by Odette Botha
“Katie you are awake,” he said relieved.
“Barely, is he dead?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said squeezing my hand.
“I am so sorry,” he started.
“Don’t be sorry, Jack was right I went out and looked for trouble.”
“You could hear us?” He looked surprised.
“Yes every word,” I said looking away from him.
“It’s my fault. I should have told you,” he said.
“No it’s not your fault its Evan’s fault for ruining our night and for putting so much stress on you and Jack. Joshua if I knew what I know now, I would have still walked out that room and do the same thing.”
“You have a terrible stubborn streak Katie; he could have gotten you out there. He injected you; it would have only taken minutes for you to pass out. If I wasn’t looking at you through the glass door, he could have taken you,” he said angry.
“That is not how it happened. I wasn’t going to live my life looking over my shoulder. When I was plucked by the arm and pushed into the study with everyone looking at me like I was a pathetic victim I cracked. I am not a victim, I just decided this ends now. If he was going to find me and ubduct me it could have happened anytime anywhere,” I said trying to get up.
“Just relax.” he demanded trying to make me comfortable. He didn’t want me to get up out of bed.
“Joshua I want to see the doctor, I want to go home,” I said firmly.
“Fine I will call someone, just please stay in bed.”
He got up and walked out the room.
I got on my feet and walked toward the window. My body was not reacting to instruction like before but it moved. I looked out over the buildings outside. I thought about Evan, the man who because of me was dead. He was sick yes but he didn’t deserve to die. If he had gotten the help he needed he might have been normal.
“Mrs Scott, I see you are up,” the doctor said as he got into the room.
“Good morning doctor, yes there is no use in lying around.”
He directed me back to the bed. He checked my vital signs and said that everything looked normal.
“Can I go home?”
“Yes you can but please do take it easy,” he said to my relief.
“Will she be able to travel? We are moving to New York in a day or two.” Joshua asked.
“Yes she should be fine she should just not strain herself,” the doctor said looking at me.
“Doctor I can manage from here,” I said anoid.
“Katie I think you should go talk to someone, you had gone through a terrible trauma and you are going to feel angry, depressed or sad. I have noticed that you are very angry at the moment.”
“Good observation,” I said sarcastically.
“Thank you doctor, we will take it easy,” Joshua said seeing that I was ready to fight with whom ever gets in my way.
“There is a bag in the cabinet; mom brought you something to wear.”
I nodded and took the bag out the cabinet.
“I will go now, Katie look after yourself and if you need anything please contact me. A nurse will be in soon to take out your IV,” the doctor said before leaving the room.
I wasn’t going to wait for a nurse I just wanted to get dressed and leave. So I took out the IV myself.
Joshua looked at me shocked and horrified that I didn’t want to wait for someone to help me. I knew how to do it so it didn’t bother me. I got dressed signed myself out and we left.
Chapter 45
“Katie you are home,” Liz said when she greeted me at the door.
“Hallo mom, yes I am.”
“I was so worried about you. So the doctor gave you the all clear then?”
“He didn’t have a choice,” Joshua interrupted.
“Can I get you anything, juice or coffee?” Liz said holding me around my waist as we walked into the house.
The family was in the living room watching TV. I walked in and saw Isabel sitting on the edge of her seat, the moment she saw me her eyes shot full of tears.
“Katie I am so sorry,” she said walking towards me to hug me.
I put my uninjured arm around her.
“Its fine, I am fine.”
Jack sat on the chair next to the kitchen he looked at me.
“I am glad you are okay sweetheart,” he said.
“Thank you Jack.”
I wanted to snap at him but I had decided it wasn’t worth it.
Everyone took turns to hug me but Jack. I looked over at the kitchen to the floor, I don’t why, maybe I thought that I would see blood. Everyone looked at me staring into the kitchen; I could feel the tension in the room.
“You are bleeding,” Isabel said pointing at my arm.
“Its nothing, the IV was in this arm I think I probably hurt it when I took it out. I didn’t remove the plaster first,” I said without emotion.
“Why didn’t the nurse take it out?” Liz asked shocked.
“She didn’t want to wait,” Joshua said.
“You need to rest. Come I put clean sheets on your bed, do you want to go lay in the bath for a bit?” Liz asked.
“I will in a minute, thank you. Where is my red dress?” I asked.
I knew someone had taken it off, I woke up in a hospital night gown.
“I must wash it dear,” Liz tried to explain.
“I want to see it,” I said.
“Very well but it’s full of blood,” Liz said softly under her breath.
“My own?” I asked. I couldn’t remember if he bled on me.
“Yes dear,” she said softly.
I nodded and walked motionless to the room.
I heard everyone started talking the minute they thought I couldn’t hear.
“She seems so dead,” Isabel said.
“She is just tired and probably still in shock, she will be back to her old bubbly self as soon as she has taken a bath and laid down,” Liz said.
“She is angry at me,” Joshua said softly.
