"It must be nice to be so happy about your baby," she said without thinking. There was a wistful note to the comment that sharpened Brittany's eyes.
"It is. My first pregnancy was a little more...complicated. I was thrilled with Danielle, of course, but I didn't get a chance to really enjoy the pregnancy as much as I would have liked.
This time, I'm enjoying it to the hilt." She smoothed her hand over her stomach, her smile soft.
For a moment, Kelly had the urge to confide that she was also expecting a child. It would be nice to have another woman to talk to, someone who understood what she was going through in a way no man ever could.
Nevertheless, if she told Brittany about the baby, it was going to open the door to questions she didn't feel like trying to answer. She'd told Brittany little more than that she and Dan had only known each other a few months, leaving the other woman to draw her own conclusions as to why she was living with him. If she announced her pregnancy, it was going to bring up a whole new set of problems.
The subject changed and the opportunity was gone. Brittany was, as Kelly had found on her last visit, easy to talk to. She was comfortable chatting about recipes for chicken, discussing a book she'd just read or commenting on the latest political follies.
Kelly had spent most of her life with no one to talk to, with little beyond an active imagination to fulfill the needs usually fulfilled by friendships. There were too many emotional entanglements lying between her and Dan for her to be able to relax completely with him. Though on the rare occasions she was able to forget all that had happened, she enjoyed talking to him.
There were no such entanglements with Brittany. She was able to relax and enjoy herself without seeking out hidden meanings or trying to avoid pitfalls. It had occurred to her once or twice to wonder why Brittany had made it a point to seek her out, but it was hardly (he sort of question she could ask. She finally decided that there didn't have to be a particular reason, beyond the fact that Brittany was a friend of Dan's. It was natural that she'd be curious about the woman who was living with him.
"Has Dan talked to you very much about Michael and me?"
Kelly glanced up from the fresh iced tea she was pouring into Brittany's glass. The question seemed odd. What was there to tell?
"Not much. He said that you were friends of his."
"Well, I'm glad he still considers us that"
"Why wouldn't he?" Kelly asked, wondering at the sudden turn in the conversation.
"There were some problems a couple of years ago—nothing insurmountable," she added, hoping that was true. "When Dan came back from prison, he—"
"Prison!" Kelly set her glass down so hard it drew a protesting ping from the glass-topped table. "Dan was in prison?"
"Oh, dear." Brittany stared at her in dismay. It had never occurred to her that Kelly wouldn't know that much. After all, she was living with him. What had happened between the three of them might be too painful for him to share with anyone. But the odd turn of events that had led up to it was certainly nothing to hide.
"Maybe I shouldn't have brought this up," she said, wishing she had listened a little more carefully when Michael had told her to let the issue of him and Dan alone.
"Dan was in prison," Kelly repeated, dazed. "Why?"
"It was really a sort of misunderstanding," Brittany said weakly. There was no way she could back out of this now. She could hardly leave Kelly wondering if she was living with an ax murderer.
"A misunderstanding? What sort of a misunderstanding puts a man in prison?"
"It's not as difficult as it might seem in other parts of the world." She sighed, cursing her own big mouth before continuing. She spoke rapidly. "Dan was going on an archaeological expedition with his father. This was about four years ago. It was all legal and aboveboard, arranged through a university in Los Angeles. They were going to spend the summer assisting professional archaeologists on a site in Central America.
4 'It had been a dream of Dan's father, and I think Dan went along more to keep him happy than because he was passionately interested. Unfortunately the plane crashed in a rather isolated area, killing everyone on board, or so everyone here thought."
"Dan's father was killed," Kelly said, half to herself, re-
membering the conversation Dan had had with his father's old foreman.
"His father was killed," Brittany confirmed. "And everyone thought Dan had been killed, too. Only he'd been thrown clear of the plane. He was hurt and not thinking too clearly and he wandered away from the site. Some villagers took him in and tended his wounds. They turned out to be hostile to the local government, which just happened to mount a cleanup campaign. Dan was swept up in the middle of it and accused of being an American spy sent to assist the rebels."
"Didn't he tell them who he was?"
"Of course, but they knew all about the crash. An American rescue team had confirmed that there were no survivors. Obviously Dan was lying to conceal his real purpose. So they threw him in prison."
"That's horrible," Kelly said, trying to imagine the frustration he must have felt, the fear. "How long was he there?"
"Almost two years," Brittany said, her expression sober as she remembered the thin, hardened man who'd come home on a snowy Christmas Eve.
"Two years," Kelly whispered.
"He's never really talked to me about it—hasn't talked to anyone as far as I know. He was changed when he came back—older, a touch bitter."
She broke off when she saw that Kelly wasn't listening, her vision turned inward as if trying to imagine what Dan must have gone through.
"Look, I shouldn't have mentioned it. It certainly wasn't my place to be the one to tell you about this. I know Dan would rather have done it in his own way."
"That's all right," Kelly assured her, thinking that she was the last person Dan was likely to tell.
"Still, I didn't mean to poke my nose in where it didn't belong," Brittany said, guilt coloring her voice.
