by Amber Garza
She exhales and sits up too pushing her hair out of her face. Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are swollen and red. A look of sheer desire passes over her features and she scoots toward me. I know I should back away, but I can’t. She clamps her mouth over mine while her hands work their way under my shirt. Her fingertips slide across my chest, and they’re so soft it feels like silk. When her hands move down toward my pants, I grab them in an effort to stop her. If she touches me, it’ll be over. I only have so much self control.
“What?” She pulls away from me, searching my eyes. “Why did you stop me?”
“I told you, Star. I want to take things slow.”
“Don’t you want me?” She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.
“Of course. More than anything.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Her tone is hard, her eyes narrowed.
“Star, I don’t want our first time to be in the middle of a dirty field.” I wink at her. “Believe me, I have big plans for us. Roses, scented candles, a bubble bath, the works.” Her lips start to quiver, and I see moisture in her eyes. “Hey.” I reach up and graze her cheek with my hand. “What’s going on with you? Why does this bother you so much?”
She stares at me for a minute, biting her lip. Then slowly she opens her mouth. “Do you want to know why Lola is so protective of me? It’s because she thinks I need someone to take care of me. Like without her I would have no social life at all. And I guess she’s kind of right. I was homeschooled up until freshman year. I begged my parents to let me go to high school, and they reluctantly agreed. I met Lola at the first party I ever went to freshman year. It was supposed to be a date. I had a huge crush on this boy named Jared from my math class. He asked if I wanted to hang out one Saturday night and I said yes. He ended up taking me to a party. I didn’t drink, but he did and pretty soon he was all over me. I got scared. I’d never even kissed a boy before. I didn’t want to go any further but he kept pushing himself on me. Lola was there and saw the whole thing. She intervened and got Jared to leave me alone. Ever since then she’s made it her goal in life to help me.”
“Okay.” I grab her hand and weave her fingers through mine. “I still don’t get what this has to do with me.”
“I’ve only gone out with two boys my entire life – Jared and Spencer. Jared wanted nothing to do with me after that party. He spread a rumor around school about me being nothing but a tease. Then Spencer and I went out for two years, but he ended up cheating on me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. He said that guys have needs and he had to satisfy that somewhere.”
Now I get it. “Star, those guys were idiots. Trust me. I’ve been with a lot of girls.”
“I know, and that’s why—”
“No, let me finish,” I silence her. “I’m not proud of that fact, believe me. Now that I’ve met you I wish I hadn’t used girls the way I did. But you know what, Star? Those girls aren’t the ones I’m with right now. I’m here with you. And I don’t want you to have sex with me because you’re afraid if you don’t I’ll leave you. That’s not how it is with us.” I lean in and kiss her softly on the lips. “I want you to see yourself the way I see you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Star. You always think you have to prove yourself, but you don’t. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I wish you could see that.”
She smiles. “You really think I’m amazing?”
“Figures that’s the part you’d cling to.” I curl my lips upward.
“I think you’re pretty amazing too.”
“Well, who doesn’t?” I tease, nudging her.
“At least you’re humble about it.” She grins.
“So, what do you say, Star? Can we do this my way now?” I ask her.
She nods. “Yeah. Besides, I can’t wait for the roses and scented candles. Who knew you were such a romantic?”
I lean into her, brushing my lips against her skin. “I can’t wait to show you just how romantic I can be.”
It’s been two weeks since Star and I started dating, and I feel more comfortable with her than I’ve ever felt with anyone in my life. Ryker always teased me that one day I’d meet someone who would reform me, but I always told him he was crazy. I never thought a girl could change me like this. But then again, I’ve never met anyone like Star before.
“So tell me.” Star leans into me, bumping her cheek on my shoulder. It’s Friday night and we’re hanging at my apartment, lounging on my couch and eating Chinese takeout. “What should I expect tomorrow?”
I kiss her swiftly on the mouth. “You should expect to be the hottest chick at the festival.”
She giggles against my lips. “Well, of course. But other than that?”
I sit back against the couch cushions. “It’s gonna be rockin’. There will be a lot of bands, music playing all day, food vendors out, people everywhere.”
“Do a lot of people come?” Star’s face pales.
I grasp her hand. “You don’t need to be nervous. You’re gonna be great, trust me.”
“You sound like Lola.”
“I knew there had to be something good about her,” I say sourly.
“C’mon, she’s not that bad.”
“She acts like she’s your freaking bodyguard or something.”
“I explained that.”
“Still. You’re both grown-ups now. She needs to back off a little,” I say.
Star bites her lip. “I know. I’ve been meaning to talk to her about it.”
“You said yourself that you’re not that shy girl you were in high school.” I bend toward her. “And I can vouch for that. You’re one of the bravest girls I know.”
“Oh, stop.” She waves my words away.
“You are. I know you can’t see that, but I can.” I touch her face. “Think about how you stood up to the band a couple weeks ago. Not to mention all the times you put me in my place.”
