by Amber Garza
As if reading my mind, Beckett curls his index finger beckoning me forward. He holds his microphone between us. My chest tightens. Once I reach him, I stand perfectly still.
“The song is called Can’t Have.” The band starts playing, and I immediately recognize the song as the one I sang with Beckett in his garage. I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans and dare a look at Lola. She is staring at me with a stunned expression on her face, and it almost causes me to laugh out loud. When I face Beckett again the reality of the situation crashes over me and I worry that I’m about to get sick. He nods at me, stepping closer. We’re nearing the chorus. When he faces me, I swallow hard. Our heads are so close together that the microphone is literally the only thing keeping our lips from touching, and it causes me to feel dizzy. I work hard to focus on the lyrics, as I open my mouth and sing in harmony with Beckett.
You’re just one more thing I can’t have
Standing just outside my grasp
But it doesn’t really matter
Because good things never last
As I sing the words, I lose myself in his eyes. I’m so mesmerized it’s like the rest of the room fades away and only he and I are standing on this stage. His lips move in sync with mine as our voices mingle together. His fingers close around the microphone between us and his eyes pierce mine. It’s one of the most intimate experiences of my life, and when the song ends it takes me a minute to return to reality. When I do, Beckett furrows his brows at me and I wonder how long I continued to stare at him after we finished.
“Thanks for coming,” Beckett says to the crowd with a smile. “Good night.”
Applause fills the room. Beckett peels off his guitar and sets it down before turning to me. “Thanks for singing with me. I know I caught you off guard.”
I am taken aback with how cordial he’s being after our last encounter. However, I’m still not ready to completely let him off the hook. “Sure.” I shrug.
“Look, I know I was an ass the other night. It’s just that Ryker sprung you on me at the last minute, and I wasn’t really prepared.” Beckett runs a hand through his hair.
It’s not an apology, and I’m starting to wonder if he’s even capable of giving one. “Well, maybe you’ll be prepared for the next girl who auditions.”
“Star,” he says in a pleading tone that surprises me. “All the guys in the band thought you were amazing.”
“What about you?” I cross my arms over my chest. “What did you think?”
He squirms. “I thought you were good.”
I press my lips together, not impressed with his answer. “Good, huh? That’s not what you said the other night.”
He groans. “I just told you that I wasn’t in the mood for an audition the other night. I only wanted to jam, okay?”
Giggling draws my attention away from Beckett. Several girls stand in a cluster by the stage, staring up at Beckett with awed expressions. I roll my eyes.
“Fan club?” I ask.
He glances down at the girls with the same bored expression he always wears and shrugs. “What can I say? Chicks dig me.”
I spin around. This guy’s arrogance is so irritating. “Well, thanks for letting me sing with you. Have fun with your fan club.”
His hand circles around my wrist. “Wait, Star. You didn’t give me an answer.”
I turn around slowly, my skin searing from his touch. “You didn’t ask me a question.”
“Oh, I thought I made myself clear. Are you in or not?”
“In what?” I ask, totally confused.
“The band.” He looks dumbfounded.
My heart skips a beat at his words. I want to say yes in a heartbeat, but I know I can’t. Not after what he’s put me through. “I’m not sure I want to anymore.”
The look of shock on his face is one I wish I could photograph. “Okay, I guess I deserve that. But come on, I saw the look in your eyes when we sang together. You love this.”
I feel my resolve slipping. “Fine. I’ll think about it.” Before he can say another word, I scurry off the stage and head toward Lola. She is still sitting at the same table, only now Ryker inhabits my seat. He is leaning over the table on his elbows, and Lola is inclining her body close to his as they talk.
Lola’s head pops up when I approach. “Whoa, what was that all about?”
I feel my cheeks warming again. “I don’t know. It was crazy, right?”
“Not that crazy,” Ryker interjects. “You two are great together.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, defensively.
Ryker’s eyes widen. “Just that your voices blend well together.”
My shoulders soften, the tension in them dissipating. I feel like an idiot. Of course he was talking about us being great together musically. Why had I thought he meant something else? Lola purses her lips, giving me a funny look. I can tell she’s surprised by my volatile reaction too.
“What was Beckett talking to you about just now?” Lola asks.
“About joining the band.” Despite my best efforts, my lips push upward into a smile.
“Cool,” Ryker says with a grin. “I’m so glad you’re joining us.”
“Who said I was?” I cock an eyebrow. “I told him I had to think about it.”
“Good for you, girl.” Lola holds up her hand exposing her palm, and I give her a high five.
“But you’re going to say yes, right?” Ryker looks perplexed.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“Man, Beckett’s gonna be pissed.” Ryker stands, running a hand through his hair. “He never apologizes. Ever.”
“He still didn’t,” I explain.
“Oh.” Ryker bites his lip. “Well, for what it’s worth, I really I hope you consider it. You’d make a great addition.”
I nod. “I’ll let you know.”
Ryker smiles at Lola. “And I’ll see you later.”
Lola’s cheeks turn pink as he saunters off. I nudge her in the shoulder. “What was that about?”
“Nothing.”
