Conscious Decisions of the Heart

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Conscious Decisions of the Heart Page 31

by John Wiltshire


  As mysteriously as they’d emerged from the mud, therefore, they disappeared. They left all the equipment up and running, taking nothing with them. Nikolas enjoyed picturing the face of the priest of the local Catholic church when he woke up to find fifty million pesos in his desk drawer. He hoped the man would take it as a gift from God.

  They caught a first class flight back to Singapore. Unlike last time in their immaculate suits and with expensive travel luggage, now they travelled like hobos in torn jeans and T-shirts and with old army duffels they’d scrounged from the camp. They’d been away almost two months. They were unshaven, hair long and scraggly, but those were only the surface differences.

  Nikolas no longer felt like a man tied down and trapped by sickness, inactivity, boredom, and frustration, a wild creature escaped into a narrower world. He didn’t even think about alcohol or smoking or want his drugs to ease the frustration of being trapped in the life of someone so constrained. He’d blossomed and emerged into something he’d never considered himself to be. Everything he’d done in the camp, he’d done with single-minded purpose but without any self-aggrandisement or ulterior motive. His whole life up to this point had been one of deception and hidden agendas. He felt freed from the burden of having to be something he was not, and filled with the possibility of finding out what he yet could be. He had the germ of an idea, too early in its inception to tell Ben, but burning deep within him.

  As they covered the miles, he doodled, drawing a man falling from the sky, and the more he drew it, the more it resembled an angel, wings burning, plummeting to earth. He pictured this flawed angel with blond hair and a scar.

  Nikolas knew Ben had also undergone a transformation. He was immediately recognised when they arrived at Changi. As they were waiting in the first class boarding lounge, he came onto the television when an old news report was being repeated and updated. He had to sign an autograph for the air steward. He was recognised at Heathrow as well, and they walked through the arrival halls like rock stars with people standing back, whispering and smiling at them. They’d have stood out without Ben’s new fame, but it was a novel experience for both of them.

  London was in late spring. It was cool and bright and lovely after what they’d left. The intensity of the tropical paradise of the first two weeks of their stay had been irrevocably tainted by what had come after—the realisation such beauty was only transitory; it was an illusion, and a dangerous one at that. It was better to be prepared, to be ready. God didn’t bless his favoured children with too many escapes like the one they’d been given. They didn’t intend to waste it.

  Nikolas had missed his required return to the doctor one month after his initial visit. He hadn’t attended his MRI scan either. But at Ben’s insistence, he made an appointment the day after they returned. Andrea Gillian appeared utterly taken aback by the deeply tanned, forceful man who came into her office in jeans and sat relaxed and smiling at her. She came out from behind her desk and examined his now invisible wound. His hair had grown back to highlighted stubble and seemed promising to continue to grow. He didn’t stiffen or flinch at her touch. Any touch from the living was good now. She sat back down and asked him similar questions as she had before, was he eating, sleeping, exercising, and avoiding alcohol and cigarettes? To each of these he gave entirely honest answers, good answers. He did, however, lie about one thing. He probably told the biggest lie of a life that had been entirely constructed of falsehoods. When she asked him if he’d stayed away from stress, he looked her frankly in the eyes and told her he’d been on holiday in the sun for two months.

  What could possibly be stressful about that?

  To Be Continued in The Bridge of Silver Wings

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  John spent twenty-two years in the military, perfecting the art of looking busy whilst secretly writing. He left as a senior officer when his tunnel was ready for use. He is now living in New Zealand until he can raise enough money to leave. Although he has no plans to return to the army, he can occasionally be caught polishing his medals.

  TRADEMARKS ACKNOWLEDGMENT

  The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

  The Mandarin Oriental Hotel: Mandarin Oriental Hotel Group

  Dinner by Heston Blumethal: Tapestry Management Limited

  Tate Modern: Tate Group

  Abercrombie and Fitch: Abercrombie and Fitch Company

  Ducati: Ducati Motor Holding S.p.A.

  Mercedes Benz: Daimler AG

  Range Rover: Jaguar Land Rover, Limited.

