“Lots.”
Conor burst into tears and Margo stepped forward. She leaned down and took his hand. “Would you like to come inside with me? Louisa has toys to show you.”
He perked up a little.
“Do you like toys?”
He nodded.
“Come on then. You’ll see Leo again on the day you start school, and then again at the weekend. The time will whizz by. You’ll see.” The two of them walked into the house, leaving Louisa and Leo outside.
“Thank God Margo is here,” Louisa said. “He hates me.”
Leo shook his head. “He doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t trust you yet.”
“Maybe he’s picking up on my mixed feelings.”
“If you’d rather not…”
She bit her lip. “He seems so terribly sad.”
“You’ll rub along together fine. It’s all very new for him. He just needs time.”
“Hope you’re right.”
He reached out a hand and held hers. “Thank you for everything.”
She looked into his eyes and saw how much the situation weighed on him. “Any evening you have time to pop over, please do. And I have plenty of room if you want to stay.”
“I’d love to, though I think for now it’s best if I don’t stay.”
She nodded but couldn’t help feeling a little shiver of disappointment.
He smiled. “I’ll see you when I take Conor to school on his first day.”
That night, once Conor was asleep, Louisa sat up late reading a book in the downstairs living room, wishing Margo hadn’t gone to bed. She felt anxious—after all, what did she know about children—especially as Conor had lived such an unusual life and was now in the depths of grief. She resolved to do everything she could to make him feel at home but couldn’t help feeling nervous. The boy’s clear resemblance to Elliot didn’t help.
She was just about to go upstairs to bed when she heard a light tapping on the French windows. She got up to look out and had a shock when she saw it was Leo standing outside in the garden. She hurried across and opened the window.
“What is it?” she whispered. “Has something happened?”
“The only thing that’s happened is that I wanted to see you. Do you mind me coming so late?” He smiled. “I didn’t want to ring the doorbell and wake everyone, but you did invite me to pop in.”
She couldn’t stop herself laughing. “I didn’t mean quite this late.”
“It’s only eleven thirty.”
“Come in. But let’s not alert the servants. I don’t want to set tongues wagging if I can help it.”
“We could sit in the garden and watch the fireflies.”
“Great idea. I’ll fetch my wrap.”
He went to sit on a bench farthest from the house where they wouldn’t be overheard and, after she had found her cashmere wrap, she joined him.
“I love this time of night,” he said, as she made herself comfortable, near to him but not quite touching.
She listened to all the nighttime sounds. The buzzings and croakings and the night birds in the trees.
“There,” he said, spotting the tiny flashes of light.
“Wonderful.”
It felt illicit to be sitting in the garden with him while everyone else slept and she enjoyed the thrill it gave her. It was night. They were alone. She drew in her breath.
“Do you read much?” he said. “When you have time.”
“I do, but I prefer to draw.”
“Paint as well?”
“No, I just mainly draw buildings. What about you?”
“I don’t have time for hobbies but I like to read in the evenings.” He paused and took hold of her hand. “Louisa, you must know how I feel about you.”
There. He’d said her name again in the way she liked. Low-voiced. Warm. She didn’t speak for a few moments, just enjoyed feeling her palm tingling as he stroked it.
Finally he said, “I just want you to know that I understand you’ve been going through an awful lot and I don’t want to add to that in any way.”
“You don’t. You aren’t.”
“Well, I’m just saying…” he persisted.
“I know. It’s all right.”
“Are you sure? There’s so much I’d like to say to you…” He turned her palm over and kissed it.
She swallowed rapidly, longing for him to do it again. “Well, say it,” she whispered.
“You’ve brought something good into my life. I just wanted you to know. There’s so much I’d love to do with you, new places I’d like to go, that sort of thing, but I don’t want to move too fast.”
“Spending time with you is lovely…it isn’t that that worries me.”
He put an arm around her and she leaned against him as he twisted a lock of her hair around his fingers. The garden’s nighttime scents mixed with the musky trace of his aftershave, and she ached for the moment to stretch out forever.
“Conor?” he said and she felt his breath, warm on her cheek.
“A little bit. I’m worried I can’t do it.”
“Don’t worry. I have confidence in you. I wouldn’t leave him with you if I didn’t, believe me.”
They sat in silence for a while. Aware of an undercurrent of tension between them, she lifted a hand and with her fingertips caressed the side of his cheek. She wanted to be even closer, so close she could reach inside him and, when he drew her to him, she felt herself letting go.
He bent his head and with a hand on the nape of her neck pulled her gently around to face him; she gasped. Then he kissed her very softly on the lips. Her body was on fire, more alive than she could remember. She kissed him back and felt herself dissolving. They held each other after that, his heart pounding against her chest. She wanted to ask him to stay, but with Conor in the house it didn’t feel quite right.
“So,” she finally said and pulled away a little.
“I don’t want to but I’d better go,” he said and lifted the hair from where it hid her face.
