by Chris Walter
In 1996, the drummer blew his best chance of hitting the big time when he passed on an offer to drum for Nickelback. “The drummer they hired eventually quit because he wasn’t getting his fair share,” says Chad, but the man probably still earned enough money to buy a house in West Vancouver. After several stints in bands that didn’t go anywhere, Chad joined Faces of Fear, which lasted for five years and made an album before running its course. He recorded an EP and an album with the Nasty On, and also met Ken Fleming around that time. It wasn’t until the Nasty On folded that Chad joined forces with Fleming and Denis Nowoselski in Dog Eat Dogma. That band fell apart when guitarist BobDog—after a string of other indictable offences—committed the terrible crime of pilfering roaches from the tour van ashtray. Now, as Chad piloted that same van down the highway, he could only reflect on the events that had taken him to this place. While the young drummer was excited to be in SNFU, he would soon learn that membership in this exclusive club also had a few drawbacks.
The gig at New City in Edmonton was a bit nerve-wracking for Chad. “There were about 800 people in there, and another 300 lined up outside trying to get in. I think we put on a good show, and I was proud of that, but I hadn’t been that nervous in a long time,” recalls the drummer. Bryan was hammered when they hit the stage, but again his performance was beyond reproach. Playing for an adoring home crowd, Chi Pig worked hard to make the fans happy, and he cavorted around the stage, test-driving new props, and lighting things on fire. Without nasty old Marc Belke to keep him away from his beloved pyrotechnics, the singer was free to incinerate whatever he pleased. Sean Shaul and Craig Laviolette captured the glory on film, which can be seen in the documentary Open Your Mouth and Say… Mr. Chi Pig. Luckily, no guests were burned that night.
The show in Edmonton went well enough, but trouble started in the parking lot during load out. After an exchange of words, Chi Pig says Bryan McCallum attacked him, but Goony broke it up. “I kind of bounced Bryan’s head off a BFI bin,” says Goony. “I couldn’t let him hurt Piggy.” Chi says that he wanted Goony to beat Bryan up at first, but changed his mind and stopped him. Bryan claims the argument didn’t get that far. “I wouldn’t have hit Chi, but he thought I was going to kick his ass,” says the bass player. And the night was still young.
According to Chi, Bryan later returned to the hotel with a crack whore he found on the street. “This chick had a shit stain on the back of her pants, but Goony threw them both out,” laughs the singer. “After that, we had a discussion and decided to kick Bryan out of the band. There is a cardinal rule where you don’t punch each other. Even me and Marc never traded punches.” Chad regrets that the band had to take such drastic action. “Bryan is a great musician, but he turns into an asshole when he’s drunk.” Goony agrees that Bryan is talented. “Bryan is one of the most amazing bassists I’ve seen to this day. He’s a prodigy.”
Talented or not, SNFU left Bryan at the bus station in Edmonton the next morning and drove back to Vancouver without him. “That was the last we heard of Bryan with SNFU,” remembers Denyss McKnight. With the possible exception of Dave Bacon or Jimmy Schmitz, finding a new bass player couldn’t have been easier. “I told the guys that Denis [Nowoselski] would want to play in the band,” says Chi Pig. “Sure enough, about ten minutes after I said that, Denis called Goony to ask how the tour went.” As a tattoo artist, Denis could pick his own hours, and was happy to play with Goony again. His new bandmates were already talking about a European tour, and he knew that SNFU had sold out the Cobalt only a month previously. So what if the singer had a few issues?
A show at the fabulous Balmoral Hotel on May 9th had to be cancelled, but there was nothing anyone could do about it. Denis, who had been on his way to Yellowknife to tattoo the locals, learned the material by playing along to a CD of SNFU songs, but nearly two months passed before he returned for his first show, which was at the Red Room on July 3rd. His tenure would not be stress-free.
