by Odette Botha
“Can I help you?” The police woman asked me politely.
“Yes I am Kate Roberts Scott. I am here for Dean Eric Sheppard and Alex….” I tried to say but I couldn’t continue.
Jack stepped up and spoke further.
The police woman called someone standing at the back in one of the offices.
He came out holding a file, he was a friendly man he held his hand out to each of us and shook it introducing himself.
“Kate my name is detective Andrews,” he said.
I shook his hand and nodded.
“Follow me please,” he said showing us to an office at the back of the station.
I sat down and Joshua and Jack sat either side of me.
Joshua held my hand and watched me like a hawk. I took off the glasses and looked over at the detective there was a mirror behind him and I saw my reflection. The eyes looking back at me were not my own. The person in the mirror had no expression on her face; she had dark black rings under her eyes. Her eyes were red and sad.
I quickly looked away and tried to concentrate on the detective.
“Firstly Mrs Scott I am so sorry for your loss,” he started.
“Katie-” I interrupted.
“Katie the car…” he said pulling out photos of the wreckage, he put the photos in front of me.
“Is this your car?” He asked.
I nodded still showing no emotion.
The car was burnt and bend in all directions but I could still recognise it. He pulled out photos of possessions or what was left of them and asked me if I recognised it.
I nodded.
I didn’t cry I was too numb I just went through the motions the best I could. He put all the photos back into the folder and looked at me.
“I want to see them,” I said softly to him.
“Katie that is not possible,” he said.
“I want to see my friends I need to make sure it was them I just need to see them,”
I demanded.
The detective sighed and looked at me his eyes were so kind, I could see those eyes had seen allot of heart ache.
He pushed his lips together, I could see he was struggling to find the right words to use.
“Your friends were on the road when it was still very dark outside. The truck driver lost control; it was a head on collision. Either the car or the truck caught alight, we aren’t sure yet which one but the car and half of the truck burned out. There isn’t much left of your friends to show you,” he explained calmly watching my face. “They died on impact?” I asked softly almost in a whisper.
“Yes,” he assured me also speaking softly to match my tone.
I sat there for a few seconds staring at him and then I got up, I straightened my pants and asked him in a firm voice, “is there anything else?”
Everyone jumped up at once.
“No this is an open and closed case, Mr Sheppard’s parents will be here this afternoon and they said they will take over and collect his personal belongings, we have also notified Mr Addison’s parents,” he said.
I held out my hand and greeted him, took my glasses from his table and put them on. “Very well then,” I said and I turned and walked out of the room, Jack ran after me.
I was ready to storm out of the police station. I didn’t care about the people waiting outside.
Just as I put my hand on the door he grabbed my arm and pulled me back quickly. “Katie please,” he said firmly and unsure.
“I am sorry I wasn’t thinking,” I said in a whisper.
“Where is Joshua?” I asked noticing that he wasn’t there with us.
“He is speaking to the detective.”
But then I saw him walking down the passage, he was almost in a slow run to get to me.
We walked out though the sea of people and got into the limo with a lot less difficulty, we had a bodyguard and a couple of police officers helping us.
When we got into the car Jack’s phone started ringing.
“Break the story it won’t make a difference now, no one is even going to worry about it,” he said putting the phone down.
I lied down again on Joshua’s lap.
I heard them talking about the woman and the photos but I drifted off before I could hear everything. I didn’t care it was unimportant.
Chapter 34
I was in a big room it had blood red walls it looked like a warehouse. At the back someone was sitting on a chair but I couldn’t make out who it was. I walked closer but the faster I walked, the further the image of this person moved. I stopped running and stood still.
I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, I turned around it was Dean smiling at me. I opened my mouth to speak but he stopped me.
“I need you to see something,” he said walking with me towards the person in the chair.
It was Joshua sitting in the chair he hadn’t shaved in days; he was smoking a cigarette looking out in front him.
He was sad again he looked almost like me in the mirror in the police station. I frowned and looked over at Dean. He smiled a sweet smile and put his hand on my face.
“You need to be okay, you need to get over your pain,” he explained
“But you are my best friend I am going to miss you so much, I need you,” I said crying.
“You are heading down a dangerous path it’s not the medication making you numb, its you,” he said still smiling at me.
I cried and closed my eyes.
When I opened my eyes again, I was sitting on a bench overlooking the sea. The waves broke at my feet.
He was standing next to me, he had his hands in his pockets he threw his head back and laughed.
He took a deep breath and said, “isn’t this just amazing? Sunrise, the smell of the beach the cold breeze on your face.”
I looked at him and started smiling, he turned to me.
“Let someone in Katie, you need to let someone in,” he said smiling at me, I felt him taking my hand.
I looked down at his hand and started crying again, when will I ever hold his hand again? Never.
