by Cat Porter
Was this true love? Big, fat, and crazy? Leaving you blanked and only wanting more all else be damned?
“No, two pills is enough for right now.” I put my arm through his, leaning against his shoulder. “How long has this been going on for anyway?”
“Started when I dragged Jill over here at that party, and Nina and her Flame bodyguard cleaned me up after. He got me back to Nebraska, and me and her kept in touch.”
“That’s a long time. You really like her.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“That’s good.”
“Is it?”
“Why isn’t it? You haven’t been serious about anyone since Jill. You should be happy, too.”
“Happy,” he muttered. “I only know I like being with Nina.”
“See how that works? That’s good.”
“I’m glad you think so. Everyone out there sure doesn’t.”
“They see betrayal and a big, fat hairy mess, which is what it is right now.”
“Is Nina okay? Butler hasn’t—”
“He’s got her locked in his room for now. I don’t know anything else.”
“Hey, what the hell did I hear about you and Finger?”
“He just wanted to make sure he has me covered with the Jacks since you continue to be so popular with them.”
He heaved a sigh. “That’s good.”
“Is it?”
“Hell yeah.”
I leaned my head on my brother’s shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here, Tan.”
A sparkle of warmth went off in my chest. Years, decades had passed since I’d heard words such as those from my brother, that gentle tone of voice that wasn’t dripping with acid.
“Me too.” I squeezed his arm.
I wasn’t sure how all this would play out or end for my brother and Nina, or for Butler and me. But that churning in the pit of my stomach told me this was only the beginning.
“WHERE’S TANIA?”
I gritted my teeth at the sound of her name coming out of Finger’s mouth.
“She’s with her brother,” I replied.
“Good. I wanna talk to you. Let’s take a walk down by the track.”
We walked down the side of the hill to the old go-kart track where Tricky and Dawes were testing a rebuilt rat rod.
“I’ll get straight to the point,” he said.
“You always do.”
“Why are you with that girl?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your old lady. Don’t tell me you fell hard for her and dragged her all the way out here from Ohio ’cause you couldn’t live without her.”
I crossed my arms. “Something like that.”
“That something ain’t it.”
I didn’t say a word.
“It’s me you’re talking to, Butler, not Jump. You and me have always been able to put our cards on the table with each other.”
“I went with my gut on this one.”
“You went with your brain. Nina is connected to one of the strongest charters of my MC that’s been pushing product from the east into the south. They’ve been looking to find their own outlet through the Plains to the west, but that’s my route, and so far, all these years, no one’s fucked with me, especially not them.”
“You’re complaining about your own brothers? To me?”
“Reich, your old lady’s brother-in-law, has been dying to get some play out here. You hooked up with that girl and handed it to him on a silver platter while you hooked up with me at the same time.”
“I haven’t handed anybody anything, let alone on a silver platter. And I’m not interested in fucking with you, Finger. I worked for you whenever I was allowed to while I was nomad, even did it on the sly when I shouldn’t have. I respect you, always have, for years now, and you know it.”
“I do know. But don’t tell me that Jump let you back on board, here at his club, ’cause he missed your handsome face and witty personality.”
I let out a laugh. “He definitely didn’t miss me.”
Finger made a sound in the back of his throat. “You wanted back into your club. You had to bring something to the table, and you did. That’s good. I understand that.”
“I had to make up for the losses, the deception under my watch. I was the president of our North Dakota chapter for a good run, and then I went and fucked that up. I let down my brothers. Me, I fucking did that.”
“Yeah, and that’s a huge fuck-up. But you do something Reich doesn’t like—let’s say, kick his sister-in-law to the curb—he will come after you. He’s a possessive shit on all counts. Business, family. He doesn’t need much in the way of an excuse to drop everything and come calling.” His neck straightened. “But you knew that already, didn’t you?”
I held his resolute gaze. I could’ve split rocks on that look. “Yeah, I know a few things about Reich. A few things I shouldn’t. I did a job for his chapter last year, a job nobody else would touch. That gave me an in with him. An in I took advantage of.”
His brow furrowed. “And the frosting on that cake was hooking up with his old lady’s sister to keep you and him on the same page?”
“Something like that.”
“How long do you think this little deal you’ve got going with Reich is gonna last, bitch or no?” He let out a dark laugh. “And now that her and Catch have made a spectacle of themselves, you can be sure it’s gonna be common knowledge that there’s a crack in your relationship. That she ain’t happy. That you two are done. Someone’s gonna try to exploit that rift. Exploit both our clubs.”
“I won’t let that happen. Nina fucked up, and she knows it. She knows what’s at stake. She’s keeping low for now.”
“Damage is already done, Butler. Add to the mix, the Broken Blades, who have had it raw for you and for me since we got rid of the Calderóns. Notch needed them for his club. Now, he’s like a hungry junkyard dog, desperate to keep whatever is left of his club together, desperate for a bone, let alone a good meal. He’s fucking rabid. And then you’ve got Jump on your back. How long until he pulls the rug out from under your sparkly ass? I bet he loved this shit last night, huh?”