The bassist’s debut got off to a shaky start when Chi Pig failed to arrive at the club on time. Denis didn’t realize that the singer had been refused entry by the door staff, who mistook him for a vagrant. “They asked if I had a stamp, or if I was on the guest list, but they didn’t ask if I was in the band,” recalls Chi, who didn’t bother to tell them. Instead, the singer stood in the alley nonchalantly smoking a cigarette until a frantic Denis Nowoselski stuck his head out the back door and just happened to spot him. Denis dragged Chi into the club and told the bouncers that shit was going to get broken by angry guests if they didn’t let him stay. The startled goons were quick to comply and the show took place as scheduled, saving the club owners the trouble and expense of remodeling the bar.
Now that Denis Nowoselski had received his baptism of fire, SNFU sailed to Victoria for a gig with The Unwanted on July 4th. The gig was fine, but Goony did not join The Unwanted onstage as he had when his old droogies played the Cobalt in Vancouver. The next day, at the Spice Lounge in Nanaimo with The Hoosegow and Lesbian Fist Magnet, Chi invented a new game called “slap dancing,” in which he repeatedly swatted fans at the front of the stage, trying to provoke them into slapping him back. Only when Denis insisted did one kid finally smite the frontman a mighty blow. “Chi loved it!” contends the bassist. “That’s his idea of social foreplay.” Fans in other parts of the world would be only too happy to trade blows with the mischievous singer, but they would do it with closed fists. Chi Pig was putting the danger back in punk rock.
SNFU returned to the mainland for a date in Whistler on July 6th. Although Denis had been in many bands and graced many stages, these venues were full and people were paying attention. Dressing rooms stocked with food and booze were foreign to him, but he didn’t think he would have much trouble becoming accustomed to such treatment. In fact, he was sure it would be easy.
August found Chi Pig frequenting his stomping grounds on the Downtown Eastside, getting as high as possible. The band was inactive all month, but they accepted a generous offer to play two shows in Whitehorse, Yukon on September 5th and 6th. Naturally, the boys got the royal treatment, and this time Denis just smiled. Fans in Whitehorse were starved for entertainment and more than a little enthusiastic, which made the musicians feel especially wanted. So what if they were only playing for a couple of hundred drunken kids in the middle of nowhere? The boys flew back to Vancouver wondering if Chi Pig could handle being away from his drugs when they toured Eastern Canada. They would soon find out, and it was too late to call off the plans.
After a wild and hairy show at the Cobalt on September 13th, SNFU packed their bags and prepared to leave on tour. “Chi was still on crack, but he was on fire in 2008,” asserts Denis. The latest incarnation of SNFU had never been farther than Edmonton, and club owners were happy to offer the band decent guarantees. Although SNFU had signed with Synthetic Entertainment by this time, Goony arranged most of the tour himself. Later, Synthetic would play a larger part in bookings and other band related matters. That the two parties would clash once in a while goes without saying.
The genial and bear-like Mr. Plow met the band in Toronto. The potty-mouthed performer would be providing support and driving the van on this tour, but only on the condition that Chi Pig keep his hands to himself. The singer liked his men big and hairy, and Plow was just his type. “We made a deal, and he promised,” says Mr. Plow, unaware that under trying circumstances he would later make an exception to his own rule.
Chi Pig was in top form at the Kathedral in Toronto on September 18th and 19th. Left Spine Down encountered difficulties with local troublemakers the 3tards, who provided direct support for SNFU. “John Tard hated us,” remembers Denyss McKnight. Nonetheless, the show went down as planned and even John Tard was happy. “I was screaming ‘Chi Pig for Prime Minister!’” remembers Tard. “Chi said he hated fucking politics and squirted me in the eye with a little squirt gun.”
After the show, the boys dug into the rider and congratulated each other on a job well done. Because
Chi’s bandmates were worried that the singer might not be able to hold his act together, this show gave them some hope. Denis feels that Chi was simply too lazy to look for drugs in Toronto, but the singer could have obtained whatever he wanted from any number of fans. Whatever the case, Chi was going through withdrawals, and even though he wasn’t physically sick, he was a mess psychologically. The singer was self-medicating with booze and a variety of prescription drugs. Anyone could see that the potential for disaster was extremely high.
