by Marci Bolden
She gathered the cans and tossed them into the trash before slipping into the bedroom to gather clean clothes. As she showered, she let the water rinse away the stress of the night, and her mind drifted back to her father and the strange scene she’d found. The image of him steadying Katie on her bike was far from the man she knew.
Caroline still had a hard time believing what she’d seen, but she had to hope her father teaching Katie how to ride a bike was the first step toward reconciliation. Katie’s sixth birthday was coming up soon. The time had come for her and her father to let go of old grudges. It was time to be a family.
For Katie.
Carol handed the car driver cash as her mom and Ellen slid out of the back seat. “Sorry about that,” she said to the man.
He chuckled. “Don’t worry about it.”
“If it’s any consolation, she nags about my driving too.”
He laughed as she climbed out of his car. She closed the door and turned her focus to the house. The contractor and his team had done an amazing job updating the siding and landscaping, but it was the colorful sign that caught her attention. Her mom and Ellen were staring at that as well.
Katie’s House spelled out in stacking blocks looked even more amazing in person. That familiar lump of emotion rose to Carol’s throat.
“Wow,” she whispered. “It’s perfect.”
“She’d love it,” Judith agreed.
A little sound left Ellen before she pressed her hand to her lips. “Carol, this is amazing.”
She nodded her agreement because she couldn’t make the words form. They stared for a long time before Carol started for the house. Ellen and Judith walked behind her and waited for her to enter the code on the box on the door. Inside, the contractor had left the keys for the lock. Carol’s fingers trembled as she pulled them out, reminding her of the first time she’d come back. John had reminded her to breathe.
“We had good times here too,” he’d added, because the past was coming at her like a hurricane.
Remembering that, she turned to her mom. As she expected, she saw the same panic in Judith’s eyes that she was certain had been in hers.
“We had good times here too,” Carol said, repeating John’s words to her mother. “Remember her birthday party. How much she loved her presents. How she danced around as we sang to her.”
Tears trickled down Judith’s cheeks. “I don’t know if…”
“You can,” Carol said. “You can do this. Remember the good times.” She unlocked the door and eased it open. Unlike the last time she was here, peering into the house didn’t leave her with an emotional gut punch, but she remembered how that had felt. Stepping in, she held the door and monitored her mother’s reaction.
Judith clung to Ellen’s hand as they took their time walking in. Judith pressed her lips tight as she looked around.
“Oh, look what they’ve done,” she said with a quivering voice. “It’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful.”
Carol had already stared at the photos long enough to know what to expect—cream-colored walls, stained pine floors, and light-gray furniture to fill the living room. As they walked into the living area, the kitchen came into view. The old chipped linoleum countertops had been replaced by butcher block, and gone were the scratched cabinets. New appliances filled the space. Though the kitchen was small, Carol thought any chef would be happy with the updates made.
She didn’t intentionally forget about her companions, but as it always had, Katie’s room called to her. When Katie was a baby, sleeping soundly, Carol had never been able to walk by the room without peeking in to check on her daughter. Something about that room pulled at her. Even now. She stopped at the door, and a smile spread across her face.
The space was even better than in the photos. A little twin-sized bed sat along one wall, the same spot Katie’s bed had been. Buckets filled with toys sat on either side of a shelf filled with books and games. The pale-yellow paint was calming and neutral. No matter the gender of the child who slept in this room, they were bound to feel like this space fit them. Though the room looked different from how it had when Katie was there, the spirit of the room remained. This still felt like her space.
“Oh, kitty cat,” Carol said softly. “You’d love this.”
She took another minute to soak up every inch of the room before crossing the hall to look at the bathroom. Again, the space was small, but the updates made the room much more appealing than it had been before. The master bedroom had a wrought-iron frame holding a queen-size mattress. A television was mounted above a long dresser. Carol didn’t know who Daryl had hired to decorate the house, but he’d made a brilliant choice.
