Raeb ignored her reluctant, almost sulking tone. Whether or not she was happy about it, he’d convinced her to at least try out his plan. That was more than he’d expected. But he couldn’t feel pleased, because now that she’d agreed he had to talk. And this next part … he’d give anything to avoid this. But there was no other choice. She would find out sooner or later. “The -taken have a sort of unofficial homeland in the north. Last time I saw him, he was there.”
Dragana’s eyes widened.
“You never told me about a place like that,” Saydee said. Her eyes had gone wide and her cheeks were flushed. Raeb could see her pulse race in her neck.
“I haven’t spoken of it in decades.”
“Why not?”
He pointed at Dragana. “So she wouldn’t find it.” He turned to the warrior-woman. “I told you this in good faith of our truce. I’m trusting you to keep your word and help us defeat the Entana—not the -taken.”
Her eyes moved from Raeb to Saydee and back.
“And there is a difference,” he added. “I promise you that.”
Dragana slogged after Raeb and Saydee. It had started to rain just after breakfast, the kind of slow, drizzling rain that turned a simple walk into a full-body exercise. The trees offered little respite from the downpour, as dirt- and pollen-laden water fell from their branches as well as the sky. The ferns and bushes, not to mention the soil and rotting leaves underneath, were soaked like sponges. No matter how carefully she stepped, Dragana squished through muck or shivered under deluges of frigid water.
Aeo felt her misery, but he’d have gladly traded places with her. He longed to feel the rain on his face and the mud around his ankles. There was something about being miserable that made you feel alive. And it had been far too long since Aeo had felt alive.
He didn’t regret becoming the Bok’Tarong. His life was very different from anything he’d ever believed possible, but it was far more rewarding. Assassinating an emperor had been thrilling, but killing an Entana was fulfilling in a way he hardly understood. Each time he’d banished one of the vile tendrils he’d felt like he’d done something worthwhile. And now they were working toward something even more incredible—destroying the entire Entana hive.
Perhaps, after all this tribulation, he was starting to become the man he always wished he could have been.
But there were times when the rosy gold body of the Bok’Tarong just wasn’t enough. He missed sunshine and rain, tasting food and feeling a touch on his arm. Even little things, like the memory of a campfire’s smell or the nip of a breeze, made him nostalgic for his old body. His spirit-eyes saw more of the world around him than he’d ever experienced before, but he’d never felt so detached from it all.
Dragana’s muttered swearing brought him from his thoughts, and he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or groan when he saw she was soaked from the knee-down with rainwater and muck.
I despise this weather, she grumbled.
Better enjoy this while you can, Aeo replied. If Raeb’s right, you’ll be dealing with snow before we get to the -taken homeland.
Mentioning the -taken homeland sent Dragana’s thoughts spinning. Aeo felt her discomfort and frustration slip away, replaced with images of hundreds and hundreds of -taken falling to the Bok’Tarong. It was the stuff of Taronese warriors’ dreams. He could understand her excitement, but as much as he relished the thought of killing so many Entana with her, he hesitated.
You know we can’t go in there and kill like that, he said. We’ve agreed to help Raeb and Saydee destroy the Entana. Raeb’s already risked a lot by telling us about this place, and taking us there shows a great deal of trust in your word.
You can’t tell me you don’t want to go in there and kill those Entana, Dragana said.
He did. He wanted to go in there and kill every single one of them. The part of him that was the Bok’Tarong couldn’t fathom doing anything else. But the part that remained Aeo wasn’t so sure. After all, they hadn’t killed Raeb and Saydee on sight—it had been close, but they’d waited long enough to hear their plan. And now they traveled together, on a crazy mission hatched in the mind of a -taken.
You’re a woman of honor, Dragana. You may think the duties of bearing the Bok’Tarong are above all else, but if you broke your word to Raeb now you’d never forgive yourself.
He felt her hesitate, just long enough to prove he spoke the truth and she knew it. I swore to do my best to rid the world of the Entana, she said.