When will I ever see him smiling or hear him laughing again? Never. He was dead and I was alone. I looked up at him; he leaned in and kissed me softly on my forehead.
“I will always be with you, always.”
And then he was gone, I woke up the tears were running down my face onto Joshua’s lap, I realised that I had been crying in my sleep.
I sat up and looked out the window; I couldn’t see anything familiar so I assumed we weren’t close to home yet.
I turned to him and looked at his face.
I got onto his lap and put my head on his shoulder. I held on to him with both arms and just sighed. He turned his head and kissed me softly on my forehead.
“I will always be here, you will be okay,” he said softly.
I pulled him closer to me and buried my face in his neck. I cried again, he held me tightly rubbing his hand up and down my back.
We got home Joshua gave me two more pills and I went to bed. I fell asleep remarkably fast. He wasn’t back in my dream I thought he might be there again but he wasn’t.
The next couple of days I woke up and walked through the apartment like a zombie. I continued with the medication and it made me feel like I could cope.
I showered, tried to eat but never got the food down my throat and got back into bed. I would sometimes wake up with Joshua lying next to me and other days I would hear him in the lounge watching TV. I hardly spoke to anyone, I never answered the phone.
The morning of the funeral, I woke up and saw that there was a three quarter black dress hanging on the closet door. Someone had bought me a dress to wear to the funeral because it still had tags on and it was my size.
I climbed in the shower and washed my hair. When I got out I wrapped a towel around me and walked towards the room Joshua was sit
ting on the edge of the bed. “Hi,” I said softly looking at him unsure.
“Hi pretty girl,” he said softly.
“You need to eat something, you haven’t managed to eat in two days,” he said worried.
“I am not hungry,” I said softly rubbing my stomach.
He sighed and got up.
“Please I need you to eat something even if it’s just a piece of toast,” he pleaded as he walked up to me.
I nodded; he took my hand and led me out to the kitchen.
He had made toast and buttered it for me. I didn’t know when he learned to make food because he had made bacon and a couple of other things as well.
I took the slice of toast and ate it slowly.
He poured me a cup of coffee and put it in front of me. He got out the medication and put it next to the mug.
“No pills,” I said pushing away the bottle.
He nodded and put it away.
I ate the toast and drank the coffee.
“I know this is the stupidest question ever but I need to know. How are you feeling?” He asked.
I could hear the caution in his voice. I looked at him and realised that he was sad too. He had been keeping everything afloat and he had been supporting me looking after me for days. He never left the apartment.
I hardly spoke to him but yet he was there, when I cried he would come from where ever he was to hold me. I hadn’t once asked him if he was okay.
“I will be just fine,” I said managing a smile.
A look of relief washed over his face. He walked towards me and held me I could feel his chest move he was fighting not to cry.
“I was so worried about you. I can’t bring him back I can’t make the pain better, I watched you slipping and I was so worried that I couldn’t do anything to help you,” he explained.
“I am so sorry, I was selfish I just couldn’t bear being awake, I just wanted to escape… I love you,” I said kissing him softly on his lips.
It felt safe and right again being in his arms kissing him.
Chapter 35
The funeral was breath taking, it was just the way Dean and Alex would have liked it. Their families decided to bury the remains together in one grave.
“Fare well my friends,” I said softly as I threw the white rose I had in my hands on the coffin.
I felt Joshua squeeze my hand.
I looked up at him through my dark sunglasses and managed to smile at him. He smiled back still with a concerned look on his face.
Everybody had left the grave site but us.
I got down on my knees and started talking to this open grave, there were men waiting for me to finish before they would cover it with sand.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Joshua’s legs move as he stepped back so I could have my last private moment with my friends.
I just started talking almost pretending that they could hear me.
“I have been pretty pathetic the last couple of days, I have just lost my way and the will to live. I have mourned, grieved and cried my heart out.
I am going to miss you two so much I don’t know how my life will be now that you are gone. I luckily have Joshua to help me, he has tried his best with me but I just couldn’t manage to let him in. Ironically that is what you told me to do the last time I saw you in my dream. I want you to rest now; I will be just fine I have him.
I just don’t know how I am going to fill this emptiness I feel. I know everyone keeps telling me it will get better. I am going to try, I am going to try for the two of you. I love you my sweet friends and I will always remember you,” I promised wiping away the tears.
I got up and took a photo of us sitting on the bonnet of my red car out of my clutch bag; it was from a trip we took to the beach once. I threw it on the coffin.
I looked over to the men waiting to cover the grave and nodded.
“Are you ready to go?” I heard Joshua asking me.
“Yes I want to go home now,” I said putting out my hand for his.
We walked slowly between the graves to the limo.
