by Lynne Silver
“Is she the campus cook?” Jill asked.
“Yep. I’d been worried when I moved here it would be nasty high school cafeteria food, but the food here is great.”
“It is,” she said.
He swallowed back the rest of his drink then put the cup down on the table with a thud. “Ready for more dancing?”
“With you? Absolutely.” With clasped hands, they headed back to the teeming mass of gyrating bodies and danced until their feet ached and Chase ran out of songs.
* * * * *
“Rowan?” Jill whispered from under the covers in her own bed. “You awake?” It was nearing dawn, and they’d finally left the wedding to catch some sleep before the sun rose. Her feet hurt from the high heels, and her calves ached from dancing, but her heart was full to bursting at the great time they’d had.
It had been such a joy to see Adam and Loren commit themselves in marriage. They were so in love, and it infected everyone near them.
“I’m awake. You?”
She giggled. “Obviously.”
He chuckled. “Guess I was more asleep than I thought.”
“Sorry. Go back to bed.”
“Nah. What was it?”
“I was just wondering—do you think kids can help being like their parents?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean if one of your parents has something wrong with them, would it affect the kid?”
He didn’t answer, and for a moment she thought he’d gone back to sleep. She was wrong.
“Jill, if you’re worried about my arm, then we should stop—whatever is going on between us—right fucking now,” he said.
She sat up, startled he’d misinterpreted her question so wrongly. “Oh my God. No. That’s not what I meant.” She leapt out of her bed and into his, planting tiny kisses on his face. Her heart hurt that she’d accidentally bruised his feelings. She’d never dreamed he’d misinterpret her question to be about him and his disability. She barely even noticed that his arm was missing anymore. He was so strong and capable his lack of arm was something that was simply a part of him, like hair or eye color.
He shifted trying to dodge her kisses. “What did you mean, then?”
“I was talking about me and Jack.” She sat next to him, curling her arms around her shins, legs folded against her body. “The truth is I kind of wanted kids, but I was always scared. Scared of Jack hurting them and that they’d grow up feeling inadequate, but more scared they’d grow older and be mean and abusive like him. And then I’d hate them. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard of: a mother hating her own children.”
His body cradled hers, offering the best comfort in the world. “Your kids would never be like him. You wouldn’t allow it. You’d teach them better.”
“But what if it’s something genetic? What if I couldn’t teach the meanness away? And they would’ve had Jack undermining me all the time.”
She clung to him, using his big body as her emotional anchor. She hadn’t had this kind of comfort in six years, and she sucked it up like a sponge to water. Part of her brain warned her not to get used to having it. She had to learn to be on her own.
“It’s a good thing then that you’re never going to have to answer those questions.”
“True.”
They stayed snuggled and silent, and she felt herself drifting to sleep when Rowan’s voice pulled her out of it.
“What about us?”
“What about”—she yawned—“us?”
“My arm defect is genetic. If we are a match, can you handle a disabled child?”
She didn’t follow her gut instinct, which was to deny any hesitation she had at having a child who wasn’t whole. His question deserved her full attention. She concentrated on what it would be like to knowingly bring a child into the world who would be handicapped.
“Jill, you still awake?”
“Yeah. I’m thinking. If I said yes immediately, it wouldn’t be fair. It’s easy to say I can without knowing all the facts. The biggest thing I’d be worried about is over–protecting him. I’d always be worried about him being bullied.”
Rowan hugged her in tighter. “My mom struggled with that, too, but not as badly as Adam. He was the worst. If I hadn’t fought back, he would’ve carried my backpack for me into school every day and walked me to my classroom.”
“How did he get over it?”
He rolled so they could look into each other’s eyes. “He hasn’t. The reason I didn’t know about this place until last year? ‘Cause Adam thought he was protecting me. He didn’t think I could handle the training.”
“Were you bullied at school?” Jill asked.
“At first, but I don’t think it was because of my arm. When Mom ran from here, she took us to the center of Washington DC. We were the only white kids in the whole school. My missing arm was just a bonus difference. Once the kids got to know us, the bullying stopped.” He grinned. “It helped that Adam and I were enhanced, though we didn’t know it. We were faster and stronger than everyone else. Soon, we were first picked for teams on the playground.”
“What are we going to do about Adam?” she asked with a yawn splitting her face.
“Do?”
“If he’s still being over–protective. He needs to back off.”
“You said ‘we.’”
“I did?”
“Yeah. You in this with me, Jill?”
She managed to stop yawning long enough to rise up on her elbows to kiss his lips. A yawn broke through and they both cracked up.
“Go to sleep, Jill.”
“Good night,” she yawned. “See you later.” Minutes after she fell asleep, she woke up with a start. She was in bed with Rowan. It would be their first time sleeping together. Her brain was too tired to do anything other than acknowledge the fact. She’d worry about the significance later.
Chapter Six
Two days later Jill stood outside Thea’s home knocking on the door. It was on the early side of the day, and she wasn’t sure if the pregnant woman would still be sleeping. She also didn’t know the etiquette around here. Should she have called first to say she was stopping by to drop the clean dress off? Or was it fine that she’d simply shown up? From what she’d seen so far of the Program campus, it was pretty casual.