Everything, from the little statue on the dresser to the tissue holder on the nightstand, was perfect. Carol’s heart felt close to bursting. She had to put her hand over her chest. Perfect. Everything was absolutely perfect.
“This is amazing,” Ellen said, coming into the room.
Carol spun and wiped her cheeks. “How’s Mom?”
“She probably could use you,” Ellen said.
She had to take a breath, brace herself to be the strong one, and then left her aunt in the bedroom. She found her mom sitting on the edge of the little twin-size bed. Hearing the woman quietly sob made her chest ache.
“Mom?” she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
Judith sniffed as she focused on Carol. A weak smile tugged at her lips. “I was thinking about how she always wanted one more bedtime story.”
Carol grinned. “Just one more.”
“No matter how many you read, she wanted one more until she dozed off.” Judith pressed her lips together, but she couldn’t seem to stop them from trembling. “She reminded me of you so much.”
“Me?” Carol stepped into the bedroom and scanned the contents, but she wasn’t seeing the new shelf or the tubs of toys. She could see Katie’s pile of stuffed animals and shoes tossed carelessly aside. “I always thought she was more like John.”
“You were the same way when you were younger. Your thirst for knowledge was unquenchable. She was just like you.” Judith put her hand to her mouth as she sobbed again. “I…I’m so sorry I didn’t know how to be there for you when you lost her.”
Carol tilted her head and sighed. “Oh, Mom, we’re past this. None of us were in a good place back then.”
Judith sniffled. “You should have been able to turn to your parents, Carol. I regret that. If I could change one thing in my life,” Judith stated firmly, “I would change that. I would have been there for you. I don’t know why I failed you, but I know that I did, and I am sorry. I’m deeply sorry.”
Crossing the room in three long strides, Carol dropped to her knees in front of her mom and grasped her hands. “Mom, it’s okay.”
Judith shook her head again as she put her hand to Carol’s cheek. “I don’t know how much time I have left in this world, but I will spend every last breath I have in this old body reminding myself to be better to you.”
Leaning forward, Carol wrapped her arms around Judith and hugged her tight. In what was becoming the new normal, Judith hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. Carol couldn’t pinpoint the emotion that surged through her, but it was overwhelming. She felt like this was the final breakthrough they’d needed.
“I love you, Carol,” Judith said.
“I love you, Mom.” Leaning back, Carol smiled up at her. “Let’s stop revisiting this now. Let’s move forward, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Are you ready to see the backyard?” She didn’t expand that to include spreading the ashes, but they both knew what she meant.
Judith nodded, and Carol stood and helped her to her feet. She called out to her aunt as they left Katie’s old room. Walking through the living room toward the sliding glass door that would lead them to the backyard, Carol’s heart rate increased and her mom tightened her hold on her hand.
“It’s okay,” she said to reassure herself and her mo
m.
“I haven’t been out there since her sixth birthday party.”
Turning, Carol looked her in the eyes. “You don’t have to go out there.”
“Yes,” Judith whispered, “I do. We need to bring her home together.”
Carol looked at her aunt. “Are you ready?”
“Ready.”
Carol led them outside, and her smile returned. The lawn John had given little care over the years she’d been gone was completely redesigned. Flower beds outlined the fence, and a wooden playset monopolized the lawn. This was the perfect place for a family to relax after spending hours at the hospital with their sick child. This space would bring peace to a lot of people.
A tree had been planted with a plaque in honor of John. But Carol was drawn to what was beyond that. A garden filled with a variety of flowers, including Salvia dorisiana, Tobias’s favorites. Sitting inside the rock barrier was a plaque. She ran her fingers over the raised text.
In honor of Tobias Denman
Beloved stepfather to Katie Bowman
Before the ceremony to give the keys to the hospital, there would be a family gathering to honor Tobias. She hadn’t told them about this garden, but she knew they would love it. There was no better way to remember Tobias than by planting flowers for him. He would have loved that.
