by Sarah Adams
When Jake speaks, he sounds as heavy as I feel. “How long do you think until it starts?”
“He always alerts me ten to thirty minutes before an episode.”
“Okay.” I hear him rustling papers around frantically. “I’m on my way from the office, so it won’t take me long to get there.”
“What?!” I start to sit up, but Charlie doesn’t like it and tugs me back down. I comply. “Jake, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be all right. I’ll call you later, once everything passes.”
“Evie.” His voice is deep and means business. If my heart rate wasn’t already high from nervousness, it would be elevated for a whole different reason. “I want to. Please let me come over.”
Honestly, I’m contemplating saying no. I’m nervous. What if he gets here in time to see the episode? I’ve never filmed myself, so I don’t know what I look like during a seizure, but I’ve seen it reenacted by mean boys enough times to get a pretty good idea.
Jake has seen Sam’s seizures, so it won’t be totally foreign to him, but what if seeing me this way changes the way I look to him? I might be less attractive. Or he’ll realize that I’ll just be more of a burden in his life.
You might be thinking I’m overreacting here. I’m not. These fears have all evolved out of past experiences.
The truth is, Tyler Murray and I dated from freshman to junior year of high school. And remember those jocks that made fun of me for the way I convulsed during a seizure in class? Yeah, Tyler was one of them. Actually, first, he broke up with me, and then he made fun of me with his buddies.
I never told my parents about that day (and the weeks he spent reenacting my seizures in the hallway when I’d pass by) because I was too embarrassed—ashamed over something I couldn’t control.
Later, when Tyler and I graduated, and before he moved away, he tried to get back together with me (most likely because his parents were beginning to convince him of the merit of marrying a Jones by that point), and when I turned him down because of how he treated me our junior year, he said the teasing was all good-natured fun and he didn’t mean any harm by it.
It didn’t feel good-natured to me. And to this day, he’s never actually apologized for what he did.
Point is, it’s stuck with me all this time, and I’m legitimately afraid that if Jake comes over and sees me like that, it will put an end to our relationship before it ever gets going. But then, I remember my own advice to Sam. “If you think that these girls will be mean to you if you have a seizure, don’t go—they’re not worth your friendship.”
Jake is worth it.
I’m just about to tell him to come over when I hear Jake’s keys jingle and he says, “Like it or not, I’m on my way.”
I take a deep breath and shut my eyes. I guess that’s that then. I put my arm over Charlie and wait.
I had a seizure; I know that much. Everything feels a little foggy, and my arms and legs are heavy. I’m coming out of the seizure, and everything feels like a dream where life is a blurry haze. I don’t know how long ago I had it, but I know that I’m in the postictal phase and that I probably won’t feel like myself again for a while. All I want to do is sleep.
Suddenly, I hear a voice. “Are we all clear, Charlie?” And I realize it’s Jake. I peek open my eyelids, but they feel so heavy. The nausea is pretty intense too, so I shut them again. “That was a good boy,” I hear Jake say, and I picture him petting Charlie’s head.
The next thing I know, I feel a warmth over the side of my body, and Jake’s voice is close. “You’re okay, Evie. I’m here, and you’re safe. I’m going to move you up onto your bed so you can rest, okay?”
I nod slowly because, really, that’s all I feel like I can do yet. And then I feel Jake’s hands slide under my body and he cradles me close to his chest. He’s warm, and I wish I could stay in his arms forever. He’s like a heating pad but even better because I don’t have to plug him in to the wall.
Jake lays me down gently on my bed and pulls my comforter up over me. I feel the weight of the bed shift, and although my arms feel like they weigh a million pounds, I reach out and find his hand. “Stay with me,” I say quietly.
I don’t open my eyes because sleep is so alluring right now. But then I feel the bed sink beside me and Jake’s glorious warmth engulf me. He smells like his cologne today. It’s a clean, masculine fragrance that I hope never washes out of my linens. His big arm wraps around my torso and pulls me up close to him. I feel tiny and safe in his arms. He brushes a stray hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear before I feel him place a soft kiss on my temple.
I don’t know how long he’s been here. I don’t know if he saw the seizure. But I do know that he’s lying beside me right now and tenderly caring for me. He’s not running for the hills.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
JAKE
Evie is asleep in my arms, and I’m very aware of the feeling of never wanting to let her go. I got here on the tail end of her seizure and in enough time to see her body jolting with movement. My heart broke for her. Charlie did his job perfectly, but now that it’s over, I’m stepping in and holding her as close as she’ll let me for as long as she’ll let me.
Yeah, I’m doing great with this whole taking-it-slow thing. Completely casual. No strings attached. Just call me Casual Friday because I am so chill about our relationship it’s ridiculous. In no way am I stroking her long blonde hair away from her face and contemplating proposing here and now. She smells so good, too. Her soft feminine curves are curled up against me, and I can feel my heart splitting open. I have a feeling I’ll be handing it to her on a silver platter before long.
When she told me she was about to have a seizure, it was like the world stopped spinning and all that mattered was getting to Evie as quick as possible. It’s the same way I feel about Sam. Well, not the exact way. The same protectiveness. The same worry. But definitely not the same affection. I don’t think I need to describe to you all the ways that it differs.
