since you moved in. You laugh at expectations and live life to the fullest. I’ve always been paralyzed by rules.”
“Well, this is your opportunity to misbehave.” He leaned down, meaning to kiss her but she ducked under his arm and rushed to his car. Discouraged by he
r retreat, he stalked toward her, eyes narrowed, lips tight.
“I have a proposition for you.” She stood on the far side of the car, eyes luminous and filled with secrets.
He wanted to dive into her gaze and discover all her secrets. He didn’t care how long it took or where the journey led. He had to have her, had to see the real Katie at least once. “I’m listening.” He rested his hands on top of the car and waited.
“Unlock the car. It will be easier for me to explain if we’re alone.”
Desire cascaded through his body, stirring his senses and hardening his cock. Any proposition that required privacy was right in line with what he wanted. He triggered the locks and they both got into the car. He slipped the key into the ignition, but didn’t start the car.
“As you know my sexual experience has been extremely limited.”
Unable to take his eyes off her, he waited for more information.
“I want to explore, to discover what I like and dislike, but I’ve never even found a place to start. Bars are so…tacky and BDSM clubs seem even—”
“You’re interested in BDSM?” He had no doubt she had submissive tendencies, but he’d disregarded the possibility once he’d realized her inexperience.
She smiled and carnal hunger erupted in her gaze, transforming her expression. Gone was the helpless innocent and in her place sat a sensual woman ready to expand her sexual horizons. “I’m interested in everything.” As quickly as the barriers fell, they snapped back into place. “I need a sexual mentor, someone I can trust, someone willing to teach me without confusing the situation with a bunch of emotional bullshit. I don’t want a lover. I’m not interested in a relationship. I want that clear from the beginning.”
Suspicion pulsed through him, eclipsing his lust. “You want me to indulge your sexual curiosity, but you don’t want any sort of commitment?” He stared at her for a long, tense moment. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t think you have a clear picture of what I’m asking. I don’t want you to fuck me every way you know how. I want lessons in pleasure. I want you to guide me through all the things you know without actually doing them to me.”
He laughed and fired up the engine. “How will you decide if you like something or not, if you don’t actually try it?” After carefully checking his mirrors, he backed out of the parking space.
“We’ll be creative, like we were last night. Everyone enjoyed themselves but we didn’t—”
“I can fuck you with my tongue, but not my cock?” He shook his head, finding the conversation less amusing by the moment. Retrieving his sunglasses from the dash, he headed for home. “That argument might have worked for a president, but I’ve always thought it was bullshit. If an activity involves come, it’s sex.”
“I’m sorry I brought it up.” She fastened her seat belt and stared out the window. “I guess I could hire a gigolo. Maybe one of the ones on that cable show. The one with all the tattoos is hot. I bet he knows all sorts of things he could teach me.”
His hands gripped the wheel so hard his knuckles ached. “You’re not hiring a gigolo.”
“I’m not playing games.” She glared at him then back out the window. “I can’t find a lover who will satisfy me body and soul until I know what sort of lover I should be looking for. I’m going to do this, with or without your help. Besides, I didn’t come up with this idea; you did. ‘You’re ready to play with the fire, and I want to make sure you don’t get burned.’ Do those words sound familiar?”
“I had something more mutually fulfilling in mind,” he pointed out.
“You want to fuck me for a week or two, overwhelm me with all sorts of exotic pleasures, and then move on to your next conquest.” She suddenly had the courage to meet his stare without so much as flinching. “I want to benefit from your experience without becoming your next victim. Is that so wrong?”
“I don’t victimize my lovers,” he snapped, turning back to the road. “If that’s really what you think of me, why would you want me anywhere near you?”
“Bad choice of words. That’s not what I meant.” She sighed and then tried again. “I just thought it would be safer to indulge my curiosity with someone I know and trust.”
“Trust?” His laugh sounded harsh and hollow. “It sure as hell doesn’t sound like you trust me.” Needing to see her reaction to his words, he glanced at her again.
She shifted in her seat and look into his eyes. “You might not be husband material, but I know you’d never hurt me. Unless I asked you to,” she added with a tiny smile.
Her teasing had no effect on him. He was stuck on the first part of her statement. Not husband material? He tore his gaze away from her face and tried to focus on the road, though his eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. She was right, of course. He was no one’s idea of a husband. The fact had just never bothered him before. Chase, with the proper motivation, could be a loving husband. Even James had successfully left his past behind. It shouldn’t have surprised Josiah that Katie dismissed the possibility that he could change, but her attitude stung like hell.