Kelly shook her head, filing away what she'd just learned to pull out later, when she was alone and could really think. She forced a wider smile.
''Don't worry about it. But you asked if he'd said anything about you and Michael. Why?"
"Oh, it's a long story. Maybe I shouldn't go into it," Brittany backtracked. If Dan found out what she'd done, he'd be justifiably furious. And Michael—it didn't bear thinking what Michael would say. That she deserved Dan's fury was about the kindest comment he was likely to make.
"What could be worse than what you've already told me?"
"Well." Brittany hesitated and then gave a mental shrug. In for a penny, in for a pound. Some good might as well come of her blundering. "Dan has sort of cut himself off from most of his friends since he came back. I just wondered if he'd said anything about it."
"Not to me. But then there are obviously a lot of things he doesn't tell me," Kelly said lightly.
"Men can be peculiar," Brittany offered. "I'm still finding out things I'd never known about Michael."
Kelly was willing to bet that she wasn't finding out things quite as startling as the fact that he'd spent time in a prison. But then Brittany's relationship with Michael was obviously based on love and trust. Her relationship with Dan was based on—what on earth was it based on?
Brittany rose to leave. "I was thinking that it might be nice if the four of us got together."
Kelly was touched. Perhaps Brittany really did want to be her friend Or perhaps she wanted to try to ease the tension that surrounded them all when they'd bumped into one another in the mall.
"I don't know," Kelly said slowly. "I couldn't speak for Dan."
"Why don't you ask him? It would be nice to get together as couples, wouldn't it?"
"It would have to be up to Dan," Kelly said, thinking it unlikely that he'd have any interest in taking her out among f his friends.
"Why don't you ask him? Maybe dinner at El Gato Gordo i a week from Saturday?"
"Maybe. I'll ask him," K
elly promised, though she was sure she already knew what his answer would be.
Considering their strained relationship these past few days, it was difficult to imagine even approaching him on the subject.
Chapter 12
JUan fingered the envelope in his pocket as he climbed the stairs. It had seemed like such a good idea when he first thought of it. Kelly wanted to get a degree so she could be a librarian. BlU she couldn't think about college until she had her high-school diploma. And to get that she had to take a high-school i equivalency test.
When he'd picked up the application, it had seemed like a good way to break down the barrier that Kelly had forced be- tween them. She would be excited by the idea of taking a step toward getting her degree, she'd think it was thoughtful of him to have gotten her started. They would be able to put this awk-wardness behind them and get on with life. Now he wasn't quite so sure.
She might look on this as interference on his part Lord knows, he'd interfered with her life in some pretty major ways already. Maybe he should just ditch the application and pretend he'd never had the idea in the first place.
But she had looked so wistful when she'd talked about be- * coming a librarian, as if she were talking about something she
could only dream of doing. She'd had so little in her life. He didn't see any reason why she shouldn't have this.
Besides, he needed something to get her talking to him again. He missed her. He missed that shy smile; he missed talking to her about what he was doing, listening to her tell him how she'd spent her day. They might be still sharing the same place, but she'd pulled back so that there were times when he felt almost as if he lived alone.
They'd come close to... to what? He stopped halfway up the stairs, frowning into space. Just what had they been heading for? Not exactly friendship. A certain acceptance, maybe. Whatever it was, it had taken only that one little kiss to shatter it into a million pieces.
Of course, calling it "one little kiss" was rather like calling War and Peace an interesting little story. It didn't even begin to describe what had happened. The minute he'd touched her, he had forgotten everything but the need to have her in his arms, to feel her melt for him.
He'd forgotten everything that had gone between them, including her pregnancy. It wasn't the idea that she was carrying his child that had made his head swim with desire. It had been the scent of her, the taste of her, the feel of her against him.
If she hadn't pulled back, he didn't have any doubt that they would have ended up in bed. Which, of course, wasn't at all what their arrangement had been. He scowled at a potted geranium that sat in front of old Mr. Tancredi's door.
That arrangement was beginning to annoy him. It seemed that every time he and Kelly began to really develop an understanding, something happened to remind one or the other of them of that damned arrangement
He had no intention of expecting Kelly to simply hand her child over to him and then walk out of their lives. It was important for a child to know both parents. They had created a child together. Why couldn't they just go from there and see what happened?
He drew the envelope out of his pocket, tapping it absently against his thigh. The application could either help melt the wall between them or it could build it even higher. He wanted
Kelly to have her dream. And to do that, she had to start somewhere.
When Kelly heard the front door open she looked up from the lettuce she'd been tearing up for a salad. She knew Dan had gone to Indianapolis for the day to talk to an old friend of his father's—another contractor. Nearly an hour ago, she'd heard a news report on the radio that said there'd been a major accident on the highway. Since then, her imagination had been filled with pictures of the sleek black Corvette crushed and broken.
She nearly sagged with relief when she saw him come in the door. He looked hot and tired but he was unhurt. Without a word, she took a pitcher of iced tea out of the refrigerator and poured him a tall glass. Dan muttered his thanks as he took it from her, tilting back his head to drink.