“That’s different. I’m comfortable with you guys.”
“You haven’t always been.” I tip her face to look at me. “And you sing in front of crowds of people all the time. You’re braver than you give yourself credit for.”
“I hope that’s true tomorrow.”
“It will be. I believe in you.”
I brush my lips against hers, softly. She moans and then presses her mouth firmly to mine, her tongue licking across my bottom lip. Growling against her mouth, I grab her around the waist and crush her to me. I stick my tongue into her mouth and swirl it around, tasting her. My fingers tangle in her hair, while hers rake up my back. I hear the door pop open from over my shoulder.
“Whoa, sorry,” Tate’s voice rings out.
I push away from Star and peer up at Tate. “Hey, man. Next time knock.”
“I’m not knocking before walking into my own apartment,” Tate counters, closing the door behind him. “You have your own room, you know?”
“Maybe Star and I like the couch better.” I raise my eyebrow.
Tate just laughs as he makes his way over to the recliner and plops down into it. “Hey, Star.” He nods in her direction. “How do you put up with this guy?”
“He’s not so bad.” Star nudges me.
“Not so bad. I thought you said I was amazing.” I wink at her.
Her cheeks flush, and her gaze drops to her hands. “Well, it’s getting late. I better take off.” She glances up at me. “See you tomorrow?”
“I’ll pick you up bright and early.” I follow her to the door.
She looks over at Tate. “G’night, Tate.”
“Night Star.”
I kiss her softly on the lips, and then open the door.
“See you in the morning.” She gives me a slight wave of her hand.
“I can’t wait.” After watching her walk down the hall for a minute I close the door and walk back inside.
Tate whistles at me. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
“What?�
� I feign confusion.
“You are totally whipped.”
“No, I’m not.” I sink down on the couch.
“Believe me, you are.”
“I just like her, that’s all.”
“I can see that.” Tate smiles. “And I’m happy for you, bro.”
“Yeah, me too.” I smile back.
This morning Star is wearing one of those skirts that drive me crazy. As we unload our stuff out of the truck, I can’t help but stare at her butt. A couple of times she catches me and her face reddens. It’s so cute, I want to just shove her back in the car and forget the whole performance. But I don’t act on it. That’s not how things are going to happen between Star and me. She means too much to me for us to have our first time in my truck.
I spot Ryker pulling into the parking lot with Jimmy and Pierce in tow. After they park, I wave in their direction. Then I plant a quick kiss on Star’s cheek. “The gang’s all here, baby. Are you ready?”
She gives me a nervous look, her gaze scouring the area. “I think.” I can see her eyes widen as she takes in the giant stage set up outside, the huge crowd of people already gathering, and the food vendors scattered throughout. It is definitely going to be the biggest show we’ve played with her.
“Star, trust me. You’re gonna be amazing like always.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime.” I pick up my guitar case. “Now, let’s go get the guys and get ready.”
“You go ahead. I’m gonna use the restroom really quick and then I’ll meet up with you.”
I curl up my nose. “I think they just have port-a-potties here.”
She gives me a rueful look. “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
“True.” Before she can walk away, I grab her arm. “Hey, you okay?”
“Fine. I’ll see you in a minute.” She forces a smile and scurries off.
I watch her leave, a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. She’s more nervous than I’ve ever seen her. I hope she’s going to be fine. Still worried, I carry my guitar case and head over to Ryker’s van.
When I get there, Ryker pulls me aside while Pierce and Jimmy work on pulling out their equipment. “Hey, man, I’ve been meaning to talk with you.”
“Yeah?” I lean against the side of the van, my leg bent. “About what?” I’m hoping this isn’t going to be another conversation about the band breaking up.
“About Star.”
I cock my head to the side. “What about her?”
Ryker shoves his fingers into the pocket of his jeans. “Are you serious about her, man?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“It’s just that Lola says Star’s pretty into you, you know? So I wanted to make sure that you weren’t just using her or something.”
“No, man, not at all.” I run a hand over my head. “I really like her. More than I thought possible, actually.”
“Yeah, I kind of thought this might happen.”
“What do you mean?” I’m surprised by his words.
“I could tell you liked her the minute I introduced you two. I think that’s why I pushed so hard for her to be in the band.”
“I thought it was because you wanted her,” I tell him.
Ryker shrugs. “Not gonna lie, when I first saw her at open mic night I thought she was pretty hot. But then I met Lola and I knew right away that she was the one I wanted to be with. Besides, I saw the way Star looked at you that night.”
“Really?” I didn’t notice Star that night, but it makes me happy to realize that she noticed me.
“Yeah, and I just kept thinking that if you gave her a chance maybe she’d be the girl to soften you.” He punches me good-naturedly in the upper arm. “I can see that I was right.”
“It seems like you were.” I glance back toward the restrooms and wonder what’s taking Star so long. “Speaking of which, I better go check on her. She was pretty nervous when we got here.”
