* * * * * *
Greg and I move away from the group and head into the cockpit. I’m guessing he wants to talk about whether we should even be attempting this. I wonder the same thing but these soldiers, some standing in the rear of the aircraft, have risked themselves for my kids so why shouldn’t the same happen for their families. I would have gone into the high school compound alone for my kids and done anything to get them safely out. I’m sure McCafferty would do the same for hers and trusts the group to come up with a plan to get them safely out. True, I don’t know if they are even in there but if it were my family and there was even the remotest of chances they were inside, I would turn the world upside down getting to them.
“Jack, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, seriously,” Greg asks once we are alone with only the silent dials and instruments an audience to our conversation.
“Can you think of another way? I’m seriously open to any and all suggestions,” I answer.
“No, I can’t. Look, I’m the first to want to help, especially with one of our own team members, but sometimes we have to just chalk it up as a ‘no-go’,” he comments. “Jack, neither of us is young anymore, especially you, old man, and it’s been a long while since I’ve done this kind of jump. However, with that said, I’m with you whatever you decide.”
“I appreciate that, Greg. Well, all except the ‘old man’ comment, but I owe these people and…” I pause noticing an increase in the decibel of the shrieks and glance outside through the side window. A night runner is climbing on the prop. I have the quick thought again of starting the engine when the night runner is thrown from the propeller to the ground.
“What the fuck?” I say knowing instantly it has been shot off. I grab a set of NVG’s lying on the bunk and step closer to the window to get a better look. I don’t need them to see outside but I am ever thoughtful of Gonzalez’ words. I’m not ready for the others to know anything as yet and don’t want to raise any eyebrows. I know I have already raised a couple thinking back to Robert’s reaction when I heard his whisper and to Greg’s when I heard the vehicles long before he could.
“What’s up?” Greg asks as I slide the goggles down. The only change that occurs is the night changes from gray to green. However, one other thing becomes visible, there’s a laser pointing down from the top of the aircraft and is aimed at one of the night runners. The night runner rocks backward, spins, and falls to the ground.
“Holy shit! What the fuck?!” I say again, louder this time. “There’s someone shooting night runners from the up top.”
“You’re kidding,” he says incredulously.
“No, that I am not,” I say raising the goggles and heading quickly down the stairs to the cargo compartment.
“What the hell is going on here?” I shout to the group standing near the back of the aircraft. I’m actually surprised to see them where Greg and I left them. I was expecting them to be standing around the top hatch. I look to the ladder and see the hatch closed.
Heads turn in my direction and I am met with surprised looks which confuses me even further. Judging from their reactions and their positions, they aren’t aware someone is on top shooting. But how can you not be aware someone climbed up the ladder and opened the hatch right next to you? I think staring back at them.
A stab of fear grips me. I scan the faces quickly and see Robert looking back at me with surprise still on his face. I can also see the cogs inside his head turning as he tries to figure out what I’m talking about. He knows something is amiss. He has hung around me long enough to know I don’t just blurt shit out. Okay, well, I do, and often, but he also knows when I’m serious. One face, one very important face is missing. The stab of fear doubles and drops from my heart to my stomach. I scan again.
“Where the fuck is Bri?” I shout knowing the answer. The group looks around in their midst searching for her familiar face expecting to see her standing near. She was there not long ago.
I don’t notice as I’m already climbing the ladder with Greg standing below me. He tells the others about my seeing someone on top shooting night runners outside. I register the instantaneous gasp from several but I’m already pushing the hatch open. I poke my head through and see Bri on one knee by the wing root; her M-4 at her shoulder. Her shoulder rocks back slightly in unison with the muted sound of a round leaving the chamber. A night runner running across the ramp towards the hangars drops in its tracks.
* * * * * *
Bri continues firing at individual night runners watching them fall to the ramp below. Not being able to get to her, they howl and shriek in frustration. Some dip underneath the wing trying to get out of her line of sight. She shifts her position and fires at another. She is careful with her shots in order not to hit the aircraft or at too much of an angle that might ricochet up into the wing or engines. Another night runner drops heavily to the ground. She hears a shout emanating below her. The shout has words attached to it and she knows she’s been found out, or at least missed. She worries about her dad’s reaction and knows it won’t be a pretty one.
A shriek sounds loud above the others. The total volume has diminished to a large degree as there is not the same number of mouths to emit those screams. Dead night runners lie on the tarmac around the 130. Like fish in a barrel, she thinks lining up another shot. With the loud shriek, the night runners turn as one and begin pounding across the ramp. She hears the hatch behind her open as she cracks off another shot at a fleeing night runner. It falls forward from the round slamming into its back. The remainder scatters, disappearing between the hangars and into the night.
“Bri! What the hell are you doing? Get the fuck back in here! Now!” She hears her dad’s sharply whispered voice.
* * * * * *
“Bri! What the hell are you doing? Get the fuck back in here! Now!” I say watching the last of the night runners disappear between the hangars. I keep my voice down to a sharp whisper as I don’t want to startle her to the point of actually falling off. I thought of going to grab the back of her vest to prevent that but that may have startled her even more and she could have put a round in the aircraft.
