by Jo Duchemin
“Whatever the lady wishes.” He smiled, moving his hand off my chin to pick up the package. As he began unwrapping the paper, his smile deepened and his dimples became more noticeable. The serenity of his face was replaced by an excited joy, making him look younger, reminding me of a child on Christmas day. The relief washed over me, accompanied by a fluttering buzz of happiness. I felt his smile reflected on my face.
“Do you like it?”
“No, I love it. Nobody has ever got me such a thoughtful gift before. I’d made such a throwaway remark about Blake, yet you remembered. I am truly touched. Now, open my gift for you.”
My hands were trembling without my permission, and I felt clumsy trying to open the box. I gasped. Sat on the velvet interior of the box was a beautiful, silver locket attached to a delicate chain. “Oh, Marty, it’s stunning – I’m overwhelmed, truly.”
“I thought you could put your father’s ring on the chain, and then, when you feel ready, you could put photos of your parents inside the locket. That way, they will always be close to you.” He sounded so sincere, so earnest, that my eyes started to well up. “Oh Claudia, don’t cry – I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll take it back, if you hate it.”
“I love it, I’m just…I don’t know…how do I explain it? It’s so thoughtful of you. It is the most beautiful locket I’ve ever seen.”
“In that case, may I help you to put it on?”
“Of course.” I could feel my pulse accelerating at the mere thought of him being so close to me. He skilfully took the locket and chain out of the box and threaded my father’s ring onto the chain. Then, standing behind me, he placed his hands in front of my neck, carefully letting the locket and ring use gravity to find their central point. I lifted my hair up and felt his fingers brushing against my neck as he secured the clasp of the necklace, leaving traces of raised goose bumps behind. I could feel the electricity in the air as I turned around in my seat to face him. He remained leaning towards me, with his hand resting on my neck. Our eyes were locked together and our lips began to gravitate towards each other. I straightened my back to push myself closer to him, shortening the gap between us to just a few millimetres.
And then the phone rang…
Chapter 4
At first, the shrill ring of my mobile phone sounded muffled in my ears and then it snapped me out of the trance I’d fallen into as I’d looked into Marty’s eyes. He’d already broken away from my gaze as I gave my head a small shake and cleared my throat. My phone was in my handbag and as I fished around for it, cursing it for ringing at such a crucial, magical moment, I could feel that Marty had moved away from me. The number lit up on the incoming call was from a mobile I didn’t have listed so I knew it was Ben – Marty, always true to his word, had told me he had given him my number. Marty was leaning on the counter across the kitchen, looking out of the window, with his hand over his mouth. I couldn’t read his facial expression but I could see tension in his shoulders. The ringing was getting louder and more insistent.
“Hello?” My voice sounded like I’d just woken up.
“Hi, Claudia? It’s Ben.” He sounded perky and upbeat compared to me.
“Oh. Hi, Ben. Marty said he’d given you my number. How are you?” Across the room, I noticed Marty’s eyes flicker to mine. He looked angry and I looked away.
“I’m fine, I was worried about you. The way you fainted last night scared me; are you alright now?”
“Yes, I just feel really embarrassed that you and Marty had to carry me home.”
“Actually, it was just Marty that carried you. Um, since you’re feeling better,” his voice suddenly sounded a bit smaller, “would you like to go out tonight? To the cinema, maybe?”
The question hung in the air and I didn’t know how to respond. Marty was still looking at me and, though his body still said he was tense, he was nodding encouragingly at me. Ben clearly wanted a date with me but the last thing I felt like was going anywhere without Marty.
“I haven’t been to the cinema with friends for ages; shall I see if Marty would like to come too?”
Marty’s voice cut into the air, “I already have plans tonight.” It was loud enough that I knew Ben had heard him, but to me, every word sounded like he didn’t want to say it.
“Well, I guess it’ll just be you and me then.” I felt sure I could hear just a hint of smugness mixed in with Ben’s bright tone.
“I guess so. I don’t even know what is on at the moment. Is there anything in particular you wanted to see?” I didn’t relish the prospect of sitting alone in the dark with Ben for two hours. However, the same situation, with Marty instead of Ben, made my skin shiver with excitement.
“I heard they are showing Pride and Prejudice – you mentioned you were studying English; does a bit of Brontë appeal to you?”
“Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice,” I could feel myself growing impatient, and mentally checked myself for being rude: it wasn’t Ben’s fault he wasn’t Marty. “I would like to see that, what time is it on?”
“There is a showing starting at eight o’clock; is that any good for you? I could pick you up at seven and we could go for a drink first.”
That was how I ended up on a date with Ben, even if it wasn’t a date to me. When I finished talking to Ben, I turned around to talk to Marty, but he’d left the kitchen without me seeing him go. I desperately wanted to turn the clock back to the moment we’d shared before the phone rang, but I knew it had passed.