“It is a little overwhelming,” Ryker agrees.
“Yeah, you’re right.” My stomach tightens as my gaze sweeps the chaos around us.
27
Star
“Hey,” a voice calls to me when I leave the restroom. A band is already on stage and the music pulsates under my feet.
I whirl around and come face to face with Dante. My pulse quickens, and I wonder what he wants. My gaze sweeps the area. There are a few people heading to the restrooms, some with kids in tow. In the distance I see the band playing on stage, and the crowd of people dancing out in the middle of the field. Others are standing in food lines or sitting on the grass. When I don’t see Beckett, I heave a sigh of relief. The last person I want him to see me with is Dante. “What?” I cross my arms over my chest. I know I should just run away, but I’m curious why he stopped me in the first place.
He smiles, noticing my defensive stance. “I take it Beckett’s told you about me.”
“Maybe,” I respond coyly.
“Don’t believe a word of it. He’s just bitter.” He steps closer to me, and I back up. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going to bite. I just wanted to wish you good luck.”
“Thanks,” I say quickly, and start to turn away. I need to get back to Beckett before he starts wondering where I am.
“So are you and Beckett together now?”
My shoulders stiffen. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Beckett’s voice startles me, causing me to flinch. I spin around to see him stalking in Dante’s direction. His hands are balled into fists at his sides, and his jaw is clenched. I’ve never seen him look so furious, and that’s saying something.
Dante flashes him a sickening grin. “Just having a conversation with the lovely lady.”
Beckett rushes him, and shoves him against the port-a-potty. “How dare you. You stay away from her.”
“Beckett.” I run to him, placing a steadying hand on his arm. “It’s okay. Nothing happened. Come on.”
“Just stay back, Star,” Beckett commands, harshly. Shocked, I slink back. “Dante, if I ever see you talking to Star again, I swear to God I’ll kill you.” Beckett throws him back and turns away. He grabs me by the hand and pulls me forward. Hesitantly I follow his lead. My heels click on the pavement with each hurried step.
“What was that all about?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He keeps his gaze trained in front of him.
I stop walking and jerk my arm out of his grasp. “That was not nothing.”
Beckett glances over to where he left Dante. I look too, but Dante is nowhere in sight. “What did he say to you?”
I shrug. “He just wished me good luck for today.”
“Did he hit on you?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Is that what this is about?”
“I don’t want you talking to him again, okay?”
“Why not?”
“Seriously, Star. Are you trying to piss me off?” Beckett glares at me. “Because I said so.”
A bitter laugh escapes through my lips. “Are you serious? That’s the reason? Because you said so? We may be dating, but that doesn’t mean you get to run my life.”
“Star.” He circles his hand around my wrist. “Please.”
I soften under his touch, but I’m not ready to let him off the hook that easy. I need him to be honest with me. “Tell me why.”
Beckett drops my arm and groans. “God, you are so infuriating sometimes.”
“Oh, and you’re not?” I cock an eyebrow. “You practically beat up a guy for merely talking to me. Then you demand that I never talk to him again, but you won’t tell me the reason.”
“Dammit, Star, why can’t you just trust me? The guy is bad news, so stay away from him.”
“I’m sure that’s true, Beckett, but I want to know what happened between the two of you. Why can’t you be open with me about it?”
He grabs me by the shoulders, and the sudden movement shocks me. “Star
, just promise me!”
Unnerved, I shove him backward. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don’t want to lose you like I did Quinn,” he says in a rush of words.
I freeze. “What?”
Beckett exhales slowly. “I’ve only known you a short time but I really care about you, and I’ve opened up to you more than anyone else. The thought of losing you now scares the shit out of me.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Beckett.” I reach my hand out and gently touch his arm. “Is Quinn the name of the girl Dante stole from you?”
Beckett nods.
I run my fingers down his forearm until they reach his hand, then I thread my fingers through his. “That’s not going to happen with me. I’ll never cheat on you with anyone, especially not Dante. I only want you.”
Beckett gives me a funny look. “Is that what you think? That Quinn was my girlfriend?”
His words confuse me. “Wasn’t she?”
Beckett slumps his shoulders, a shaky breath escaping from his mouth. “I don’t think I can do this, Star.”
My stomach tightens. “Do what?”
“Talk to you about Quinn.”
I feel sick. What is it about this girl? “Please?”
“It’s too hard to talk about. Can’t you just trust me on this?” Beckett leans into me, brushing his lips against my cheek. My knees buckle. I want to nod in agreement, but I can’t. For some reason I can’t let this go. I don’t want there to be anymore secrets between us.
“I do trust you, Beckett, and now I need you to trust me. You can tell me anything, and it won’t change the way I feel for you.”
“I never should’ve mentioned Quinn to you. I’m sorry, Star.”
“Don’t be. Just tell me about her.”
“I can’t.” He shakes his head.
“You said you cared about me. When you care about someone you don’t shut them out.”