The silence of the night returns with the exception of my rapidly pounding heart. I watch as Bri calmly rises, clears the chamber before reinserting a mag, flips the safety on and shoulders her M-4. She walks towards me and the hatch lifting her goggles. She has a grim determination painted across her features. Her eyes are large from the adrenaline that must be flooding inside of her. It’s not really a look I wanted to see on my little girl unless I was watching her during one of her sporting events or if she was studying for a final, but I also know her. I head down the ladder with Bri climbing down after me. She closes and seals the hatch.
“Into the cockpit, now!” I say pointing as her boots hit the deck with a ring. I am relieved she is safe. Relieved is putting it mildly but I’m also pissed. See the aforementioned times when the fear resolves itself.
I watch Bri as she walks ahead of me to the steps leading upward. Watching my fifteen year old daughter walking in her black fatigues and vest with an M-4 slung on her shoulder and NVG’s on her head is disconcerting. Her fine blond hair hangs down to the middle of her back. This is my sweet girl walking in front of me, I think. I feel my anger abate to a degree or at least be redirected toward the situation that would make my girl have to wear that attire and carry such gear. I do notice her confident stride. It’s like I am seeing her in a different light. My sweet, bubbly, joyous, care-free girl has changed and I’m not too happy with the world for making that so. The interior of the aircraft is deathly silent.
We enter the cockpit and she sits on the lower bunk removing her goggles. I plop down beside her. “What the hell were you thinking, Bri?” I ask shaking my head.
“I don’t know, Dad. I just got really scared and felt the need to do something,” Bri answers.
“Seriously! And that’s what you came up with? Opening the hatch and going outside with the night runners.
You endangered everyone here opening the hatch like that,” I say with my voice rising.
“I made sure the hatch was closed so they couldn’t have gotten in,” she replies. Okay, I’ll give her that one. It’s still not okay but she’s right. That doesn’t alleviate my anger and fear any or make what she did right.
“But you could have disabled the aircraft shooting at the night runners around it, either directly or by a ricochet,” I state.
“Dad, I was careful with my shots so that didn’t happen,” she says. I take another long, hard look at my daughter sitting in front of me. Could she really have analyzed it in that fashion being outside in the domain of the night runners? The girl sitting in front of me seems like a completely different person than my daughter and yet also the same.
“Okay, but you went outside with the night runners and you went alone. They could have climbed up and gotten to you, Bri,” I say feeling the beginnings of a tear thinking about if that had happened.
“I’ve observed them at night and they haven’t been able to climb on top. They would have if they could on night’s past and we would have heard them banging on top,” she responds.
“Quit being so damned logical!” I say raising my voice. “You scared me to death, Bri,” I add in a lower tone. “You didn’t let anyone know where you were or where you were going.”
“I know you’re angry with me, Dad, and I’m sorry,” Bri says dropping her eyes to stare at her lap.
“Damn right I’m angry. I’m pissed as hell but that’s because I was scared to death,” I say.
Bri raises her eyes back to mine. “That’s how I feel, Dad. I’m scared and I’m angry. I don’t want you to go. Why do you have to do this?” She asks.
Here it is. This is what it comes down to. I come to the realization that there are two balances in progress. One is in relation to them and me trying to come to grips with keeping them safe versus giving them experience. But there’s another. And that is taking risks myself versus staying around for them. I’ve always had that in the back of my mind but I guess the Superman aspect I’ve felt from time to time never really let me think about that for too long or deeply. I guess I always knew I would make it through and I’d always be around so that wasn’t really ever a player. They want to gather the experience and I want them to be held in safety. They don’t want me to take risks and to be around and I feel the need to take some risks for the safety of others. I’m not sure that balance will ever come up with the perfect answer but I can understand hers and Robert’s perspective a little more.
“My sweet Bri, I owe these people. They risk their lives to help keep you safe. They helped without question and risked everything to get you back and now their families are in trouble and need help,” I say trying to help her understand why I take the risks I do.
“But you won’t let us take those risks to help the others who have helped us,” she says.
“I know. When you have kids, you’ll better understand why,” I reply and give her the same talk I gave Robert about it being tough being a dad and weighing the risks of giving them experience against the need to see them safe.
“Oh, and about the having kids thing, that better not be soon,” I add after trying to explain how difficult it is being a dad in this new world. Bri smiles.
“I’m sorry I disappointed you, Dad,” she says.
“Bri, you could never disappoint me,” I say wrapping my arms around her and drawing her close. She folds her arms around me and I feel warm tears run down my cheeks onto her shoulder.
“I love you, Dad,” she says against my shoulder.
“I love you too, Bri,” I return.
I look up to see Gonzalez standing at the bottom of the steps. I’m not sure how long she’s been there. She looks at me and nods at Bri asking if she can talk to her. This is my time with my daughter and I give Gonzalez a look letting her know she is treading on dangerous ground. Gonzalez reads my look, nods her understanding but holds her ground.