She knocked again, but no one was answering.
“Looking for Thea or Ryan?”
She turned to see another soldier passing. “Um, yeah. Do you know where Thea is?”
The guy looked at his watch. “It’s 9:30. She’s at work by now.”
“Oh. She flushed, feeling silly that she’d assumed everyone around here had as much free time as she’d seemed to lately.
“You could go find her,” the soldier offered. “She works in the labs. It’s that building over there.” He pointed, directing her to a low two–story brick building, almost identical to every other brick building on campus. None of the buildings had signs to help her. You either had to know your way around or keep asking for directions.
“Thanks.” She set off toward the building, holding the turquoise dress in a plastic dry–cleaning bag. Rowan hadn’t even asked if she’d wanted it cleaned, but had disappeared with it the day after the wedding. She’d mumbled a thank you but hadn’t made too big a deal, because she couldn’t afford to pay him back, and she was embarrassed. It was time to find a job, or something to fill her day. She couldn’t hang out in Rowan’s one–room apartment all day for the rest of her life.
She shivered and hurried through the brisk winter air into the building. She didn’t know what to expect in the genetics lab and was disappointed when it didn’t look like something out of a Star Trek movie. It looked a little like an office building and the few open doors revealed rooms that looked like a high school science lab. She peeked in the first one.
An unfamiliar older woman was hunched over a computer. Jill cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but can you point me in the direction of Thea?” She realized she di
dn’t know Thea’s last name, and hoped there was only one Thea on campus. It wasn’t that common a name.
The older woman turned and scrutinized her. “Thea’s in the lab across the hall. Knock on the door first in case they need to hide some work. You don’t have clearance for secret projects.”
“Oh, sure.” She turned to go, but the woman stopped her.
“Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.”
She turned back, wondering what this scientist had to say. “Yes?”
“We haven’t officially met yet. I’m Doctor Wise. I’m the head scientist here, and I run the matching process.”
“Oh.” Jill wondered if the doctor could somehow see that she and Rowan hadn’t done anything more than snuggle or kiss. She ignored the almost–hand job she’d given him before Adam’s wedding. He hadn’t come, so it didn’t count.
“I wanted to give you a warning and offer some help.”
She didn’t know how to respond, so she stood there fiddling with the plastic dry–cleaning bag, waiting for Doctor Wise to continue.
“You caused a lot of trouble here,” the doctor said.
“I did?” She’d gathered there’d been some objections to her staying here since she and Rowan hadn’t consummated their matching, but she didn’t think her sex life was anyone’s business.
“Don’t be dense. You were smart enough to find a spot on this campus, so do me the courtesy of not acting like a dummy.”
“I…”
Doctor Wise didn’t let her get a word in. “Your husband caused a lot of trouble. Enough to get this place shut down. You need to do something about it.”
“What are you talking about?” She had no idea what the woman was talking about. “I’m not going back to Jack.”
“I didn’t say you should,” the doctor said impatiently. “You need to figure out another way to silence him and get the media off our backs.”
She was starting to think she should get away from this crazy woman and return Thea’s dress later, but then she saw the computer screen and the news article the woman had been reading when she’d come by. She stepped over to it and bent to read. “What is this?”
“You didn’t know?”
Jill kept reading. The headline had her stomach churning, and her hands crumpling Thea’s clean dress. She straightened to face the doctor. “Oh my God. How long has this been going on?”
“Since two days after you got here. Your husband went to the press. They’re having a field day thinking we kidnapped you. It’s a hard thing to disprove since you’ve been in hiding.”
“I…I had no idea. Rowan hasn’t said a word.”
“He’s been busy trying to cover his ass and keep himself out of trouble.”
The safety net she’d hidden behind slackened and suddenly she felt she was falling into an abyss. “What do I do?”
“Don’t know, but you have to do something,” Doctor Wise said. “Now, listen to me. Here’s the other piece of advice you need.”
She hugged the plastic bag to her chest and looked the other woman in the eye. “I’m listening.”
“I don’t know what Rowan’s told you about his arm, but it’s a genetic defect. He carries the DNA marker, and it’s likely your kids will have defects also. Maybe minor, maybe more severe.”
“You’re a geneticist. You can’t do anything to fix it?”
“I’m a scientist, not a miracle worker. I can do this for you. I have Rowan’s brother, Adam’s, specimen stored. He carries the marker, but the odds for his children to be defective are less than Rowan’s. When you and Rowan start trying for a baby, come see me and I’ll implant Adam’s semen. Since they’re brothers, the genetic trail will be near impossible to discern. No one will be hurt, and your children will be healthy.”
She stared at the woman trying to process what she’d just been offered. “You want me to trick Rowan?”
Doctor Wise sat again at her computer and looked back at Jill. “It’s a deception that will cause more good than harm.”
It was insane. “Are you serious?” The look on the doctor’s face told her she was deadly serious. Jill didn’t know what to think, but the churning in her stomach made her queasy. She didn’t know what to do except get out of this woman’s office before she hit her.