However, it was in front of John’s tree that Carol pulled the ashes from her pocket. She waited for her mom and aunt to join her. There were no useless bits of information to be shared this time. There were no rare or unique things to tell Katie.
Carol simply bent down, sprinkled the mix of Katie and her daddy into the grass at the base of John’s tree, and whispered, “Welcome home, baby.”
Thirteen
A cloud had hung over Carol’s head from the moment she’d woken up. Her mom and aunt had done everything they could to distract her. They’d brought her breakfast, hovered, chatted, and made jokes. Carol had tried to participate. She’d tried to let them steer her mind from the inevitable destination.
One year ago, she’d pulled the covers over her head and gone back to sleep while her husband went for a morning jog without her. He never came home.
Her mom had told her to focus instead on the perfect time they’d shared the night before. She tried. But in her mind, she heard the phone ring. Heard the stranger’s voice on the other end telling her she needed to get to the hospital because her husband had been in an accident. She pictured herself rushing to pull on clothes and driving faster than the legal limit.
She could see the doctor’s face as she told Carol that Tobias had been hit by a truck. She was reliving that horrible moment when she’d walked into his hospital room and knew, without a doubt, that he was never going to wake up. His soul was already gone. His body was there, being kept alive by tubes, but he was gone.
As soon as she’d sat up in bed, her mom had handed her a cup of coffee and looked at her with obvious concern. Tears had formed in Carol’s eyes and had been there since. She hadn’t broken down though. She had to give herself credit for that.
She’d gotten up, eaten, showered, and dressed without completely coming unglued. The urge was there, but she held herself together. Right up until they arrived at Katie’s House and she recognized the SUV in the driveway. Tobias’s family had gotten there before them.
She paid the driver who’d brought them to the house and then rushed toward the three girls bouncing with excitement as they called out, “Aunt Carol.” Her three nieces embraced her as they rambled about how they had missed her and how cool the house was. Carol hugged them tight, kissing each one’s head until they backed off. The tears she’d managed to control fell as soon as Tobias’s brother, Elijah, wrapped her into a big hug. They’d always been close. From the time she and Tobias had started dating, Elijah had treated her like his sister. Feeling him hug her now made her crack.
Elijah had been the first call she’d made from the hospital. She didn’t know how to tell Mary that her son was in critical condition and she had to get there as fast as she could. Instead, Carol had taken the easier way and called his brother. That was the moment Elijah had become more than a brother and turned into the pillar of strength Carol had leaned on more than once over the last year.
“I gotcha, sis,” he said in her ear.
“I know,” she muttered.
“Let me have my girl,” Mary ordered.
Carol laughed lightly as she pulled from Elijah and hugged her mother-in-law. Mary kissed her cheek several times before leaning back and searching her eyes.
“I’m okay,” Carol said. “How are you?”
“Happy to see you.” She subtly nodded her head toward the two women Elijah had gone to greet. “How’s that going?”
“Good,” Carol said honestly. “We’ve found some common ground.”
“I’m glad.” Putting a hand to Carol’s face, Mary smiled softly. “Been a tough year, but we made it.”
Carol’s eyes filled again. “We made it. Thank you for coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss this,” Mary said. She looked at the sign in the front yard. “She’d like this. I know she would.”
“Yeah, she’d love it.” She pulled from Mary enough to hug Elijah’s wife, Lara. “Good to see you.”
“How you doing?” Lara asked.
Carol let out a slow breath. “It’s going to be a tough day, but I’m okay.”
Lara nodded. “I brought tequila, so whenever you need a shot, you let me know.”
“She’s not allowed to drink that anymore, you know that,” Mary chastised.
“There’s a story there,” Ellen said, coming up behind them. “And I want to hear it.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will,” Carol grumbled as she grasped Mary’s hand. “Come on. I don’t need to be reminded of that.”
As they walked away, Lara started telling Ellen about that one time Carol had too many margaritas on a family vacation in Mexico and passed out face first into her fish tacos.
