by Chris Walter
Somewhere along the road, Chi Pig indulged his twisted sense of humour, tossing thrift store underwear adorned with brown shoe polish “racing stripes” into the crowd. “You should have seen the kids scatter,” cackles the devilish frontman. On other occasions, he hurled tampons swollen with water and red food colouring at unsuspecting members of the audience. After another exhausting series of shows back through the Midwest, the boys doubled back to Canada, where they played a largely unappreciative Quebec City for the first time. For some reason, Quebec City would never embrace SNFU the way Montreal did.
Straggling back across Quebec, SNFU left Monk in Montreal and stopped for a show at The Rivoli in Toronto, where a young punk named John Romanelli waited eagerly to see them. “I saw the guys hanging around, and there, in the middle of the group, was my favourite punk rock singer of all time, Mr. Chi Pig. In awe, I walked over and introduced myself, and the band was incredibly cool to me. We were sitting on the curb talking, when a MuchMusic van pulled up and parked directly in front of us. Chi Pig asked me what my name was, and when Erica Ehm interviewed the band, he introduced me as one of their members. You can imagine how excited I was. I never got to see that footage, but I am sure it exists somewhere, and I would die to see it today,” says the fan, who eventually helped form the 3tards and became known as John Tard.
The boys did a few more shows in Ontario before making the long drive back to Edmonton for a hugely successful homecoming gig. Not long afterwards, the Dutch booking agents De Concurrent asked SNFU if they would like to tour Europe, and the boys quickly accepted. Although they knew the band wasn’t a household name outside Alberta, the boys looked forward to visiting Europe for the first time. If not through the windshield of a tour van, how else could they afford to see the world?
In due process, the band arranged to have 500 shirts printed through their new connection, the Desperate Minds in Kamloops. Since they had enough operating capital to purchase many shirts up front, the band could finally leave the silkscreens at home when they toured. Friends who had allowed them to produce shirts on their premises would be very happy indeed.
The band played several shows around town and tried to stay busy as summer turned to fall. They rehearsed dutifully in the meanwhile, but the intensity was beginning to flag just a little. Being in a band was the best job they’d ever had, but it was hard work and didn’t pay very well.
Edmonton was downright chilly when SNFU left for Europe on Oct 29th, 1988. Soundman Paul Smith, from First Avenue and 7th Street Entry, flew from Minneapolis to meet the boys in Amsterdam. Monk was also supposed to meet SNFU in Amsterdam, but his passport didn’t arrive in time and he was almost a week late. This wasn’t a serious problem because De Concurrent was situated in Amsterdam, and the band was using the city as a home base. SNFU eventually collected Monk before driving to the next show in a rented van. Although the musicians expected to encounter the usual problems, they would be pleasantly surprised at the relative smoothness of the tour.
In fact, SNFU had expected to be almost unknown in Europe, but that was not the case. “The tour was very punk rock, and every show was at a community centre or a squat,” laughs Monk. “Ticket prices were cheap, and the shows were well-attended. The people everywhere treated us great. They gave us coffee and even fed us,” the roadie recalls, amazed. In the States, the band had a rider that stipulated they were to receive six meals, but they were lucky to get paid at the end of the night. “That rider didn’t mean shit,” says Monk. In Europe, the excitement of the first tour was back, and they played every night to crowds that were as enthusiastic as they were. For now, the job was fun again.
SNFU crisscrossed back and forth across Holland, Germany, Italy, Belgium, Denmark, Switzerland, England, Austria, France, and Yugoslavia. “Paul Smith was amazing, and his sound was blowing people away,” Marc remembers. They hadn’t expected to sell the 500 shirts they brought with them, but soon the merch was almost gone. Kids just couldn’t resist that rotting zombie head. People told SNFU that they wouldn’t sell shirts in the UK, but Bunt kept sixty and sold them all from the stage in Nottingham on December 11th. Incredibly, the fans knew the words to their songs, and obviously listened to their records. This was news to SNFU, who continued to be amazed that anyone outside Canada had ever heard of them before.
