by M. S. Parker
And right now, the contracts were a much needed break, something new my brain could puzzle over instead of everything that had been eating at me for time untold. I could think about this instead of Isadora or Toni.
Money and the making of it was one love I could count on in my life. It was safe.
Money wouldn’t screw me over. If things went bad, it was because I messed up, the market wasn’t right, I’d taken a bad risk or somebody else was just better. That was just the game. But it wasn’t the money itself.
Money was safe.
As I went to open a new contract, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I called out.
Melody came in. “I'm sorry to interrupt.” She gave me a rueful smile. “You said you had a few hours. That was just over three hours ago. Should you be going?”
I looked at the clock and blew out a breath.
It had indeed been well over the time I had planned to stay. “Yeah, it’s well past time to quit.” I didn’t want to leave my sister alone for too long.
“Of course.” She strode forward, carrying a solid stack of files in her hand. “This is the material that needs to be reviewed and copies of the contracts that weren’t urgent. I assume you focused on everything that needed to be signed off on immediately?”
“Yes.” I scrawled my name on one final thing and handed it off. We traded off and she handed me the bag I’d left on the floor near my desk.
“Are there any questions on anything, or are there any details you need taken care of, Mr. Lang?”
“Yes.” I gave her a quick smile. “Have you taken care of that raise I told you about?”
She laughed. “No. A raise for myself has to come from somebody other than me.”
“Okay. Email me and remind me. I’ll get it taken care of. As well as a bonus.” I gave her a serious smile. “Trust me, you earned it.”
***
It was late afternoon before I got home.
I'd planned to go straight there, but I called to check on Isadora, and when Doug had assured me she was fine, I decided to stop and get her a present. It was an old habit, one from when we'd first lost our parents.
When she'd have a bad day, I’d buy her something.
It never changed anything, or fixed anything, but it made me feel better, and sometimes it made her smile. Foolish, maybe, and materialistic, but old habits died hard.
I found what I was looking for at Tiffany’s. While they were wrapping it up, I saw something else. It was a diamond collar.
It looked like something a queen would wear. No, an empress.
An image flashed through my mind. Those glittering diamonds rising in a thick, exotic fashion up a slender neck and draping down in chains to trail over shoulders and collarbone. I could see it on Toni, her hair spread out on my pillow, diamonds glittering.
I pushed the image aside, and when the sales associate asked me if I would like to see it, I shook my head.
Toni and I were involved in a sexual relationship. Nothing more. And that, that wasn't something that went with 'nothing more.'
That was something a man gave a lover.
***
When I walked in, I heard the murmur of low voices coming from the living room. Immediately, my body hardened. The lower, huskier one...Toni.
I almost turned and walked right back out.
I couldn’t do this.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
I shouldn't be near her or around her until I had better control of myself.
I went to the living room, swinging the blue bag with a little more emphasis than needed.
Toni's eyes went right to it. The wistful look that passed through her eyes made me think of that collar again. It made me think about turning around and leaving again...to go back and buy it.
Her eyes met mine for just a moment, and then she looked over at Isadora. “Looks like your brother is back to himself. He bought you a present.”
A cutting remark leaped to my lips, but I bit it back. I told her I wouldn’t be an asshole again, but I had to keep distance between us. At the same time, I refused to put that hurt or anger in her eyes again. Never again.
“Hey, when something works, why change it?” I smiled at her.
That was when I noticed how tense she was. The muscles in her shoulders relaxed slightly.
I wanted to do something, say something. I wanted to make it better. Instead, I looked over at Isadora and held up the bag. “So, do you want it?”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. Gimme.”
I laughed and carried it over to her, putting it in her hands. As she tore into it, I looked around, studying the files and scrapbooks. “What are you two up to?”
“Why don’t you sit down?” Isadora smiled and patted the space between her and Toni.
“Let me get a drink first.” While I was up, I put in a call to the kitchen for some food. I shot them both a smile, making sure to include Toni in it. “I’m starving. Skipped lunch.”
Toni was studying me, her eyes slightly narrowed. I tipped my bourbon at her.
“Would you care for a glass?”
She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’m more in the mood for a good, cheap beer.”
“I can get good beer here,” I offered. “I’m not much for cheap.”
“I never would have noticed.” She arched her brows and slanted a look at the space between her and Isadora. “You ready to sit?”
“I think I’ll take this side.” The space between her and my sister was big enough and I’d have a better view of what they were doing.
But it was next to Toni.
Distance, I reminded myself. The key was distance. As long as I managed to keep that thought in mind, I might do it okay.
Chapter 12
Toni
“Is everything okay?”
I moved up behind Ash as I spoke.
True to his newest form, he moved away, but he was so casual about it, flashing me an easy smile. I couldn’t even fault him for it. He wasn't being cold about it. No return to asshole mode. Instead, he went to the big display of flowers that sat on the table in the middle of the library and drew out a single, long-stemmed rose, turning to hand it to me.
I took it, but I wasn’t charmed by the gesture.
