That was true, but most of them I’d fixed up and flipped. I’d only bought one, now two, with the intention of living there. “A few, I guess.”
“Honey, I’m going to take Gabe outside,” Skylar said to Seb as we made our way to the back deck off the kitchen. “Grab a couple of beers and join us in a few?”
“You got it, babe,” Seb said, winking at her.
I knew Skylar was angling for some alone time with me, and as much as I appreciated my future sister-in-law’s concern, I didn’t want to talk to anyone about Kendra until the open wounds had a chance to heal. In my estimation, it should take a year or two, if I was lucky.
Once we were outside, she took a seat, gesturing to the one beside her as she kicked her feet up on a footstool. “So, are you sure moving away from Kendra is a good idea right now?”
“I’ll be doing her a favor,” I said, sinking down with a sigh as Poncho did the same. “She doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
“Seb told me what happened,” she said, reaching for my hand. “And it sounds like you were between a rock and a hard place, but for what it’s worth, I really don’t think this is the end of the road for you two, honey.”
I guess it was easy to be so optimistic when you’d already found the love of your life and were planning to marry them. “Thanks, but I don’t think it’s healthy to hold out hope. As much as I care about her, I think the best thing I could do for her is just to let her go.”
“Don’t you think Jason will continue to bully and manipulate every man in her life until he gets what he wants?”
I couldn’t imagine Kendra ever taking him back, even if he was her last option. “I don’t get bullied,” I said, hating the taste of that word on my tongue. I had never in my life backed down from a fight and I hated that my hands seemed to be tied now.
“I wouldn’t have thought so either,” Skylar said, giving me a quick once-over. “A big, tough guy like you. But here you sit, giving in, giving Jason exactly what he wants because you’re scared.”
“Yeah, scared for Kendra,” I said, frowning at her. “I don’t give a damn what he tries to do to me.”
“But you’re letting Jason control Kendra’s life without her even knowing it. Is that how you defend the woman you love?” She shrugged. “Call me crazy, but if someone was threatening my happiness, I’d not only want my man to go to bat for me, for us, I’d want to be given the opportunity to face down the tyrant who was trying to ruin my life.”
I considered Skylar’s words carefully, wondering if maybe I hadn’t looked at this situation from all possible angles. “So, what would you suggest I do? Tell Kendra the truth?” I didn’t see how that would help. It would only give Jason the ammunition to do exactly what he’d threatened to do: expose a side of Kendra she’d never want the rest of the world to see.
“Jason’s a coward,” Skylar said, pulling a small tube from her pocket and smearing gloss all over her lips. “He’s used to riding roughshod over people. I just never thought you’d let him get away with it.”
In school my brothers and I had been the first ones to call a bully out, but this was different. We weren’t kids anymore and there was a hell of a lot more at stake than lunch money.
Chapter Sixteen
Kendra
I was making small talk with Jason when he dropped our daughter off, wishing he would leave already, so I wouldn’t have to go on pretending I was fine.
“So, I put in for a transfer,” Jason said, clearly not willing to take a hint, though I hadn’t let him past the foyer. “I thought it’d be awkward, working with your new boyfriend.”
I tried to hide the flash of pain at the unexpected mention of Gabe, but I was sure he saw it. There was a time when he’d known me better than almost anyone. “Gabe isn’t my boyfriend.” I knew he’d find out from Char, so I figured I may as well tell him myself.
“Really?” He frowned. “What happened? I thought you guys were getting—”
“You happened.” My voice was a fierce whisper, in deference to our daughter, who was in the washroom down the hall. “You refuse to give me a divorce and Gabe seems to think my life is too complicated to pursue a relationship right now.”
“Is that the excuse he gave you?” He had the gall to chuckle when he added, “Seems to me a guy who was really into you wouldn’t mind a few complications if it meant he could be with you.”
Jason pointing out the obvious only pissed me off more. “Is that what you told your girlfriend, that your wife and kid were just complications she would have to deal with if she wanted to be with you?” He paled as I tallied a mental point in my favor.
“You need to let that go, babe. It’s not healthy to hold on to all that resentment.”
I huffed, laughing while I tried not to scream or cry. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re standing here talking to me about letting go when you’re holding on to this pathetic excuse for a marriage like it’s the only thing you have worth fighting for.”
Char yelled out, asking if she could run next door before dinner.
“Sure,” I replied. “Just make sure you’re back in half an hour. I’m going to grill chicken kabobs tonight.”
When we heard the back door slam, Jason said quietly, “You two are the only thing I have left. How the hell am I supposed to let you go?”
“You’re supposed to think about someone other than yourself for once in your life,” I said, crossing my arms. “You’re supposed to think about what’s best for our daughter. ’Cause lord knows living in limbo is only hurting her.”
“When I married you, it was forever,” he said, taking a step forward, forcing me to take a step back to avoid touching him. “I told you I’d never let you go, and I don’t intend to. Why can’t you get that through your head?”
The wild look in his eyes was making me nervous. I’d known him to be stubborn, but never irrational, as though he was living in denial. “I’m calling my lawyer on Monday. This can’t go on any longer. We’re getting a divorce, whether you like it or not.”