"You'd think it was summer already from the heat out there," he said, lowering the empty glass.
"I heard on the radio today that we're probably going to get an unusually hot summer."
It was the sort of conversation they'd been having this past week. Friendly but impersonal. No chance of touching on any awkward subjects.
Dan watched Kelly cutting a cucumber into neat slices, feeling a surge of impatience. He didn't want friendly, impersonal little chats with her. He wanted... Hell, he didn't know exactly what he wanted, but he wanted to break this odd little dead end they'd hit.
"I've got something for you," he said abruptly, his tone almost challenging.
Kelly glanced over her shoulder, setting down the knife when she saw the envelope he was holding out. There was something in his expression, something—was it defensive or hostile? Nervous now, she wiped her hand on a towel and reached for the envelope. What could it be that would make him look like that?
She slipped the papers out of the envelope, skimming over them before lifting her eyes to his, her confusion obvious.
"This is an application to take the high-school equivalency
test," she said, as if he might not have realized what he'd given her.
"If you're going to go to college, you've got to have your high-school diploma." He said it almost casually.
"I'm not going to college."
"Yes, you are. It's what you want, isn't it?"
"Well, yes. But it's not that simple."
"I don't see why not. Once the baby is born, there's no reason you couldn't go to school."
Of course there wasn't. Kelly's hand trembled as she slipped the application back into the envelope. After all, she wouldn't have to worry about day care or any of the things most new mothers had to worry about. Because she wasn Y going to be a new mother, not in the most important sense of the word. She kept her head lowered, forcing back the tears that blurred her vision.
Dan, sensing her distress and misinterpreting it, tried to assure her. "Look, I'll pay for your tuition and things. All you'll have to worry about is getting your degree. This is your dream, Kelly. Isn't it?"
It had been, not that long ago. That was before her life had changed. Before she'd found herself pregnant. Before she'd gotten to know Dan in more ways than just the one that got them into their predicament. Before her dreams had begun to revolve around little houses and perfect little families.
"Yes, of course it is," she said slowly. He'd done this because he thought it was what she wanted, because he thought it would make her happy. It wasn't his fault that she'd set her sights so much higher.
The thought brought a new rush of tears to her eyes and she forced them back, cursing her unaccustomed weepiness.
Dan watched her downbent head, wishing he could see something of her face, get some idea of what she was thinking. Was she angry? Happy?
"And if you're nervous about taking the test, don't be," he said finally, when it seemed as if she was never going to speak. "You'll ace it. You've got plenty of time to study up on anything you're not sure of."
He believed in her. The thought eased its way into Kelly's muddled thinking, bringing with it a sweet pang that was both pleasure and pain. He believed she could do this. No questions. No doubts. His confidence made her at once proud and uneasy. What if he was wrong? What if she failed?
"Look, you don't have to take the test if you don't want to," Dan said uneasily. "Just say something. Or you can slug me if you want to."
Kelly shook her head, lifting her eyes to his at last "I don't want to hit you. I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I've never had anyone try to make one of my dreams come true."
"It was no big deal," Dan said modestly, but quite pleased with himself. "I just picked up the forms. You're die one who's going to have to do all the work."
"Thank you." Surprising herself as much as him, she rose on tiptoe and brushed a quick kiss over his cheek. She
drew back hastily, her cheeks pink. Her lips tingled from the brief contact. She cleared her throat. "You've got time to clean up before dinner if you want"
"Sure. Thanks." Dan lingered as if to say something more. But apparently he changed his mind and turned away.
Kelly picked up the knife and began slicing the cucumber again, concentrating on the simple action as if her life depended on it The envelope he'd given her lay on the counter, just visible out of the corner of her eye.
Her dream. Six months ago, nothing would have made her happier than a chance at going to college. Nothing had seemed farther out of reach. Now she just wanted to put her head down and howl.
Everything had changed since then. She wasn't the same person. Those dreams belonged to someone else, someone who hadn't known Dan Remington. Someone who wasn't carrying a child—a child she'd promised to give up.
It wasn't Dan's fault that the dream he was willing to help her achieve was no longer die one that held the key to her happiness. She brushed the back of her hand angrily across her cheek, wiping away the single tear that had escaped.
Well, it was the only dream she had much chance of achiev-
ing. She might as well get used to that. Wishing for the moon wasn't likely to get her anything but hurt.
While the application didn't have precisely the effect Dan had hoped, it did serve to break the tension between the two of them. Kelly's reaction, which seemed more resigned than excited, was confusing, but he decided not to push his luck by questioning it. For now, it was enough that they were able to talk again.
When Kelly told him about Brittany's suggestion that the two couples get together for dinner, his first urge was to do exactly what Kelly had expected—make some excuse not to go. But not for the reasons she'd thought.
It had nothing to do with a reluctance to introduce her to his friends. It had everything to do with knowing exactly what Brittany was up to. She'd had this bee in her bonnet about his relationship with her and Michael ever since he'd come back from Europe. She wanted them all to be friends.
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