by Anne Rice
Faithful Samir alone stood with him, as once again he examined the burnt mangled car. Horrid the skeleton of the thing. Horrid the bits and pieces of charred leather clinging to the blackened springs.
"Sire," Samir said patiently, "nothing could survive such an explosion. In the olden times, sire, such heat was unknown."
It was known, he thought. It was known in the eye of an erupting mountain, the very image that had come to him last night.
"But there must be some trace, Samir. Something must remain."
But why punish this poor mortal who had never done anything but give him comfort? And Julie, his poor Julie. He must take her back to the safety and quiet of the hotel. She had not spoken since it happened. She had stood by him, holding on to him, but she had not spoken a word.
"Sire, give thanks for what has taken place," Samir said tentatively. "Death has reclaimed her. Surely she is at peace again."
"Is she?" he whispered. "Samir, why did I frighten her! Why did I drive her out into the night? Samir, we quarreled as we had always quarreled. We strove to hurt each other! There was no time suddenly; we stood outside it, warring with each other." He broke off, unable to go on.
"Come rest now, sire. Even immortals must rest."
10
THEY STOOD all together in the train station. For A Ramses, a moment of the most pure and undiluted anguish. But he had no more words to use to persuade her; when he looked into her eyes, he saw not a coldness, but a deep and unhealing hurt.
And Alex, he was changed now into another human being with Alex's face and form. He had listened resentfully to the half-truths they'd given him. A woman Ramsey had known; mad; dangerous. Then he had closed himself off; he wanted to hear no more.
They were older now, this young man and this young woman. There was a faint grayness in Julie's expression; there was a numbness and sullen quiet to Alex as he stood at her side.
"They won't keep me here more than a few days," Elliott said to his son. "I'll be home perhaps a week after your arrival. Take care of Julie. If you take care of Julie ..."
"I know, Father, it will be the best thing for me."
Icy the smile that had once been so warm.
The conductor made his call. The train was ready to roll out of the station. Ramses did not want to see it moving; did not want to hear that noise. He wanted to escape now, but he knew that he would stay till the end.
"You will not change your mind," he whispered.
She continued to look away.
"I'll always love you," she whispered. He had to bend down to hear it, let her lips almost touch him. "To my dying day, I shall love you. But no, I cannot change my mind."
Alex took his hand suddenly. "Good-bye, Ramsey, Hope I see you in England."
The ritual was almost over; he turned to kiss Julie, but she'd already pulled away. She was on the metal stair into the passenger car, and then for one instant their eyes met.
It wasn't reproach; it wasn't condemnation; she couldn't do anything else. She had explained it a thousand times in those same few words.
Finally the noise again, the awful engulfing sound. With uneven chugs, the string of windowed cars began to move forward; he saw her face at the window. She pressed her hand to the glass and looked down at him again, and again he tried to interpret the look in her eyes. Was there a moment's regret?
Dully, miserably, he heard Cleopatra's voice. I called out for you in those last moments.
The train was sliding by; the window was suddenly bright silver as it moved into the sunlight; he couldn't see her anymore.
It seemed the Earl of Rutherford led him out of the station to where the motor cars waited, with the uniformed chauffeurs at their open doors.
"Where will you go?" the Earl asked him.
Ramses was watching the train disappear, the last car with its little iron gate growing smaller and smaller, the noise entirely manageable now.
"Does it matter?" he answered. Then as if waking from a spell, he looked at Elliott. Elliott's expression surprised him almost as much as Julie's. No reproach; only a thoughtful sadness. "What have you learned from all this, my lord?" he asked suddenly.
"It will take time to know that, Ramses. Time, perhaps, which I do not have."
Ramses shook his head. "After all you have seen," he asked, dropping his voice so that only Elliott could hear him, "would you still ask for the elixir? Or would you refuse as Julie has refused?"
The train was gone now. Silence reigned in the empty station. If one did not count the low hum of conversation here and there.
"Does it really matter now, Ramses?" Elliott asked, and for the first time Ramses saw a flash of bitterness and resentment in Elliott.
He took Elliott's hand. "We shall meet again," he said. "Now I must go, or I will be late."
"But where are you going?" Elliott asked him.
He didn't answer. He turned and waved as he crossed the train yard. Elliott acknowledged it with a polite little nod and a scant movement of his hand, then moved on to his waiting car.
Late afternoon. Elliott opened his eyes. The sun fell in .slashes through the wooden blinds, the fan churning slowly overhead.
He lifted his gold pocket watch from the bedside table. Past three. Their ship had sailed. He enjoyed the relief for a long moment before thinking of anything else that he must do.
Then he heard Walter open the door.
"Have those damned people from the governor's office called yet?" Elliott asked.