Evie makes a little groaning sound in her sleep, and I wonder if she has a migraine. Sam always gets a migraine after her seizures. But I see a water bottle with fresh condensation dripping down the side and a bottle of headache medicine on the bedside table. I know from talking to Evie and learning about all the ways she trained Charlie to aid her that he was the one to fetch her those necessities.
Has she taken the meds yet? I’ll ask her when she’s more coherent.
Charlie hears the groan and comes to stand beside the bed on Evie’s side. He rests his head on the mattress and slices those big brown eyes up at me. I’m pretty sure he’s telling me, “You’re in my spot.” I get it. I’d be possessive too if I got to share Evie’s bed on a daily basis. It’s way too small, though. My feet are hanging off the bottom. She needs a king-sized bed like mine. Or maybe just mine…
What if I just packed up all of her stuff and moved her into my house? Good morning, darling. Did you sleep well? Yeah, I changed my mind on the whole no-serious-relationship thing, and we’re married now, and you have to live with me forever.
As gently as possible, I shift Evie and myself over to the far side of the bed. She’s totally out because she doesn’t even stir the slightest bit. I give Charlie a nod, and he gets it right away. He jumps up on the bed and snuggles up under Evie’s arm and stomach. Suddenly, we are a family, and I wish Sam was here, too.
What is that? Why am I feeling this way? I’m out of my mind scared that I’m about to get my heart crushed by this woman. I can’t hide away forever, though, right? Sooner or later, I’ve got to give in and risk heartbreak. Evie feels worth that risk. And she hasn’t given me a reason to not trust her so far.
I spend the next hour like this, watching Evie sleep (it’s only slightly creepy of me) and trying to work through some of the insecurities that Natalie left me with. Evie may be stuffing herself inside Tinkerbell’s house, but she’s not fooling anyone—me, especially. She’s used to a different life. One of money and prospects
and people who have a whole lot more to offer than me.
Natalie left me because she wanted more.
Evie’s already had the kind of life that Natalie is chasing. She knows what she’s missing out on. And although she says she doesn’t want the kind of life that she grew up with, what’s to say she won’t want it back later on? Sam and I can’t go through that again.
I’m saved from my own thoughts when I feel my phone buzzing. I hurry and silence it before it disturbs Evie. She hasn’t moved, though. Her soft pink lips are slightly parted, and her dark lashes are fanned against her cheeks. Her blonde waves cascade around her, and I’m feeling so in awe of her that I’m glad I have to get up and talk to my sister on the phone. As carefully as possible, I extract myself from Evie’s bed and quietly slip out the front door.
“Hey, June,” I say, answering my phone.
“How is she?”
Sam was already with June while I was at the office this afternoon. When Evie called, saying she was about to have a seizure, I called June and told her I’d be later than I had originally planned because I needed to go be with Evie.
“She’s okay. Resting now.”
“I’m glad you’re there with her,” says June, and her concern makes me smile. She likes Evie a lot.
“Me too. And listen, what do you think about just letting Sam stay the night with you so I can stay here and take care of Evie tonight?”
There is a long pause and, at first, I think that maybe she disapproves. I should have known better, though, because I quickly realize that she’s just taking a minute to stifle whatever celebration she’s doing on the other end. “Eeeeekk, you love her! I knew it.”
“Stop,” I say, hoping to put an end to her pestering before she gets out of hand. “I just don’t want to leave her like this.”
“Mmhmm. Don’t lie to me. You just want to be there when she’s feeling better.” She begins to sing, “Jake and Evie, sitting in a—”
“Is this going to go on for much longer? Because I need to go back in and help Evie.”
She laughs. “Yeah, don’t worry about Sam. I’ll take good care of her.” And do you know what? For the first time since Sam’s diagnosis, I’m not worried. She’s got Daisy now, and after today, seeing Charlie tend to Evie so diligently, I have more faith in service dogs than ever. Daisy will keep Sam safe until I get to her if something happens.
Later that night, I’m washing dishes in Evie’s 6-inch wide sink when I hear her say, “You’re still here.”
I cut off the water and turn around to face her bed. She’s sitting up, and her hair is all draped across one shoulder. Her eyes are heavy, and honestly, she looks more beautiful than ever. I lean back against the sink and cross my arms with a smile. “Did you think I wouldn’t be?”
She looks down to pet Charlie and shrugs. “I didn’t know.”
Something about those words tears me up.
I uncross my arms and make my way back to Evie’s bed. She watches me approach with shy eyes, and she pulls her covers up a little higher like she’s naked under there, which she’s not. She’s still fully clothed in her yellow sundress just like I found her. But I realize as I get closer that she does feel naked. I’ve seen her seizure, and that’s making her feel vulnerable.
I climb onto the bed beside her, and it’s hilarious how unsteady this little thing is. It sags heavily under my weight, and Evie notices with a grin. I lean my back against the headboard and pull her to my chest. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say into her hair, and then I kiss her forehead.
We stay like that for a minute, and I can feel her quickened breathing against my chest. It makes me smile to know that I have the same effect on her that she has on me. “How are you feeling?” I ask.
