The Man of my Dreams

by Quintal, Gladys

  The same reoccurring dream filled my subconscious. The dark haired man, once again, joined me in the sleep realm. I have no idea who he is or where he came from, but I've been dreaming about him for years. He'd been present in my dreams since I was 17 and lost my parents in that horrible car crash.

  We'd been out together for dinner and a movie and were on our way home. Out of nowhere a drunk driver veered across the centre line and hit us head on. I was the only survivor and mysteriously ended up at the hospital just moments after the accident happened. No one could explain it, except that maybe some Good Samaritan driving past had dropped me off and left before the police could ask questions. I couldn’t remember anything about the accident or how I had possibly survived. I certainly had no knowledge of the person who rescued me. It was a tough time in my life, being alone and orphaned at such a young age, hospitalized for weeks.

  Perhaps this tragedy drew me to nursing. After I was discharged, I decided to enroll in nursing training and have worked in the profession ever since. I met Paul, a friend of a friend, 10 years later. We seemed to click straight away and within a few months had moved in together.

  My dreams about the dark haired man are always happy. I have no idea if he is real, a figment of my imagination, or someone I knew in a past life. He always makes me feel safe and protected in his arms. I never felt completely alone even during the loneliest times of my life. Maybe I invented him to help cope with the huge loss of my parents? I really don't know where he came from but am very glad he lives somewhere in my dreams.

  He visited me again tonight.

  I'd been restless, drifting in and out of reality before hearing his voice.

  Are you okay, Cassandra? Whispered my dark haired man.

  I'm so confused! I confided. I don't understand why Paul is being so cold to me. Everything seemed fine until I got home from work tonight. Now he's acting strange and I have no idea what's going on!

  My dark haired man took me in his arms and pulled me close to him, so safe and warm. It felt like home.

  I am so lucky to have you, I said, looking up into those soft green eyes. He always made me feel so wonderful, like nothing could ever hurt me. What did I ever do to deserve you?

  He pulled away and led me to the grass, emerald green in the sunlight. I stood over him as he sat, relaxed. It was such a beautiful day, as it always was in my dreams. Soft grass, wildflowers everywhere, birds were singing . . . and of course his presence. I could feel the sunlight on my face and the scent of lavender filled the air. I felt so loved when I was with him, so at peace.

  Why can't I feel like this all the time? I thought to myself. Of course, he heard my thoughts.

  I'm the lucky one, he said, smiling up at me. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. You have given me so much, more than you will ever know, Cassandra.

  I sat down next to him and took his hand in mine. He smiled that beautiful smile, melting my heart and then leaned towards me. My cheek warmed from his soft kiss. His chest and arms enveloped me, pulling me around my waist . . . against him.

  I'll be here as long as you need me.

  I woke in the morning to find Paul had already left for work. He hadn’t even come in to kiss me goodbye. Something was definitely wrong. I dragged myself out of bed and slipped on my dressing gown, stomach churning. I hadn't a clue what had happened. The day before everything seemed fine. What had suddenly changed so drastically? Why was Paul so cold to me? I picked up the phone and tried ringing his mobile. It went straight to voice mail. I left a message for him to ring me back and then made myself a cup of tea. I sat down on the couch, worried.

  A million things ran through my head. Was it something I'd said or done? I couldn’t think of anything. We visited his mum and dad for lunch yesterday and everything seemed fine. His sister had cut my hair and he'd been really attentive. He even told me I looked beautiful. What possibly could have changed between then and my shift at the hospital?

  What had I done?

  The phone rang and I almost jumped out of my skin. It was Paul. He said he had a lot on his mind and not to worry too much. His workmate had died a couple of months ago and he had been under a lot of stress at work.

  "It isn’t you," he assured me. "You haven’t done anything and we'll talk properly when I get home."

  I felt relieved. Perhaps it really was just work stress. Feeling better, I set about getting dressed and planning what to do with the wonderful two weeks I had off.