“Why are you doing this? Why are you forcing my hand like this?” he asked, tipping his ball cap back. “You know the last thing I’d want to do is hurt you.”
“Is that a threat?” I demanded, refusing to break eye contact in spite of the apprehension suddenly coiling through my belly.
“Call it whatever you want,” he said, slicing his hand through the air.
“Get out,” I said, pointing to the door. “I’ve tried to be civil to you for the sake of our little girl, but I won’t go on pretending anymore. If I had a choice, I’d never see you again. But since that’s not an option, we’re going to set some ground rules. Courtesy of our lawyers.”
“It’s not gonna go down that way, sweetheart.” He flashed a menacing grin. “You forget, I know all your dirty little secrets.”
“What secrets?” Unlike Jason, I didn’t sleep around, lie, or cheat on the people who thought they could trust me. I didn’t have anything to hide or be ashamed of. Did I?
“I’ll let you figure that out on your own,” he said, reaching for the door. “Once you do, I’ll expect your call.”
***
I couldn’t believe when I stepped out my front door on Monday morning and saw the For Sale sign on Gabe’s front lawn.
“Gabe’s moving?” Char asked, gripping my hand tighter. “Because of me?”
“No, sweetie,” I assured her, bending to give her a hug. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“But I was mean to him,” she said, her bottom lip trembling. “He hates me. That’s why he doesn’t wanna live here anymore.”
“That’s not true,” I said, stroking her silky curls. If only I could tell her I was more likely the reason Gabe decided to start over somewhere else, because he didn’t want to risk running in to me every time he stepped outside.
“Hey,” Lizzie said, hustling her kids into the car. “Does Char need a ride to school?” Her gaze lingered on the sign before she sh
ook her head, looking disappointed.
“It’s okay—”
“Please, Mommy,” Char said, tugging on my hand.
“You’re sure it’s no trouble?” I asked my friend.
She smiled. “I’m headed there anyhow. It’s no problem, hon.”
When Char had given me a quick kiss before running to her friend’s car, Lizzie headed toward me. “What the hell is that?” she asked, gesturing to the sign.
“I have no idea,” I admitted, curling my arms around my mid-section as I turned my back to Gabe’s house.
“You need to go over there and find out. Don’t make it that easy for him, girl.”
I wasn’t used to fighting for a man who didn’t want me, and my pride told me to keep on walking, but my heart told me to fight for the answers I needed. “You really think I should?” I asked, sneaking a peek over my shoulder.
“You may not get another chance,” Lizzie said. “You know houses in here sell like hotcakes, and if he bought a house that’s ready to move in to, he may be gone before you know it. Then you’ll be left with questions you could have had answered. Is that what you want?”
No. Jason’s ominous warning had left me with enough questions. I didn’t need anymore. “Okay, I’ll see if he’s home.” But I knew he was. His truck was in the drive and I could hear Poncho barking.
“Good luck,” Lizzie said, giving me a quick hug. “Let me know how it goes.”
I took a deep breath before forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other. Did I really want to hear more excuses or lies? Or might he be ready to tell me the real reason he couldn’t be with me?
Poncho started barking frantically when I rang the doorbell and I could hear Gabe’s voice on the other side, telling him to calm down.
“Oh, hey,” he said, seeming surprised to see me. “How are you?”
“The truth?” I asked, looking him in the eye, hoping to see some sign of regret. “Not good.”
The first day I’d moved in next door to him flashed through my mind. He’d offered to help lug some boxes upstairs that the movers mistakenly left by the door and we’d opened a bottle of wine, ordered a pizza, and talked for hours about everything and nothing at all.
“That makes two of us,” he admitted, taking a step back as he held Poncho’s leather collar to keep him from bolting out the door.
“I have to leave soon, but I was wondering if you’ve got a minute?”
“Sure.” After closing the door behind me, he asked, “You want a coffee? I just brewed a fresh pot.” While running a hand over the stubble on his jaw, he admitted, “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Neither did I. But no thanks, I’ve had two cups already. Any more and I’d be wired.”
He smiled slightly, obviously trying to ease the tension.
“So, you’re moving?”
He glanced out the window at the red-and-white sign. “Yeah, I just signed the papers late yesterday. She didn’t waste any time getting the sign up, did she?”
“I didn’t even know you were considering a move,” I said, preceding him into the living room when he invited me with the wave of his arm.
“I wasn’t, but you know, things happen.”
My hands were trembling when I sat down on the edge of the couch and looked up at him. “I guess what’s why I’m here, to find out what did happen, Gabe. I’ve been wracking my brain all weekend, trying to figure out if there were signs I missed. But when we were away, you seemed happy, like you really wanted to be with me. What changed?”
He sighed as he sat down in the chair across from me, sitting on the edge of the cushion as he rested his elbows on his knees. “I was happy with you, happier than I’ve ever been with anyone.”
“Then why are you doing this?” I didn’t want to sound desperate, but that’s how I felt. Desperate to understand why the man I loved couldn’t love me back.
He bit his lip as he thrust his hands into his hair, looking down at the ground. “I wish I could make you understand, but I can’t.”
