by M. S. Parker
He'd collapsed on the bed, me on top of him…and then he was inside me and it had started all over again. A few minutes after it ended, he staggered upright and went to the bathroom.
When he came out, he dropped beside me and didn’t move again. After a few minutes, I'd gotten up and gone into the bathroom to shower. It was only then that I realized we hadn't used any protection. Fortunately, I'd been on the pill since college – well, since I was sixteen anyway. I could only hope that Ash had been smarter with his other partners than he had been with me. I'd get tested just in case. I hadn't let myself brood on it though. I'd showered and gone back to bed.
That had been five hours ago.
I’d left him alone in the bedroom a few minutes ago and had come out to the living room to, of course, brood.
I’d just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I knew it.
Ashford Lang might not have been my boss, per se, but he was damn close.
I wasn’t worried so much about any kind of power imbalance there since he didn’t technically have any control over me. Well, maybe he could tell Isadora, but if she ended up firing me because I’d had sex with her brother, I didn’t want to work with her anyway. I was still trying to figure out if I’d stay on even if –
“No if,” I muttered into my coffee. “When. When.”
I’d carve it in concrete if I had to. When she was found, the question was, could I keep working with her? Part of me didn’t want to think about walking away. I'd only known her a week, but I already cared about her. I totally understood that she had to be feeling somewhat smothered, but at the same time, the girl I knew was so…sweet, she’d let herself suffer. She’d deal with her own unhappiness to make others happy and she’d somehow be happy because of it. She'd let me go with some amazing severance package and a smile even if it left her in the lurch.
It was part of what just made her…sweet.
It was also part of what made me determined to think when.
She’d be found.
And when she was…
I gripped my coffee cup and lifted it to my lips.
Could I keep working for her? Knowing that I’d see her brother, day in and day out?
I can stand you just fine. It’s just hard to look at you and not want to bury my cock in you the second I see you.
I was already way too attracted to him.
I already knew he was bad for me, and that was an understatement.
Could I handle being around him if I knew he wanted me the same way I wanted him?
More, if he crooked his finger, would I go running?
A slight sound from the other end of the apartment had me lowering the cup of coffee. I craned my head around and looked down the hallway. That faint noise was all I heard for a few minutes, and I went back to slowly and steadily feeding my need for caffeine.
By the time he came out, I'd poured him a cup and myself a second. He took the mug gratefully, but in silence.
Neither of us said anything.
My phone rang after he’d taken a few sips, and I saw him start for the door.
I couldn't really say I was surprised.
Pissed off, sure.
But surprised?
No.
Unfortunately.
Chapter 4
Toni
The sound of the door closing didn’t so much as hurt as it…echoed.
I could feel it, in a strange, surreal way. It echoed all the way down into my soul, and it was still echoing even when I told Victor I needed a few minutes, and could he please call back? I hung up before I heard his reply.
I took advantage of the brief respite and locked myself in the bathroom.
Ash had been in here.
I mean, I'd expected him to use the bathroom, but I hadn't expected to be able to walk in and sense his presence. He was neat, but I could see the telltale signs.
My shampoo wasn’t in the same spot I usually put it. I always left my folded towels with the crease to the right. It was to the left now and slightly askew.
It wasn't anything major, and while I was something of a neat freak, I couldn’t fault the condition he’d left my bathroom in. There were no seats left raised; no toothpaste left in the sink even though I knew he’d used mine. I only knew because I’d left it on the counter late last night when I'd brushed my teeth three times over, as if that would scrub the taste of him from my memory. It was back in the medicine cabinet.
The spare toothbrush I always left in the cabinet was gone.
I made a mental note to buy another one even as I turned on the water and splashed icy wet over my face. It did nothing to cool the heat inside me.
I was still shaking, still unsteady, and still…wanting.
I still wanted him and I wanted to call him.
I didn’t even know his number. I had it somewhere, of course, since part of being Isadora's assistant meant having the numbers of all of the people she might need to contact. Including her brother.
I was also half-sick with worry over Isadora, and if I'd thought the two of us would be able to wait it out together, I would've just asked him to stay. But I knew better.
He couldn’t be around me without wanting to fight with me.
Well, fight me or fuck me.
One or both would put me in a very bad place and I knew it.
He wasn't good for me, no matter how badly I wanted him.
The phone ringing caught me off guard and I let out a startled sound. A quick look at my watch told me that I’d been in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes.
“Time flies when you’re freaking out,” I muttered.
Grumbling the entire way, I hurried to the landline that sat above my kitchenette counter. I answered it, but didn't get to even finish a hello before my brother was talking.
“Geez, Toni,” Vic said. “I need to talk to you, Vic. It’s urgent. Not now, Vic. I’m tied up. Make up your mind already, why don’t you?”
“Shut it, Vic.” Tired already, I slumped against the counter and stared outside. The sky was so blue, dotted with puffy blue clouds. “So…ummm…”
Even though I couldn’t see him, I already knew I’d just made him suspicious.