  I was chatting on the phone to a friend of mine, Maria, when Paul turned up. He'd come home for lunch. I said goodbye to Maria and hung up the phone, happy to see him. As I approached him with a hug, he dodged me. "We need to talk, Cassandra," he announced. Uh oh, there went that churning in my stomach again. He kept his distance. It made me feel really uneasy.

  “Okay, Paul. What is going on?” I asked.

  “I've been doing a lot of thinking,” he said, somber and reserved. “I’m just not sure if I still want to get married and have kids anytime soon.”

  I was shocked.

  Where was this coming from? We'd been planning to get married and have a baby for years. Why this sudden about turn?

  “Alright,” I responded shakily, trying to stay calm. “We can wait a while longer.” But how much longer? I was 33 and felt my biological clock ticking. We'd been together for nearly six years and the whole time he knew I always wanted kids. At this moment I felt a bit cheated. Cheated and torn. I loved him and didn’t want to lose him.

  “We can wait until you are sure,” I continued, dreading his response.

  “I don’t know if I'll ever be ready. Hell, I’m not sure I even want kids. I know you do, though, and that you're getting to the age that it might be getting harder to conceive. I don’t want to stop you from having a family . . . so I think we should break up, Cassandra."

  He was dead serious.

  “Break up?” I cried. “Yes, Paul, I do want kids but I don’t want to lose you! Can't we talk about this? I’m sure I'll be fine if I don’t end up being a mum. Can't we compromise somehow?”

  “No,” he said sternly. “The honest truth is, I don’t think I even love you anymore. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you."

  It was a knife in my heart. The shock nearly floored me. I was crying now, an uncontrollable reaction to this unthinkable statement. What had just happened? Had he just dumped me? This was like a nightmare! If it had been building up and I could see the tell-tale signs, maybe it wouldn’t have come as such a blow. But I honestly could not think of a single reason, not one little hint, that foreshadowed Paul's words.

  He watched my reaction, unmoved.

  "I'll come home tonight after work and pick up some stuff. I’m going to stay with mum and dad for a while.”

  “You’re moving out? Don't you want to talk about this some more?”

  “No, I’ve made up mind. I’m sorry, but I can’t help the way I feel." With that he turned around and left me a crying heap on the couch.

  I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. It was all so sudden. I was miserable and mourned on the couch for the rest of the day. The wait was unbearable as I braced myself for him to come home and get his things.

  He turned up around 5 p.m. When he saw the state I was in he came over and gave me a hug.

  “I'm so sorry, Cassandra. I don’t know what came over me. Of course I'm not going to leave you."

  I was reeling from the roller coaster of emotions. Relief flooded me. I rationalized that poor Paul had simply been in a bad state of mind. He saw the error of his ways and knew this was where he wanted to be. Everything was going to work out, right? I comforted myself with these thoughts.

  He had to go out for a few hours for work but would be back that evening. We'd sort everything out properly then. He kissed me and departed, leaving my head spinning. For the next several hours I pondered the situation. Paul was like a yoyo, wavering back and forth, leaving then not leaving. I clung to his assuranc
e but, honestly, was unsettled. To clear my head I ran a warm bath and soaked in it for ages. I climbed into bed, exhausted.

  He turned up around 11 p.m. and started packing up his stuff. He left that night. I never really found out what had happened but a year later he was married. Not long after that his first child was born. I guess it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready. He just didn’t want to do any of it with me.

  Paul's abrupt departure turned my whole world upside down. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. My stomach hurt all the time and I couldn’t stop crying. After a few days of suffering I went to the doctor to get something to help me to sleep. That, plus a few glasses of wine, seemed to do the trick . . . until I woke every new morning faced with reality. Thank God for timing. I didn’t have to report to work and had the remainder of my time off to pull myself together.

  I tried to start planning my future. Let's see, what should I do from here? I couldn’t think straight. Everything had changed. I had no family and didn’t want to burden my friends. Once again I decided to take a sleeping pill, go to bed, and deal with it later. I felt the drug working and slowly started to drift off to sleep.