"Yes, my lord. Twice. I told them you were sleeping and I had not the slightest intention of disturbing your rest."
"You're a good man, Walter. And may they burn in hell."
"My lord?"
"Never mind, Walter."
"Oh and Your Lordship, the Egyptian fellow's been by."
"Samir?"
'Brought the bottle of medicine from Ramsey. It's right there, my lord. Said you'd know what it was."
"What?" Elliott rose on his elbows. Then, slowly, he turned his gaze away from Walter to the table on his right.
It was a flask bottle, the kind used for vodka or whisky, but with no color to the glass. And it was filled entirely with a milk-white liquid, which gave off strange, almost luminescent glints in the light.
"I'd be careful of that, my lord," Walter said, opening the door, "if it's some kind of Egyptian thing, I'd watch my step."
Elliott almost laughed aloud. There was a note by the bottle with his name on it. He sat up and remained there motionless until Walter was gone. Then he reached for the note, and tore it open.
It was printed in block letters very like Roman printing, angular and clean.
Lord Rutherford, it is now your decision. May your philosophy and your wisdom sustain you. May you choose the right path.
He couldn't absorb it. No, he simply couldn't believe it. He stared at the note for a long moment; then he looked at the flask.
She lay in half sleep on the pillow. When she opened her eyes, she realized that it was her own voice that had awakened her. She'd been calling Ramses. She rose from bed slowly and pulled on her robe. Did it matter if anyone saw her out on the deck of the ship in her robe? But it was dinner-time, wasn't it? She had to dress. Alex needed her. Oh, if only she could think straight. She went to the wardrobe and began pulling things out. Where were they? How many hours had they been at sea?
When she reached the table, he was sitting there staring forward. He did not greet her, or rise to help her with her chair. As if any of that mattered. He started talking.
"I still don't understand any of it. Truly I don't. She didn't seem mad at all, really."
This was excruciating, but she forced herself to listen.
"I mean, there was something somber and sad about her," he said. "I only know that I loved her. And that she loved me." He turned to Julie. "Do you believe what I'm saying?"
"Yes, I do," she said.
"You know, she said the strangest things. She said that she hadn't planned to love
me! But it had happened, and you know, I told her I knew just what she meant. I 'd never thought I... I mean, it was altogether different. As if all your life you've thought that pink roses were red roses!"
"Yes, I know."
"And that tepid water was hot."
"Yes."
"Did you get a good look at her? Did you see how beautiful she was?"
"It's not going to help to dwell on it. You can't make her come back."
' 'I knew I would lose her. I knew from the start. I don't know why. I simply knew it. She wasn't of this world, do you understand? And yet she was the world more truly than anything I 'd ever..."
"I know."
He stared forward; he appeared to be looking at the other diners; the black-jacketed waiters moving about; maybe listening to the hushed civilized voices. Almost entirely a British ship. There seemed something utterly revolting about that.
"It's possible to forget!" she said suddenly. "It is possible, I know that it is."
"Yes, forget it," he said, and he smiled coldly, though not at her in particular. "Forget it, "he repeated. "That's what we'll do. You'll forget Ramsey, as clearly something's happened to separate you. And I'll forget her. And we will go through the motions of living as if we had never loved like that, either of us. You and Ramsey and I with her."
Julie found herself looking at him in mild shock. She narrowed her eyes.
"The motions of living!" she whispered. "What a horrible thing to say."
He hadn't even heard her. He had picked up the fork and started eating, or rather picking at the food. Going through the motions of eating it.
She sat there trembling, looking down at the plate.
It was dark outside now. A blue light shone through the slatted blinds. Walter had come again to ask him if he wanted supper. He had said no. Only to be alone.
He sat in his robe and slippers, looking at the flask on the table. It shimmered in the darkness. The note lay where he had left it, beside the flask.
Finally he got up to dress. It took him several minutes, because each part of it made some special demand on his patience, but finally it was finished. He had on his gray wool, a bit too heavy for the days here, yet perfect for the night.
And then he went to the table, leaning on his cane with his left hand, and lifted the flask with his right. He put the flask in his inside pocket, where it just barely fit, making a weight against his chest.
Then he went out. The pain in his leg grew worse after he had walked a short distance from Shepheard's. But he continued, now and then shifting the cane to the other side to see if that made it any better. He stopped when he had to; then when he'd caught his breath he moved on.
In about an hour, he'd reached old Cairo. He made his way through the alleyways, aimlessly. He did not search for Malenka's house. He merely walked. And walked. By midnight, his left foot was numb again. But it didn't matter.
Everywhere that he walked, he looked at things. He looked at walls, and doors, and people's faces; he stopped in front of cabarets and listened to the dissonant music. Now and then he glimpsed a belly dancer going through her seductive little performance. Once he paused to listen to a man playing a flute.