Monk reports that he did enough partying for the entire band, and that the boys were fairly well behaved. “I didn’t do a lot of drugs on that tour, but when I did it was speed,” the roadie remembers. As before, Chi Pig was taking care of himself, doing stretches before shows, and avoiding alcohol and drugs. The singer was barely even smoking pot these days, and was in very good physical condition. Curtis liked a few beers, but Marc and Brent weren’t the types to overdo it with the booze. Later, on the 1992 European tour, Brent did his share of partying, but for now he was being a good boy.
The tour went on, and the guys continued to be stunned at how well the fans and promoters treated them. SNFU may have been playing squats but they felt like kings. From country to country they went, pushing on to Scandinavia for several shows in Denmark. The boys didn’t speak the language, but the sound of cheering fans is universal. After a blitzkrieg thirty-five shows in forty-two days, the band finally wrapped it up with a final show in Amsterdam. Though the tour had been physically draining and financially unrewarding, it had been a fantastic experience and they looked forward to returning as soon as possible. Next time, they hoped to make more than $500 each for almost two months‘ work. Actually, they were happy to have earned even that. Many punk bands actually returned from Europe owing money.
Flying home on December 21st, 1988, the boys learned that Flight 103 from London to New York had been destroyed by a bomb, plummeting to the ground in thousands of pieces near Lockerbie, Scotland. The mood aboard the flight from Amsterdam that day was somber as the passengers reflected on the transient nature of life. Security was extra tight, but the damage had already been done. SNFU, of course, landed safely.
Back in E-Town, the boys were excited to see the new album, which had been released while they were in Europe. The cover, drawn by Englishman Graham Ward and assembled by Kelly Hansen, portrays a twisted looking family seated on lawn chairs while an ugly baby plays with a very war-like toy in the foreground. Again, Chi Pig’s fascination with toys rises to the surface, whether he planned it that way or not. Better Than a Stick In the Eye sounded good, even if the band eventually found things about it they didn’t like. Trivial complaints aside, the third studio album by Edmonton punk sensations SNFU was now available worldwide.
Christmas that year was an emotional time as the Belkes contemplated the future. The music didn’t feel fresh any more, and they couldn’t help but think about what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. As the twins considered alternate careers, Chi must have sensed that the future of the band was in question, even if he didn’t see the end coming. None of the members planned to give up music, but changes were definitely on the way.
Although trouble was brewing for the band, they quickly accepted an offer to open for the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Vancouver on March 31st, 1989. The boys jumped in James Brown and sped for the coast, barely bothering to grab toothbrushes and a change of socks. Because the Commodore was honouring tickets from a cancelled Chili Peppers show on New Year’s Eve, the venue was packed beyond capacity and the humidity dripped from the walls. “It was worth going to Vancouver just for that one show,” Brent remembers.
Brent may have felt that way, but SNFU also played another show in Vancouver on that occasion. According to at least one reviewer and several others who were there, SNFU performed even better at the Lux Theatre on April 1st, headlining a show with Curious George, Desperate Minds, and Ninth Configuration. Wearing a smashing pink two-piece blouse and skirt combination, Chi Pig, was at his acrobatic best, surfing the crowd on an inflatable plastic alligator and working the audience like the seasoned pro he was. “I’ve seen a lot of SNFU shows, but you could definite
ly feel the magic that night,” says Tim Chiba of the Desperate Minds. “I still remember it.”
The band returned to Edmonton where the snow fell and the wind howled. Multi-platinum singer Beth Torbert AKA Bif Naked, remembers meeting SNFU for the first time. “Ted Simm was the drummer at the time, and Jen and I knew his older brother, Norm (from The Unwanted). Ted got out from behind the drums mid-show, and dove from the stage into the huge moshpit, which parted like the Red Sea. Poor Ted landed right on his elbows! My girlfriend Jenifa and I met Chi backstage afterwards, but he disapproved of us provocatively dressed little skatepunks, of course.”
At last the snow began to recede and winter slowly gave way to spring. Dog shit melted on the dirty boulevards and department stores put the snow shovels away. For SNFU, the end of winter simply meant that it was time to tour again, and the leaves on the trees were only starting to bud as they prepared to hit the road. Finally, in April of ‘89, Monk flew out from Montreal and SNFU moved out. Although the tour soon felt very familiar, it was all the musicians knew, and to depart from that was to leap blindly into the unknown.
