by SJ McCoy
Wade’s heart clenched in his chest. He hated to think what they’d been through. He’d called Cash and gotten Dax’s number so that he could get a better handle on the whole situation. Even though he’d wanted to dislike the guy, he hadn’t been able to. Dax was good people. He wasn’t forcing the children onto Sierra. He was concerned about her. But he was also determined to do what was best for Mateo and Maya, and Wade couldn’t argue that a life with Sierra was a wonderful option for them. He just hoped that it would turn out to be wonderful for her.
And he couldn’t help but wonder if there was a contribution he could make. If he could be a part of giving them a better life, he wanted to do it.
“We’ll have to see if they want to ride.”
Sierra looked up at him.
“You haven’t met Libby yet; she’s family – kind of. She runs a riding program. She gives regular lessons, but she also does equine therapy. She works with vets and kids. Maybe …” He let his words trail off, unable to decipher the look on Sierra’s face. “What? Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“What then?”
“You want to help them?”
“Of course, I do. The poor little mites have had a tough life by the sounds of it. I want to do anything – everything – I can to help them build a new life.”
“You meant what you said, then?”
He raised an eyebrow.
“That we’re still going to be friends after … when they come?”
“Jesus, Sierra. Of course, I meant it. I mean it. I want to be there for you. I want to be there for them. I want – ” He managed to stop himself before he told her that he wanted to be with her. He didn’t know for sure that that was true. Well, he knew he wanted to be with her. But he didn’t know if he was what was right for her. He couldn’t be with her if her life was going to take her back to San Francisco and more importantly than that, he didn’t know if he could be what two little children needed. And without knowing that, there was nothing more he could say. “I’m always going to be there for you, darlin’.”
She looked up at him and he could see her swallow. The deeper he got, the more signs he saw that she was feeling it, too. But talking wasn’t going to help them figure anything out. Not yet. Not until the kids arrived and they figured out what life was going to look like. For now, words would only complicate things. So, instead he took her hand and led her to the master bedroom. He might never get to sleep with her there once she moved in, and all of a sudden it was important to him that when she lay down in that big bed at night, he wanted her to remember him there with her – and maybe want him there again.
Chapter Eighteen
On Monday morning, Sierra stood in the kitchen sipping her coffee as she watched Wade gather his things and get ready to go to work. He’d suggested that she could move into the big cabin as soon as she wanted, but she didn’t want to go yet. She’d come to love Wade’s cabin, to love sharing it with him. And although they’d slept at the big cabin on Saturday night, it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t his place, not like this was. And when she moved in there it would be her place, hers and the children’s – and he wasn’t going to be part of it. He kept reassuring her that he’d always be there for her, and she knew that he would and that he meant well, but every time he said it made her sad because she knew that being there for her wasn’t the same as being with her.
He finished pulling his boots on and came to stand in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking down into her eyes. “You okay?”
“Yes.”
He cocked an eyebrow.
“I am, honestly. Why?”
He drew her closer and she went willingly until her cheek was pressed against his chest and his arms were wrapped around her. This had come to be her favorite place on Earth.
He blew out a sigh before he spoke. “You looked sad. But maybe I was just imagining it. Projecting it.”
She leaned back to look up at him, but he didn’t loosen his arms around her. “Projecting it? Are you sad? Why?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe it’s just the Monday morning blues.” He gave her a rueful smile. “I was thinking about what I need to do today and about what time I can finish and what you might want to do tonight. And then it hit me that next Monday morning everything will be different. I mean, I’ll still have to get up, go to work, take care of business at the lodge, but when I come back here, it won’t be home anymore because you won’t be here. It’ll just be the cabin again. And I’ll get on with finishing the second bedroom, then I’ll put it on the books for guests and I’ll move back into the big house with the guys.”
She tightened her arms around his waist. “You weren’t projecting.”
He cocked his head to one side.
“I was sad thinking about the same things. It’s hard to believe that we’ve only known each other for a week. But in such a short time I’ve gotten to know you and come to trust you more than any man I’ve ever been with before.”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “I feel the same way about you, darlin’. I was with Josie for thirteen years, married to her for eight. But I feel like I know you better and I trust you a million times more than I ever did her.”
Sierra stared up into his eyes. “Do you think that maybe we’re wrong? That we’re only seeing the best in each other because we want to?”
“Nah. I think we’re seeing the truth in each other.”
“Do you think we …” Her heart was hammering in her chest. Was she really about to ask him if he could see a future? If he’d be interested in trying to make things last? No. She wasn’t. She couldn’t. He was watching her face, waiting for her to continue when his ringtone shattered the moment.
She stepped away from him with a sad smile. “You should get that.”
He frowned, looking as though he’d rather wait for it to stop, but she turned away from him to top up her coffee and fill a travel mug for him. He didn’t exactly have a long drive to work; it only took a few minutes to get from here to the lodge, but she liked to do whatever little things she could to take care of him.