“That was not nothing. I can see it all over your face.”
“Okay.” Lola stands up, her face flushed. “I may have given him my phone number, and he may have asked me out, but I’m not one to gossip.”
I laugh. “That’s great, Lola. You two are cute together.”
“Yeah, so are you and Beckett.” She elbows me in the side, a teasing gleam in her eye.
Swallowing hard, I scour the room looking for him. When I spot him in the arms of some platinum blond, my stomach tightens. Oh, well. It’s not like anything is ever going to happen between us anyway.
4
Beckett
I don’t know what possessed me to invite Star up on stage. It’s just that when I saw her sitting in the crowd staring up at me with those large innocent eyes I acted without thinking. I felt bad about our last encounter and wanted to make it up to her. Besides, I figured if she’s going to be in our band now I should probably make amends.
As she makes her way up to the stage, I take in her outfit. She wears skinny jeans and a tight top, and for the first time I notice how nice her body is. Her sandals tap on the slick stage as she walks tentatively toward me. Her hair is sleek against her face and her lips shine under the bright lights. When her eyes meet mine, I can’t help myself. My flirtatious side comes out to play and I motion her forward with a smile and roll of my finger. I see that she notices the lack of keyboard and extra microphone, so I hold mine between us. Surprise is evident on her face, and my heart flips at her open expression. Star hasn’t learned to mask her feelings. Every thought is painted all over her face. A part of me is intrigued by this and the other part is completely unnerved.
“The song is called Can’t Have,” I speak to the crowd. Then I lower my gaze and I start playing. As I sing through the verse I’m careful not to make eye contact with Star. But when we reach the chorus and her voice rings out, my eyes lift to hers. Her lips are pressed against the mic between us and I fin
d my gaze lingering on them. Her body moves ever so slightly as she sings, and it’s damn sexy. Her lips are pursed and I’m acutely aware of the fact that if I move the microphone out of the way we would totally be making out. I wish I could say that this didn’t tempt me in the least, but then I’d be a liar. In fact, through the rest of the song all I can think about is kissing her. Ironic that the lyrics are about wanting something you can’t have. Star is someone I need to stay as far away from as possible. She’s too good for me. I hardly know her, and yet that’s painfully obvious. I won’t drag her into all of my garbage. When the song finishes, it takes me a minute to compose myself. I get a little satisfaction out of seeing how dazed Star seems to be too.
Only it’s probably more about the rush of singing on stage. I doubt she spent the entire song thinking about kissing me. It’s obvious by the dazed look on her face that she’s relishing the feeling of performing in front of a crowd. Not that I blame her. There really is nothing like it.
“Thanks for coming,” I speak into the mic. “Good night.” I unhook my guitar strap while the other guys start cleaning up the stage, and the crowd claps. After setting the guitar down, I turn to Star. “Thanks for singing with me. I know I caught you off guard.”
The awed look she held a few minutes ago fades, replaced by a hard look. “Sure.”
“Look, I know I was an ass the other night. It’s just that Ryker sprung you on me at the last minute, and I wasn’t really prepared.”
“Well, maybe you’ll be prepared for the next girl who auditions.”
I almost laugh at her behavior. It’s clear that she’s trying really hard to make me pay for how I treated her the other night. Only the truth is, that even when she’s acting mad she still seems so sweet. And even though I know the best thing to do is to push her away, I really do want her in the band now. “Star,” I say, using my best pleading voice. I’ve never had a girl refuse me when I use this voice. In fact, I kind of feel sorry for her. I know how badly she wants to be upset with me. “All the guys in the band thought you were amazing.”
“What about you?” She crosses her arms over her chest, surprising me. “What did you think?”
I squirm, realizing that my charm isn’t working as well as I’d hoped. Perhaps I underestimated Star. “I thought you were good.”
“Good, huh? That’s not what you said the other night.”
Man, this chick isn’t going to let me off the hook at all. “I just told you that I wasn’t in the mood for an audition the other night. I just wanted to jam, okay?” Giggling fills the air and I glance down to see a few girls standing at the edge of the stage staring up at me. I smile back. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Clearly they aren’t immune to my charm.
“Fan club?” Star asks, unimpressed.
“What can I say? Chicks dig me.” At least most of them do.
She turns around. “Well, thanks for letting me sing with you. Have fun with your fan club.”
I’ve never been one to beg. I should just let her walk away. But my arm juts out and I grab her wrist before I can stop myself. “Wait, Star. You didn’t give me an answer.”
She turns slowly. “You didn’t ask me a question.”
“Oh, I thought I made myself clear. Are you in or not?”
“In what?” She furrows her brows.
“The band.”
“I’m not sure I want to anymore.”
Seriously? That’s unexpected. “Okay, I guess I deserve that. But come on, I saw the look in your eyes when we sang together. You love this.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it.”
When she stomps off the stage, I think about how she really is a lot like Quinn. The thought causes my stomach to clench, and I scold myself for getting involved with Star at all. The platinum blond standing by the stage catches my eye. She’s no natural beauty like Star, but she’ll definitely be a nice distraction. And that’s exactly what I need right now – a distraction. I swagger toward her and lower myself until I’m sitting on the edge of the stage with my legs dangling over the side.