“Think about it,” Doctor Wise said.
“Fine, I’ll think about it.” She turned and fled the office, hurrying down the hall blindly looking for Thea’s door so she could return the dress and get out of here. She had no intention of ever thinking about such a treacherous act, but Doctor Wise had said she was in charge of matching. What if she had the power to kick Jill off campus if Jill didn’t go along with her plan? She didn’t want to risk pissing the woman off without knowing the consequences.
“Whoa. Jill, where you going?” Thea was exiting a door on the right and they’d narrowly avoided a collision.
“I…” Jill blinked trying to get her bearings and get control of her worry and anger. “I’m returning your dress. Thank you so much for letting me borrow it.” She’d already returned the shoes the day after the wedding.
“I take it Rowan liked it,” Thea said, grinning at her.
She tried to put on some semblance of a smile at Thea’s implied sexual innuendo, but she knew she’d failed when Thea frowned.
“Jill, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” She’d had too many years of pretending all was right with the world to take advantage of a friend with a listening ear. Plus Thea and Doctor Wise worked together. She didn’t know if she could trust her or if Thea would agree with the plan to deceive Rowan. It wasn’t as if she wanted a disabled child, but she’d far prefer that than the alternative, which was a horrible deception to a man she was coming to care about. “I have to go find Rowan.”
“O–kaay,” Thea said, but a frown appeared on her face. “You know where I am if you change your mind about talking. Doctor Wise isn’t a demi–God around her,” she said cryptically. “If she said something to upset you, you can tell me.”
Jill nodded, but her back was already turned and she was walking out of the building to go find Rowan. She had no idea where he’d been spending his days, but he’d been waking early and been gone until after dinner. She’d assumed his job was keeping him occupied, but now she wasn’t sure. What if he’d been in trouble about bringing her onto the campus? She’d feel horribly guilty if her actions had caused him a problem.
She stood outside the science laboratory, trying to decide which building to go to next. To her right was the main office building where she’d first entered The Program compound. Might as well try there first. Even if Rowan wasn’t there, others might be who knew his whereabouts. She hurried through the icy wind, breathing a sigh of relief when she was inside the building minus the wind stinging her cheeks. Tears gathered in her eyes from the cold and she blinked them back, though it was tempting to let them fall.
She looked down the long narrow nondescript hallway not sure where to go next, but the sound of raised angry voices gave her a clue. It kind of sounded like Rowan’s voice. They hadn’t been together long enough for her to pick his voice out of a babble of voices, but she thought it might be him. Even if it wasn’t, someone in the room could steer her to the right place. If she was brave enough to go knock.
She walked slowly down the hallway, trying to pick out words and phrases from the melee of shouting. What was happening in there? She hoped it didn’t have anything to do with her and the situation she’d created, but her hopes were smashed when Rowan’s voice clearly rose above the others to shout, “Jill is not going back to the Jackass. Stop fucking suggesting it.”
She froze and leaned against the wall. Rowan was in trouble and it was her fault. She’d never meant to cause a problem when she’d run away. Stupid her, she’d only been thinking of herself. It had never crossed her mind to consider the impact on Rowan, other than the new room–sharing situation. She was an idiot. An idiot whose first instinct was t
o run away. Except she was in mostly the same position she was in the last time she’d needed to run away.
No money, no job, no work experience, and no car. The only positive in her corner was the lack of an abusive husband, except she still technically had that. Jack had seemed far away these past weeks of hiding on campus, but he was lurking in the shadows, striking where he could.
He couldn’t physically get to her, so he’d attacked her saviors, The Program. She had to do something, but what? And then she started getting angry. It sounded like a roomful of men all loudly discussing her and her situation, and not one of them had thought to include her in the discussion. Not even Rowan, whom she’d thought was her champion. He probably thought he was protecting her by keeping her in the dark about the outside world. He was wrong.
She strode toward the closed door from which all the shouting was happening and knocked loudly. When someone called, “Who is it?” she didn’t bother saying her name. Instead she swung open the door and entered the room. Eight men sat around a large oval table. None looked happy to see her.
Rowan jumped to his feet. “Jill. What are you doing here?”
She took a deep breath. “I heard there’s a shit–storm about me leaving Jack. Thought I ought to be included in the conversation.” Without waiting for the response, she pulled out a rolling chair and got comfortable. She rested her forearms on the table’s surface and scanned the faces surrounding her. “Well? Bring me up to speed.”
“Rowan, get her out of here,” an older man barked. She thought his name was Shep, but they hadn’t been introduced.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, trying to project a calmness into her voice that was a total pretense, “until someone explains what is going on.”
Rowan came around the table to her and gently tugged at her elbow. “I’ll explain it all, but you need to come with me. Now.”
She heard the frustration in his voice and looked at his eyes. He seemed calm but tense. She didn’t want to cause him more trouble than she’d already created, so she stood. “Fine, but I want to know everything.” She followed him out of the room and all the way back to the small room they shared.