“What’s up, Anita? … No. I told them we’d get back to them with a proposal by the end of this week … shit, really?” Sierra watched him run his hand through his hair. She loved the way he did that, it made her want to do the same. “Okay. I’ll be there in a few.”
She turned around as he ended the call and held the travel mug out to him. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” He took it with a sad smile. “Before my phone rang you were asking me if I thought that we … something. Are you going to finish that question?”
“No.” There was no point. She already knew the answer. They couldn’t keep things going between them. She was going to have Mateo and Maya to take care of. He was divorced because he didn’t want children. Well, she didn’t know that for sure, but she’d heard enough hints about it to have a good idea. Even if that weren’t true, she was only here for a while – for the school year at the most. She shouldn’t be getting so caught up in him, in them. It was one thing to follow her feelings when the repercussions would only last for a couple of weeks. It was an entirely different matter to think about her whole future – and his, and the children’s.
He searched her face and then nodded. He didn’t push her, even if part of her wished that he would. He must know it, too. “Okay.” He curled his fingers around the back of her neck and drew her closer for an all too brief kiss. “I’ll see you tonight. Call me if you need anything.”
She clung to him for a moment before letting go and forcing a smile. “I won’t, but thanks. I’ll see you later.”
After he’d gone, she’d paced the cabin trying to decide what to do. He’d given her the keys to the big cabin so that she could go over there and get used to the place. She should probably go and check out what was there and see what she needed to buy; she wanted to make it feel as homey as possible f
or Mateo and Maya when they arrived.
She startled when her phone rang and scurried to get it from the counter.
“Amelia! Hey! It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“You can hear it any time you like. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call,” her friend said with a laugh.
“Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry. I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I?”
“No. I was only joking. I’m just surprised I suppose, and a little worried. I kind of expected you to call and ask me to come. But the fact that you haven’t tells me that you’re doing okay. You are doing okay, aren’t you?”
“I am.”
The silence lengthened. Amelia was her best friend, her only real friend. Sierra wanted to tell her all about Wade. She’d wanted to tell her all week, but she hadn’t, and she wasn’t sure why.
“Are you keeping a good secret or a bad secret?” Amelia asked eventually.
Sierra had to smile. “A good one. And I didn’t mean to keep it secret from you. I just … I don’t know what I’m doing, Lia!”
“Just tell me it’s not about a man.”
Her heart sank. “Why?”
Amelia blew out a sigh. “I’m not trying to be mean. You have to forgive me if I don’t exactly trust your judgment when it comes to men.”
“I forgive you. I get it. I totally do. And I know you’re only trying to look out for me. But Amelia, he’s wonderful.” When her friend didn’t say anything, she chuckled. “Did I just hear you roll your eyes?”
Amelia laughed with her. “Very possibly. And you know I’m only looking out for you. But I seem to remember you telling me that Jared was wonderful at first.”
“Shoot. I did, didn’t I?”
“Yup. And you totally believed it, too.”
“I did. And I couldn’t have been more wrong. But honestly, Lia. Wade’s not like that. He truly is a decent man. I like everything about him. He’s kind and generous and he gets me. He thinks about me … I mean, he’s considerate and …”
“Wade? You mean one of your cowboys?”
“Yes. He really is a good guy. They all are. And Dax knows them; well, he knows their brother. And he thinks it’s a good idea for me to stay here. And you know Dax is normally skeptical about anyone I meet.”
“True. But I think I need to see for myself before I’ll believe it. I believed you that Jared was a good guy until I met him.”
“So, come then! You said you would if I was going to be here a while and it looks like I’m going to be here for a long while. So, come.”
Amelia laughed. “I will. That’s what I was calling about. I miss you already. I’m worried about you. We’d already planned that I’d be with you as much as possible when the children first arrived. But I know everything’s different now. Do you want me there?”
“I do.”
“But? You don’t sound thrilled.”
“Of course, I am. I’d love to have you here.” It was true. She missed her friend. It’d be wonderful to spend time with her. Her lack of enthusiasm was due to the fact that she wouldn’t be spending time with Wade in the same way anymore.
“Are you all caught up in your cowboy? Are you thinking I’ll cramp your style?” Amelia knew her so well.
“I am all caught up in him, but come, please. You won’t be cramping anything. Once the children come, I won’t be seeing him much anyway.”
“I see.”
“No! I don’t mean that in a bad way. He really is a good guy. It’s just that we thought that whatever we were getting into would only last a couple of weeks. He wasn’t looking for anyone to come into his life, let alone someone who comes with two kids.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to say because I don’t know what I think.”
Sierra let out a little laugh. “Then that makes three of us. But please come. You might have to listen to me pining for him, but I’m going to have my hands full with Mateo and Maya; I could use the help.”
“Then I’ll be there. And maybe if he really is a good guy, it’ll be handy for you to have a babysitter so that the two of you can continue exploring.”
“Maybe. But whatever might happen with him, the children come first, they have to.”