The boys rented a van in Toronto and set off for London with Plow driving. Up front in the passenger seat, bassist Denis Nowoselski was starting to realize that his new gig was not without stress. Since Goony was the defacto manager and handled the money, it was up to Denis to keep an eye on Mr. Pig, and the singer could be challenging. Born in Vancouver on March 22nd, 1967, Denis has five younger brothers and sisters, so he had plenty of practice as a babysitter, and that experience would serve him well with SNFU. His stepmother was an alcoholic, and he knew how to handle intoxicated people so they caused the least amount of harm to themselves and others. This background would soon come in handy.
The Nowoselski family moved around a fair bit. Mr. Nowoselski sold grave plots now, but he and his brother had played in a rock band The Emeralds in the 60s. “My grandfather was the road manager,” adds Denis. Because he was often surrounded by drunks, young Denis learned how to cajole them into doing his bidding at a young age. He had no idea that these skills would come in handy when touring with SNFU.
The product of a one-night stand, Denis’ mother met his dad at a gig and Denis was born nine months later. Incredibly, his father married the groupie, and the union lasted until Denis was seven, at which time Mr. Nowoselski moved the family to Brantford, Ontario. Shortly after arriving in Brantford, Denis was arrested for breaking into a neighbour’s house, who happened to be a police officer. “I stole all his medals and nailed them to a tree in the park because he was an asshole to me,” Denis explains. Although the boy was a fairly good student, this act set the tone for his adolescence, and he continued to cause trouble throughout his youth. He also discovered music and was a fan of Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. Clearly, rock n’ roll is evil.
The family moved to Saskatoon when Denis was twelve, where he joined a band that was, in his own words, so horrible that he can’t even remember the name. At fifteen he relocated to Regina to become a criminal. Not long afterwards, Denis was sentenced to two years less a day after being arrested on a number of charges, including possession of stolen property and auto theft. The youth served eighteen months, after which he relocated to Vancouver and tried to reconnect with his mother’s side of the family. That failing, he became a crack dealer and joined the metal band Chosen Dilemma, which was an appropriate name, given his new profession. At twenty-three, Denis became a father and left the drug dealing game after being ripped off for a quarter pound of coke. “I didn’t want that sort of drama in my son’s life, so I quit,” says Denis. Luckily, he was not an addict, and was always there for his son, Aaron. The hell raiser simply matured.
After leaving the drug business, Denis became a maintenance engineer, a much safer but far less glamorous job. At the time, his friends were getting some terrible tattoos, which led Denis to believe that he couldn’t do much worse. He bought a tattoo machine and learned the art by practicing on those same friends. Although it took a few years to earn a decent wage, he eventually went from fixing sinks to slinging ink. He also split with his son’s mother and went from Chosen Dilemma to the Smoked Oysters. When their singer ripped off a meth dealer and fled to Europe, Ken “Goony” Fleming took over on vocals. “Ken and I have played together ever since,” says Denis. Travelling with Chi Pig, who was rarely without a can of beer in his hand, the bass player could only wonder how and when it would all end. For now, the situation almost seemed to be under control. Knock on wood.
The boys hit London for a show at Call the Office that was somewhat less than it could have been. Chi was feeling irritable and anxious without any crack or meth, but he was drinking steadily and taking a wide variety of prescription medicine. One medication in particular seemed to render him unconscious within the hour, so Denis took all his pills away and began to dispense them sparingly. Chi didn’t get the big pills that wiped him out until they were back at the hotel after the show. Unfortunately, the detoxing singer made up for the lack of drugs by increasing his alcohol intake, and this made for some uneven performances.
The band moved through Ontario, and the tour continued to be problematic. If Chi didn’t get too blasted then the shows were good, but if he drank too much then the results were nasty. Older SNFU fans were often dismayed by the singer’s disheveled appearance, and it didn’t help that he’d left his teeth in Vancouver. For now, there was nothing anyone could do but hope for the best. Sadly, hope would not prevent the disaster that was about to occur in Montreal. Years later, those who were present are still trying to forget it.