That’s what we’re doing. You aren’t breaking your promise to the Taronese. You’re trying to find a better way to fulfill that promise by following Raeb and seeing if his theory would work.
Do you think it can? she asked, hope and fear warring in her tone.
I don’t know. I hope so. To destroy every Entana at once, and free the whole world … Now that would be a kill to relish.
Dragana nodded absently. The moment of hoping for peace was pushed away all too soon, though, by images of blood and death. And if it doesn’t, I can return to the village later.
Bloodlust doesn’t suit you, Aeo said.
Embarrassment shut the images off. Aeo could feel Dragana’s shock and hurt that he’d called her thirsty for blood—or was it shock and hurt to find he was right?
That’s ironic, coming from a killer-for-hire.
I never killed out of desire or bloodlust. I killed for money.
And that makes it so much better, she said. I kill to rid the world of evil.
You know, our lives aren’t that different. Your training tells you to kill someone, so you do, no questions asked. I do—or did—the same. Our compulsions always pulled us to kill, even when our minds tell us not to.
The calm in Dragana’s voice was dangerous. You did not just compare me to a morally questionable assassin. The Entana need to be destroyed. Or have you forgotten that?
I know. But think about what Raeb said. When a -taken dies, the Entana doesn’t die with them. It goes back to the hive and waits to take someone else. So what are we doing when we kill the -taken?
Aeo felt Dragana searching for a response—or at least, one she could accept.
Are we killing innocent people? He’d intended to ask it as a question, but his tone had said it as a statement. He was coming to understand even as he spoke. They aren’t the monsters. They’re just people.
Those people put the rest of us at risk, she said. Her tone was defensive. When the toe is infected, sometimes the only way to save the body is to cut it off. It isn’t the toe’s fault, but it’s better to lose one toe than the entire body.
I wonder if the toe would agree with you.
Dragana stumbled through another deep, murky puddle. Aeo wasn’t sure whether the curses that followed were directed at him or the frigid water filling her boots. Since when have you taken sides with the Entana?
I’m not taking sides. I’m just … I don’t know. I’m confused. I want to go kill those -taken as much as you do, but I don’t think we should. Not yet, at least. You promised Raeb and Saydee we’d help them destroy the Entana hive—not the Entana-taken.
I remember, she snapped.
So let’s give them a chance and let’s save the massacre for the Entana.
She waded through the soupy ground in silence for a while. I can’t neglect my duties for long. I’ll go along with this plan, but sooner or later I’ll need to do something about the -taken.
Deal, he said. If it comes to that, I’ll be more than happy to help. But let’s hope Raeb can prove he’s right about this before time runs out.
14
The rain didn’t stop for days. It turned to sleet and slush as they pushed northward, which only made them more uncomfortable. The evergreens were heavy with ice. Every footstep crunched with frost.
Raeb hadn’t been this far north in decades, maybe close to a century. The time away had dulled his memories of how awful enduring weather like this was. He remembered now.
They passed several towns and a f
ew cities on their way, but they had avoided them all. Townsfolk wouldn’t take kindly to a pair of -taken coming to visit. Both he and Saydee could disguise their Entana eyes well enough, but he’d rather not have to answer any uncomfortable questions concerning their journey. Travelers in this part of the world were rare and residents were suspicious. It wouldn’t take long for them to decide something was wrong about these newcomers and force them out of town. Or worse.
Raeb encouraged Dragana to venture into the towns for food, or rest, or any other excuse to get the warrior-woman away from him, but she always refused. He knew it wasn’t because she thought of them as friends. She wanted to be within striking distance if the Entana raised their ugly heads.
As much as she worried, frustrated, or even scared him, he saw so much of himself in the fiery warrior-woman. He’d been just like her when he was training to bear the Bok’Tarong. When he was her age, he would have killed a man like him without a second thought. It would have been a glorious accomplishment and filled him with pride.
Raeb shook his head. What had happened to that passion? Where had his convictions and fire gone?