Working their way across the semi-frozen prairies, the band arrived at the Le Rendezvous Club in Winnipeg on April 22nd. “The place was huge, and I couldn’t possibly see how we were going to draw that many people,” says Brent, who thought the promoter was going to lose his shirt. To the band’s shock, the fans started pouring in and they just kept coming. Attendance was better than they could have imagined, and they were stunned that their popularity had grown at such a tremendous pace. They didn’t learn until later that the Winnipeg Sun had run a story on the band, complete with a full-page photograph of Chi Pig. “We were watching from the band room on the upper deck, and we couldn’t believe how packed the place was,” says Brent, still amazed.
Mike Lambert of Someguy Productions had anticipated the turnout. “SNFU was one of three bands that kept Someguy alive for twenty years. The band got bigger and bigger audiences every time I booked them. As far as punk rock goes, they were somewhat professional. They would send me nice useful promotional material so I could properly promote the show. They showed up on time and did proper soundchecks, and actually performed very well live. They had decent merch and were accessible to the fans. All this motivated me to try bigger and better shows every time. On this occasion, Honest John was at the height of their popularity, and was also a draw.” Other than a couple of minor scuffles, the show went off without a hitch, and the crowd reaction was insane by any standards. “That was one of our best shows ever,” Marc says reverently.
After the gig, Mitch Funk joined the band in the dressing room, where the ex-Personality Crisis frontman wrote out the lyrics for “Wonder What They’re Thinking” that SNFU planned to cover. “As it turned out, we had the lyrics almost completely wrong,” smiles Brent, shaking his head at the memory. The song eventually appeared on 1991’s The Last of the Big Time Suspenders. Mitch, who was fronting Honest John now, stuck around to kill a few beers with SNFU after the weary fans staggered away.
The band stopped in Saskatoon, Regina, and Calgary, where venues were also full to capacity. In Calgary, Chi Pig squirted fans with pancake syrup before dumping liberal amounts of puffed wheat on their feverish heads. After crashing around in the pit for a while, the fans resembled giant tasty treats. The madness continued, with Chi Pig test-driving various props he had purchased along the road. Soggy with sweat and soaked with beer, the band finally escaped the stage and crawled away to safety. And the tour was just beginning.
SNFU stopped in Banff before reaching Kamloops for a gig with the Desperate Minds and Ninth Configuration on April 29th, 1989. The boys had arranged in advance for the Desperate Minds to support them on this tour, and the two bands continued on to Vancouver for a gig at Club Soda. As always, SNFU went on instinct, making plans to work with people they met earlier. Though no audience members were beaten by the steroid-infused bouncers at Club Soda that night, Chi Pig was well aware of the thugs and kept a watchful eye to make sure that didn’t happen. The frontman could be a little aloof at times, but he hated violent bouncers and often smacked them with his microphone.
SNFU moved out the next afternoon, but the bookings were messed up for the Desperate Minds. Instead of playing Seattle and Tacoma, the boys from Kamloops had to wait two days before meeting SNFU in Eugene, Oregon. They did the show and continued to Salt Lake City, which was surprisingly wild considering that Salt Lake City is the Mormon capital of the world. SNFU sold plenty of shirts, but the Desperate Minds not as many. “It was great being with SNFU, but they definitely sold the lion’s share of the merch,” Tim Chiba recalls.
An eleven-hour drive across the scorching Nevada desert was nothing for our boys. They reached San Francisco on May 4th to watch the Giants take on the Pitts-burg Pirates, while Chi Pig went off by himself to cruise gay hangouts. By now, the band had reached an understanding in which they could do as they pleased during the day, as long as they met at the show on time. “Chi didn’t talk about what he’d do, but he’d be going to bath houses and places like that,” says Marc. “He didn’t ask us about baseball and we didn’t ask him about his business. We had stuff we wanted to do, and Chi had stuff he wanted to do, so at least none of us were bored.”
