He shook his head. “Not unless there’s an emergency. I can’t take the time off school for a question.”
“Are you missing class now?”
“No. You’ll call tonight?”
She squeezed his hand. “I promise. I’m sure she’s fine.”
He nodded, kissed her cheek, and left.
Scenarios had been running through his mind for two weeks, getting darker and more disturbing as time passed with still no answer. Beth never missed her time to call him. Consistency and punctuality were defining traits. Maybe she was merely super busy with a project. Maybe she’d missed paying her phone bill. Maybe his phone was having issues and not connecting her calls. But what if she was sick or hurt?
What if she met someone else and didn’t have the courage to tell him it was over? No…if she wanted to break up, she’d make sure he knew, especially if he pissed her off.
Mum called right after he got home from his last class. “I couldn’t reach Elizabeth, but I spoke to her mother.”
“And?”
“She said she saw her yesterday. Elizabeth is fine.”
“Did you ask her why Beth isn’t returning calls?”
“No. She didn’t have long to chat. You’ll just have to keep trying, dear, maybe from the house phone.”
“Yeah.” Dammit. “Let me know if you get mail.”
“Sleep well, Jacob. I’m sure this will blow over.”
“Goodnight, Mum.” He hung up.
Sleep might come, but it wouldn’t be good. His dreams had been more like nightmares the past few days.
“Why didn’t I tell her I love her when I had the chance?”
He kept calling, trying her dorm at all hours, then finally leaving a message at her parents’ house.
A letter did come the next time post was delivered.
His mother was at the door, envelope in hand, when he arrived. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
He tore open the flap. One sheet of white printer paper was inside. He opened the folds. One sentence was written in the middle: Stop calling me. No explanation, no signature…she didn’t even bother to yell at him.
“Jacob? What’s wrong?” His mother rushed to his side and brushed wetness off his cheek.
He hadn’t felt the tears. “I’ll be outside.” He broke away from her and strode to the garden door, slamming it behind him
There wasn’t enough garden to outrun how he felt and when he reached the old cottage, he punched the wall, kicked the door, then slid to the cold ground wondering what the hell happened.
“No, I’m not giving up. If she wants to end this, she’ll have to say it.”
So, he sent e-mails, kept calling, and finally tried her folks’ house again.
“Lawson residence.” The man had a deeper voice than her father’s.
“I’d like to speak to Beth.”
“Who’s calling?”
“Jacob Lindsey.”
“Oh, you. Stop harassing my sister.” So this was Andrew. In California?
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Leave Beth alone.”
“Is she there?”
“She’s out.” Bullshit.
“Sure she is. We’ve known each other for over six years, mate. She should pick up the phone.”
“You made her cry. She doesn’t owe you anything.”
“I made her cry? Made her? I’ve done nothing all semester but work my ass off for her! Is. She. There?”
“No. She’s at the hospital.”
His stomach clenched—what if her avoidance was because she was sick? “Is she alright?”
“She’s healthy, if that’s what you want to know. Leave her alone, or next time I make you cry.”
“That a threat?”
“A promise. Good bye.”
Jacob heard the click of the phone placed in the cradle, ending the call. Son of a bitch…who did that wanker think he was? Barely in her life for ten years and suddenly he thinks he’ll play big brother? And why now of all times?
Left with more questions than answers, he left phone calls to his mother and tried writing.
His letters were returned unopened and the e-mails never received replies.
By the end of the term, he gave up and accepted he and Beth were no more.
Always thought they’d go out with a bang instead of a whimper.
Jacob did what any artist did with pain—channeled it into his work. Songs once filled with love and happiness and hope took a darker turn as he poured out his shredded heart. Angry guitar lines accompanied the lyrics and the fans loved the new raw sound.
Oh, irony.
It wasn’t Beth’s belief that propelled his rise to fame—it was her cruelty. The sheer cowardice of not giving him a clean break-up pissed him off and he channeled every bit of that energy into his performances. Always knew he’d thank her if he got a break, but not like this…never like this.
