by Amber Garza
“Okay.” I sigh. “I guess this is it then.”
“Ooh, this is so exciting,” Lola squeals. “Have fun. I’ll be there later to hear you perform.”
I nod, pressing my shiny lips together. Then I grab my purse and head out to meet Beckett. Once my feet hit the parking lot pavement, I realize I don’t know what kind of car Beckett drives. I scour the lot and find a truck idling, its headlights painting the ground in front. Tentatively I head toward it. When I get close enough I can see Beckett sitting in the driver’s side, his arm slung out the window. I keep walking forward, even though I’m feeling incredibly nervous, especially when I glance down at my half naked body. With trembling fingers I open the passenger door and slip inside. The scent of vinyl seats, the crisp night air and Beckett’s spicy cologne fills my senses. Rock music plays faintly through the speakers.
“So, you took my advice, huh?” Beckett reaches out, his fingers skimming my skirt. It causes goosebumps to rise on my legs, and I suppress a shiver.
He’s wearing a white t-shirt, and tight jeans, and it takes all my willpower to avert my gaze. I shrug my shoulders. “I guess I did.”
“You’re really gonna mess up our image, you know?”
My head whips in his direction, fearing that he’s just shot me down again. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we’ve always had a predominately female audience. I’m thinking after tonight we’re going to have a lot of male fans.” His gaze roves over every inch of my body.
I have to work hard to slow down the racing of my heart. “Isn’t that you wanted?”
He bites down on his lip. “I’m not sure.” After giving me a contemplative look, he puts his car in drive and heads out of the parking lot. I’m grateful that he’s shifted his intense gaze away from me. Now I can breathe normally. I stare out the window at the dark night sky as we head down the street.
“What are you studying in school?” Beckett asks, startling me.
I shrug. “I’m a business major. Not quite sure what I want to do yet.”
“You don’t want to study the stars like your dad, huh?”
I giggle, tucking an errant piece of hair behind my ear. “No. I’ve had enough star gazing to last a lifetime.”
Beckett chuckles. “Star gazing. That’s funny.”
I furrow my brows, and then realize that he must think I made a pun about my name. Deciding to just go with it, I let out a light laugh. Glancing over at him, I ask, “What about you? Are you in college?”
He shakes his head while keeping his eyes trained on the road in front of him. “No. I’ve always known I want to be a musician, so after high school I just decided to pursue that. Didn’t exactly thrill my parents, but it’s my life, you know?”
“Yeah.” I think about how I haven’t even told my parents I’m in this band. They wouldn’t be too happy about it. They want me to focus on school and nothing else while I’m here. And since they’re paying for it, I figure the less they know about my extracurricular activities the better. Peering over at Beckett, I wonder how old he is. He looks older than me, but I can’t be sure. Then again, that’s not exactly a question I’m comfortable asking him.
“So,” Beckett’s voice breaks into the silence, “that first night you auditioned for us, was that an original piece you played?”
“Yeah,” I respond.
“You like to write songs?”
“I love it, but I don’t do it as often as I like,” I answer truthfully.
“Okay, well, let’s plan on doing it tomorrow night.”
Shocked, I furrow my brow. “Do what?”
“Write songs.”Beckett says in his normal bored tone, keeping his eyes trained on the road. “None of the other guys in the band write, and we need some new material, so I figured you and I could come up with some new stuff. We can meet at my apartment. I’ll give you the address later.”
I wonder if Beckett will ever cease to amaze me. He’s the only guy I’ve ever met that I can’t get a read on at all. Maybe after I’ve spent some more time with him he’ll become less of a mystery. I smile to myself, thinking about how much I’m looking forward to spending some alone time with him tomorrow night.
8
Beckett
I can’t believe she actually wore the skirt. I was kind of just teasing her when I asked her to wear it. Now I’m not sure that was a good idea. The eyes of every guy in the place are glued to Star’s legs, including mine. And that’s not a good thing. I need to keep my distance from Star, not lust after her. For some reason this girl makes me act differently, and I’m not sure I like it. I mean, why did I invite her over to write with me? I hate writing with other people. I’m not exactly the collaborative type. But when she sat in my car smelling like honeysuckle and looking all sexy, I couldn’t help it. The thought of getting her alone got me so excited.
It would have just been easier to hit on her after the show and take her back to my place. But that’s not how I want things to go between Star and me. No, she’s a part of our band, and I have to respect her. I can’t treat her like just another hookup.
“Ready?” Ryker interrupts my thoughts.
I nod, forcing myself out of my reverie. “Yeah.”
“You okay, man? You seem out of it.” Ryker furrows his brows.
“I’m fine.” I shrug, hoping he’ll just let it go. Only Ryker knows me too well. “It’s just that Tate’s back.” I’m hoping this response will appease him and he won’t find out that I can’t stop thinking about the girl he brought into our band.
“Oh.” Ryker nods, a look of understanding on his face. “Is he…you know?”
“Clean?” I finish. “Yeah, I think so. It just changes the dynamics for me at home, you know?”
“Give it up for Beckett,” A male voice booms through the microphone.