He knew the answer. They’d been swallowed by the Entana. Two centuries of being hunted by his own people and haunted by the Keeper of Secrets had murdered that energy and left him weary and frightened.
He shivered and pulled his cloak tighter around him, but it wasn’t the snow or the wind that chilled his bones. Not this time.
He refused to think about how close he was to finding a way out. Hope was even more dangerous than fear. When the Entana resisted and his plans failed, hope would drive him mad.
Even so, he couldn’t quench the tiny fire kindling in his chest.
As the sleet turned to snow and their trail began marching up the mountains, Raeb’s heart fluttered. They were close. He often found his steps hurrying forward, as if of their own will.
His excitement surprised him. Returning to the sanctuary had been a decision based on logic and, though he hated to admit it, desperation. There hadn’t been anywhere else for them to go for the information he needed. Emotion hadn’t played a part in this choice. But he hadn’t expected that coming back would make him feel like he was coming home.
Excited though he was, apprehension always slowed his footsteps back down. Yes, he was returning. Hopefully a few of the -taken would welcome him back. Saydee would fit right in. But how could they welcome his other companion?
He must be insane to bring the Bok’Tarong into the -taken sanctuary. It had remained secret for centuries because no one was foolish enough to speak of it until trust had been ensured between two -taken. Now Raeb was leading the Bok’Tarong there, and he was certain the warrior-woman was still ready to kill him on a moment’s notice. It didn’t matter how honorable his intentions were. That he was doing this to try to destroy the Entana and free the -taken meant nothing if she decided they all had to die.
This was a colossally stupid idea.
He was just about to turn back and claim he was lost, or the village had been destroyed, when the first hint of wood smoke in the air reached them. Through the trees, Raeb could just make out the hill that shielded the -taken sanctuary from view.
He’d missed his chance. It was too late to turn back now.
Raeb spun on Dragana. “You must promise me you won’t raise your blade against these people.”
Her eyes became hard as rocks. “I am a Taronese warrior and bearer of the Bok’Tarong.”
“And this is a sanctuary for people who have fled from you. There are hundreds of innocents in this village who have done nothing wrong. They’re sick, not evil.” Raeb dropped his voice to an ominous growl. “If you so much as touch one of these people, I will personally repay you for each injury you’ve caused to every -taken throughout your life.”
They stared at each other for several minutes, hatred thick around them. “Your word,” Raeb demanded.
Dragana glared at him, then nodded. “My word.”
“I’ll go down and prepare everyone for your arrival. I don’t want to bring the Bok’Tarong into their midst without warning and cause a panic. Wait here until I return.”
Saydee opted to remain behind as well, so Raeb continued the rest of the way alone. That was fine with him. He had plenty to think about.
Dragana and Saydee picked a spot a fair distance outside of town, tucked into a relatively snow-free space between some massive firs. Dragana didn’t look forward to spending another night in the bitter cold, but she hoped this spot would offer at least a semblance of shelter.
While she laid out the camp, Saydee got busy making supper. Neither spoke unless they had too, and Dragana made sure to steer clear of Saydee whenever possible.
She hesitated when Saydee handed her a bowl.
“It’s not poisoned, and I won’t bite,” Saydee said. Dragana eyed her, but didn’t make any move toward the bowl. Saydee sighed. “Just because I’m a -taken doesn’t mean I’m a horrible person, you know. The monster is in my head, but it’s not me. If you would take some time to get to know us, you might realize that,” she added under her breath.
Dragana’s hesitation turned from one of suspicion to one of embarrassment. She heard Aeo’s voice in her head, echoing their earlier conversation: They aren’t monsters. They’re just people.
She took the bowl.
“This is good,” she said a few bites later.
“Thanks.”
“It’s nice to have real food. I’m a terrible cook.”
“Really?”
Dragana nodded. “Unless I can beat it with my sword, I can’t do a thing with it.”