He squeaked by the rest of the term for his mother’s sake and pulled his application to join a Los Angeles university in the fall. No need to go to California now.
Summer was filled with more than a few post-gig drunken parties where he woke up not knowing where he was.
Mum dropped by one morning when he was nursing another hangover. “Son, you can’t keep going like this.”
“I’m fine. Selling out every gig.” He shuffled to the refrigerator for an energy drink.
“I’m not talking about your career, Jacob. You love her, don’t you?”
“Who?”
“Elizabeth. Who else?”
“Past tense. And I told you I don’t want to bloody talk about her.” He guzzled the drink and wiped his chin.
“This isn’t the way to deal with heartbreak, Jacob. When was the last night you stayed sober?”
He glared at her. “I’m not an alcoholic.”
“I didn’t say you were, but…darling, I hate seeing you in pain. You need to let this out before it consumes you.”
“That’s all I do on stage, Mum! Five months and it still doesn’t make a lick o’ sense. I lost…there’s a hole and nothin’ makes it better, so I keep pouring my heart out night after night until something changes. God willing something changes.”
Her eyes mirrored his pain. “Come stay at the house for a while. You’re not alone in this.”
Jacob shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Just a bad week.”
“You head back to school soon?”
“Should I?” What was the point anymore?
“If you want your trust fund on your next birthday, you will. It’s your last year, Jacob! How can you think of quitting now?”
“I don’t care! Don’t care about any of it. We’re this close to getting a deal, Mum. I don’t need a degree to get a recording contract.”
“There are no guarantees you’ll get one, either. You need something to fall back on and I did not raise you to take the easy road. I know Elizabeth hurt you, but that’s not an excuse for your conduct this summer. You’re capable of better.” She opened his front door. “I hope to hear you are in attendance on the first day of school.”
She left, and he threw the empty can across the apartment. Damn her for bringing up her name.
****
2007
Two years in Beth’s city. It was tempting to show up on her doorstep.
The indie label matched him with a couple musicians and he met Bob, his new best mate. They put together a group with Dylan, Mikey, and Aaron on drums. The new band got picked up by a big company. The label’s headquarters were in Los Angeles, so to L.A. he went.
They released singles and an EP and played wherever they could be booked. Within two years, he had a hit album, been on The Tonight Show and Letterman, and would be going on a solo tour. Radio play was also hot in England and spreading through Europe. His bandmates were the best bunch of blokes he could hope to play with.
With success came money, and the house and cars and paparazzi. The screaming fans were still his
favorite part. It was everything he’d ever wanted and life was sweet.
At first, he imagined all these scenarios. In one, he ran into Beth at a random place, the past fell away, and they raced to each others’ arms. In another, they met, she slapped him for his supposed offence, and they yelled it out. The third and most likely had her staring at him in surprise, deer-caught-in-headlights expression, and then she ran. The last was his favorite in those moments he felt bitter—they saw each other, she begged for him to take her back, and he walked away.
He’d seen a glimpse of her in a million places since she cast him out of her life, but the times he thought of her popped up less and less. Nearly five years post break-up, she was only a memory.
Until he caught sight of a profile he’d never forget in a twenty-four-hour market. Son of a bitch…was that…?
In the middle of a writing session, he stopped at a random store for munchies. He wandered around trying to find the junk food section, and a young brunette pushed her cart past the end of the aisle. His feet were following her before his mind decided to confirm his suspicion. Seeing the girl from behind, he was almost certain, unless another woman shared her shape. She turned down an aisle. He paused at the end-cap and peeked around the corner.
Well, I’ll be damned…
It was his ex, alright. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail. She wore sweats and an oversized hoodie. A notepad and pencil in her hands, she hadn’t looked up the whole time she shopped.
Spotting an abandoned cart behind him, he devised a plan.