“Yeah, he enjoyed it.”
“I don’t want what we have going on to be fucked with. I’m trying to focus on patching in the Blades right now.”
“And you don’t think that’s gonna stir up trouble?”
“It sure as hell is,” replied Finger, “but if I don’t make a play now that they’re down, someone else will and soon. We can’t have outsiders coming in so close to our territories. Jump thinks it’s got nothing to do with him. He’s living with blinders on.”
“Jesus, you and Jump have never seen eye to eye. Two of you have been like oil and water for as far back as I can remember. Hell, Dig and I’d been this close to getting shit started with you, and then the minute Dig died, Jump made sure to break any ties with you. I never knew what the—”
“That’s between me and Jump.” His suddenly sharp voice cut me off, his eyes stone shutters blocking out all the light, sealing the secrets within.
An old grudge fathoms wide and fathoms deep lay between Jump and Finger. Was it blame, resentment over business? Or something else? Something personal?
Tricky roared past in the rat rod. Finger’s chin jutted out, and a muscle pulsed along his jaw as he watched Tricky handle a tight spin on the track.
No, it had to be something else, and that something else was positively caustic in Finger’s blood, sizzling deep in his veins.
Finger spat on the ground. “Do not stay comfortable. After last night, shit’s up in the air.”
I knew better than not to listen to Finger. His predictions had always been shrewd in the past, like a seasoned Roman commander who surveyed the field and could project how the tide in a battle might turn. He always thought five steps ahead, visualized every angle unfolding before him. He gave credence to aftereffects and far-ranging consequences. In my experience, an ordinary leader didn�
�t usually do this; they plowed ahead, their eyes on the prize.
Finger wasn’t ordinary.
“You made a good play, Butler. But you’d better sprout eyes in the back of your head to stay above water.”
“I had an opportunity with him, and I took it.”
He slanted his head at me, his eyes flashing. “You seem mighty confident to me. You’ve got something on Reich, don’t you?”
My spine stiffened under his penetrating gaze.
“And it’s good, huh?” He folded his arms across his chest. “I can’t get involved. You know I’ll have to take his back over yours if it all comes crashing down on your head.”
“I know, but you won’t.”
He quirked a thick eyebrow. “Things just got much more interesting then. Remember, you get Reich ticked at you, don’t expect me to save you.”
“I know that.”
“He might just test us both.” Finger raised his chin. “This ain’t the eighties or the nineties no more. The landscape keeps changing, brother. Do not underestimate the players on it. Wounded dogs do desperate things to stay alive.”
Yes, Notch and his Broken Blades, Reich—they were all wounded dogs, circling.
“Be prepared,” Finger continued. “If Reich sniffs an opportunity to make you squirm, he’s gonna take it.”
Was Finger playing up the drama to get me spooked and get me to side with him? Was he after more of a stronghold here in our territory?
The bigger clubs were always trying to edge out the smaller ones. We were definitely smaller than the Flames of Hell, both in numbers and reach on the outlaw landscape. But no way were we patching in or becoming some sort of satellite lackey, like other clubs were now doing to survive on that map, clubs like the Broken Blades.
“I’m heading out,” he muttered.
“Hey, what’s with you and Tania?”
He shot me a look. Quizzical at first and then it drained into smug. “What do you fucking think?”
Bastard.
“I don’t know what to think, but—”
“But what?” He eyed me, a corner of his mouth tugging upward. “What’s it to you?”
Fuck you. I pressed my lips together.
“You worry about Reich being pissed about his girl,” Finger said. “You know you can’t dump Nina’s ass just yet, if that’s what you want. Reich will use it as an excuse to come gunning for you and your club, and he’ll try to rope me into the party. You got to sit tight, and you got to make her sit tight even if you gotta lock her down to do it. I don’t want trouble for Catch or my club. And I don’t want any blowback from your club on Tania because of her brother, you hear?”
“Loud and clear.”
“Reich is a vengeful motherfucker. He’s good at finding ways to make it burn, make it sting.”
That queasiness swirled in my gut, the knowledge that Finger was right twisting deep inside me.
We trekked back toward the clubhouse.
“Shit changes fast out in the prairie, man.” His voice was low, that scratched quality to it more pronounced. “You’ve been away a while now. You’ve forgotten how the glare of the sun can create figments, illusions that just ain’t there.”
“I haven’t forgotten a damn thing.”
He tipped his head forward, his scarred cheeks tightening. “You can never be sure what’s out there in the wild grasses, lying in wait, lurking.”
“WES! WAIT! Where are you going?” Alicia followed her son, who charged past me, out the front bay of Eagle Wings.
“Ma, I’ve got to get to Zach’s.”
“Please don’t be late for dinner again. Wes? Wes!”
“I heard you, goddamn it!”
“Hey—” I raised my voice. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.”
Wes only glared at me as he climbed on his bike, started her up into a metallic furor, and took off down the track.
Alicia came up beside me. “He hasn’t listened much lately.”
“I’ve noticed. Then again, I didn’t either at his age.”