“Why is she angry at you? You should be angry at her for being so stupid,” Jack said irritated.
“She is my wife Jack and she just deserved honesty. I made her go out that room by lieing to her. It’s my fault my wife was almost kidnapped and who knows what else.”
“No Joshua it was my own fault,” I said standing right behind him in the door.
“Jack you have made it clear that you blame me. I could hear you when you thought I was unconscious. You believe I am responsible and to blame for what happened to me. I suppose you think I am responsible for Evan being shot dead too? If I did things differently he might have still been alive.”
I felt my voice going hoarse again.
“You feel sorry for that that freak?” Jack asked angry, he turned blood red.
“That freak had maybe a family, he was someone’s son. He might even have been someone’s friend. If someone gave him attention or loved him, he might not have turned into that freak.”
“Let me tell you something about that freak,” Jack said.
The veins in his neck were standing out now. I saw Joshua and everyone’s faces looking at me like I was the victim again something was wrong.
“Jack please not now,” Joshua pleaded.
“No you want to be honest with her, let’s be honest with her. Your car the car that Dean and Alex died in, was sabotaged someone tried to kill you. It was just not planed properly because no one expected that you were going to borrow the car to Dean that night.”
I felt my legs shake under me, I stood there searching for the words.
“The detective said it was the truck driver, he lost control.”
I looked up at Joshua searching for answers.
“We don’t know all the details yet but it seems that it was your car that caused the accident,” Joshua sa
id softly, he was trying to calm me by holding me against him.
“I killed Dean, Alex and Evan,” I said in a whisper.
“No Katie that’s not true it was Evan,” Liz said.
She had tears streaming down her face.
“Excuse me,” I said walking out of the room. Joshua walked after me.
“Please leave me alone.”
“Katie please,” he pleaded.
I closed the door behind me; I stood against it for a couple of seconds. I could feel him on the other side. I slid down against the door and held up my legs against my chest. I just started crying, all the emptiness everything came back in one instance. My friends- why did I let him take the car?
I was angry at myself for letting that happen. I should have died then Dean, Alex and Evan would still have been alive. Evan might have gotten help after my death and Dean and Alex might have still been here laughing, joking and having fun. They enjoyed life to the fullest and I didn’t, my life was just one drama after another. They deserved life more than I did. I thought maybe if I could get my hands on those pills, I had used to cope when they died, that I could maybe see him again. Explain, apologise.
I felt the door move behind me he had also decided to sit against the door. He didn’t speak and neither did I. I sat there with my head against the door looking up at the ceiling, when I saw him standing on the beach telling me to let someone in.
I knew that the images I saw of Dean wasn’t real it was my imagination. It was in a way a type of coping mechanism so my brain wouldn’t malfunction and I would go stark raving mad.
I took a deep breath and got up from the floor. I heard him also getting up. I stood there with my hand on the door handle, I had a choice I could be mad at him. The guy that loved me and tried to protect me. The one person who was just trying his best not to upset me before he had all the facts. The man that ‘adored me’ as he always said. Or I could just let him in.
In the time he had been sitting against the door with me I heard Isabel, Jack and Liz call him to sit by them but he didn’t leave the other side of the door once.
Why was I punishing him, why was I punishing myself? Maybe I was meant not to get into that car for a reason. Was that image of Joshua sitting on the chair drunk unshaved smoking that Dean showed me, of how Joshua would have looked like if it was me in that car accident, if I had died.
I opened the door and looked at him.
“Joshua I need you.”
His face was so relieved it looked like he was on the verge of tears. He took me in his arms; he lifted me off the floor. My face was level with his. He gave me the longest most passionate kiss, the kiss was angry, sad, frustrated but it was him, it was him kissing me. He walked with me still hanging in his arms into the room. He kicked the door closed behind us.
“I should have handled things differently,” he said looking at me.
“No I should have,” I said pulling my fingers through his hair.
“I should have let you in more, I thought that I had but I realise now that I didn’t,” I said as he put me down. I walked away from him and looked out the window. The fairy lights were still hanging outside. The view was still beautiful and perfect. I realised that nothing had changed in the time all the unhappiness happened.
Just like the morning I got back from the funeral. Everything was still exactly the same it was like nothing had changed.
“I want to tell you something, it might sound totally off and bazaar to you but I need to let you in,” I said looking down at the windowsill.
He walked up to me and stood behind me, he put his arms around me and rested is head softly on my shoulder.
I told him about Dean and that I had seen him after he had died. I told him what Dean told me, the images he showed me. I told him about the conclusions I had come to.
“I don’t think that’s crazy,” he said softly.
“If something had to happen to you, whether it had been you dieing in the car accident or Evan taking you from me. I wouldn’t have had the strength to go on. I don’t ever want to live without you.”
We stood there for a while and looked out the window.
“Jack is furious at me isn’t he?” I asked.