“I know. When do you want me? When do they arrive?”
“Dax is bringing them on Saturday.”
“Do you want me to get there before them?”
“Can you?”
“I can be there as soon as I can get a flight.”
Sierra hesitated. Of course, she wanted Amelia to come but …
Her friend laughed. “How about I get myself up there when I’m ready. I’ve always wanted to see Yellowstone. I can find myself a place to stay and do some sightseeing while you make the most of your time with your cowboy. Then whenever you want me, I’ll be on your doorstep – but not a minute before.”
“Aww, Lia. I’ve told you before, but I’ll say it again. You’re the best bestie in the world.”
“It’s a two-way street, lady. Listen, I have to go. But I’ll let you know what I’m up to. And if you want to talk, call me anytime, okay? I hope your cowboy is as wonderful as you think he is, but if you want to talk about anything, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“See you.”
After she ended the call, Sierra drained the rest of her coffee, then grabbed her keys and her purse. She might as well go over to the big cabin and start getting it ready.
~ ~ ~
Wade took one of the stools at the counter in the bakery and sat down heavily. He shouldn’t be here. He should have let one of the guys come over to collect the bread order, but he’d needed to get out. He’d managed to keep himself busy most of the week. That wasn’t hard to do at the lodge; there were always fires that needed putting out, guests that wanted a few minutes of his time, staff who had questions. But no matter how busy he’d been, he hadn’t been able to keep his mind off the fact that his time with Sierra was coming to an end. It was crazy and he knew it.
Two weeks ago – less than that – he hadn’t even known that she existed. When he’d first met her, he’d thought that she was way out of his league for a whole host of reasons. A week ago, he’d justified to himself that it was okay to spend time with her because she wasn’t going to be around for long, and that in the short time she was here he could help her. He blew out a short breath. His intentions really had been good; he’d wanted to show her how a guy should treat her – and hopefully to teach her not to settle for anything less in the future. He really believed that. He didn’t think it was all just bullshit that he’d told himself so that he didn’t feel bad about taking advantage of her before she left. But right now, it felt like bullshit. All he’d done was get himself hopelessly caught up in her and he wasn’t even going to have to watch her walk away. She wasn’t leaving. And that might be even harder to deal with. Even that first night when he and Ford had found her by the side of the road, he’d known that he didn’t want to say goodbye to her. Now, he didn’t have to say goodbye, but he didn’t get to keep her either.
Come Saturday he was going to have to step back. He was going to have to go from waking up with her every morning and coming home to her every night, to … what? How was it going to work? He didn’t even know. She’d still be right there on the ranch, but realistically there would be no reason for their paths to cross from one day – one week – to the next. She was going to have her hands full with two kids, and he …? Well, he was going to have to just get back to life as normal, even though he wasn’t sure that his life would ever feel normal again unless she was in it.
“Wade!”
He almost fell of his stool when someone shoved his shoulder. He spun around to find Chance standing there giving him a puzzled smile.
“Damn. Where the hell were you? I’ve been standing here for two minutes trying to get through to you.”
&
nbsp; Wade smiled through pursed lips. “Sorry. I was thinking.”
Chance narrowed his eyes at him. “Let me guess; you were thinking about a certain cute little blonde?”
Wade blew out a sigh. “Yeah. For all the good it’ll do me. I should just put her out of my mind and let it go.”
Chance laughed. “Yeah, right. Because it’s that easy?”
“Easy or not, I don’t have any choice in the matter.”
“Bullshit.”
“Really? What do you even know? Actually, forget I asked that. Knowing this valley, you probably know as much as I do about the whole deal. So, why don’t you go ahead and enlighten me?”
Chance pulled up a seat next to him and nodded at Spider when he held up a carafe of regular coffee. Once they each had a mug, Chance turned to Wade. “From what I hear, you’ve been shacked up with her since she ran away from her wedding. But that’s all about to end this weekend because she’s adopting a couple of kids. When the kids come, she’s buying the big cabin, and you’re out on your ear. The part where I get fuzzy on it all is when the rumors diverge.”
Wade raised an eyebrow and waited for him to explain.
Chance shrugged. “You know what it’s like. Listening to rumors is like playing the telephone game around here. Some parts get left out, and other parts get changed by whoever’s doing the telling. One version has it that you were just making the most of a hot single chick while she was here, but everyone knows how you feel about kids so once they come, you’re out. The other version has it that she was just using you to fulfill a cowboy fantasy until her kids get here.”
Wade let out a short laugh. “God, I hate this place sometimes.”
Chance gave him a wry smile. “It’s not this place. It’s people – they’re the same everywhere. So, I’m guessing that neither of those two versions is the real truth. You want to tell me what is? Or do you want me to keep my nose out and talk horses and cattle instead? I can do that, too.”
“I dunno, Chance. Honestly, it’s kind of both and neither. First of all, she’s not buying the big cabin. She’s renting it.”