“Yes.”
* * *
—
After breakfast the next day, Louisa led Conor into the sitting room where she had arranged the old toys she’d found at her father’s house. The dust motes in the air shimmered in the early sunshine, so much so that the room glowed with light, and she felt as if the radiance signaled a brave new day. If she could find a way to reach Conor it would work out fine. Leo had confidence in her and that inspired her to find some confidence in herself. Leo. Whenever she thought of him her heart skipped a beat.
Now she took a deep breath and began showing Conor the toys, but it soon became apparent that although he picked up a few things, he had no real interest in playing. She’d bought some crayons and a pad of paper and gave those to him too. He didn’t respond. Her heart went out to him as he stared listlessly at the floor. Poor little mite. It was just too overwhelming and it seemed as if nothing was going to work, but as she stood listening to the birds in the garden an idea popped into her head.
“I know,” she said. “I’ll get the butterflies.”
She went upstairs and then came back down with a flat wooden box, fully expecting this would interest the child.
At first he looked at it with a puzzled expression, hastily disguised as disinterest but, when she opened the lid, curiosity seemed to get the better of him and he leaned forward. She smiled at him, happy to have hit on something he liked. But as soon as he saw the lifeless insects pinned to a velvet base he stepped back in shock.
“They’re dead! The butterflies are dead!”
She tried another smile. “It’s a collection. I thought you might like to see them.”
He stared at her, the horror distorting his features. “I hate them.”
Then he ran from the room and she heard
him thundering up the stairs, followed by the slam of his bedroom door.
Well, that went well, she thought.
For the rest of the morning Louisa got on with sewing her bedspread, but felt like a failure. She wanted to go to his room, but sensing he might need to be alone, decided to wait until she heard his footsteps again. Margo came into the room and tried to cheer her up.
“I don’t know what to do,” Louisa said.
“The trouble is, neither of us has any experience of children. Is there somebody you could ask for advice?”
“Maybe. There’s Gwen Hooper. She has two.”
“Why not give her a call? If you trust her.”
“Absolutely. She lost a child and I feel she understands so much.”
Then, at about eleven, the phone rang. Unfortunately, it was Irene insisting Margo return home. The morning dragged on and by lunchtime Conor still hadn’t come back down, so Louisa asked Margo to fetch him.
But lunch was a strained affair. Conor stared at his meal and barely lifted his fork.
“What do you like to eat, Conor?” Margo asked.
“Hoppers,” he said, “and biscuits with cinnamon.”
“Well, if you tell Louisa what you’d like, she’ll make sure you get it.”
“What else do you like?” Louisa added.
No reply.
“I have to go to Colombo tomorrow,” Margo said.
The little boy gave her a sad look. “Are you coming back?”
She smiled. “Very soon.”
“Can I come too?”
Margo shook her head. “No, you’ll stay here with Louisa.”
He pulled a face. “But she’s not my auntie. Why must I? Who will look after me?”
“Louisa will.”
He carefully placed his fork on the plate and, with a stubborn look, stared at her. “I want you.”
“I know, sweetheart, but we can’t always have what we want, now can we? You’ll be right as rain once you get used to Louisa.”
“I have a lovely new school uniform for you,” Louisa said, trying a different tactic.
He shook his head.
“The school term starts tomorrow. Shall we go to your room and try your uniform on?”
No reply.
Louisa exchanged glances with Margo. Was it always going to be like this?
But they went upstairs and with Margo’s help she managed to persuade Conor to try on his school clothes. After he’d changed back, she decided to let him play in the garden, all the while keeping an eye out that he didn’t run off through the back gate. He seemed happier playing with the dogs than doing anything else, so she let it go on. When the rain forced him inside again, she listened to it pounding on the paving outside and, although it felt as if it was beating in her head, she tried once more with the toys.
“Would you like to play a game?” she asked.
He frowned and stuck out his bottom lip.
“Maybe you haven’t heard of this one? It’s called Pirate and Traveler. What do you think? Do you like pirates?”
“I don’t like games.”
Heartened that he was at least speaking, it gave her a kernel of hope. If she could just get him talking, this might stand a chance of working.
That evening she phoned Gwen, who told her that as she and Laurence would be in Colombo for two days, she would take the car and drive on down to Galle from there, bringing the baby.
* * *
—
In the morning, Margo encouraged Conor to dress in his new uniform before she caught the early bus. Louisa then waited at the front door for Leo to arrive, as they had agreed they would both walk Conor to the school building. As she glanced up the road, she felt excited at the thought of seeing him again, although she knew she’d have to conceal her feelings for the sake of the child. But when Leo arrived he gave her a broad smile and, seeing the warmth in his eyes, she relaxed.
“Conor’s in the garden,” she said.
He squeezed her arm and then went to find the boy.