She tilts her chin up to me and wrinkles her nose. “I’ve been better.” She then looks down to her hand resting on my chest, and she moves her index finger in a small circle. “I’ve also been worse.” Oh, man. Can she feel my heart trying to pound out of my chest and leap into her hand? It’s embarrassing.
Her smile grows, and her eyes peek back up at me, and yep, she can feel it and it’s going right to her pretty little head. She then lays her head right on my chest where her ear is perfectly centered with my hammering heart. It’s a pointed move. One where she’s saying, Yeah, I know how you feel about me, and I like it.
We spend the entire rest of the day like this until I force myself to go pick us up some dinner. When her stomach settles and her migraine subsides a little, we eat on the couch and watch reruns of Friends with her legs draped over my lap and my arm around her shoulders. It feels so right. So natural. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this content in my entire life. And I’ll say one thing: it doesn’t feel casual.
I think what we’ve shared together today has probably tied us together more than anything physical would have. Although, the night wasn’t completely physical-less. We definitely spent an entire episode of Friends making out on her tiny couch. It was sweet and appropriate (at least that’s going to be my answer when June asks me about it later), and we both cut it off before anything more serious happened. The self-control between us is outrageous. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got asked to be the newest spokespeople for an abstinence program. But unless they pay me a billion dollars, there’s no way I’m going to wear an “Abstinence is Cool!” T-shirt.
Sometime about midnight, Evie falls asleep on the couch beside me. I pick her up and carry her to bed and climb in behind her. Charlie is once again on one side of Evie, and I’m on the other. It’s not the most comfortable thing to sleep in jeans and a shirt, and the bed is so small that my butt hangs off the edge. But honestly, I couldn’t care less. Evie is here with me. I can smell the coconut scent lingering in her hair and hear her taking deep breaths as she sleeps. This feels right, and I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to keep convincing myself that we’re just two casual friends dating.
This feels a lot like falling in love.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
EVIE
I can’t stop smiling, and Jo notices. “Is it my imagination or are you glowing today?”
“I’m afraid I’m going to be glowing red if you aren’t more careful with that curling wand,” I tell her and try to inch myself away from the burning hot hair tool hovering beside my face.
Jake went home this morning but will be here soon to pick me up to go to my parents’ house for dinner. I told Jo about the dinner, and she suggested she come over and help me get ready. But what I really think happened was she called me while I was still wrapped up in Jake’s arms in my bed this morning.
My phone was going to buzz off my bedside table if I didn’t answer it, so I did. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two was trying to whisper to Joanna so I didn’t wake up the sleeping man beside me. But you guessed it, he woke up and leaned toward my ear (aka CLOSER to the phone) to huskily ask who I was talking to.
Want to take a wild guess what Joanna did before peppering me with 101 questions? She squealed. Squealed like a little teeny bopper at a Justin Bieber concert. “He’s there with you, isn’t he?! Oh my heavens, he’s in your bed! It’s only 7:00 in the morning, so I KNOW you aren’t out of bed yet. Don’t lie to me, missy!” She always calls me missy when she thinks her age will suddenly work as a rank card. Like she has the power to ground me or take away my phone.
“Oh, would you pipe down over there. I’ll call you later,” I said in a useless whisper because Jake was RIGHT there in my bed.
“You better!” she sing-songed back to me before I abruptly ended the call—pleased to finally get to end a call before she had the chance.
It was so strange waking up with Jake beside me. I thought I was waking up from the most wonderful dream where a strong, attractive man spent the entire day taking care of me and then snuggled me while we slept. And then when I opened my eyes, I realized a tan, muscular forearm was draped over my shoulder, and I nearly screamed.
I would say nothing
happened, but that wouldn’t be true. Oh, it would be true in the physical sense. We didn’t do anything that Pastor Mike wouldn’t have approved of…well, I mean a Southern Baptist mama might not have cared for the interlude during that one Friends re-run, but I’m getting away from myself. What I meant was, something happened in the form of my heart.
When I woke up with Jake’s arms around me and felt his breath tickling my neck, I realized I wanted to wake up like that every morning for the rest of my life. Now, don’t get me wrong. I realize that we are still so new that it would be insane to say something like that out loud. Those are the kinds of thoughts that you are allowed to have but must keep locked away in a secret compartment until somewhere around the six-month-relationship mark when you let them out in the form of a three-word phrase.
But I feel them. And I think Jake does too. He’s just still too scared to admit it to himself.
He and Sam have been through hell and back this past year, which is why I’m perfectly fine waiting on him to adjust to the idea of another serious relationship. If he wants to go on pretending that this is something “casual”, fine by me. But I know it’s not…and I think that, deep down, he does too.
I don’t know of a single man in the entire world that would drop everything, tend to an epileptic woman for a whole day, AND spend the night with her without having sex, and still have casual feelings. Not even a best guy-friend would do that. Well, he might share her bed if his best girl-friend’s couch was as small as mine, but he wouldn’t press soft kisses to her temple when she was sleeping. No. Jake is all romance, and it honestly takes my breath away.