Saydee laughed, and Dragana cracked a smile. A silence only slightly less uncomfortable fell as they continued their meal.
“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you before,” Saydee said.
“Don’t worry about it,” Dragana replied. “I’m not very good at this.”
“At talking, or at seeing me as a human?”
Dragana flushed. It was very hard to meet her eyes.
“It’s all right.” She paused. “Well, it’s not all right, but I understand you feel that way. I’d expect nothing less from someone like you.”
“And I suppose you’re ready to lecture me on how I’m wrong,” Dragana spat.
Saydee shook her head. “It wouldn’t do any good. Why waste my breath?”
Her response threw Dragana off balance. Again. This wasn’t going at all the way she’d expected.
Saydee removed her cooking pot from the fire and emptied out the leftovers. “You and I aren’t that different, Dragana. We’re both strong willed and too stubborn for our own good. Sometimes we can’t see the truth in front of our faces until it’s too late. We’re willing to stick to our beliefs of ‘what’s best’ long after they start biting us in the ass.”
Dragana couldn’t help but chuckle at how accurate Saydee’s description was.
“If I was in your position, there isn’t anything you could say to change my mind. But just maybe, you could show me how wrong I am. I might not accept it right away, but at some point I’d look back on this moment and realize you were right.”
“And that’s what you’ll do?”
She shrugged.
Dragana knew exactly what that shrug meant. Saydee trusted her to already have the answer to the question. Dragana had used that same shrug more than a few times herself.
She stoked the fire while Saydee cleaned the pot. The women slipped into their bedrolls, but neither seemed quite ready for sleep.
Dragana lay on her back, wishing she could see the stars. The trees blocked her view, but they also kept out any snow that might choose to fall. It wasn’t such a bad trade.
There was no wind, but still the air was frigid. She scooted closer to the fire, grateful the dancing flames kept a little of the cold night at bay.
“How long have you had the Bok’Tarong?” Saydee asked from the other side of the fire.
“Not too long. Since mid-au
tumn.”
“Hmm. That’s about the time I met Raeb,” she said.
“I thought you two had been together for a long time.” It was easier to talk like this, Dragana realized. It was almost like she was talking to the trees instead of a -taken. “How did you two meet?”
“He came into a tavern I was working at in Starek. Hoping to get some information on the Bok’Tarong, I guess. I could see the Entana in his mind, but I could tell he wasn’t controlled by them.”
“How could you tell?”
“I don’t know if I can explain it. His Entana feels different. It looks different, like it’s clinging to him rather than absorbed into him. He doesn’t act like other -taken. I … I’m not sure if I can do any better than that. I just knew.”
Like I knew, Aeo added.
“I wasn’t sure how he’s managed it—I’m still not—but I knew I wanted the same. So I followed him and basically ambushed him that night.” She chuckled at the memory. “He was mad, but once he found out about my magic, he couldn’t force me away. We needed each other to get free, and we both knew it.”
Dragana couldn’t imagine the kind of courage it would take to ambush a stranger and follow him halfway across the continent just because of a singular desire. The pull of freedom must be awfully tempting to someone who could only wait for the Entana madness to set in. “Do you miss your old life?”
Saydee took several heartbeats to answer. “All the time,” she whispered. “Do you?”
Dragana shrugged. “I don’t have an old life. This is all I’ve ever known.”
“I’m sorry.” After a pause, Saydee continued. “I think it would be easier not knowing what it’s like to have an ‘old life.’ There isn’t as much to miss that way. You don’t have the memories of all the things you once loved but can’t have again haunting you.” Dragana shifted, but Saydee kept talking. “It’s especially hard because no one sees you as a person anymore. It’s like you aren’t even human. You’re just a -taken, which means you’re evil. It doesn’t matter what we were like before, because people don’t realize we’re still the same person inside. It’s not our fault we were taken, and none of us enjoys it. It’s a curse that tears us apart, inside and out. I just wish people would see that and stop persecuting us.”
Soul of the Blade Page 13