by Jo Duchemin
“The lyrics to this song are well suited to us.” He smiled gently, a hint of bittersweet regret in his eyes. I hadn’t been listening to the words; I was so absorbed in him.
“Are they?”
“Sadly so. Listen.” The music echoed around the kitchen, a melancholy melody underpinning the words that Marty had found so meaningful. On the second refrain, Marty sang along in my ear. I tingled and trembled with pleasure. His singing voice was mesmerising. “This precious secret, why should we hide from the world?” I laid my head on his chest and he continued singing. “My head is spinning, heart in a whirl.” I understood what he meant about the words, the song could have been written just for us. His whispered song carried on, “Knowing that what I feel is wrong, should walk away, desperate to stay, lost in your beautiful song.” The song ended, but we remained dancing, lost in the rhythm of our beating hearts.
“I didn’t know you could sing.” I whispered, not wishing to break the magic of the moment. Marty smiled at me.
“Well, I’m no Claudia Lee.”
“You’ve never heard me sing, but I’ll take the compliment. Seriously, how did you learn all the words so quickly? Is it an angel power or something?” My heart raced as Marty dipped me sideways for a dramatic ending to our dance. He kissed me. “Marty, are you avoiding answering the question?” He sighed and lifted me back to a normal position. I switched off the music.
“I don’t like you thinking of me as different. I wish I was just normal.” He sat down at the table and lit a candle with a match. I sat down opposite him.
“I want to know everything about you. I don’t think of you as different – you’re just Marty, to me.” I reached my hand out to hold his and he met my eyes. His face softened.
“Alright, ask me anything you want.” He sounded resigned to my questioning.
“You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.” I felt guilty for asking him, but I had to know more about him. “How did you learn the words of the song so quickly?”
“My mind usually picks up on things quickly; I can remember whole conversations as they happen. It came in very handy for qualifying as a doctor. I’ve never used it for singing to someone before.” He smiled and his dimples made my heart flutter.
“I feel honoured. Truly. I’ve never had a man sing for me before.” I smiled back at him. “What other powers do you have then?” I asked, as we started eating, our dinner now slightly cooled, but neither of us bothered by the temperature of our food.
“Well, you already know about my ability to sense things, although that seems to be completely useless when I’m around you. I can also hear very well – so I hear conversations from rooms I’m not in. I am very strong – you know that. And I can fly.”
I was speechless for a few seconds, and then blurted out, “Where are your wings?”
Marty bellowed his booming laugh at me and I felt my cheeks turn crimson. “We don’t all have wings, Claudia! It’s a common perception, as we can fly and sometimes leave feathers when we visit people – but not all angels have wings and even those that do, they don’t use them for flying.”
“So, what, is it like Superman? The way he flies?” I knew it sounded stupid, but I couldn’t think of any other way to ask.
“Along those lines, yes.” Marty seemed to find my response amusing.
“Is that what happened today when Ben jumped on my shoulders? You moved so quickly.”
“No, that was more of a fast jump. I still shouldn’t have done that – I don’t think Ben picked up on it, but I moved him a good few feet in less than a second. I’m surprised I got away with it. We aren’t supposed to fly when we’re down here, so you’ll never see it. If I flew down here, I’d definitely get summoned.”
“What happens when you get summoned? Like, how do they summon you?” I was afraid of the answer.
Marty rubbed his temples with his fingers and closed his eyes. I could tell he didn’t want to discuss this. “Claudia, do you remember the other night, when I didn’t want you to faint?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“There was a good reason for that. Sometimes, when people faint, they have an out of body experience. That is when the soul becomes detached from its body. When angels summon each other, we lift up out of our bodies in much the same way – our spirits leave the body and rise up. I was concerned that, if you fainted, you might have an out of body experience and...” Marty trailed off.
“What? Bump into some angels?” There was so much to comprehend; I had more questions than I started with.
“If they do already suspect a problem here, which I’m sure they do, they might have taken advantage of the situation, if you had fainted.” He looked tense.
“Take advantage? What would they do?”
“Just talk to you – well your soul, your body would still be out for the count,” I shuddered and he continued, “they aren’t the villains here, if anyone is, it’s me. You wouldn’t be in trouble. They would just want to know the truth.”
“So if they summon you, it’ll look to me like you’ve fainted?”
“Yes,” Marty sighed.
“How do I bring you back round?” I hated the thought of him not being with me, whether it was temporary or not.
“You can’t, but you probably won’t notice. Time goes slower here than it does up there. A few hours up there would only take up a few seconds here. I’d be back before you noticed.”
“You could come back – if you were summoned? You’d still come back to Earth?” In my head, I’d imagined him disappearing in a puff of smoke if they found out.
“Only to put things right. Not to stay.” He looked beaten already – he’d known, since he fell for me, that it could never work out.
“Can they summon me? Force me to faint, so they can speak to me?” I was suddenly nervous.