I had a few hours to spare before I was seeing Ben, and I had some reading to complete before my next lecture; I thought immersing myself in hard work would free my mind from this predicament. Despite my good intentions, I found myself listening out for signs of Marty moving around. I started plotting how I could find a way to see him again – if I heard him go to the kitchen, maybe I could also just happen to need something from the kitchen at the same time. Unfortunately, I never even heard his bedroom door open. It wasn’t until I finally decided to go to the kitchen of my own accord that I noticed a piece of paper lying on the carpet, having been slid under the door. It could only be from one person. My hands were shaking as I opened it:
Dear Claudia,
Have fun with on your date with Ben tonight. I would wave you off myself, but I have some studying to do at the library. I’m sorry about my behaviour earlier. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries. I think you and Ben will make a great couple. I could see you being together forever. Perhaps you should wear your hair up to show off your beautiful face. Give my regards to Ben; he’s a very lucky man.
Your friend,
Marty
I read the letter three times, and began to shake with anger. I was angry with Ben, with Marty and with myself. I wanted to scream at Marty. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to yell “It’s not a date! I didn’t ask him to call me! I wanted you to come with us! You could be that lucky man, if you only asked me!” I knew I’d fallen hard and fast for Marty and I couldn’t believe he was writing me off for a lifetime with another man over one phone call. I’d been sure he felt the same after he gave me the locket and I had also been certain that he was going to kiss me, before we were interrupted. Yet, as I thought about it more, I started to doubt my convictions. After all, in the pub Marty had decided to sit away from me, leaving Ben the seat next to mine. Marty had been the one who gave my phone number to Ben. Marty had nodded when Ben asked me out. It was like he was trying to push me into a relationship with Ben.
Then there was the other side to Marty: the caring, protective manner. The thoughtfulness: covering me with the blanket, carrying me home from the pub, buying me the beautiful locket, sitting with me while I went through my parents’ belongings – those surely weren’t acts of random kindness. The connection I felt to Marty was also strong and I knew I hadn’t imagined the looks across the table in the pub, or the kiss that very nearly happened, or the way h
e happened to always be ready to catch me. My fuzzy memories from after the fight also dredged up a faint recollection of him calling me ‘baby’ as he held me.
I decided that whatever the deal was with Marty, I clearly didn’t have all the facts. I wondered if perhaps Ben might know more than me and, if I was obliged to go out with him, at least I might be able to extract some more pieces of this complex jigsaw at the same time. Poor Ben. I didn’t want to lead him on, and if I couldn’t have Marty, I certainly wouldn’t be treating Ben as a consolation prize. I pondered on the possibility of what would have happened if I’d met Ben first – would I have been attracted to him? He was a nice guy, but it was like comparing sand and water – I knew at that moment, I didn’t want to live without Marty in my life. I’d never believed in love at first sight, or in falling in love really – I believed you could be in love, but that you arrived at that destination in baby steps, you didn’t fall uncontrollably. In my mind, whirlwind romances were just for people who didn’t think things through. Now, here I was, overanalysing as usual, and yet I’d fallen in love with my lodger in a matter of days. I was drawn to him in a way that seemed inevitable, as though, if I fought against it, I could only lose – yet I didn’t want to fight the attraction – I wanted to revel in it, taste it, absorb it. The part that worried me most was that I had no idea if he felt the same way about me. With a growing sense of disbelief, I realised I wasn’t that worried that I hardly knew anything about him – nothing else mattered, as long as he felt the same way as me. It was like I hardly knew myself these days either.
True to his word, Ben picked me up exactly at seven. I’d taken Marty’s advice and worn my hair up in a ponytail, more in the hope that Marty would come home early and see it than to impress Ben. I should have known Marty would also be true to his word and would not be there to see me off.
Ben had parked in the driveway and stepped into the kitchen for a few moments, while I finished getting ready. The kitchen had a completely different atmosphere to earlier. Less intense, less exciting. Nice, but dull.
Ben’s car was much fancier than a lot of the student cars I saw parked at the university. He unlocked the doors, I opened the passenger door and slid in. I couldn’t help but compare him to Marty, who would have undoubtedly held the door open for me. Ben smiled as I did up my seatbelt.
“Marty said you were a bit nervous in cars, since, well…” Ben trailed off.
“Since the accident. Yeah, I’m working on being brave. I may shut my eyes when we come to roundabouts. It doesn’t help that I never finished learning to drive myself – I hated turning right and I nearly hit the wall in front of our house. This is a really cool car. What make is it?”
“Audi, and thanks, my dad bought it for me – he doesn’t drive anything else. I think he was trying to bribe me into studying economics. Was it that wall?” He pointed to the wall that edged our front garden.
“That’s the one – watch out for it, it’s evil and will try to jump out and hit your car! My mum hit it once, too.” I giggled at the memory of my dad jumping up and down as my mum had told him the car was only metal and it could be repaired.
“Evil wall. Got it. And what exactly don’t you like about turning right?” Ben started the engine and reversed, very carefully, out of the driveway.
“Right is so much harder than left. You have two lots of traffic to look out for. With a left turn, you only have to watch out for one lot of traffic.”
“So, if you pass your test, you’re only going to go places if you can turn left all the way there and not have to do any right turns?” He smiled as he signalled right onto the main road.
“Sounds perfect.”
“Or you could get a willing slave to drive you around?”
“I could do.”