“Just spit it out,” he said, sounding annoyed.
Vaguely, I wondered if I'd caught him in his early morning sneak out – his typical way of finishing a hook-up.
Rolling my eyes, I shoved off the counter and tried to find the right way to approach the subject. At twenty-seven, Vic was the youngest of my four older brothers and the one who'd been in and out of trouble since he'd been a kid. Our parents and brothers had tried to keep him out of it, but he was even more stubborn than I was, and that was saying something. I sometimes wondered if it was partially my fault, if my having passed him up in school, always being the smartest kid in the room, if all of that had somehow made him feel like he needed something of his own, even if it meant breaking the law.
After being arrested at eighteen on felony drug charges, he'd served his time and then pulled back from the life. Sort of. He still kept in touch with some of the wrong people and, more importantly, kept his ear to the ground, always hoping he’d find that one thing that would let him make it rich, somehow.
Sadly, the one thing my big brother didn’t want to do was hard work.
I loved him no matter what, but sometimes, he annoyed the hell out of me. Even though he was three years my senior, I sometimes – okay, most of the time – felt like the older sister.
Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck. He was going to be pissed, but I reminded myself of what was at stake. “You been hanging out with any of your old crowd, Vic?” I asked softly.
He started to make a derisive noise, and I knew he was going to brush me off. I could practically hear the words. He tried to make us all believe he’d left that life behind him, and for the most part, he had. But we all knew better. Try as he might, there were shadows that would always follow him, mostly because he didn’t want to let them go.
He just wanted us to believe otherwise.
Too tired to argue it with him, I said, “Don't jerk me around, Vic.”
“What?” His tone was borderline belligerent.
I’d been subconsciously pacing my apartment and found myself at the microscopic fire-escape I’d retrofitted into a mini-balcony. Ducking through the window, I stared out over the streets of the city. “Don't lie, Vic. I'm not looking to lecture you. If that’s how you want to live your life, then…hell, it’s your life. Right now, I just have a question. Yes or no. Have you had a chance to hook up with anybody from that old life?”
If he was at all suspicious, he didn’t let it show. “Well, I guess I might see a few of my old pals down at the bar here and then. I don’t hassle them, they don’t hassle me. It’s easy to just kind of glide on by like that, ya know?”
I reached up to pinch the bridge of my nose. Only my brother could make hanging out at a bar with drug dealers and pimps and members of organized crime sound like he just happened to run into them at the grocery store.
I loved him, but sometimes I wondered about him.
“I need to ask a favor.” I focused on the reason I’d called. It would make it easier not to reach through the phone and slap him. I hoped.
“Yeah? Look, if you’ve got yourself some kind of bleeding heart at one of the places where you volunteer, Toni, I’m not turning on friends.”
“Vic, shut up,” I snapped. My nerves were frayed and I wasn't in the mood for his whole 'honor among thieves' bullshit. “This is important and it’s not about you or me. So listen.”
Something in my voice must've gotten through to him and Victor’s voice gentled as he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a woman missing. My boss.”
“Isadora Lang.”
“Yeah.”
He sighed. “Why you calling me? You know I’m out of that life, right? I might talk to some friends, but I promised Mom and Dad. I promised all of you that I was done.”
“I know that.” Swallowing the knot in my throat, I brought up a mental image of Isadora. Those stylish black curls and innocent olive green eyes. Her sweet, brilliant smile. “Look, I’ve just got this feeling she was kidnapped. You were in deep for a while with all sorts of people. I'm not accusing you of anything because I know you'd never hurt anyone, but sometimes…well, people talk.”
“Toni…” Vic’s voice was soft. “I’ve been out a long time.”
Feeling defeated, I sagged back against the crumbled brick of my apartment building. I'd been grasping at straws, I knew. A part of me had just been hoping. “I know. I’m worried about her, Victor. She’s like this…she’s sweet and hopeful. She gets excited about pretty flowers in her office. She buys toys for kids in the hospital and group homes and takes them in herself because she loves seeing the the looks on their faces. She's one of the best people I know.”
“Shit, kid.” He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “I'll ask around.”
My relief was so profound that my legs almost gave out.
“I gotta be careful, though. Once the cops start really digging into things, they're going to be looking at everyone close to her and that means you. They find out who you're related to and then it gets out that I've been asking around, they're going to think I had something to do with it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Victor laughed humorlessly. “You weren’t the dumbass who thought he could solve all of our money problems by making a drug run. If anybody should say they are sorry, it’s me. You’ll get hassled a lot more on this because of me than you would if some other chump was your brother.”
I half-smiled. “I don’t want some other chump.”
Victor muttered something under his breath, but I heard him anyway and it made my heart hurt.
We ended the phone call a few seconds later, but not before I said, “You’re wrong, you know. I’ve got exactly the brother I deserve. You might still have your flaws, but you turned your life around, Vic.”
