by A M Heath
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that if you don’t get better, I’ll be left here all alone!”
“You’ll go with Aunt Macy—”
“I don’t want to go with Aunt Macy! She lives halfway across the state! I want to stay here and graduate with my friends!”
Momma sniffled. “Fine. Then I’ll ask around church and find a family who will take you in if anything happens to me before you graduate.”
I think I might have growled. She still didn’t get it! “I don’t want someone else’s family! I want my own! I don’t want a borrowed dad. I don’t want Brother so-and-so to pretend to be my uncle. I want my own family! I want someone who will one day walk me down the aisle. I want someone who will be there for you when you need him. I want someone who will be here with me if you don’t survive this. I want my own father! Why can’t you just give me that?”
She narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to me. “You think it’s that easy? You think I’ve stayed single for the past nine years because I just felt like it? The right man hasn’t come along, and if I have to deal with that, then so do you.”
“The right man was right here, and you let him get away!”
“This is not about Chris!”
“Yes, it is, Momma! He’s a great man. Give him a chance! Why can’t you do that? I’ve talked to him for weeks. I’ve gotten to know him. Trust me.”
I don’t even think she was hearing me, because she had started shaking her head as soon as I started speaking and didn’t stop. “You do not know him, and he certainly doesn’t know you. You spent weeks lying to him, Ashlyn. That’s not a real relationship.”
I huffed because I didn’t know what else to say to her. She refused to see the truth.
So there, you see, I’ll never speak to Chris again. I wish Momma had been the one to catch Chris’s first text message. Maybe she would have gotten to know him instead of me. Then again, she likely would have been too busy or too tired to take the time to talk to him like I did.
Chris had encouraged me to talk to God, but God feels as far away as everyone else in my life.
Chapter Eleven
October 13, 2017
Danielle 9:13 pm:
I guess I should really thank you for being there for Ashlyn. This season has been really hard on us both, and we’re still just trying to figure it all out.
Chris 9:16 pm:
You’re welcome. Seriously. She’s a sweet girl. I am a bit curious to know how much of what she told me was the truth. Is it okay to ask that?
Danielle 9:20 pm:
Well, I guess you’ve earned the right to know. Umm, basically, all of it was true to some extent. A lot of what she said, she actually answered for me. All those details about my age, likes, dislikes. A lot of that was really about me. But then other details, the hockey conversations and other things were about her or rather her perspective. I’m not exactly sure why she did that. I should probably ask but it scares me to know that this whole thing had been going on under my nose. And on my phone, no less! I just haven’t really talked to her about it since then.
Chris 9:23 pm:
Gotcha. Thanks for letting me know. If you don’t mind me saying so, maybe you should talk to her about it. I mean, if she was reaching out to some strange guy, she must have really needed someone to talk to. I bet if you let her know that you’re willing to listen without judging or condemning her, she’ll open up and tell you what’s going on.
Danielle 9:26 pm:
Sigh. Without condemning or judging. Is that even possible for me to do as her mother? I’m just … just so … grr.
Chris 9:27 pm:
It sounds like you’re still angry at her. Or maybe you’re angry at yourself. Or maybe you’re angry with me.
Danielle 9:29 pm:
No, I’m not mad at you. Like you said, she didn’t give herself away. I’d love to blame you. LOL Honestly, I would. But I don’t think I can in this case. However, I should properly thank you for not running off with my daughter. And I can’t believe I even made a joke about that. Just the thought of what could have happened if you were less than honorable makes me so sick to my stomach.
Chris 9:42 pm:
I understand. I really, really do. It’s such a scary world out there. Believe me! I’m grateful it was me on the other end of the line too. Maybe, I don’t mean to sound harsh or anything, but maybe you should stop piling on the guilt and the what ifs and focus on the gratitude. You said it yourself, you’re grateful that she had been talking to an honorable guy. And that I had been there for her.
I really am a teen Sunday School teacher. I wasn’t lying about that or anything. I find myself counseling teens and their parents from time to time. Maybe this accident was more God’s doing than our own.
Danielle 9:45 pm:
Thanks again. I’ll give it some thought, and I suppose some prayer as well. I just feel so angry at her and at myself. And we both deserve the anger, so I’m having a hard time just setting it aside. I don’t suppose you have any advice on that?
Chris 9:49 pm:
When you feel justified in your anger is when you have the hardest time letting it go. And there’s nothing wrong with anger itself. But it’s all in how you respond when you’re angry. The Bible says “in your anger, don’t sin.” A sin in this case might look like holding a grudge against yourself or Ashlyn. Her actions deserve punishment (not on my account, mind you. I’m not bothered by her lying to me. But it’s her ongoing relationship with a virtual stranger that scares us both and deserves the focus), but not your wrath. Not your silent treatment.