Carol gave Mary a tour of the house before leading her to the backyard and to Tobias’s garden. Mary ran her fingers over the plaque several times before tears fell from her eyes.
“He’d be happy that you brought part of him here to be with Katie,” Mary said.
Carol nodded because she couldn’t speak. Her lungs were tight from holding in her own tears.
“Girls,” Lara called, “be careful.”
Carol turned in time to see the kids taking over the swing set. She smiled. That’s what the playset was there for. To keep kids distracted from the sadness around them. “Did you tell my aunt that I got sour cream up my nose?” she asked, draping her arm around Lara’s shoulder as she joined them.
Lara smiled. “You know I did.”
“I’m never going to live that down now,” Carol said.
“You never were anyway,” Mary chimed in.
They all laughed through the air of sadness.
“Want me to get everyone so we can say a few words? I think we should leave plenty of time to pull ourselves together before the ceremony for Katie starts,” Lara suggested.
Carol nodded and focused on Mary as Lara walked away. “Ready for this?”
“Nope,” Mary stated definitively. “But we’re going to do it anyway. One foot in front of the other, baby. Like I’ve been telling you.”
Mary had been telling her that. She couldn’t remember how many times. Tobias’s birthday, their wedding anniversary, or simply a bad day. Mary had been there, talking Carol through her pain, making sure she made it through to the other side.
“I wouldn’t have gotten through this if it weren’t for you all.”
“We’re family,” Mary said. “That’s what we do.”
Once the others joined them at the edge of the garden, the knot in Carol’s stomach grew. “I, um, I guess I should have made a plan for this. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do.” Her voice cracked as emotion hit her.
Elijah put his arm around her shoulders. “When w
e were kids, Tobias used to boss me around. He thought he was the man of the house or something. I’d get mad, but when I got older, whenever I got in trouble—”
“Which was often,” Mary offered, causing a few quiet laughs from the group.
“Which was often,” Elijah admitted, “he was there. He never let me down. He was a good brother.”
Lara said, “He was always there for us. We knew we could count on you two,” she said to Carol. “That’s what makes us family. He was a good uncle, too, wasn’t he?”
The girls nodded in unison, but the eldest spoke for them all, as she tended to do. “He was the best uncle.”
“He was a good son,” Mary said, her voice emotional but filled with pride. “He worked hard to get where he was. He had a good job, a loving wife, and family who loved him more than the sun in the sky. He looked out for everybody without ever asking for anything in return.” Her lips trembled as she put her hand to her chest. “He’s still looking out for us. I feel him with me all the time. I know he’s with us. I know he’s looking down right now, happy we’re all here together.”
Ellen spoke next. “I remember when Carol called to tell me they were getting married. She was happy. Happier than I’d heard her in a long time. He did that for her. He gave her back some of the happiness we feared she’d never find again. That’s really special,” she said, smiling at her niece.
“I knew he’d take care of you,” Judith said to Carol. “I could worry a little less because I knew he’d take care of you. He was a good man, and I was proud of the life you built together.”
Carol smiled at her mom. Up until a few weeks ago, she’d thought her mom hadn’t liked Tobias. She’d thought her mom was ashamed of her interracial marriage. Hearing her say differently warmed Carol’s heart. She hadn’t ever expected to hear those words.
Now it was her turn to speak, and she was at a loss. The tension in her lungs reminded her to breathe. “I was already head over heels in love with him when I told him about Katie. I don’t know why I was scared, but I thought he might think less of me for losing her.” She shook her head slightly. “Of course he didn’t. He asked about her because he wanted to know her. From that day on, he talked about Katie as if she was a part of us, as if she was our child. He really did love her as if she was his daughter. You all accepted her and kept her with me all these years, and I could never thank you enough for that.” She gestured toward the plaque. “Tobias may have never met his stepdaughter, but he loved her, and that made me love him even more. I miss them both, but they’re together now, and that brings me some peace. They’re taking care of each other, and Mary’s right, they’re looking down and they are happy their family is together.”