I was irritated.
“As good as I can expect things to be, I guess. Did Marcum or the police call with any news while I was gone?”
“Not that I’m aware of.” I shrugged, twirling the stem of the rose between my fingers as I studied him. “But then again, I did leave for a bit to go talk to my professor about missing her class.” I didn't add that it was because I overslept after spending the night with him.
His lids flickered, but he nodded. “Isadora reminded me that it’s not like you can put your life on hold. You did enough of that last week. I appreciate everything you've done to help.”
“Of course.” I took a step toward him. It wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
He looked down into the thick, pewter stein he held. He’d indeed found me a good beer – another one of his attempts to keep me at bay throughout the evening.
“I’m running low,” he mused. Without looking at me, he started toward the door.
Fuck it.
“Ash?” I turned away so he couldn't see my face if he turned.
“Hmm?”
I didn’t glance back at him, but I could tell from the reflection in the sparkling glass of the windows that he had paused in the doorway.
“Tell me about Lily.”
He was looking at me now. I could feel the weight of his stare as strongly as if he was actually touching me. His hands on my shoulders, dragging down my arms, grabbing hands, holding me in place.
Five long seconds ticked by. I counted them off in my head as I studied the flawless petals of the rose I held.
“What did you say?” His voice was flat.
“I want to know about Lily.” Spinning suddenly, I lifted my chin an
d met his gaze.
His eyes had gone blank, and he stared at me in pure shock.
It only lasted a minute. Then he was striding toward me. His hands shot out and he grabbed my upper arms, hauling me to him. “Who told you...?” As quickly as he grabbed me, he let go and I nearly stumbled. “Isadora.”
“Yeah. We had some girl time earlier. She told me about Lily, said you hadn’t bothered to get involved with anybody since. She also told me I was wasting my time with you. You might want to get in my pants, but that it would never be anything else.”
“I never promised otherwise.”
The coolly delivered words hit me like a slap, but I didn’t let myself react. Instead, I just nodded. After all, it wasn't totally unexpected. I would've been stupid to actually think otherwise.
“So what’s with the iceman routine today?”
“I wasn’t aware I was doing any...routine.”
“Oh, please.” Scoffing, I took a step back. “You’re acting like I’ve gone and picked up a communicable disease.” I paused, putting more distance between us. Then with a cold smile, I added, “That means contagious.”
“I know what it means,” he snapped. “And here I thought I was being courteous. You didn’t want me to be a dick. Would you rather I be an ass?”
“This isn't any better!” I glared at him from several feet away. “Right now, you’re treating me like a stranger. I don't think I deserve to pay because some chick hurt you a long time ago.”
“You’re not paying, Toni.” His tone had taken on that flat note I hated. “That would imply you meant the same to me as Lily.” He paused, as if letting me digest what he was saying. “You don’t.”
I stiffened, but my expression stayed the same.
“We’re great in bed, and you’re fun to be around, but we barely know each other. If it wasn’t for what happened with Isadora, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Lily, though...we were going to get married. She was my world.”
It was harder this time, not letting myself react.
We’re great in bed. You’re fun.
Translation: you’re a good fuck, but that’s all you’re good for.
I was an idiot.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I said quietly, “Well, it’s nice to know that I’ve provided an adequate service for you.”
Ash’s eyes flashed. “Toni, that’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it?” I looked at him as I struggled to keep my voice even. “I thought we'd become, I don't know, friends. I thought I was helping you, offering you...” I shook my head. “It doesn't matter. I can see it clearly now. I’ve been your distraction while Isadora was missing. Now that she’s back, you don’t need to be...distracted.” He started toward me. Jerking up my hands, I said, “Stay back.”
“Look, you need to calm down.”
He did not just say that.
“Don’t tell me what I need to do!” Baring my teeth at him, I jabbed a finger in his direction. Still, I managed to keep my voice down so no one else would hear. “You don’t know me, remember? You don’t know what I need.” I raked him over with a derisive look and added, “Unless we’re talking about sex, right? Because that's all you know. How to fuck someone. Well, you're done fucking me.”
“You’re overreacting,” he snapped.
“Like I said, you know sex, but nothing else.” I gave him a look of mock pity. Holding up a hand, I ticked off a finger as I listed some of the others. “There are certain things you don't say to a woman, and that's one of them. It ranks right up there with Are you on your period or something, you’re not wearing that, are you and my favorite...it’s not you, it’s me.” With a saccharine smile, I said, “And, for the record? When you don’t see me around again? Rest assured, Ash. It’s you, not me.”
“What...” he sputtered. “Are you quitting? That’s real professional, Toni.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me.
The look I gave him was pure contempt. “Of course not, Mr. Lang. I don’t have to quit to never see you again. Isadora lets me set my own hours, and from here on out, I’ll be quite certain to set them so I’m not anywhere near this place during the hours when you're here. I’m done putting up with this shit.”
Jutting my chin up, I refused to let him see how much he’d hurt me, how much I’d been thinking about whatever it was we’d had.