“That’s our cue.” Pierce slaps me on the back as he brushes past.
Ryker gives me a concerned look. “You gonna be okay?”
“Hey, you know me. I’m always fine.” I smile at him as Jimmy passes us and makes his way up the steps. Ryker turns from me to follow him. I’m just about to climb the stairs myself when Star appears next to me. She’s breathing funny and her hands are shaking.
I lean close to her, and lightly tap her arm. “You okay?”
She nods, her face reddening.
“Hey. You’re gonna be fine,” I assure her.
“Okay.” She forces a smile and takes a tentative step forward. Without meaning to, my gaze lands on her butt as she makes her way up to the stage. Man, I really need to stop checking her out. I shake my head and walk swiftly over to my guitar. After strapping it on, I step toward the microphone. The drums kick up behind me, and I reach down to strum my guitar. As the song plays, I glance over at Star. She still looks terrified, but I can tell she’s working hard to mask it. I feel kind of bad for the girl. Clearly this is all new to her. While I sing out the first verse, I keep my eyes trained on her. Finally she peers up at me, our eyes locking. I give her an encouraging smile and nod as we near the chorus. She grins and presses her mouth to the microphone. As soon as her voice rings out I know she’ll be fine.
After a couple more songs, Star totally opens up. She’s swaying her hips back and forth, and I find myself mesmerized. I shake my head and keep my mouth up against the microphone so I don’t miss my cue. Through the remainder of the set I try not to look at Star. I need to stay focused on the music.
“What a rush,” Star says the minute our final set is over. Her face is flushed, her eyes bright. She runs a hand through her hair and walks toward me. “Do you ever get used to it?”
I grin. “It never gets old, if that’s what you’re asking.” Clattering sounds behind us as the guys put away their equipment.
Star glances around. “Do you need help with anything?”
I want to tell her yes to keep her up here with me, but I look down and see the girl she’s always with sitting at a table near the stage. “Nah, it’s okay. Go
hang out with your friend. You’re done for the night.”
She looks a little disappointed, which surprises me. I assumed she wanted an out. “Aren’t you taking me home?” The vulnerable expression on her face causes my stomach to twist.
“Can’t your friend take you? Ryker said she’s your roommate.”
Her face falls. “Um…yeah, I’m sure she can.” Star fidgets with her bracelets. “I just thought…well, never mind.”
“What?” I stop her. “What did you think?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing. It’s fine. We still on for tomorrow?”
I know I should say no, but it kills me to see the disappointment in her eyes. I don’t want to do that again. “Yeah. I’ll text you my address.”
She bites her lip, and it’s so damn cute I have to look away. When she leaves the stage, Ryker approaches me. “You giving Star a ride home?”
“Nah, she’s going with her friend.”
“Oh.” Ryker narrows his eyes. “I was kind of hoping for a little alone time with Lola, but that’s cool.”
My gaze lingers on Star as she heads over to her friend. I’m looking forward to tomorrow night a little too much, and it makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing.
My chest tightens when I notice the time. Star will be here any minute and the place is a disaster. It’s pretty obvious that this is a bachelor pad. I snatch a couple of empty soda cans off the coffee table. When I race into the kitchen to throw them away, I bump into Tate.
“Whoa, what’s going on out here?” He cocks his eyebrow like he’s impressed. “You cleaning?”
“Just picking up. Star’s coming over to write lyrics with me.”
“You invited the new girl in your band over here to write with you?” His eyes widen.
“Yes.” I sigh exasperated.
“Are you serious? Wow, I’ve got to meet this girl.”
I straighten the rock n’ roll magazines on the end table. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Oh, I beg to differ, bro. You hate writing with other people and you’ve never invited a girl up here for any activity that doesn’t take place inside your bedroom.”
“That’s not true,” I scoff.
“It isn’t? Name one then?”
I rack my brain for a second and then realize that he’s right. Shame fills me.
“See? What did I say?” Tate grins. “This girl must be something.”
“It’s not like that, Tate. She’s just a girl in my band. We’re working on songs. That’s it.”
“Sure.” He nods slowly, that stupid grin still on his face.
A knock on the door interrupts us, and my heart stops.
“You gonna answer that, bro?” Tate flashes me a bemused smile.
I point at Tate. “Look, Star isn’t like the girls I normally bring around, so be on your best behavior.”
“Man, you really like this chick.”
I glare at him. “And don’t say things like that.”
He throws his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. I won’t say anything stupid. Now answer the door.”
I swing it open. Star stands in the hallway, a notebook pressed to her chest. She’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and her hair is pulled back in a messy bun. A few strands have already fallen out of it, and I imagine yanking the rest of it out as well. I swallow hard and wonder once again why I invited her here.
“Hey,” she says in her soft voice.
I nod and step aside. “Come in.”
She brushes past me, her sweet scent washing over me.
After closing the door I say, “Star, this is my brother Tate. He lives here.”
“Nice to meet you.” She thrusts out her hand, and he shakes it.
“Tate was actually just leaving,” I add.
“But I can stay if you need some help with your songwriting.” Tate smirks at me.
“Oh, are you a musician too?” Star asks in her kind, innocent way.