“Sir, this is just one soldier to another,” Gonzalez says nodding at Bri who still has my arms wrapped around her.
I nod in understanding, release Bri and rise giving her a kiss on the forehead. I head back into the cargo compartment.
* * * * * *
Bri feels her dad release his hold and the kiss on her head. She knows what she did was wrong; not from a purely logical standpoint but more from acting without letting the group know first. What if her dad didn’t know she was on the roof? He would have charged out of the aircraft and into the midst of the night runners looking for her. She knows he would have taken on every night runner to find her. She did in fact put others at risk with her actions, she thinks as Gonzalez sits beside her.
“Want to talk about it?” Gonzalez asks.
“Not really,” Bri answers looking at her lap once again.
“Let me rephrase that. Want to talk about it?” Gonzalez asks again but with very little question attached to it.
Bri looks up and smiles. She really does like Gonzalez and is afraid of disappointing her almost more than her dad. She admires Gonzalez and likes how she makes her feel comfortable with just a few words. Gonzalez can climb around, over, and through her walls with ease. She feels a similar connection with Gonzalez as she did with Nic; not the same but close.
“I don’t know what got into me,” Bri says. “I was just so scared for my dad. I still am.”
“Bri, one thing you’re going to have to trust is that your dad knows what he is doing and that what he does, he has you and Robert first and foremost in his mind,” Gonzalez says putting her hand on Bri’s shoulder.
“I can understand some of that and I know the reasons but I still don’t really get why he has to take the risks he does,” Bri replies.
“Look, I know it seems like he does reckless and risky things at times but understand that he is mindful of what he is doing. And know that he does know his limits, although I do sometimes question if he knows exactly where they are and instead plays it by ear, but he does know what he is doing. Have faith that he will not do anything that will result in him leaving you. This is a dangerous world we live in and nothing is ever guaranteed, but he won’t excessively risk himself if it means you will lose him. He takes these risks for others but only because they have risked their lives for you and Robert. He is merely paying them back for your safety,” Gonzalez says.
“How do you know all of this?” Bri asks.
“Because I’ve known others like him,” Gonzalez answers.
Bri understands and appreciates her dad more. She feels her fears settle and become acceptance. Not a fated kind of acceptance as she is still scared about what is coming up. Bri feels the tempered steel build and become a stronger part of her.
“How many did you get?” Gonzalez asks.
“I’m not sure,” Bri answers.
“I guess we’ll find out in the morning.”
“I guess so,” Bri replies feeling a little shy.
“Well, little warrior princess, you sure chased them off,” Gonzalez says patting her shoulder before rising.
Bri’s heart swells with pride. She still knows she did wrong and put others at risk but those words from Gonzalez fill her. Words escape her but nothing can wipe the smile off her face. That smile says it all.
“Come on, let’s head into the back and get some rest,” Gonzalez says.
Bri rises and follows Gonzalez.
* * * * * *
I walk down the steps not sure if I feel better or not. The thought of Bri outside by herself picking off night runners, in their domain, sends shivers up my spine and a sour, sickening feeling in my stomach. She did it because she was scared and felt the need to act. Is that why I am doing half of the things I am – feeling the need to act? Was she being reckless or am I just thinking she was? She was quite logical in her thinking and seemed in control of herself. I mean, it’s something I might even do. Is that recklessness or have I reasoned it out in my head to make it seem like
a legit risk? Do the others view my actions as reckless and just go along with it because? I know Lynn has issues with some of my decisions and I truly can’t say I blame her.
These thoughts pour through my mind as I enter the cargo compartment and take a seat on the lower bunk by the blacked-out window. The soldiers stand silently looking everywhere but in my direction. There’s an awkward feeling to the air. Robert comes to sit next to me.
“How’d it go up there?” He asks.
“All in all not too bad,” I answer.
“You know, not one person saw her climb up,” he comments.
“Yeah, I figured as much,” I reply.
“Why did she do it?” Robert asks. I explain as best as I can.
“I can relate,” Robert says after I finish.
I look sidelong at him. “Really?” I ask. “How so?”
“Well, I get worried and feel the need to act. I feel kind of stifled sometimes,” he answers. “I understand why you do what you do but it sometimes comes up.”
“Okay, let me ask you this, do you think I act recklessly?” I ask. He gives his customary shrug.
“Seriously, do you?” I ask again.
He sighs. “No, not recklessly, I guess. But you do take some pretty big risks. But then again, you have different experiences so what I see as big risks, you see differently.”
“That’s a good way of putting it,” I respond.
“But jumping into a compound at night with a HALO jump? Well, that’s different. When is the last time, if ever, you’ve done that?” Robert asks looking at me worriedly.
“It’s been a while admittedly,” I answer.
“Then why?”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. “Go get Greg and I’ll explain. He was asking the same thing and if everyone is asking, then perhaps I either need to reconsider or explain.” Robert gets up and returns shortly with Greg.
A New World: Awakening Page 17