I encourage you to seek God about your relationship with Ashlyn and also your anger and bitterness. Unless I’ve missed my guess, you’re bitter about the situation at this point as well. Speak openly and honestly with Christ about how you feel and turn these issues over to Him.
Then seek your daughter. Hold her close. Listen to her. Speak to her. Just love her. She needs you.
Danielle 9:55 pm:
Wow! I can see why Ashlyn kept talking to you.
Thank you so much for all your help. I’ve got some praying to do. And I think you’re right on the money about being bitter. I am. I really am.
Chris 9:57 pm:
You’re welcome. I’m honored to help. I’ll keep praying for you both. And if you don’t mind, let me know how it goes. I probably shouldn’t, but I feel invested in Ashlyn now.
Chris 9:57 pm:
In the upright, mentor sort of way only; I promise!
Danielle 9:59 pm:
:) I understand. And I get it. That doesn’t mean I’ll send her unchaperoned to your house or anything, but I get it.
Danielle 10:00 pm:
And I’ll let you know how it goes.
Chapter Twelve
October 19, 2017
Ashlyn’s Diary:
Well, this will seem like a surprise after the last entry. Not only are the Preds doing better, but Momma sat down and watched a whole period with me. I was kinda afraid to move because I didn’t want her to take off. She’s been so weird lately. I keep catching her just looking at me. Take this morning for example:
I was sitting at the table, eating some cereal, and she walks in, sits down, and just … nothing, she only sat there.
I looked up and stared back at her, but she didn’t say anything. “What?” I finally snapped.
Then she bristled up. But, like, what did she expect me to say?
“I’m not talking to Chris. Or anyone else, for that matter.”
“I know,” she snapped back.
“Then why are you staring at me? It’s like you’re trying to find me doing something wrong.”
Her jaw dropped. She closed her mouth and shifted in her seat.
Good. She shouldn’t think I can’t tell that she’s ready to pounce on me again.
“I was just thinking …”
I stopped eating and glared at her. I didn’t see how anything good could come fr
om this.
“Your hair looks really pretty like that.”
I stilled and then slowly picked up my spoon. I went back to eating. That was just weird. But when I went into the bathroom before I left, I had to admit, my hair did look pretty nice. I hadn’t noticed. But my mom is still weird.
Chapter Thirteen
October 22, 2017
Danielle and Chris:
Danielle 8:45 pm:
You probably think I’m crazy, and I don’t blame you if you said no, but would you be willing to meet me tomorrow morning for coffee?
Chris 8:47 pm:
Sure. And I don’t think you’re crazy. Honest. What time and where?
Danielle 8:50 pm:
Umm, what about The Coffee Shack? Anytime after 7:30 is fine with me. I don’t want Ashlyn to know that I’m meeting you.
Chris 8:51 pm:
That’s understandable. I can meet you for 20 minutes at 7:30 or I can meet you for lunch instead. Same place. Your call.
Danielle 8:53 pm:
How about just coffee tomorrow morning and maybe lunch another day?
Chris 8:54 pm:
I’d love to.
Chris 8:55 pm:
Can I ask how Ashlyn is?
Danielle 8:58 pm:
I’m sorry you feel like you can’t talk about her at all. Feel free to ask about her anytime.
Let’s see … She still is barely talking to me. Honestly, she just looks sad to me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I keep trying to talk to her, but she has this attitude with me that I can’t get close to. It’s like nothing I say comes across right. I complimented her hair the other day, and she looked at me like she was about to spit nails. Am I doing this wrong?
Chris 9:00 pm:
:( It breaks my heart to hear that. I pray for her daily. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don’t. I’m praying the Lord gives you wisdom.
The only thing I can say is to keep trying. Don’t stop. Love her the most when she’s the most unlovable, and I know that’s hard. But you just have to be the adult here and allow her hurtful words to roll off. I know that sounds impossible. The Bible says that a gentle answer can break a bone. Keep praying and refuse to snap back. She’ll come around.
Danielle 9:03 pm:
Thanks! See you in the morning.
Chris 9:03 pm:
In the morning.
Danielle and Macy:
Danielle 9:07 pm:
Sis, I may have just lost it. HELP ME!!!!
Macy 9:08 pm:
LOL I’m afraid to ask. What have you done?
Danielle 9:10 pm:
I just texted Chris and asked him to have coffee with me tomorrow. And I might have sort of implied that I’d have lunch with him another day.
Macy 9:12 pm:
WHAT? THE Chris? As in, the Chris who was once talking to Ashlyn?
Danielle 9:12 pm:
Yep. The one and only.
Macy 9:13 pm:
Why? I thought you would have deleted his number by now.
Danielle 9:16 pm:
Nope. I kept it just in case he tried texting her again. And … I should probably tell you that this isn’t the second time I’ve talked to him. I texted him off and on for a couple of weeks now because … I don’t know why. I just can’t seem to reach Ashlyn and thought he might help. He seemed to have a good connection to her. Urg. It sounds so weird saying that. This guy is old enough to be her father. But … she needs something, and I can’t figure her out.