“You really won’t help me?” Her voice was soft and sad as she misunderstood his silence “I’m sorry I asked. It is pretty twisted.” She licked her lips and sighed, avoiding his gaze again. “Could you at least point me in the right direction? Do you know a club that would be safe to visit or maybe some videos I could watch?”
He laughed, unable to temper the reaction. “If you’re determined to go on a guided tour of sexual variations, then I’m going to guide you. I’ll even fight like hell to remember you’re my student, not my lover. However, there’s a complication you’re not thinking about.”
“What’s that?” She still sounded defensive, as if she didn’t believe he’d really changed his mind.
“You. You’re a passionate woman. Last night is proof of that. What do you want me to do when you beg for my cock? And you will beg, little girl. I guarantee it.” He let his hungry glance punctuate the claim.
Color blossomed on her cheeks and then her eyes turned smoky. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but I don’t think it will be an issue.”
Another harsh laugh escaped his throat. “And that makes it a challenge. You have so much to learn.”
“I know I do,” she snapped. “That’s the point of all this.”
“So answer the question. Do you expect me to resist even when you’re begging for it? I’m not sure any man alive has that much control.” He turned his head to assess her response.
Her chin came up and her gaze narrowed. “When, and if, I beg for it, you’re free to give me what I want.”
“Then I accept your proposition. Your lessons will begin tomorrow night.” He turned back to the road before she saw the smug confidence in his gaze. He could wait through a couple of tantalizing lessons as long as he knew she wouldn’t deny him once he grew tired of the game. In fact, he was looking forward to the challenge.
* * * * *
“You handled that beautifully. It couldn’t have gone better if I’d scripted it myself.”
Loki was sitting in Katie’s living room when she returned from her date with Josiah. She’d been so engrossed in the conversation she’d forgotten they had an unseen observer. In fact, she’d forgotten it wasn’t a real date. Though Loki sounded pleased, his comment brought reality back into focus with brutal clarity. She meant nothing to Josiah. His interest in her and willingness to open up hadn’t been real. He was trying to win a bet.
“Yeah, he took the bait, hook, line and sinker.” She sat in the chair facing Loki and let her purse drop to the floor.
“Then why do you look like someone just ran over your dog?” He patted the seat beside him, but Katie shook her head. She wasn’t in the mood to be coddled. If she didn’t develop a thicker skin fast, she was going to be consumed by this mission.
“He’s damn good at what he does.” She sighed. “If you hadn’t let me see behind his mask, I’d be in serious trouble alre
ady. He’s charming and seems sincere. I can see why he’s so successful.”
“He’s successful at starting relationships. He’s an utter failure at maintaining them. Chase is the only person Josiah has managed to keep in his life and their relationship changes with the wind.”
“Or with Chase’s mood. I’m not sure I blame Josiah for that tangle. If Chase would just accept the fact that he’s gay—”
“Chase will never be satisfied without a woman in his life. Josiah realized this a long time ago. That’s why Chase keeps coming back to him.” When Katie didn’t respond to the comment, Loki scooted to the edge of his seat. “If this is too hard, you can tell Josiah you changed your mind and refuse to see either of them again.”
“The bet would end in a tie and they’d probably choose another victim.” She shook her head. “We’ve come too far to just give up. These guys have to feel the pain they inflict on others.”
“All right, then let’s analyze what just happened. If you understand how he’s affecting you and why you’re responding to each of his strategies, that should help you achieve emotional detachment.”
“Emotional detachment?” She cringed. “Isn’t that what prostitutes use? They shut down their minds and only allow their johns to use their bodies?”
“Similar concept. Vastly different application. Think of yourself as a sex therapist. Your interaction with Josiah will be sexual in nature, but you won’t be having sex with him.”
She smiled, allowing herself to relax. “Good analogy. I’m more comfortable as a sex therapist than a hooker.” The corners of his mouth quirked in an all too familiar smirk. “What did I say?”
“I find it ironic that this country has become so advanced, yet it clings to antiquated attitudes about sex. And why is the female alone criminalized? Shouldn’t her customers and her pimp be pursued as aggressively as the ‘hooker’?” He accented the derogatory label with finger quotes.