  A warm body cuddled up behind me. I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy from the sedative. I could feel kisses on the back of my neck. A hand caressed my stomach. Soft fingers touched my breasts, slowly moving down my body. I pushed myself backwards and snuggled into them, so relaxing, so arousing. I let the sensations take over, drifting in and out of sleep, seeming to dream . . . but it felt so real, very real.

  Someone was on top of me. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my legs rested over his. I could feel the soft strokes inside me gently bringing me to orgasm. The sensation was so intense that I managed to open my eyes . . . but could see no one. My arms were still wrapped around my invisible lover and I was quivering slightly. It was so familiar and I felt no fear.

  I'm in a drug induced dream, I thought to myself and fell back into a deep sleep.

  I woke with a start at 3 a.m. feeling groggy from the sleeping pill. I thought I heard something outside and decided to go out onto the balcony to take a look. My legs were heavy and my eyes didn’t want to open properly. I opened the sliding door and walked out into the night, relishing the cool air. It felt wonderful against my skin, sensitive and still a little aroused from the dream. I looked around but couldn’t figure out where the noise was coming from or even what the noise was. Curious, I looked out over the railing, leaning further than was safe in my impaired state. Something moved out of the corner of my eye, startling me. I lost my balance and the next thing I knew . . . I was falling. It was surreal. I wasn’t frightened and remember thinking that perhaps the pain in my heart would soon be over. I wasn’t afraid of dying; it might be the easiest way out of all this.

  I felt strong arms around me and warm breath on my neck. Then everything faded to black.

  Chapter 4

  Dream Lover

  I woke in the morning feeling like I'd just had the most wonderful night’s sleep in my life. I vaguely remembered falling from the balcony and someone catching me. I must have been dreaming about Him again. Oddly, I felt renewed— calm and in control for the first time in days. My stomach no longer churned and my head felt clear again. Today was the first day of the rest of my life and I was going to start living it!

  I got up, showered and decided to get dressed in something nice and summery. I found a pretty dress and decided to venture out. I wanted breakfast in the sunshine. I felt alive again, better than I had in years. I didn't know what had bought on this sudden change in mood . . . but I liked it!

  I was sitting at the table outside Dome Cafe drinking coffee, eating pancakes, and reading the paper. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around but there was no one there. Was it just my imagination? As I went back to the paper a wonderful, warm sensation spread up my body. Euphoria, almost drug-like, caused me to catch my breath. Wow, what a feeling! My whole body felt alive and almost glowing. If pancakes in the sun could do this, I would eat here every morning! I no longer missed Paul and the anguish of him leaving had all but disappeared. Instead, I had a sense of wellbeing and utter happiness. I didn’t feel the slightest bit lonely and was looking forward to the rest of the day.

  What to do now, maybe a bit of shopping? I could do with some new shoes. A woman could always do with new shoes! I still had 10 days of my holiday left. I owned a beach house in Lancelin left to me by my parents. The weather was beautiful. The shops were beckoning. I decided I should grab some new clothes and a new bathing suit while I was at it. Then I'd go to the beach for a few days. Excited, I couldn’t wait to start my holiday!

  Although my parent's death left a void that would never quite be filled, I was fortunate they'd left me quite well set up. I didn’t want for much as the interest on their estate was enough to live on comfortably. The family house in Ellenbrook was freehold. I didn’t really have to work but enjoyed my job and needed to do something to keep busy.

  I withdrew a few grand from my account and went on a shopping spree. Morley Galleria, here I come! Morley was only about 20 minutes from Ellenbrook and had an excellent mall. Going all out I bought new dresses, bathing suits, shoes and perfume. I loaded it all into my jeep and headed off to the beach. I would grab a few supplies in the little shopping centre there . . . I could already taste the wine and chocolate!

  The day was gorgeous and I felt invigorated. I turned the radio up loud and sang along. It was a miracle to feel so wonderful after just a few short days of being dumped. I honestly had never felt better. The beach was only an hour’s drive from Morley and it was still quite early in the day when I arrived.