“Because you don’t want to.” As far as I was concerned, that was the only possible explanation. At least when my marriage ended, I knew the reason. Things with Gabe were so confusing, as though there’d always be lose ends that would never be tethered.
“I do want to,” he said, his eyes meeting mine. “Some things just defy explanation, Kendra.”
“That’s a cop out and you know it.” I was suddenly regretting my decision to try talking to him again. If this would be the last time we’d see each other, I didn’t want it to end like this. But I had to let him know how much his indifference hurt me.
“I thought you could be my partner.” My voice broke and I clasped my hands tighter. “The kind of partner I’ve always wanted. Someone who would not only be there for me, but for my daughter too. I know Char gave you a hard time, but you have to understand she’s just a kid. They say things they don’t mean all the time.”
“This has nothing to do with Char.”
“She thinks it does,” I said, hoping I could make him see his decision affected an innocent child too. “So maybe you could tell her otherwise. You know, before you move. So she won’t feel guilty for something that wasn’t her fault.”
“Sure, I can talk to her,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll try to make her understand.”
“But you can’t make me understand. Why is that?” When his silence fell like a heavy weight between us, I asked, “Where are you moving?”
“Seb’s neighbor put his house on the market a while back. It needs a lot of work, so I got a good deal on it.”
I nodded, noting he would be living half an hour away. There’d be no chance of running into him at the grocery store or post office. There was a chance I’d never see him again once that moving truck pulled away. And that realization just amplified the pain I’d been feeling since he told me it was over.
“I needed something to take my mind off things,” he said, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. “Seb thought another project house might help.”
I nodded, unable to speak for fear of screaming at him or crying.
“I know this doesn’t make any sense to you, but it feels like the right thing for me, selling the house.”
“Okay.” I knew I might agree someday, when I didn’t have to step outside and see him, feeling my heart break all over again for the future we’d never have. “If you say so.”
“I wish I could tell you everything I’m thinking and feeling, Kendra. But…”
I waited, wishing he would say something to that would make this crazy decision of his make sense to me. “But you can’t?”
“But I can’t,” he confirmed, sighing.
“Well, I guess that’s it then.” I didn’t know what I’d come here expecting, but it felt as though I was leaving worse off than when I’d walked through the door. Maybe because I now knew that he wasn’t having second thoughts about leaving me behind.
He walked me to the door, his hand curling around the knob. Shifting his body until he was blocking the door, he whispered, “I love you. I know that sounds crazy in light of what I’m doing. But I have to believe it’ll all make sense to you someday.”
I looked up at him, wondering what he wasn’t saying. “I hope so,” I muttered, walking through the door when he finally opened it.
Chapter Seventeen
Gabe
I couldn’t stop thinking about everything Skylar said to me about letting Jason get away with ruining Kendra’s life, not to mention our relationship. So I found myself standing on his doorstep with no idea what I planned to do or say when he opened the door.
Judging by his attire, he was headed out for a run.
“Can we talk?” My tone was purposefully neutral. As much as I wanted to tear him down, I suddenly realized that wasn’t the best approach. Maybe, just maybe, I could appeal to the man he’d once been: the one who’d loved his wife and wanted to be a good dad. The man I’d called my f
riend for years.
“I was just on my way out,” he said, pulling his earbuds out as he pocketed his iPod. “Besides, I think we said all we had to say the other day. I saw the For Sale sign on your lawn. I assumed that meant you’d decided to move on.”
“Jay,” I said, purposely shortening his name to remind him that we had history. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about everything: you, me, Kendra. And I just want to talk. Please.”
Seemingly surprised by my conciliatory tone, he stepped back, letting me enter.
I looked around the home Kendra had kept so immaculate the few times I’d visited them. Now it was barely recognizable with dirty dishes piled on the table, clothes thrown over the back of chairs, and shoes littering the foyer.
“Come in,” he said, gesturing to the family room.
“How’s Char?” I hoped reminding him that I cared about his little girl would help start this conversation on the right foot. “I haven’t seen her around lately. I know she must miss Poncho, but I’ve been trying to keep my distance.”
“She does miss the dog,” Jason said, walking to the window. With his back turned to me, he said, “She talks about him all the time.”
“How the hell did this happen?” I asked, deciding to dive right in. “I mean, seriously, how did we get here? We used to be friends. When we hit the streets, I trusted you with my life, man. We were brothers.” Because personality clashes or not, all fireman were brothers and sisters.
“You think I’ve forgotten that?” Jason asked, turning to face me. “You think I like that you’re the one Kendra turned to?”
I tried to put myself in his position, but I couldn’t. He was responsible for the demise of his marriage and I hated that he was trying to come off like the victim now. But I knew if I attacked him, I’d leave worse off than when I came, if that was possible.
“We didn’t plan for this.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, realizing Jason and I had never talked about the feelings I was developing for Kendra. I should have gone to him a long time ago, tried to make him see that what we had was real. That I adored his daughter and would be there for her when he couldn’t. Would that have made a difference? I didn’t know. But it was the only hope I had left.
Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) Page 17