A sigh heaved from her lips. “He’s hardly ever at home, spending all his time with his friends, mostly that Zach, who isn’t one of my favorites. He has some new girlfriend, too, but I don’t even know who she is,” added Alicia. “He has football, of course, and I’m glad he’s keeping busy. I know I’ve been doing that myself, more than ever these days.”
Nina had been keeping busy, too. A couple of weeks had gone by since she and Catch had gotten caught. She did clerical work for Grace at the Eagle Wings office and ran errands for Alicia, keeping the day to day of the clubhouse running smoothly.
Alicia had always been devoted to her club, but to her community as well. She enjoyed showing the town that the One-Eyed Jacks were a respectable, integral part of it. She volunteered at Wes’s school, organized various runs for charity with other clubs, and helped Grace with her hospital fundraiser.
“You know, he’s missed a couple of afternoons and Saturday mornings with me and Boner at the shop and without calling to even make an excuse. In general, his communication skills have pretty much gone down the tubes.”
“Ever since this whole mess with me and his father…” Alicia’s voice trailed off, referring to Jump’s umpteenth hook-up, this one with two strippers, at a party months before.
The hook-up had led to the club meeting room getting robbed by one of the strippers, who had been put up to do it by Catch. A real fine moment for our club president, both professionally and personally. I couldn’t judge, but his old lady—the mother of his kid, who had stood by him and played his game for years and years—certainly could.
“I get that, Alicia. I do.”
“Wes is heading into his senior year now, and he’s plenty busy. He’s going to try for a football scholarship too.”
“I’m sure he’s going through a rough time with the way things are between you and Jump now.”
“If Jump’s screwing up his relationship with his son, that’s on him. But I shouldn’t let my emotions take over in front of my kid or let him know details. It’s hard, Butler. Real hard.”
“I know Jump’s been off on a lot of runs lately, one right after the other.”
A sour smile tipped her lips. “He’s a busy captain of industry all of a sudden, bringing home that bacon. He came back today, so I’m making it a family event.” She crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.
I let out a laugh and flung an arm around her shoulders, planting a kiss on the side of her head.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“For what?”
“It’s good to know one of you men gives two shits about the other side of the coin.”
“Alicia, we all care about you. You know that.”
“Are you still gonna care after I leave him?”
“How you deal with your old man is your business, baby.” We watched Wes circle the track at top speed. The kid was ready for the Moto Grand Prix. “Look, how about I talk to Wes, find out how he’s really doing? I don’t want to interfere, but if I can get him to—”
She put a hand on my arm. “I’d like that. A lot. Thank you.”
Yes, Wes did remind me of me at his age, but he also reminded me of my brother, Stephan.
My brother, the good guy, the one who’d had it all, and my recklessness had blown that all to pieces. Blown him to pieces. And all Stephan had ever done was walk the straight and narrow and give a shit about me. I’d reaped the rewards of my natural talents with minimal effort. Stephan had been all about the effort.
Wes had both natural talents and a responsible work ethic. At least, he used to.
I shifted my weight as Wes shot down the track and headed out onto the road that led off the property and into town. He raised a hand at me and his mother as he sped past.
“Wes! Helmet!” I yelled.
He ignored me.
“Helmet, you idiot!” Stephan would shout out after me when I’d take off after practice.
I r
ubbed a hand down my chest and across my stomach where that familiar tension bunched inside.
Yeah, Wes used to remind me of Stephan, but now…now, he was looking too much like me.
And that had me worried.
JILL HAD INVITED NINA to Becca’s birthday party over at Tania’s house today, and she was going.
“Catch isn’t going to be there, is he?” I asked her when we woke up this morning.
“No, of course not. Jill said it’s a girls-only party.” Nina pulled a t-shirt over her head. “I’m going to the salon here in town now, then look for a present. I put it off until the last minute, as usual.”
“You need money?”
“No. I still have plenty left from what you gave me earlier this week.”
“All right.” I swung my legs out of the bed and took in a breath to combat a sudden wave of nausea. Nothing like indigestion first thing in the morning.
Nina left, and I took a shower and got dressed in my sweats. After downing a weak cup of coffee from the pot that she had made earlier, I got on my bike and headed to Eagle Wings at the Club where I was working on a bike rebuild with Boner.
An hour later, I got a text from Finger about a meeting he’d been able to arrange for me with a transport contact of his from Idaho. Finger was in town with Catch and would stop by the club on his own to discuss a few details I needed to be aware of before the meeting.
I called Nina. “Hey. Could you drop off some clean clothes for me? I came here in my shittiest sweats and a ripped shirt, and I’ve got somewhere to go in a couple of hours.”
“Sure. I’ll come by on my way to the party.”
“Thanks.”
Finger arrived at the club. I wiped my hands on a rag and met him as he got off his bike. “Thought I’d come up here in person since Catch had to come for his kid’s birthday.”
“He’s here?” I asked.
A grunt escaped his throat. “Catch is in Rapid City, waiting for the girl party to be over. Then, when they all leave—”
“You mean, when my old lady leaves?”
“Especially your old lady, he’s heading over for his daddy time.”