  Lada: AvtoVAZ

  Hobnobs: United Biscuits

  Claridge’s: Maybourne Hotel Group

  Haynes Manual: Haynes Publishing Group

  The Descent: Lions Gate Entertainment Corporation

  Midnight Express

  Red Cross: International Committee of the Red Cross

  BBC: British Broadcasting Corporation

  MLR PRESS AUTHORS

  Featuring a roll call of some of the best writers of gay erotica and mysteries today!

  Derek Adams

  Kyle Adams

  Vicktor Alexander

  Z. Allora

  Simone Anderson

  Victor J. Banis

  Laura Baumbach

  Ally Blue

  J.P. Bowie

  Barry Brennessel

  Jade Buchanan

  James Buchanan

  TA Chase

  Charlie Cochrane

  Karenna Colcroft

  Jamie Craig

  Ethan Day

  Diana DeRicci

  Vivien Dean

  Taylor V. Donovan

  S.J. Frost

  Kimberly Gardner

  Kaje Harper

  Stephani Hecht

  Alex Ironrod

  Jambrea Jo Jones

  DC Juris

  AC Katt

  Thomas Kearnes

  Kiernan Kelly

  K-lee Klein

  Geoffrey Knight

  Christopher Koehler

  Matthew Lang

  J.L. Langley

  Vincent Lardo

  Cameron Lawton

  Anna Lee

  Elizabeth Lister

  William Maltese

  Z.A. Maxfield

  Timothy McGivney

  Kendall McKenna

  AKM Miles

  Robert Moore

  Reiko Morgan

  Jet Mykles

  Jackie Nacht

  N.J. Nielsen

  Cherie Noel

  Gregory L. Norris

  Willa Okati

  Erica Pike

  Neil S. Plakcy

  Rick R. Reed

  A.M. Riley

  AJ Rose

  Rob Rosen

  George Seaton

  Riley Shane

  Jardonn Smith

  DH Starr

  Richard Stevenson

  Christopher Stone

  Liz Strange

  Marshall Thornton

  Lex Valentine

  Haley Walsh

  Mia Watts

  Lynley Wayne

  Missy Welsh

  Ryal Woods

  Stevie Woods

  Sara York

  Lance Zarimba

  Mark Zubro

  Check out titles, both available and forthcoming, at

  www.mlrpress.com

  GLBT RESOURCES

  RAINBOW ROMANCE WRITERS

  Raising the Bar for LGBT Romance

  RRW offers support and advocacy to career-focused authors, expanding the horizons of romance. Changing minds, one heart at a time. www.rainbowromancewriters.com

  THE TREVOR PROJECT

  The Trevor Project operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves lives though its free and confidential helpline, its website and its educational services. If you or a friend ar
e feeling lost, alone, confused or in crisis, please call The Trevor Helpline. You’ll be able to speak confidentially with a trained counselor 24/7.

  The Trevor Helpline: 866-488-7386

  On the Web: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

  THE GAY MEN’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROJECT

  Founded in 1994, The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project is a grassroots, non-profit organization founded by a gay male survivor of domestic violence and developed through the strength, contributions and participation of the community. The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project supports victims and survivors through education, advocacy and direct services. Understanding that the serious public health issue of domestic violence is not gender specific, we serve men in relationships with men, regardless of how they identify, and stand ready to assist them in navigating through abusive relationships.

  GMDVP Helpline: 800.832.1901

  On the Web: http://gmdvp.org/

  THE GAY & LESBIAN ALLIANCE AGAINST DEFAMATION/GLAAD EN ESPAÑOL

  The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

  On the Web: http://www.glaad.org/

  GLAAD en español: http://www.glaad.org/espanol/bienvenido.php

  SERVICEMEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK

  Servicemembers Legal Defense Network is a nonpartisan, nonprofit, legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).The SLDN provides free, confidential legal services to all those impacted by DADT and related discrimination. Since 1993, its inhouse legal team has responded to more than 9,000 requests for assistance. In Congress, it leads the fight to repeal DADT and replace it with a law that ensures equal treatment for every servicemember, regardless of sexual orientation. In the courts, it works to challenge the constitutionality of DADT.