He really does seem nice. As weird as it is for me to say it, I can see why she was drawn to him. He’s smart and insightful. He’s also very kind and seems to be very genuine.
I guess that’s why I wanted to spend time with him. I want to see who he really is.
Tell me I’m not crazy? Did I just make a huge mistake?
Macy 9:18 pm:
Well, I can see why you did it. And I can see why it’s weird.
He didn’t know he was texting a minor the whole time, right?
Danielle 9:19 pm:
No. I read over their messages until I’m blue in the face. I wanted to find something wrong so I could be angry and blame him. But I couldn’t. And their conversations were actually innocent. It just seems that something like this couldn’t possibly be innocent. I mean, we hear about these sorts of things all the time on the news. But in this case, I think it actually was. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think he was good for her.
Macy 9:21 pm:
Are you going to tell her that you’re meeting him?
Danielle 9:22 pm:
Not yet. I’m just trying to take it slowly. Pray for me!
Macy 9:23 pm:
I will!
Chapter Fourteen
October 23, 2017
Macy 10:00 am:
So how was your coffee date with Chris?
Danielle 10:02 am:
LOL don’t call it that. It wasn’t a date.
Danielle 10:02 am:
And it went well.
Macy 10:06 am:
“It went well.” SERIOUSLY! I’ve been sitting over here on pins and needles, waiting for some answers, and that’s all you can give me! Oh, no, sister! You better cough up the goods. I want to know everything. EVERYTHING.
Did he hold the door open for you?
What kind of coffee did y’all order?
Were you nervous?
Did he look nervous?
What did y’all talk about?
Are you meeting him again?
Has he texted you already to thank you for meeting him?
Danielle 10:10 am:
LOL Nosy much? I ought to just ignore your list of questions, but you’ll only pester me more if I do.
Ok, here’s the “goods.”
Yes, he held the door open for me. He was waiting outside when I pulled up. He offered me a nervous smile. I was a nervous wreck. I think we both were for the first ten minutes. But things smoothed out towards the end. We couldn’t stay long because he had to get to work. Let’s see … He ordered an iced vanilla latte. And I ordered a hot pumpkin spice latte. Not sure why you need to know those details, but whatever. Yes, I’m meeting him again. He texted me just half-an-hour ago and said he enjoyed talking with me. He asked if I’d have lunch with him Thursday. And before you ask, I said yes.
Chapter Fifteen
October 26, 2017
Macy and Danielle:
Macy 10:33 am:
Praying for your lunch date today!! Let me know how it goes!
Danielle 10:34 am:
Yes, ma’am! LOL
~~~
Danielle 1:05 pm:
Lunch was nice.
Danielle 1:06 pm:
LOL Gotcha!!
Lunch was very nice. Chris was very nice. You know, I thought this would be weirder than it is, but it’s not. We’re having coffee again tomorrow morning before work.
Macy 1:08 pm:
Eeeek! So do you really like him? Or is all of this just about Ashlyn?
Macy 1:08 pm:
Oh, and I almost strangled you when I read your first text. LOL So not funny!
Danielle 1:09 pm:
I’m not sure. It’s about Ashlyn, but … the more I get to know him, the more I realize that it could be about me as well. Knowing that Ashlyn likes him already sure helps. No, I haven’t told her yet. Question: How much can you really know about someone without doing a background check?
Ashlyn’s Diary:
Mom is still just as weird as ever, but … it’s almost nice. I’ve gotten used to her looking at me all strange, like she’s trying to figure me out or something. She still won’t let me touch a cell phone. I hope I don’t have some sort of emergency because I’ll probably forget how to dial 911 thanks to her. But whatever.
I was kinda mad at her tonight because she kept asking me random questions about school and my friends and stuff. I wanted to tell her to mind her own business, but I remembered something Chris had said to
me. He said that maybe I was the one with the attitude. If he knew my mom, he wouldn’t question who had the attitude. But between Chris’s nagging advice, and something Miss Sherrie said last Sunday about being the bigger person and talking nice to someone even when they get on your nerves, I decided to give it a try.
It was … weird. I mean, I don’t know. She didn’t stop asking me questions, but she did look happier as I got to talking to her. I forgot how great it felt to see her smile.
Chapter Sixteen
November 14, 2017
Danielle and Macy:
Macy 9:08 am:
Are you up for the weekly chat? How are things going now? Are you back on your diet?
Danielle 9:09 am:
Going well, I think. Ashlyn is still prickly, but I feel like we’re starting to smooth things out. We can be in the same room without shouting at each other, which is a HUGE improvement.
:( And, yes, it’s time for the diet. There’s nothing like missing Thanksgiving. I just keep reminding myself that it will be worth it in the end.
Macy 9:10 am:
Still meeting Chris for coffee or lunch?