“He was just very worried about you that’s all; he has come to love you. He says you are stubborn and stupid sometimes but he loves you all the same,” Joshua said smiling.
“Do you think I am stubborn and stupid?’ I asked.
“Yes I do, but I also think that you are brave and that you don’t like people controlling or intimidating you. You are strong and that is some of the many qualities I love about you,” he said turning me around.
“I smell like hospital and dried blood lets go bath,” I said pulling at a strand of hair. “Mom tried cleaning off as much blood as she could.”
“You look tired, it seems that I always make you look tired, stressed or sad,” I said frowning.
“You are a hand full,” he joked, he was smiling again.
Chapter 46
“Don’t get my bandage wet,” I said as he climbed in the bath with me.
I held up my arm so that the bubbles didn’t touch it. I picked up the shampoo and handed it to him.
“I think you should wash my hair.”
He took the bottle from me while I dipped my head under the water, still holding my arm out the water. When I come up I heard him laugh.
“You looked so funny,” he said imitating me with the arm in the air.
“Very funny just wash the hair,” I said pointing at my wet hair.
My hair was long and I myself had a problem washing it sometimes because it was thick and heavy. I felt his hands move on my hair but I realised he wasn’t managing very well.
“I have poured out about a half a bottle of shampoo already and still it’s not making foam. I now know why we go through a bottle of shampoo so fast,” he said frustrated.
I put my one hand in my hair and showed him how to do it. The injured arm was still outstretched so that I wouldn’t get it wet.
“It looks like you are pointing at something, its distracting,” he mocked me.
“Ah screw this,” I said putting the arm in the water.
“You can’t do that,” he said trying to pull the bandaged arm out.
“Yes I can, I can always put on a dry bandage later.”
I turned around and laid on his chest. My face was full of foam from the shampoo.
I was lying on top of him with my legs between his.
“If I don’t take matters into my own hands I will never get my hair washed properly,” I said joking.
He looked at me his face was serious, he put his hand on my face and kissed me. I put my hands at the back of his neck and moved so that I was laying with my face level to his. I felt safe again in his arms, kissing him.
“I should rinse my hair before it starts itching,” I said scratching my head.
He smiled and put his hands in my hair making funny styles with it.
“You look cute, like one of those gremlins.” He laughed.
“Ah that’s nice I am glad you are enjoying yourself,” I said rolling my eyes.
I tried to get off him when he grabbed me and pulled me back.
“I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love you,” he said his face was serious again. I smiled at him and gave him a kiss.
“I adore you,” I said like he always said to me.
Every time he had said it to me I would feel loved and happy. It looked like he felt the same.
I tried getting dressed with one hand even though I had put the arm in the water it was sore when I moved my fingers. It started burning when it was in the water for too long.
“Let me help you,” he said after he saw me battle.
“I thought you were going to stand there laughing at me, watching me squirm”
“I did for a minute, sorry I couldn’t resist. But then I thought shame let me help her, before I end up in a cast.”
He took my panties and let me put my feet through the holes; he was busy pulling it up when he said, “this is so wrong, I should be taking them off.”
I gave him a smack against the head. He laughed and pulled them up all the way. I pulled them down a little so they looked right. He was standing on his knees he kissed me softly on my stomach. He moved up slowly kissing my chest my neck and then my lips.
He had already put on his clothes, I was standing there only in my underwear. We stood there kissing for a while. I moved my hand over his back scratching him softly; I put my injured arm’s hand on his chest digging my nails gently into his flesh. The hand was so weak it didn’t make a mark. I moved my other hand down his stomach into the front of his pants. He grabbed my wrist.
“You just came out of hospital,” he said looking concerned.
“I know,” I said pulling him closer to kiss me again.
He let go of my wrist. I felt him pushing me up against the wall.
“Are you okay in there?” I heard Isabel asking through the door.
“Can I come in Katie are you alone?” she asked.
“No I will be out in a minute,” I said in a panic. Joshua put his face in my neck and I could feel him sigh.
“Okay I will wait for you here by the door,” she said.
“I better get dressed,” I said.
“Yes you better before my sister sees us having sex against the bathroom wall,” he said joking but looking serious at the same time.
He got me dressed and when I opened the door she was standing there like she said she would.
“Joshua,” she said nodding at him.
“Isabel,” he said nodding back.
“What is up?” I asked out of breath.
“Nothing I thought you might have needed some help, oh you got your bandage wet. I will get you a dry clean one from the pack you brought home from the hospital,” she said pulling me towards the bedroom.
Joshua stood there drying his hair.
“You made her get her bandage wet,” she said angry at him.
“My dear sis I can’t make my wife do anything, it was all her,” he said smiling at me. “You stupid girl and you call yourself a doctor,” she said shaking her head.
“I never said I was a good one,” I joked.
“We still need to talk about that, you never told me you studied medicine,” Joshua said as he remembered that he wanted to bring up that subject with me.