Later that night, SNFU, the Desperate Minds, and Steelpole Bathtub played the Covered Wagon. Apparently, Sean Holowaychuk became angry when Bruce Horlock, who had replaced Gary Chiba on bass in the winter of ’88, sold Jello Biafra a Desperate Minds album. “Sean made Bruce give Jello his money back,” Tim recalls. Hopefully Jello liked the LP.
The next night, on May 5th, both bands played the Gilman Street Project. The legendary club was crowded and humid, and it seemed to SNFU that the inmates were running the asylum. “The kids managing the place weren’t too efficient, but maybe they were new,” muses Bunt. Tim Chiba remembers giving Operation Ivy singer Jesse Michaels a free album. Apparently, the Desperate Minds didn’t believe in selling them. Although the show that night was full, SNFU never knew what to expect at American gigs, and venues ranged from jam-packed to nearly empty. For the most part, this uncertainty persisted throughout their career.
SNFU and the Desperate Minds moved down the coast to LA, where they caught up with the Sterns at BYO headquarters. Although SNFU was no longer on the label, the band was still receiving royalties from the first two albums, and they had parted on good terms. The bookings were still messed up, and the Desperate Minds also had to sit out the show with DI at Fender’s Ballroom. Later that night, the Canadians left town, bracing themselves for the long road ahead.
Curtis Creager remembers a show in St. George, Utah on May 10th that didn’t go as expected. After following the youthful promoters for what seemed like hours, they arrived at an abandoned dragstrip in the middle of the desert, where they were expected to perform. “We finally got to the place, wondering if anyone was going to come. But then some people brought a generator, and other kids started to arrive,” remembers Tim Chiba. For others, the dragstrip presented an opportunity. “The first thing we did was have a drag race with the vans. There was a blue light on one side, and a purple light on the other, so we just went for it,” says Creager. When they realized that only fifty people would attend the show, including both bands, they decided to get hammered. “Marc gave me some band cash and sent me off with two girls for some beer,” the bass player laughs. Apparently Marc decided to cut loose for a change. “That was a really fun night,” remembers Creager.
Two days later, SNFU and the Desperate Minds were in Houston watching the Astros trounce the Chicago Cubs in an exciting overtime finish. No one recalls anything about the show that night, or even where it was. The Desperate Minds were starting to feel a bit homesick as the tour dragged on. While the road-hardened SNFUers had learned how to suppress those feelings, the younger band could not help but miss their girlfriends, or maybe just a healthy home-cooked meal and a few hours watching TV. Sometimes it seemed insane to be driving so far and working so
hard every day. Touring was tough work.
In fact, the tour was almost over for the Desperate Minds. They played two more shows: one in Tempe, Arizona and another in Tucson before their last gig in Albuquerque, New Mexico. There, as they had in many of the places along the way, the two bands faced off in a rowdy game of street hockey. SNFU would later utilize a photograph of themselves and Monk holding an empty metal milk container “trophy” on the back of 1991’s The Last Of the Big Time Suspenders. Chi Pig, who wasn’t part of the hockey team, didn’t care that he wasn’t in the photo. “We beat them four games to one,” gloats Monk. “I’m pretty sure it was closer than that,” Tim Chiba laughs good-naturedly. Regardless of who won or lost, the Desperate Minds packed up their hockey equipment and headed north. “SNFU gave us some money to get back. That was cool of them,” says Chiba.
Later, on the way home, the Desperate Minds discussed how things didn’t seem right with SNFU. There was obviously a huge divide between Chi Pig and the rest of the band, especially between the Belkes and Chi. Curtis and Ted were caught somewhere in the middle, unwilling participants in what had become an extended cold war. “I was hoping they could work it out,” recalls Tim Chiba. “It was sad for such an amazing band to not get along.”
SNFU toured inland to Texas. Curtis Creager remembers more about the base-ball games he attended than the shows they played. “Instead of sitting around in some gloomy old club after soundcheck, we’d go catch a game,” the bass player recalls. “I wasn’t into sports the way the Belkes were, but it was kinda fun.” At Arlington Stadium on May 20th, the boys watched the Twins take on the Rangers, sympathizing with the locals when the Rangers lost. Chi Pig continued to find entertainment elsewhere.