On September 26th, SNFU reached Montreal for a show at L’Hemisphere Gauche. The owner of the venue loved Chi Pig and made the mistake of leaving a thirty-six-pack of beer in his capable hands. Instead of chilling at the hotel with the band, Chi remained at the venue all day drinking with fans. By showtime, he could barely stand upright. “He was just mumbling the words,” remembers Mr. Plow. “When he did form full sentences, he was telling everyone that he was the gayest man in punk rock and that they should all suck his dick.” This was not what the Montrealers wanted to hear, and they responded by throwing beer bottles at his head. The full bottles onstage also fell over and soon the musicians were playing in pools of beer. To make matters worse, Chi invited a playful fan named Jee-P Hold a Grudge to sing “In the First Place.” During the song, however, the pair started to wrestle drunkenly, and the match ended with Jee-P dropping the singer on his head. “That was it, the show was over. Chi was completely traumatized,” says Denis Nowoselski. The band fled the venue and returned to the hotel, where the drunken singer passed out almost instantly. “It was a fucking gong show,” Denis adds, shaking his head.
Montreal is notoriously hazardous for touring bands, and everyone from the Black Halos to Iggy Pop has had trailers full of gear stolen there. “I’ve heard horror stories from touring bands who woke up in the morning with all their windows smashed out,” says Mr. Plow. “Since our van had ‘Enterprise’ painted on both sides in big letters, someone stayed with the vehicle at all times.” With experience comes wisdom.
For Chi Pig, Montreal was a turning point because the last traces of crack and meth had finally left his system, and he was now facing the world without chemical assistance. Other than the pills that Denis doled out with miser-like frugality (and cough syrup purchased by Mr. Plow occasionally), the singer had only booze to shield him from reality, and he took to it like a pig to mud. At a gas station outside Ottawa in the middle of the night, Chi broke down in tears, but stayed away from Mr. Plow because of his pact to keep his hands off the driver. The singer may not have been observing the policy earlier, but he was honouring it now, mysteriously. “I told him that was out the window right now, and gave him a hug,” says Mr. Plow. “I wasn’t about to wake Goony up for that.” Chi Pig was detoxing harshly and couldn’t handle the emotions that were flooding back. Essentially, the delicate singer was “thawing out” from the deep freeze of drug addiction, and it was not a pretty sight.
The atmosphere in the van the next day was tense and angry. The guys were very upset with Chi Pig, and if any of them had messed up like that they would have been left at the bus station. Aware of the trouble he had caused, the singer was on his best behaviour and turned in a dazzling performance at The New Bayou in Ottawa on September 27th. While Chi must have been suffering from a considerable hangover, the show was the exact opposite of the night before, and his bandmates were slightly mollified. Wrestling dynamo and long-time SNFU fan Jee-P Hold a Grudge was also at the show, but Goony warned him to keep away from Chi Pig. During th
e show, Ken Fleming also kicked a guest for punching Chi, who had clubbed him with a little plastic bat as part of his stage act. “Goony booted him right under the chin,” laughs Denis. Perhaps Goony felt guilty for not protecting Chi from Jee-P the night before.
The band pushed on for a final show, which was on Sunday night at the Casbah in Hamilton. The turnout was only so-so, but at least Mickey DeSadist showed up. Resplendent behind dark sunglasses and surrounded by a retinue of young girls, the iconic punk singer could be seen having a good time. The band finished the show and collapsed backstage in sodden heaps, stale beer sweat gushing from every pore. Now they could finally go home.
Grateful to have survived the onerous trip, Mr. Plow dropped SNFU off at the airport. He still had to clean out the vehicle and return it to the rental office, which was back in Toronto. “At least my friend Uncle Anus gave me a ride back to the airport so I could catch my flight when I was done,” says Plow. The members of SNFU, meanwhile, ordered drinks and settled into their seats, wondering if they could continue to function as a band. With two weeks off before the next leg of the tour, the musicians worried that Chi would get into the drugs again. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if it caused him to drink a bit less.
The singer, however, stuck to the booze. On October 14th, SNFU picked Chi up from the bar and left town in Mark Sommer’s van for an all-ages show at St. Michael’s Church in Prince George. Unbeknownst to the band, the promoter had walked away several weeks previously, but a local youth arrived just in time to save the day. “We were at the venue scratching our heads when this kid named Jeff said he was going to make it work,” remembers Mr. Plow, who would be driving for this portion of the tour as well. “Somehow, he pulled it off with flying colours and everybody got paid.”