“Hey, beautiful, what’s your name?”
The blond leans forward, a smile on her bright pink lips. “Candy.”
Perfect. I rest my hand on her arm and move forward until my lips are practically touching her cheek. “What a coincidence. I love candy.” I brush my mouth over her ear. “I bet you’re just as sweet as candy, aren’t you?”
She giggles, her cheeks turning red. The other girls grumble and walk off, while Candy snakes her arm around me. My gaze lands on Star just a few tables away talking to Ryker. When her eyes drift over to me, I see the disgust on her face, and my stomach sinks. Candy’s fingers dance up my back, drawing my attention back to her. I glance down at her toned legs and ample cleavage and smile. This is going to be too easy.
“Candy, what do you say we get outta here?” I stand up. “Let me just get my stuff together. Wait for me, okay?”
“Of course.” She grins, leaning against the stage while I head toward my guitar. I force myself not to look at Star, but for some reason I can’t seem to keep my thoughts off of her. I’ve never had this issue before. I don’t obsess about girls. Hell, I won’t ever think about Candy again after tonight. This is my pattern. I hook up with girls after a show and move on. So, why is Star getting under my skin like this? I glance back at her. It must just be her resemblance to Quinn. Yes, that’s it. She’s just bringing up too many emotions and memories for me, that’s all. But she’s not Quinn. I have to remember that.
5
Star
“How was your date with Ryker?” I turn around in my chair and abandon the homework I’ve been working on for hours. My fingers are kinked and sore, so I wriggle them out. A strand of hair slips out of my loose ponytail and I push it out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.
“It was fun.” Lola drops her purse on her bed and perches on the edge. Even though she keeps her face neutral, I can see that she is suppressing a grin.
“That good, huh?” I rest my chin on the back of the chair.
“Yeah, it was, actually. Ryker is a lot of fun.” She slips off her heels and pushes them aside with her toe. Then she peers up at me with a serious look that I know too well.
“Uh-oh,” I say. “What’s up?”
“It’s just that Ryker kept asking me if you’re going to join the band.” She fidgets with the bottom of her skirt. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
“I’m not sure.” I bite my lip.
“Look, Star, I saw you on stage. You were in your element, and I could tell you loved every minute of it. So, what’s up?”
I think of how Beckett tossed me aside after my first audition, and how he was all over that blond chick at the club. Then I remember how I felt when we sang together, and my stomach tightens. “I just can’t stand how hot and cold Beckett is. It’s not something I want to put up with.”
“Man, this guy really gets under your skin,” Lola observes with a grin.
“Yeah, he does,” I admit. Let’s face it, I can’t keep anything from Lola anyway. “That’s why I don’t think I can join the band.”
Lola’s lips curl downward. “Ryker’s gonna be disappointed.”
“What’s his deal, anyway? Why does he care so much?”
Lola shrugs. “He just wants what’s best for the band, and he thinks that’s you.”
I can tell by the look on her face there is more to the story, but I don’t press. It doesn’t matter. I’m not joining Beckett, and that’s the end of the story.
“When are you going to tell Beckett?”
“I’m not. Ryker gave me his number that first night we met. I’ll call him and he can relay the news to Beckett.” I give Lola a pouty look. “Unless you want to tell him for me?”
“No way.” She throws up her arms in surrender. “And have him shoot the messenger? I don’t think so.”
“Fair enough.” I giggle. “I’ll call him tomorrow.”
I
t’s a little after nine in the morning when I dial the number Ryker gave me. My fingers tremble, causing the slip of paper in my hand to shake. It rings numerous times before a groggy voice mumbles an almost unintelligible greeting. I feel bad for calling so early. It’s just that I want to get the whole thing over with. I don’t want to think about this all day during classes.
“Ryker, it’s Star. I’m sorry for calling so early.”
Laughing fills the line, causing me to stiffen. “This isn’t Ryker.”
“It’s not?”
“Believe me, it’s not.” The amused tone causes my insides to coil.
“I’m sorry. I must have the wrong number.” My gaze connects with the paper between my fingers, and I wonder if I dialed incorrectly.
“It’s Beckett.”
The words stop me cold. I swallow hard, working to find my voice. “Oh, I didn’t know. Ryker gave me this number, and I just assumed it was his.”
“Yes, you would think so, wouldn’t you?” He responds dryly. “I’ll have to talk to Ryker about him handing out my number without asking.”
Anger sparks. “Don’t worry. I don’t plan to use it again.”
“It’s fine, Star.” His voice is gentle, and it surprises me. “I don’t mind you having it. I just want to make sure he doesn’t give it to anyone else. Besides, as a member of my band you should have my number.”
I bite my lip. “About that—”
“That’s why you called, right?” he cuts me off. “To let me know you decided to join Beckett?”
I’m astounded at this guy’s confidence. What makes him so sure I’m going to say yes to his offer? He must not be used to people turning him down. I smile, thinking how I’ll relish being the first.