Beth had been living on take-out and vending machine food for too long. An empty fridge waited at home, except for the “science experiment” in back, which was mega gross, so she changed clothes and headed to the grocery store still open after ten at night.
Cruising the junk food aisle, she debated between chips and cookies. Another cart rammed into hers, jamming the handle into her stomach and knocking her breath out in a whoosh. She wrenched her cart away. “Watch where you’re going, jerk!”
“Beth?”
Oh God…only one man on Earth says my name like that. “Jacob. Wow, it’s been…”
November 2007 and she ran into him in the supermarket three blocks from her home.
What were the odds?
“A long time, yeah.” Same ocean-blue eyes, same cheekbones, same t-shirt and jeans. “Only you and Mum call me Jacob. Odd to hear these days. So…what are you doing now?”
She couldn’t believe the day she ran into him was when she looked this gross. Needing to do laundry, she only had old school sweats available, and she was so swamped at the office, she hadn’t showered since yesterday.
This was so weird.
“I’m an executive assistant for an advertising firm, for around six months. What are you doing in L.A.?” Why was I talking to him? He cheated on me, remember?
“Tonight, I needed writing fuel.” He grabbed a bag of Doritos off the shelf. “Secretary, huh? What happened to photography?”
Oh, so not going there. “I changed my mind. And I’m an assistant, not a secretary.” Hmm, Pepperidge Farm or Chips Ahoy? If I don’t look at him, will he go away?
“What’s the difference?”
“A dollar more an hour and twice the work, according to my boss.” Why was she giving him details? They weren’t friends anymore. She started pushing her cart further down the aisle.
He followed, damn him. “That doesn’t sound fair. You know, my management is looking for an assistant for the band. You should apply.”
A job offer? He cheated on me and the first time he sees me years later, he suggests a job offer? “Uh, no. I don’t know the first thing about the music business, for one, and two, I worked hard to get where I am in the firm.”
“It pays a hell of a lot more than you’re gettin’ now, I guarantee that, and no offense, but you look like you’re living on pennies.”
The evil little voice in her head reminded her of the roach problem in her apartment.
Bastard. How dare he judge me just because he went on to be a millionaire? “Well, excuse me for being a mere peasant, Your Highness. Isn’t this store a bit beneath you, then? In the wrong part of town?”
His eyes narrowed. “It was only a suggestion, Beth.” He shook his head, looking at her with a mix of pity and disgust. “If you turned into this much of a bitch, you did me a favor by not returning my calls.” He turned and walked toward the front of the store with his chips.
“Me? At least I’m not a lying cheat, you arrogant prick.”
He stopped, looked back at her over his shoulder, turned around, and came back. If looks could kill… She had a flashback to freshman year. “What the bloody hell are you on about, you daft cow?”
“Like you don’t know. God, to think I ever trusted you.”
He opened his mouth for a comeback, then snapped it shut, clenching his jaw. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to flinch. He clenched his fists, released them, and when he spoke again, his volume was lower. “Look…this isn’t the place to hash out old grudges. If you want to yell at me for whatever you think I did, can we do it in private?”
She crossed her arms under her breasts. “Worried about your reputation, Jacob?”
“Want the paparazzi to photograph you like this, Beth?”
Point. I didn’t want the exposure or privacy violation. “You know, I’d rather just pretend this didn’t happen and go on with my life. Best of luck with your music.” She turned the cart away from him and left the aisle.
Get out before you cry, get out before you cry…
“Wait. If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry, but I’m completely in the dark over why you shut me out. There, I said it.”
This many years, and she still knew the tone in his voice when he was being completely honest. Dammit. Keeping her back to him, she said, “I accept your apology, and I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s go our separate ways.” Maybe he’d been so drunk, he didn’t remember the girl. Did that make it any better?
No.
“Bethie…” he said quietly.