“It has never been done that way before. But this is all new territory for me. Angels usually want to help each other. Being summoned rarely happens – it’s like a consequence we talk about, but nobody ever risks it.”
“Until you met me?” I gave him a wistful smile. He stood up and walked around the table to me. He gently kissed me.
“Until I met you. And you are worth all the risks in the world.” He kissed me, again.
“Why me? Why were you drawn to me?” I looked up at his eyes and felt as though I could drown in them.
“In all honesty – and I don’t mean this disrespectfully – I don’t know.” His eyes searched my face, as though he was checking I wasn’t offended.
“You’ve never been attracted to a human before, have you?” I asked, and he shook his head in response. “Have you ever been attracted to another angel? Do angels fall in love?” My heart rate sped up, fuelled by jealousy at the thought of him ever having loved someone else.
“Not in my personal experience,” he replied and I felt a wave of relief wash through my body. “Some angels, the ones who have been around for longer than me, do end up finding another angel to be their partner, but from what I know, that is more about companionship than, well, lust. I’ve never heard of another angel experiencing what I feel for you.” He smiled weakly and I blushed.
“I don’t understand why I’m different – I’m just a normal girl.”
“I wasn’t expecting to fall for you. I honestly can’t explain it, but it has happened and I’m so grateful to experience it. Now, I know how happy the people I’ve helped have been.” He kissed me again, slowly, deeply; and I lost my train of thought for a few seconds, before resuming my questions.
“How come they don’t know what goes on in the house?”
“Angels are not prone to spying, or invading people’s privacy. It goes against our nature. They would only watch inside the house if they had good reason to do so. And we haven’t given them good reason, so it should be safe. They would hear it thoug
h, if you said those words – no matter where we were.” He looked tired and I realised I never saw him looking tired before. He always looked radiant to me. “Any other questions?”
I thought for a moment.
“Can I have a kiss?”
The answer was yes.
Chapter 11
Our conversation echoed around my head all night. I was unnerved by him talking about being summoned, even though I had been the one asking the questions. The thought of him not being here was more than I could bear. It felt like our time together could be finished, at any moment, with no warning. I didn’t know how I would pick myself up and continue, if that did happen.
I had a stilted sleep, waking up every few minutes and struggling to drift away again. Every time I woke up, I glanced over at Marty, sleeping peacefully, and wished it could be different. I wished he was just a man, or that I was an angel – anything that would mean we could be together, forever. I moved closer to his sleeping body, needing to be able to touch him, to remind myself, that he really did exist.
As the dawn broke, I was starting to reach the same conclusion he had reached weeks ago – we were on borrowed time. In my mind, there was only one tiny possibility of a happy ending, one small glimmer of hope, but I didn’t know how to approach the subject with him.
I tried, several times, to ask him. Each time, I failed. I felt stupid for even thinking it could be possible, but in the end, my fear of looking stupid lost out to my fear of losing him forever. We were in the hallway, getting ready to leave the house for our respective activities – him, to comfort the sick and dying – me, to sing and dance. The more I thought about it, the less worthy of him I felt.
“Marty?” I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Yes?” He pulled on a scarf.
“Can angels become human?” I practically whispered it. The question hung in the air for several seconds. For once, I’d stunned the permanently unflappable Marty.
“I’ve never heard of it happening…in theory it is possible. We are souls and we have bodies – but our blood is completely different to yours, so there would need to be huge changes. It would have to be granted and I can only imagine it being allowed under exceptional circumstances. To be honest, all the angels I know are delighted with their position – we are created for helping people and we take great pleasure in that. I am the only one who would trade it all in.”
“Do you think it could be granted for you?” My heart raced at the possibility.
“No. Not after this. The way I have behaved is disgraceful. The other angels owe me nothing.” He was silent for a few moments. I had one more question and I didn’t want him to get angry at it.
“Can a human become an angel?” I averted my eyes from his penetrating gaze.
He sighed. “I don’t want anything about you to change.” His voice was firm.
“Is it possible? For a human to become an angel?” I looked back up at his eyes, and the stare he gave me burned. I returned his stare for a few moments, neither of us willing to back down.
“It is possible. But it is not happening to you.” He was resolute.
“How can you say that? If there is a way for us to be together, then I’d do it. I’d do anything for you.”
“I know. I wouldn’t allow it to happen to you.”
“But, if we could be together – surely it’s worth it? How does it happen?”
“It doesn’t happen to you.” His face was like thunder, but I wasn’t letting go until I knew why he was so against the idea.
“Marty, please, at least tell me how it happens?” I was pleading and tears had started to stain my cheeks. Marty took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment and then wiped my tears away with his fingers.
“I’m telling you now, Claudia, I will not allow you to stop being human. I’m only going to tell you about this so you will stop thinking that this is an option.”
I buried my head against his chest. “OK,” I murmured.