Although Conor held Leo’s hand as they left the house, he refused to hold Louisa’s and shuffled along, sullen and silent, hanging back all the time. Leo squatted down to give him a few words of encouragement, saying he’d make lots of new friends and would spend a wonderful weekend back at the plantation. Conor gave him a half-smile and once again Louisa’s heart went out to him. It must feel so strange for a child who had never been to school, but she believed it was for the best—at the very least it would be a distraction—and she didn’t think moping around on your own was healthy. They walked into the playground together and then went to the office, where Leo introduced Conor to the school secretary. He’d already been in contact with the head to arrange a place for the boy.
Leo left shortly after, saying he wished he could stay longer but there was too much he had to get on with. Back at home, Louisa felt suddenly alone. She went into Conor’s room and found a well-thumbed book of insects and another about wild animals and birds. He was clearly interested in nature, so maybe that might be a way to reach him. She passed the time over trivial household matters and arranged for a lunch she hoped he would like.
After that she went to collect Conor, but as she arrived the secretary was waiting to speak to her, and ushered her away from the other parents.
“Could you come this way, Mrs. Reeve.”
Louisa followed her to the school office, where the head teacher was waiting with Conor. She glanced at the boy and saw immediately his lip was red and swollen. She frowned. “What happened?”
“If you wouldn’t mind coming with me. My secretary will look after the child.”
She followed him into an inner office, where he seated himself behind a large wooden desk and indicated she should sit opposite. It was a forbidding sort of a room and she felt as if she were a child herself, hauled up in front of a master for some wrongdoing.
The head twisted his hands together and smiled before he began. “I’m sure you’ll understand we are a small private school and we have a reputation to uphold.”
“But what happened?”
“Conor got involved in a fight.”
“Why?”
He glanced at a spot above her head before meeting her eyes. “Mrs. Reeve, I’d like you to be honest with me.”
“Of course.”
“Is the child illegitimate?”
She drew breath before speaking. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m afraid he was called a name, rather an unpleasant one, as it happens.”
“By whom?”
She noticed the lines between his eyebrows deepen before he spoke. “Elspeth Markham’s little boy, Colin, was one, but the others joined in. They were calling him a bastard, I’m afraid.”
Her jaw stiffened. “But that’s hardly his fault.”
“Mrs. Reeve, you cannot be so naive as to think I believe it is the poor child’s fault. That isn’t the problem.”
“So, what is?”
“The other parents, I’m afraid. I can’t afford to upset them. Mrs. Markham came to see me earlier, having been tipped off that Conor would be starting today. She insists that we cannot have an illegitimate child attending here and believes that Conor’s presence will undermine the morality of the other children. And now, especially in the light of what has happened, I’m afraid Conor won’t be able to remain at the school.”
As Louisa took this news in, she felt upset to think how much this must have hurt the little boy.
“Surely we should be standing up to bullying?”
“I’m sorry.”
She rose as anger surged through her. “So, you’re just going to give in?”
“I have no choice.”
“Then how will we ever change people’s attitudes?”
<
br /> He shook his head. “Changing parental attitudes is not my job, educating their children is. I’m very sorry, Mrs. Reeve. Perhaps the Sinhalese school will be more suitable?”
Louisa turned her back on him and went to collect Conor. She took hold of his hand and practically ran out of the office. The headmaster must have known the Sinhalese school was not an option, as Conor would be perceived as even more different there, so now she was faced with having to educate him at home. She felt angry and sad about what had happened to him at school, but anxious too. Now she would be in charge of Conor full time. Thank goodness Gwen would be arriving soon.
* * *
—
Fortified by a good lunch, she spent the early afternoon trying to encourage Conor to talk, but with no success. He wasn’t accustomed to being with children his own age, she knew that, but it was hardly good for him to only be with adults, especially one he wouldn’t talk to. He’d been fine with her on the fishing trip when Leo was there, but he wasn’t at all happy about her looking after him now. She asked him what he liked about the plantation. Was it the woods? Or the scent of cinnamon? Or the way you could smell the sea? Nothing seemed to work. If only she could find out what he missed, then she might be able to find a way to make up for it. Leo had told her about his secret places, so maybe if they played hide and seek he might find new secret places inside the house. Unfortunately, he refused to take part, and then when she laid out the Noah’s ark with all the animals around it, he got up from the floor and stamped on the wooden boat.
“That’s not acceptable,” she said, fighting to stay calm. “I’m only trying to help you.”
He glared at her.
“Pick up the pieces and put them in the box.”
He didn’t move.
“Conor, I’m asking you nicely to put the animals of the ark away.”
Silence.
She sighed. “Very well. Maybe it’s best if you go to your room and think about why you deliberately broke a toy. I, meanwhile, will put everything away.”
She listened as he left the room and felt defeated. The only thing that made her feel better was thinking about Leo. She closed her eyes and imagined him sitting close to her. I have confidence in you, he’d said. She had to make things work with Conor, for the little boy’s sake, yes, but also for Leo’s sake too. She could not let him down.
The Sapphire Widow Page 27