I looked at all the grave stones there were allot of sadness there peoples wives, husbands, children, parents. I tried to read as many of them as I went along thinking that my friends were not alone, and neither was I.
The days after the funeral were difficult but at least it wasn’t as difficult as the days before. I spoke about Dean and Alex allot because it made me feel closer to them.
I read some of the text messages on my phone and looked through old photos I had of us.
It’s true that feeling does get better, it never goes away but it does get better. Joshua was now not only the best part of me he was now my best friend as well. I didn’t have anyone to complain to about him but it didn’t matter, I realised the little things that made me upset weren’t important anymore. In a way loosing Dean and Alex, brought Joshua and I closer.
Chapter 36
“We should get out of Los Angeles for a while,” he suggested one day when we were sitting on the sofa.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked interested.
“Lets go visit my parents, you have only spoken to them on the phone, I think its time you meet them,” he said.
“We are going to Vancouver?” I asked surprised and excited.
“If you want to, I just think we need to get away and you can then meet my parents and the rest of the family. It will do us good.”
“It would be lovely,” I said.
I looked down at my hands.
“I am sorry things haven’t been back to normal around here yet. It’s getting better though,” I said.
“Its fine at least you are smiling and talking and eating now. I was so worried about you. The rest will fall back into place as you get back to normal again.”
I looked up at him and smiled.
“I never want to wake up and know that I was never going to see you again,” I said feeling sad.
“If I ever have to go, I will take you with,” he promised with a sweet smile.
I took the mug out his hand and put it down on the table; I turned back to him and held his face in my hands.
“You are now the single most important thing in my life and I love you. I will always love you. You are my life,” I said.
He put his hand behind my head and pulled me closer to him. He kissed me; it had been the first time in weeks that we kissed like that again. I wasn’t perfect but I was better, especially being safe again in his arms.
That night I felt at peace, I felt happy again. I was going to be just fine.
I was lying next to him the next morning watching him, I turned towards him resting my chin on my arm.
“Why are you staring at me?” He asked smiling.
“I wanted you to wake up, without me waking you,” I reasoned.
He laughed and turned to face me. He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“What is on your mind?” He asked.
“Lets sell this apartment, lets move to New York,” I said.
“I thought that was kind of the plan besides for selling this apartment,” he said frowning.
“I mean lets box up everything, sell and get everything to New York while we are away in Canada. I don’t want to come back here. Ever.”
“That can be arranged if that is what you really want?” He asked concerned.
“It is, I want to go to New York straight after our getaway and start our new life.”
He nodded looking unsure.
“So when are we going?” I asked
“Friday.”
“But its Monday today,” I said realising the short time we had left.
“Yes so you must be sure that is what you want,” he said firmly.
“Do you think I am crazy?” I asked.
“No I understand what you are thinking.”
Chapter 37
We put the apartment up for sale; it was in the market for only a couple of days when it got sold. We had agreed on buying all new furniture so all I had to pack was our clothes, shoes and some other small items.
I had seen photos of our new place and I fell in love with it, it was much bigger than the place we had in LA.
The morning we left for Vancouver I looked around at the apartment I could see the dinner parties I had there.
The nights of drinking games I shared there with my friends. I remembered the night Joshua and I had sex there after we met at the bar at The One.
The memories played out in front of me like a movie. I sold the place with all the furniture so it was even more painful looking at everything, knowing I was never coming back.
Joshua stood in front of the elevator waiting for me; he saw the look on my face when I closed the door behind me for the last time.
“I can buy it back for you,” he offered.
“No I want to let go of it, I just needed to say goodbye,” I said kissing him for offering.
I got out of the elevator and out the front door of the building.
I looked up at the windows of the apartment I had lived in for so many years and smiled. It was over; I would never go back again.
I was very nervous when we landed at the airport. I had spoken to his parents and sisters over the phone but I had never seen them. I was afraid they wouldn’t like me once they saw me. I wasn’t exactly a celebrity but then again they weren’t either.
It was just the thought of meeting the in laws.
I didn’t know what they had expected for their son and brother. I somehow had a feeling of not being in Joshua’s class even though I had money and I was a good girl from a good family.
His parents were waiting for us in the VIP lounge of the airport. They insisted on fetching us.
I saw his face light up when he saw them, his mother ran over and threw her arms around him, she cried when she hugged him.
“Hi Katie, I am Edward,” a dark haired man said when he hugged me.
“Oh I am sorry Katie; I am Joshua’s mother Elizabeth.”
She too gave me a hug.
“This is the beautiful Katie? Son she is even more beautiful than you said, or of the photos we saw in the magazines,” his dad commented.
“You really should not read those magazines,” I said feeling shy.
“Yes its total rubbish Liz started buying them for the photos of you and Joshua. One day my boy was a single man and the next he marries a super model,” e explained winking at me.