“No, he’s not.” I give him a sharp look.
“What Beckett means is that I’m no longer in a band,” Tate clarifies. “But yes, I am a musician.”
I clamp my hand on his shoulder. “Well, you better get going to that thing you have tonight.”
“Ah, yes, wouldn’t want to be late for that thing.” Tate says sarcastically, and I want to kick him in the shin. Star looks on with amusement as Tate heads out the door. I exhale once he’s gone.
“I didn’t know you lived with your brother,” Star says.
“Yeah, well, he’s in the construction business and he works all over. So, he’s not always around.”
“You two seem close.”
I rub the back of my neck. I don’t usually talk this much to girls about my life and it’s making me nervous. “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, you want something to drink or eat or anything?” I feel like an idiot, but I honestly have no idea how to behave. This is literally the first time I’ve had to play host to someone.
“No, I’m okay.”
“So.” I tap the notebook still pressed to her chest. “Is that your songwriting book?”
“Yeah, it is.” She smiles.
“Then let’s get to it.”
9
Star
After scrawling the words on the paper, I look up at Beckett while chewing on the end of my pen. "Okay, what about this? You're my sunny sky, the gentle breeze, making me weak in the knees."
Beckett raises a brow, the side of his mouth curling upward. "Seriously, Star?"
My stomach clenches. I release my notebook and it falls into my lap. "What?"
"It's just that songwriting is about reaching deep inside of yourself and exposing your raw feelings. These lyrics are shallow. It's like you're afraid to do more than scratch the surface."
"Well, I'm sorry that my songs aren't all sad and depressing like yours, but that doesn't mean my lyrics are shallow. I happen to be an upbeat person. These are my feelings."
"Really?" Beckett leans forward, a small smile on his lips. He's so close his breath feathers over my skin. "Then tell me who makes you weak in the knees, Star."
I swallow hard to slow the beating of my heart and sit back. "No one."
"But you said those were your raw feelings. Were you lying to me, Star?"
"No, I mean...well..." I sputter, feeling stupid. "I mean, it's what I want, I guess."
"You want someone to make you weak in the knees." Beckett smirks. "Interesting."
I take a deep breath, willing my heart to slow down. Reaching down, I flip to a clean page in my notebook. "Okay, so you don't like those lyrics. I'll write something different."
Beckett stands up. "What about the song you sang when I first met you?"
I look up from the blank page. "But you already know it. I thought you wanted something new and fresh."
"I do." Beckett walks toward his kitchen. I try not to openly gawk at his backside. "I was just wondering who you wrote that song for."
"Oh." I swallow back the disgust, thinking of Spencer. "I wrote that for my ex boyfriend."
After reaching in his fridge and pulling out a couple of bottled waters, Beckett turns to me. "And did you write a song about him after you broke up?"
I shake my head.
"Why not?" He swaggers back into the room.
"There was no reason to. I didn't want to think about him anymore at all." Honestly, I was so hurt over our breakup that I could barely crawl out of bed for weeks, let alone write a song about it.
Beckett drops the bottled waters on the coffee table, his eyes alight with excitement. "See, that's what I'm talking about. You're afraid of your own feelings, Star."
Anger ignites in my gut. "Oh, you're one to talk."
"What's that supposed to mean?" His eyes darken, and it should scare me. Only it doesn't. For some reason it just makes him look more sexy. God, I hate how everything he does attracts me.
"I just can't believe you're talking about me being afraid of my feelings. Look at you." I point at him with
my index finger. "All of your songs are about keeping people at a distance. You shut everyone out."
"That's not true."
"Name one person you're close to."
Beckett scoots forward until our knees our touching. "You." He speaks so softly I barely hear him.
I freeze. "Me?"
"Yeah." His teasing smile is back. "Look at how close we are. You're practically in my lap."
Annoyed, I move away until my back hits the armrest. "C'mon, Beckett, you know that's not what I mean."
"Fine." He throws his arms up in surrender. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I have some fatal flaw and I don't know how to be close to people." He looks me in the eye. "So why don't you teach me?"
"Excuse me?" I cock my head to the side.
"Teach me how to get close to you, Star." His tone is seductive and causes my pulse to race.
"What?" My voice comes out in a high pitched strain, and I mentally slap myself.
"Yeah, you let me teach you to become a better songwriter and you can teach me how to be closer to people."
It's the weirdest thing I've ever heard, but once my eyes lock with Beckett's I know I won't turn down his request. I would say yes to almost anything when he looks at me like that. "Okay, it's a deal."
"Should we shake on it?" He extends his hand and I take it in mine, wishing my palms weren't so sweaty. "So, what's the first lesson?"
"Huh?"
"In getting close to people? What's the first thing I should do?"
I can think of a million things I want him to do to get close to me, but I force my thoughts to a PG level. "First, you can tell me a little about yourself." My eyes scan the room and catch on several posters hanging on the wall. I stand up and walk toward them. "Like, why do you have all these posters of Killjoy? They broke up years ago. Are they like your favorite band or something?"
“Yeah.” He says from over my shoulder.
“Really? Why?”