Without another word, I turned to the door.
He said my name, but I didn’t look back. There really wasn’t a point.
***
A woman on the New York subway got used to a lot of things. I knew I had.
Bracing my feet and locking my knees in place so the guy next to me who's trying to encroach on my space with his legs spread, and his thigh shoving up against mine...yeah. Used to that.
The guy across from me who was staring at my tits, and pretending otherwise when I met his eyes and stared him down. Used to that, but so fed up with it.
The flirtations that went straight into annoyed insults when I didn't respond.
The flirtations that turned into hurt masks when I made it clear I wasn't interested.
And then there were the creepers.
Tonight it was an unknown creeper, and the guy across from me. He wouldn’t stop staring at my tits, and when I finally managed to catch his eye and glare at him, all he did was lick his lips and lean back in the chair so he could stroke his penis through his pants.
“Hey!”
The deep, sharp bark of a voice came from the man a few seats down from mine. I shot him a startled look, but the crotch lizard across from me didn’t even look away. At least not until a giant of a man crossed the aisle and bent down, shoving his face into the other guy’s space.
“You keep that up, and I’ll rip your dick off and feed it to you.”
The guy’s demeanor suddenly changed. He shriveled and he wouldn’t look at me or anybody else. The hand on his crotch moved to lay limply against his leg.
The tall guy turned and met my eyes. “You cool?”
“Yeah.” The unexpected display of gallantry made me smile. I needed that tonight. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”
Dark eyes set against equally dark skin crinkled a little as he smiled. “Ain’t nobody should have to put up with that shit, ma’am.” He nodded his head at me and sat back down.
When he got off at my stop a few minutes later, I glanced at him cautiously. He nodded at the crotch freak. “He still watching you. I’m just gonna make sure you get out of here okay, if you don’t mind. Or you can call the police.”
He said it with a deep southern drawl and the sound made me smile.
Po-lice.
“Thanks. My brothers don’t live far from my apartment, so I’ll call them once I hit street level.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw the creeper shifting on his feet. Then he darted back onto the train. It rolled forward a few seconds later.
Strangely, I still felt eyes on me.
The sensation continued as we moved up the steps. “This isn’t your normal stop, is it?”
“Nope. Still have a few more to go.” He shrugged it off. “You got brothers? How many?”
“Four. One lives out of state, but the other three?” I laughed. “If it wasn’t for all the buildings, I could throw a rock and hit their homes, two of them at least.” Slipping him a look, I asked, “Why are you doing this? Is it a southern gentlemen type of thing?”
“Naw. Maybe it’s a big brother thing. I got two little sisters myself. Guess I like to think that somebody would step in if they were getting that kind of treatment.” He glanced around as we came to an intersection. “You wanna make that call to one of your brothers now?”
I nodded and pulled up Deacon’s number. He answered on the third ring, and I kept it casual, asked if maybe he was in the area. He was, a block up at a pub with some friends.
Smiling at my unnamed escort, I waved and then moved with the crowd to join my brother.
And
still, I had that odd feeling of being watched.
***
The sight of my building ahead was a sweet one.
I was more than ready to get off the street, even with Deacon walking along next to me. He hadn’t entirely bought my excuse of me just feeling kind of blue at the end of a rough day, so I ended up telling him I’d gotten spooked by somebody on the subway.
I’d gone with the insubstantial creeper I'd felt watching me but hadn’t seen, rather than the freak, though.
Knowing Deacon, he’d want to go back and try to hunt the jerk down. I didn’t want to deal with that.
If I saw that pervert again, I’d take a picture of him and post the asshole on Facebook. Then he’d have my brothers and their friends hunting for him. If he thought my stranger savior had been scary, he'd probably end up shitting his pants when he saw my brothers.
“You need to get some rest.” Deacon bumped shoulders with me as I unlocked my front door. “You haven't had an easy past couple days.”
“I know.” I gave him a tired smile. “That’s why I’m not asking you to come up for a beer or anything.”
“You’re an ungrateful sister,” he teased.
“Yep.” Grabbing him in a quick hug, I squeezed tight. “And to further prove that, I’m leaving you here. Go on. Lemme alone. I’m tired.”
Deacon shook his head and gestured to the door. “Get your ass inside and I will.”
“Save me from protective older brothers.” Rolling my eyes, I headed to the door, keys in hand. Once I was inside, he turned and headed off. I took the time to grab my mail, and then I trudged up the stairs. Now that I didn’t have to pretend, my smile faded and my mood turned bleak.
I never promised otherwise.
Ash’s voice seemed to mock me with every step I took.
We’re great in bed. You’re fun.
I was such an idiot.
That would imply you meant the same to me as Lily meant.
I hadn’t been looking for a happily ever after or anything. Not really. But I hadn’t really been thinking I was just a handy fuck, either. And that’s all I'd turned out to be. The knowledge made me feel stupid and childish, because if I’d been thinking, I would have realized this sooner.