***
It was probably a waste of time, making the trip uptown. There were no police cars outside the monolith of a house, but that wasn't surprising. I was sure they'd set everything up in case a ransom call came in, but I knew the cops all thought that Isadora was just out doing what most rich twenty-somethings in New York City did and that she'd stagger home, drunk and /or high at some point.
Fifth Avenue was quieter than I could remember seeing it in quite some time and I had to wonder if maybe Ash had waved his magic wand made of green bills and somehow managed to clear the city street.
The idea amused me for some reason.
Maybe because I could actually picture Ashford Lang striding into some crowded and dim city official’s office and shaking a fist of bills in his face. See this? I’m Ashford Fucking Lang and I’m having a bad day. Make everybody go away.
Not that it would work in the real world, but he was arrogant enough to think he could control everything and everybody. I wouldn't have put anything past him.
I control things.
His voice was a hot, raw echo in the back of my memory and I had to suppress a shudder.
I still felt his hands on me.
His cock inside me.
His mouth on me.
Oh, hell.
That mouth.
Even as much as I regretted last night, I regretted not having more. Like having him completely sober so that he couldn't blame what happened on lowered inhibitions. I regretted not having him completely naked and stretched out under me as I learned his body. Then me under him as he learned mine. I regretted not having had more time.
“Stop it,” I told myself as I mounted the steps.
For once, nobody was there to open the door. I really hoped that didn't mean Ash had fired the entire staff. Isadora had told me that Doug had been with her family since she was a child and he'd been the one who'd stayed with her after her parents died while Ash had been on his way from college.
I told myself it wasn’t a big deal to let myself in. I had a key. Isadora had given me one and told me that I could pretty much come and go as I pleased. I shook my head. Far too naïve and trusting.
There had been one thing she'd said though. If you do let yourself in, make sure you either find me in my wing or stay in the main area up front, Toni, okay? Don't go in the west wing. That's pretty much all my brother's.
She'd made a joke about Beauty and the Beast. I’d countered with one about Bluebeard and she’d laughed, a surprisingly loud and bawdy laugh that hadn’t seemed to fit the elegant and sweet woman.
I could see now that her joke had been much more appropriate for her brother.
Slipping into the house, I locked the door behind me and quickly moved to disarm the system. The last thing I needed was for the alarm to go off and the cops to show up.
As the beeps hushed, my skin prickled. As a soon-to-be psychiatrist, I knew all about instinct and the sorts of primal things that our species had retained despite all of our civilizing.
It was that part of me that reacted when I heard the low, guttural moan. It was like nothing I'd ever heard before. I couldn't even tell if it was a sound of pain, but it was enough to tell me that something was happening.
Chapter 5
Ash
I was a coward.
I had a hell of a lot of character flaws, but I had to admit that one surprised me. I'd always considered my way of dealing with sex and women as being smart, the right thing to do since I wasn't interested in a relationship. Now, I saw it for what it really was.
I was a coward for sneaking away from Toni the way I did every other woman. I was worse, actually, because those other women had known what they were getting into.
I'd been wondering what in the hell I'd gotten myself into and how I could ever face Toni again when I'd been saved by the bell…more or less.
Toni had gotten a phone call, and judging by the grimace on her face, she'd seemed to think it was important, so rathe
r than doing the polite thing and waiting to see if she wanted to talk, I used it as a chance to get the hell out of Brooklyn.
If I'd thought that thinking clearer would be any easier once I was away from her, away from the magic of her touch or the power of her eyes, then I was clearly an idiot.
I doubted she would've disagreed with that assessment.
All day, I tasted her kisses.
Instead of the pounding headache, I had a pounding cockache, brought on by residual memories of the way she’d stared at me, daring me to try to control her.
Damn, I wanted to control her.
And it pissed me off that I couldn't.
What was worse, the more I thought about her, the hotter I got, the more on edge I got.
And then my mood did a violent slide in the other direction as I recalled…Iz.
She was still missing.
Not that it mattered to the cops.
There was a set period of time she had to be missing, I'd been told. Forty-eight hours.
It had been less than twenty-four.
I was going to kill someone if I had to wait another day for them to get off their asses and do something.
“What do you mean there’s nothing you can do?” I was talking to the Police Commissioner, but even his title wasn't enough to make me keep my voice down. “I’m telling you that my sister is missing. You’re the NYPD. What, you don’t investigate missing persons’ cases anymore, Dyson?”
I stared hard at my computer screen.
The man who stared back at me over the monitor was a white-haired man with the distinguished sort of features that commanded authority. That wasn’t why I’d backed him or why I still supported him though. He backed up his promises with real action.
Yet I wasn’t seeing any sign of that here.
“You’re not listening to me, Ashford. Now…listen…” He held up a hand when I opened my mouth. “I understand why you’re so angry, but before you tear me a new one, try to remember what I had to go through about this time last year.”
His jaw went tight, and I looked away. A year ago, his daughter had been gunned down in what was nothing more than a petty act of revenge. She’d only been fourteen. They still didn't have enough proof to arrest the guy who did it.