“I’d do that for you.” He glanced over at me. I could feel a heat burning on my cheeks that was nothing to do with passion, or attraction, and everything to do with embarrassment. It was time to be honest.
“I wouldn’t want you to. I mean, I don’t like to take advantage of friends.” I hoped he’d get the message from that.
“I don’t think you’d be taking advantage.” Clearly, the message was not received.
“Did you have any lectures today?” I tried changing the subject.
“Oh, yeah, I did, it was quite funny actually; we were doing an exploration of the roles of women in the American sitcoms of the 1950s, looking at Lucille Ball…” Ben happily rattled off the amusing facts he’d absorbed in his lecture for several minutes, requiring as little input as possible from me. By the time he’d moved on to talking about the subservient role of Jeannie in ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ we were at the cinema. “Of course, what Des, our lecturer, failed to take into account was that Jeannie isn’t a typical woman of the 1960s being forced into working for Captain Nelson, because she is, in actual fact, a genie, and therefore she isn’t really human. She isn’t a woman trapped by the social expectations of her generation, she’s trapped by the rules of being a genie. I’m boring you, aren’t I?”
“No, not at all, your course sounds really interesting. If being trapped by social expectations is your thing, then you’ll love Pride and Prejudice.”
“Great, I already bought our tickets this afternoon, so we’ll have more time to talk before the film.” He smiled, and I was sure he was about to try to hold my hand, so I quickly shoved it into my pocket. “Can I buy you a red wine, my fair lady?”
“I should pay for the drinks, seeing as you bought the tickets.”
“Don’t be silly, a gentleman always pays.”
“Well, at least let me buy the popcorn in the cinema.” In my head I was screaming at myself to just tell him I didn’t see this as a date, but the longer I left it, the harder it got. In the bar, I had a few moments of peace as he went to get the drinks. I had only one person on my mind. I’d had Marty’s mobile phone number from when he moved in, but I’d never had to use it before. I quickly pulled out my mobile phone and began texting:
How’s the studying going?
I willed him to respond before Ben came back. Seeing something from him might give me the courage I needed. Luckily for me, there was a big queue at the bar.
Thrilling. How’s your date going?
My heart gave an excited leap, just to see words on a screen typed by him. I looked up, and saw Ben had just started ordering. I typed my reply feverishly.
It’s not a date. I don’t like him like that. I’m just about to tell him.
That was all I could manage to type out before Ben headed back to the table with our drinks.
“A Merlot for the fair lady.” He placed the glass down in front of me, and I inwardly cringed twice; once for the ‘fair lady’ comment and again for the awkwardness of the situation.
“Thanks, Ben. I really appreciate you taking me out tonight, I just wanted to make it clear that I’d like to be friends with you, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, or think I’m leading you on or anything.” I’d started gabbling my words in my rush to get things straightened out.
“Are you already seeing someone?” Ben didn’t seem angry, just confused.
“No. Well, not really. But that’s not the point. I just don’t feel ready to date so soon after everything that has happened.” I didn’t want to dig myself into a hole. After all, nothing concrete had happened with Marty. Only that I’d fallen in love with him.
“I totally understand. I’m just a little bit confused.” He looked amused and a smile was crinkling at the corner of his lips.
“Confused? Why?”
“Well, I thought you were looking for a boyfriend. Marty told me you were single and he thought we’d be a great couple. He told me how wonderful you were and how I’d be lucky to have you. He said he thought it was destiny for us to end up together. In the short time I’ve known him I’ve never known him to be wrong. I guess there�
�s a first time for everything.”
I felt like the air had been sucked out of me and I took a comforting swig of my wine to steady me and give me a little thinking time before I reacted.
“When did he say that?”
“A few days ago; just before he moved in. I guess he didn’t know as much about you as he thought he did. Look, let’s just forget about who said what and just have a nice evening out. Friends?” He smiled and I couldn’t see any animosity in his eyes.
“Friends.” I smiled back and held out my hand to shake his. He bypassed my hand and punched me on the arm.
“That’s what friends do. Now, about this popcorn…”
It had turned into a pleasant evening; the film had been good, and I’d managed to put my emotions on hold for a couple of hours. After Ben dropped me back home, however, it was a different story. I felt myself begin to tremble with anger as I put my key in the door. It was nearly eleven but I knew Marty was still up, as I’d seen the TV flickering through the window.
“Marty?” I called out, rage seeping into my voice.
“Claudia! I was just wondering how your date was going. Since you didn’t reply to my message, I assumed it had gone well.” He looked so innocent, I was sure I could see a halo if I looked hard enough.
“You didn’t get my reply?” I grabbed my mobile phone out of my handbag and, sure enough, my second message to Marty was sitting in my drafts folder. I hadn’t hit the send button. “Well, I told him I didn’t want to be anything other than friends. Then we had a very interesting conversation about how you’d told him all about me, how much I needed a boyfriend and how he should be it,” I could feel the anger taking over and my words spilling out without permission. “What are you, my pimp? Seriously, what is going on? Is it a try before you buy thing?” I could feel the humiliation spreading throughout my body and tears springing from my eyes. Marty stood up and calmly walked across to me.