  The house looked cosy and inviting, just as I remembered it. I couldn’t wait to unpack the jeep and haul my stuff inside. It was a little musty as all the curtains were drawn. I hadn’t used it in a while. I opened up all the windows, turned on the stereo and started putting away my new clothes. On went the bathing suit, as there was still plenty of time for a swim. It was very flattering and showed my figure off well. Not that I needed any confidence at the moment . . . I was flying high! I grabbed a towel and dashed down to the water.

  The beach was deserted. It was spring and not a lot of the people from Perth would think it was warm enough to go swimming. There were a few people at the pub just down the beach, but my little spot in paradise was still quite secluded— just the way I like it!

  The water, a little cold at first, made me gasp. But I soon acclimated and enjoyed the coolness of the waves moving over me. The water here was so clean and clear. All my senses were alive and even the water touching my skin felt amazing. I went up on to the sand and grabbed my towel. As I dried myself I felt a kiss on my check and then hot breath on my neck. I spun around. This time I saw a wisp of what looked like smoke but again no one was there. I was sure I hadn’t imagined it this time . . . could my mind be playing tricks on me? It hadn’t changed my mood but left me a little intrigued..

  I went back up to the house and had a quick shower. I jumped back into the jeep and headed to the shop to grab some wine, chocs and a TV dinner. I thought about going down to the pub for dinner, but I'd been there a few times with Paul. I felt like a bit of a loser going on my own, so down to the little shopping centre I went. The shop had a good selection of DVD's. I grabbed a couple of my favourite flicks and headed back.

  With dinner in the microwave and a bottle of wine opened, I put on a DVD and snuggled down on the couch. It felt so comfortable sitting there, eating my dinner and drinking wine.

  Wow, this is the life, I sighed, quite drowsy and content.

  He was back and utterly gorgeous. Dark hair and green eyes, tall and muscular, and that smile . . . it took my breath away. And he’s all mine! He was lying on the couch shirtless with his arm around me. I had my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair, telling me how much he loved me. I felt so happy and content. Life was wonderful. He lifted my face to his.

  I love you and you can be sure
that I will always be here for you no matter what. I'll never leave you as he did.

  I knew he meant it. His eyes were so sincere and I felt overwhelmed and completely loved for the first time in my life. He kissed me tenderly at first. His lips were soft and moist. I felt a surge of warmth flooding my body. Then his kisses became more urgent and I felt like I would utterly explode with desire. I wanted him to make love to me desperately.

  He started to unbutton my blouse and then slipped it over my shoulders, all the while kissing me passionately. He rolled towards me and pressed himself against me. I could feel him hot and hard and hear his breathing getting heavier. I'd never felt so out of control in my life! He undid my bra and gently started caressing my breasts. Every part of my body was alive and aching for him now. I couldn’t hold back any longer and started to rub up against him while unbuttoning his shorts. Oh, how I wanted to rip his pants off! Within minutes he was above me and then inside me. Oh my God, it felt good! He was so hard and I could feel every inch. I lost myself in the moment and relaxed completely. This was so amazing and I didn’t want it to end. Every part of my body felt unbelievable. My skin was awakened to every sensation, every touch. He kissed my neck, my lips, my breasts….

  Please don’t be over quickly. I wanted this feeling to last forever.

  I shouldn’t have worried. He took me to the edge and then stopped, leaving me begging for more time and time again. He teased me over and over then rewarded me by making my whole body shake with ecstasy. Every stroke felt like heaven. His body was so beautiful and felt so at home between my legs. His lovemaking took me to the heights of ecstasy as I felt myself shuddering against him again and again— my first ever multiple orgasm!

  I was totally exhausted but felt wonderful. I had never been made love to like that and never felt such rapture, such love. I was totally and utterly satisfied. He was the most amazing and considerate lover. I snuggled up to him and he smiled at me and pulled me close.