Always “Bethie” when he wanted something…but she could use this to get out of her rat-trap apartment. “How much more?”
“Huh?”
She faced him. “How much is the job paying?”
“How much do you want?”
“Double my current salary, and I’ll give notice. But no getting mad at me if I’m in over my head. If I’m the wrong candidate, no hard feelings.”
He stuck out his hand. “Deal.”
She shook his hand and felt a zap of static electricity. Stupid dry windy weather. He let go a second later than was business-appropriate.
“I’ll set up an interview,” he said. “If you’re half as organized as you used to be, this will be a big help. I can’t remember where I’m supposed to be half the time.”
Some things never changed. “Yeah. Well, I need to get my food home.”
He nodded. “Right.” He pulled out his wallet and searched through the card pockets. “Here. You’ll be getting a call from this guy.” He handed her a business card.
“Okay. Well…bye.”
He smiled. A little. “Goodbye, love.”
Jacob Lindsey turned and walked away.
Oh my god… Her body started to realize what she’d just been doing. Oh-my-god, oh-my-god… Her heart raced, her hands shook, and her knees felt week. She sunk against the dairy case. What did I do? Working for him, or around him? Had I lost my mind?
If she was hired, she was paying off her student loans. That’s what she was doing. Only business.
This was such a bad idea… Then again, he didn’t have her number to give to his manager.
She pushed the cart to the check-out station, the clerk scanned her groceries, and she swiped her card to pay. Everything bagged up and back in the cart, she left the store and rolled out to her car.
Jacob was standing by it.
“What now?” she asked.
&n
bsp; He looked up from snooping through the windows. “Still driving your dad’s old thing.”
“Hand-me-down. Why are you still here?”
“I recognized it and it…doesn’t matter. So…five years.”
She unlocked the driver-side door, opened it, and pulled the tab up to unlock the rear door so she could put the bags in the backseat. Jacob handed her one when she turned to the cart. He was helping now? “Would’ve been longer if chance hadn’t intervened,” she said.
“Ouch.”
“What’s your angle, Jacob? Did you search me out or something?”
His brows rose. “Whoa, paranoid, much? I never expected to see you again, either. Forgive me for being personable.”
“There is no forgiving you, that’s the point!”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Thought you didn’t want to talk about the past.”
“I don’t. Look…if I take the job, we’re not buddies or best pals. We’ll be polite and pleasant because that makes a better work environment, but don’t think anything will be like the past. Clear?”
He merely looked at her with eyes taking in too much. “What happened to you, Beth?” he asked softly.
She sucked in a breath. “Don’t. Don’t act like you care.”
He shrugged. “I always did.”
She turned away and put the last two bags in the car. “Do you accept my terms or not?”
“Yeah. Understood. Goodnight, Beth.” He walked away.
She got in the car to go home, doors locked around her, and her hand wouldn’t turn the key in the ignition. Tremors welled out from the pit of her stomach again and she laid her forehead on the steering wheel. God, why did he have to come back into my life? She had a routine and peace and quiet, and here she was leaping into the entertainment world…must be losing it. One too many days of staring at Excel sheets and appointment books, and she’d flipped her lid.
Become one taco short of a combination plate.
That was the only explanation for agreeing, being willing, to see Jacob Lindsey every day again. She was insane.
Jacob walked to the black Mercedes coupe that was his under-the-radar car and deactivated the alarm with his key fob. Once inside, he left a message with his manager about offering Beth the PA position and started the engine.
What a night…when he saw her, he was curious, but then when she looked at him… Those gray-blue eyes were naturally solemn, but they’d never been empty before. Hollow, like every day was sucking the life out of her. Compassion and nostalgia moved him and he offered the job. The Beth he’d known never would’ve been caught dead shopping in sweats, so she had to be struggling and he could help. Be the bigger person. And maybe it would burn her a bit to see she threw away something good.
Carla Krae - [My Once and Future Love Revisited 02] Page 10