  SLDN Call: 800-538-7418

  PO Box 65301 or (202) 328-FAIR

  Washington DC 20035-5301 e-mail: [email protected]

  On the Web: http://sldn.org/

  THE GLBT NATIONAL HELP CENTER

  The GLBT National Help Center is a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization that is dedicated to meeting the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual orientation and gender identity. It is an outgrowth of the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, which began in 1996 and now is a primary program of The GLBT National Help Center. It offers several different programs including two national hotlines that help members of the GLBT community talk about the important issues that they are facing in their lives. It helps end the isolation that many people feel, by providing a safe environment on the phone or via the internet to discuss issues that people can’t talk about anywhere else. The GLBT National Help Center also helps other organizations build the infrastructure they need to provide strong support to our community at the local level.

  National Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

  National Youth Talkline 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743)

  On the Web: http://www.glnh.org/

  e-mail: [email protected]

  If you’re a GLBT and questioning student heading off to university, you should know that there are resources on campus for you. Here’s just a sample:

  GLBT SCHOLARSHIP RESOURCES

  http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/tell-us-about-an-lgbt-scholarship

  Syracuse University

  http://lgbt.syr.edu/

  Texas A&M

  http://glbt.tamu.edu/

  Tulane University

  http://tulane.edu/studentaffairs/oma/lgbt/index.cfm

  University of Alaska http://www.uaf.edu/woodcenter/leadership/organizations/active/index.xml?id=61

  University of California, Davis

  http://lgbtrc.ucdavis.edu/

  University of California, San Francisco

  http://lgbt.ucsf.edu/

  University of Colorado

  http://www.colorado.edu/GLBTQRC/

  University of Florida

  http://www.multicultural.ufl.edu/lgbt/

  University of Hawaii, Mānoa

  http://manoa.hawaii.edu/lgbt/

  University of Utah

  http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/

  University of Virginia

  http://www.virginia.edu/deanofstudents/lgbt/

  Vanderbilt University

  http://www.vanderbilt.edu/lgbtqi/

  GLBT RESOURCES

  RAINBOW ROMANCE WRITERS

  Raising the Bar for LGBT Romance

  RRW offers support and advocacy to career-focused authors, expanding the horizons of romance. Changing minds, one heart at a time. www.rainbowromancewriters.com

  THE TREVOR PROJECT

  The Trevor Project operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves lives though its free and confidential helpline, its website and its educational services. If you or a friend are feeling lost, alone, confused or in crisis, please call The Trevor Helpline. You’ll be able to speak confidentially with a trained counselor 24/7.

  The Trevor Helpline: 866-488-7386

  On the Web: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

  THE GAY MEN’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROJECT

  Founded in 1994, The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project is a grassroots, non-profit organization founded by a gay male survivor of domestic violence and developed through the strength, contributions and participation of the community. The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project supports victims and survivors through education, advocacy and direct services. Understanding that the serious public health issue of domestic violence is not gender specific, we serve men in relationships with men, regardless of how they identify, and stand ready to assist them in navigating through abusive relationships.

  GMDVP Helpline: 800.832.1901

  On the Web: http://gmdvp.org/

  THE GAY & LESBIAN ALLIANCE AGAINST DEFAMATION/GLAAD EN ESPAÑOL

  The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

  On the Web: http://www.glaad.org/

  GLAAD en español: http://www.glaad.org/espanol/bienvenido.php

  SERVICEMEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK

  Servicemembers Legal Defense Network is a nonpartisan, nonprofit, legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).The SLDN provides free, confidential legal services to all those impacted by DADT and related discrimination. Since 1993, its inhouse legal team has responded to more than 9,000 requests for assistance. In Congress, it leads the fight to repeal DADT and replace it with a law that ensures equal treatment for every servicemember, regardless of sexual orientation. In the courts, it works to challenge the constitutionality of DADT.

  SLDN Call: 800-538-7418

  PO Box 65301 or (202) 328-FAIR

  Washington DC 20035-5301 e-mail: [email protected]

  On the Web: http://sldn.org/

  THE GLBT NATIONAL HELP CENTER

  The GLBT National Help Center is a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization that is dedicated to meeting the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual orientation and gender identity. It is an outgrowth of the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, which began in 1996 and now is a primary program of The GLBT National Help Center. It offers several different programs including two national hotlines that help members of the GLBT community talk about the important issues that they are facing
in their lives. It helps end the isolation that many people feel, by providing a safe environment on the phone or via the internet to discuss issues that people can’t talk about anywhere else. The GLBT National Help Center also helps other organizations build the infrastructure they need to provide strong support to our community at the local level.

 

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