He didn't linger very long anywhere, except when he was very tired; then he sat, and sometimes even dozed. The night was quiet; peaceful. It seemed to harbor none of the dangers of London.
As two o'clock came he was still walking. He had covered the medieval city, and he was moving back to the newer districts again.
Julie stood at the rail, clutching the ends of her shawl. She looked down at the dark water, vaguely conscious that she was bitterly cold, that her hands were freezing. But it didn't matter. And it seemed lovely suddenly that such things weren't hurting her. That she didn't care.
She wasn't here at all. She was at home in London. She was standing in the conservatory, and it was all full of flowers. Ramses stood there, the linen wrappings covering him; he raised his hand as she watched and tore them loose from his face. The blue eyes looked directly at her, at once full of love.
"No, it's wrong," she whispered. But to whom was she speaking? There was no one here to hear what she said. All the ship slept, all the civilized British travelers going home after their little sojourn in Egypt, so happy to have seen the pyramids, the temples. Destroy the elixir. Every drop of it.
She stared down into the turbulent sea. The wind suddenly ripped at her hair, at the edges of the shawl. She gripped the railing, and the shawl was lifted off her shoulders and blown away, rolling into a ball as it was carried up and out into the dark.
The mist swallowed it. She never saw it hit the water. And the sound of the wind and the sound of the engines merged suddenly, and seemed to be of the same fabric as the mist.
Her world, gone. Her world of faded colors and dim noises, gone. She heard his voice speaking to her, "I love you, Julie Stratford." She heard herself say, "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you. That you had let Henry do his work."
She smiled suddenly. Had she ever been this cold in her life? She looked down. She was wearing only a thin nightgown. No wonder. And the truth was, she ought to be dead now. Dead like her father. Henry had put the poison in her cup. She closed her eyes, turning her face this way and that in the wash of the wind.
"I love you, Julie Stratford," his voice came again in memory, and this time she heard herself answer with the old cliché", so beautiful. "I shall love you till my dying day."
It was no use going home. It was no use, any of it. The motions of living. The adventure had ended. The nightmare had ended. And now the normal world would be the nightmare, unless she was with her father, or alone sealed off from all reality, her last thoughts only of all the glorious moments that had been.
In the tent with him, making love to him, his at last. In the temple under the stars.
She would tell no children in old age why she had never married. She would tell no young man the story of the voyage to Cairo. She would not be that woman, harboring all her life a terrible knowledge, a terrible regret.
But this was too harsh, all of this. No need for such literal thoughts. The dark waters waited. She'd be carried far, faraway from the ship within moments;- there would be no chance of salvation. And that seemed to her to be inexpressibly beautiful suddenly. She had only to climb up, which she did now, and let herself go into the cold wind.
Why, the wind would even carry her partway. It had caught her gown and was blowing it out behind her. She stretched out her arms and pitched herself forward. It seemed the wind grew louder and she was flying out towards the water. It was done!
In one split second she knew that nothing could save her, nothing could possibly intervene; she was already falling, and she wanted to say her father's name. But it was Ramses' name that came to her mind. Ah, the sweetness of it, the utter sweetness of all of it.
Then two strong arms caught her. She hung suspended above the sea, stunned, groping to see through the mist.
"No, Julie." It was Ramses pleading with her. Ramses who lifted her over the railing and held her tightly in his arms. Ramses standing on the deck with her in his arms. "Not death over life, Julie, no."
In a torrent the sobs broke from her; like ice she shattered, the warm tears spilling down her face as she hugged him and buried her face against his chest.
She said his name over and over. She felt his arms closing her off from the searing wind.
Cairo woke with the sun. The heat seemed to rise from the dirt streets themselves as the bazaar came to life, as the striped awnings fell down over doorways, as the sounds of camels and donkeys rose.
Elliott was thoroughly tired now. He couldn't resist sleep much longer, but still he walked. Sluggishly he moved past the brass merchants and the rug merchants, and the sellers of gellebiyyas and of fake antiquities-cheap Egyptian "treasures" for a few pence. The sellers of mummies, who claimed now to offer for a pittance the bodies of Kings.
Mummies. They stood along the whitewashed wall in t
he burning sunlight; mummies, soiled, worn, in their bedraggled wrappings, yet the features of their faces distinguishable beneath the layers of linen and grime.
He stopped. AH the thoughts with which he'd wrestled the night long seemed to leave him. The images of those he loved which had been so close to him suddenly faded. He was in the bazaar; the sun was burning down on him; he was looking at a row of dead bodies against a wall.
Malenka's words came back to him.
"They make a great Pharaoh of my English. My beautiful English. They put him in the bitumen; they make a mummy of him for tourists to buy. . . . My beautiful English, they wrap him in linen; they make him a King."