“Most angels are created as angels – I was. It is very rare for a human to become an angel and the way it happens is incredibly unpleasant. The human has to die before their time. Their life has to be stolen from them.”
“They have to be killed?” I whispered.
“Yes. On occasion, if the higher angels see someone who has been denied their full time on Earth and the person is worthy, they can become an angel. And the person has to agree to it – most people are happy just to enjoy the afterlife, they don’t wish to become angels. Humans are meant to be humans and angels are meant to be angels. Wanting to change is atypical for both species. It is incredibly rare. I’ve only ever known of a human becoming an angel three times. And they all asked to return to their original status after a very short time.” He embraced me, protectively. “There is no way I would ever allow someone to kill you.”
I nodded. Emotion caught in my throat and I couldn’t find the words to say that I understood – I felt the same way about him. He kissed my forehead.
“I promise you, Claudia, I did try to think of a way that we could be together forever and I found no answer. All I can tell you is that I love you, and I will love you, forever, no matter where I am.”
“Then, that is enough.” I smiled at him, through my tears, and he kissed me tenderly. He grabbed my woolly hat from the shelf and placed it on my head, gently pulling it down over my ears. He cradled my face in his hands and smiled warmly.
“You look utterly adorable.” He kissed my nose. “You’re amazing, just the way you are. I’d never change a thing about you.”
I smiled. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”
“Only a little. By the time you’ve walked in the cold for a few minutes, you’ll be fine. Which lecture is it today?” He could swing a conversation so quickly from the depths of angelic customs, to the trivialities of everyday life.
“English and then a rehearsal for the show.” I rolled my eyes. “What time does your shift finish?”
“I’ll be there to meet you, after your rehearsal.” He smiled. “I need one last kiss before we leave. Make it a good one, it has to last us the whole day.”
He pulled me close and I willingly put my lips to his. My stomach fluttered with pleasure. Too soon, he pulled away.
“We have to go; we can’t stay here all day.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, then smiled and nodded. I knew he was right. He’d been right about everything.
My first lecture was cancelled, due to the lecturer being off sick, so I decided to take myself off to the library to listen to the songs from the show and begin learning the script. I’d always found memorising so many words in the right order tough and I was envious of Marty’s skill to absorb the words the first time he heard something. I realised that he must have memorised every conversation we’d ever had, every word I’d ever uttered in his presence. It was an overwhelming thought.
The library was quiet and I found a deserted corner in which to hide for a few hours. I was grateful to be able to use this time – when I wouldn’t have been able to see Marty anyway – to learn my lines and lyrics, as it meant I would have no distractions during my time with him. I felt as though the time we had left together was precious, disappearing without permission, like sand running through my fingertips. He was right – we were on borrowed time. There was no happy ending for us. The thought made me sad, but I refused to give up what we had.
The time passed quickly, alone with my thoughts and music to fill it. I headed for the rehearsal feeling more prepared than usual. When I was at school, I’d had lead roles, but I always felt like I was holding everyone back with my slow pace when learning my lines. Today, I felt that Donna wouldn’t be humiliating me for not knowing the songs. I arrived at the drama studio to see some of the other students getting ready for rehearsal. I felt like they all turned around to look at me when I entered, but it was prob
ably just my imagination.
Donna arrived a few steps after me. She was straight into work mode.
“Right, where are Claudia and Rob? Up here, now, I’d like to start with ‘Clearly Wonderful’. I know it’s not the first number, but that is where I want to start.” Her monotone voice hinted again at her boredom at the task in hand. I wondered briefly why she had decided to take this job, seeing as she appeared to hate it so much. I put my bag down on the nearest row of seats and headed to the work space in the middle of the room.
“Good, that’s one – where’s Rob?” Donna’s question hung in the air for a few seconds, before one of the students was brave enough to answer her.
“He’s at the dentist.”
“Oh, that is just great,” her voice reeked of sarcasm, “he’s got the lead male role and he can’t be at the first rehearsal and doesn’t even let me know. Fine, have we got all the girls? At least you lot are here, let’s do ‘In the Spotlight’. Claudia, tell me you know this song at least?” Donna looked at me and I thought I could see her hoping she would catch me out.
“Yes, I know that one.” I smiled sweetly at Donna, knowing that would wind her up more than anything else I could do. She looked thrown for a moment.
“Well, let’s hope you can cope with the dancing.”
Donna started showing me and the other girls in the scene the routine she wanted us to learn. The song started with a solo section from me, in which I copied the movements Donna made as accurately as I could. I’d always found learning movement easier than words and (much to Donna’s dismay, I suspect) I committed the sequence to memory easily. Following my solo, the other girls joined me on stage and we sang the rest of the song together. I was grateful for sharing Donna’s critical attention with the others. The steps themselves weren’t too hard, but the moves were raunchy and suggestive, which was embarrassing enough fully clothed – I dreaded to think how mortified I would be in the costumes. I had a feeling that this number might be hard for Marty to watch.