by A M Russell
Eight began to crack open. Then it exploded and shattered in a halo of light. I let go of the ninth myself and then the last one I throw it from me mentally. All around there were shattering fragments like said glass. It bounced of the objects in the room. They dissolved into mist.
The silvery man poured one image in there. But it wasn’t a lock, and there was not key. The rippling surface of a lake at night reflecting the moon.
‘Show me the sunlight.’ I whispered.
The images changed became brighter. And then the fullness of radiant sunlight glanced of this water. And it shot through the remaining fragments of broken chains.
I found myself surround by all these strange people. All looked so tall except one. That was the one called Bonnie.
‘Sit by him.’ commanded the silver man to the grey frocked lady.
She sat on my right and the girl Bonnie on my left.
I felt that I was deflating like a toy balloon. I had no energy, nothing. I had been emptied. But it was permanent. I didn’t know what would happen next.
The many dissipated. And then Bonnie and the other lady sat me back in the cushions. The one they called Silver sat near and waited for me to look at him.
‘Where am I?’
‘This is another version of your parents’ house. It is a safe place when other things fail. It is also a place where we meet. Our home. Laura knows about this. We created this alternative version so we would have a place to live while we were here. It is better…’
‘Why me?’
‘Why did this happen to you?’ he said, ‘I think it is best to look at why it hasn’t happened sooner. You were carrying too much of a weight.’
‘The locks?’
‘Yes’ he stared at me, until I blinked, ‘I can see you need time. You must stay at your parent’s house for a while. Don’t leave the boundary for a few days.’
‘Why?’
‘Outside, someone might see you.’
‘What do I do?’ I coughed and rasped. There was tea coming on a tray. Leo had brought it. He was mostly frightened looking. An extreme expression, I thought. Perhaps I was wrong about him. He was so…. Well, human. Of course he was. But you know what I mean.
They handed me the mug of tea. I managed to hold it and sip. It was certainly reviving. But I was so weak. I realised that I hadn’t noticed what had happened to that weight. It was gone and I was not feeling any real difference. Not yet.
‘Your boy is very skilled Leo.’ said Silver, ‘and he must be trained.’
‘Yes. Of course. Leo bowed his head to the strange man. A gesture of submission. There was, I suddenly saw, so much that I didn’t know about Leo. But I had more pressing matters to consider.
‘I’m tired….’ I said ‘why am I so weak?’
‘You have carried too much, for too long.’ said the grey lady.
‘I can’t use them again, can I?’
‘No.’ said Silver.
‘They have been destroyed.’ said Bonnie.
‘You will not be able to travel just yet. It will be stilled for at least three days.’
‘Water…, the moon,’ I said, ‘and then the sunlight.’
‘Yes,’ said Silver, ‘you have to let your mind adjust. Do not exert yourself at all. Then he glanced at Leo, ‘I will tell your mother in person.’
‘Will she be cross?’ I asked Silver.
‘I don’t know. But she did not wish for you to be bound up like a zoo animal. She wanted you to be free. This much I know.’
‘Then what happens?’
‘Karis will need to train you. You have the best teacher there is. She has time also, that at the moment we do not.’
I looked then at me father. He was staring, with an uncertain smile hovering there.
‘Can I go back now?’
‘Just give us two minutes of you time.’ said Silver, and then walked out of my field of vision.
A moment later he reappeared and said to Leo: ‘Your wife requires some reassurance. She is not angry; I am pleased to say. But best be most agreeable to her. It will help Jared if you are.’
‘It will?’ Leo stood. He held out his hand to me. I managed to stand. We left then back through the cupboard and the two doors. Leo turned to me as we came back into the back hallway.
‘I will take you to your room.’
‘You’re sending me to my room?’ I joked weakly.
‘Come.’ He said, and scooped me up as if I was made of feathers or fluffy thistle heads. To be honest I felt as if I was fluffy all-round the edges. When we got up there Leo laid me on my bed. I honestly could not move.
‘Do you need anything?’ he asked.
‘Tea. Please.’
‘A Mug full?’
‘Yes. But don’t let anyone else bring it; please Dad.’
‘That’s fine.’ He looked down on me for a moment and left the room.
I woke up. The light in the room was different. I wasn’t sure how many hours had passed. I moved slightly to find a blanket had been put over me where I was curled up on the bed. I sat up slowly. There was the mug of tea on the cabinet. I realised that I had at some point taken my watch off. The mug of tea was cool now but I sipped some of it anyway. the watch was there on the carpet.
I sat for a few minutes and then lay back down. I felt around with one hand for the watch. There was something else there, under the bed. Sliding out onto the floor I found my travel bag and next to that, two sketchbooks. They were full of dragons and monsters. These I had not seen for a long time. I had thought that they had been in the bottom of the wardrobe. Maybe someone had been peeking; but then again maybe I had been looking at them the last time I was here. Yes, it must be that.
I got out the wash bag, and some Cool Water stuff I liked. I looked around and found and old bathrobe.
I thought I looked very scruffy; the mirror was one of those well-lit ones that seemed to make your reflection jump out at you. On impulse I turned the beard trimmer down to the shortest setting. Then without shocking myself with the result, got into the shower.
The jets of water were hammering the madness away. I thought about those goblins. I’d seen them somewhere before. And the tree shapes too. They existed somewhere. It was part of me as well. I felt that they were observing something that was actually part of their world. I was. But what was I? I let the water run over my face.
There was a sound outside of the sound of water running. It was gushing in the multifarious tones of a myriad drops. But something was singing over those notes. A pure sound. A voice perhaps. It seemed to fade until I thought it was my imagination. But then it came back again, strong enough for me to hear it clearly. I scrubbed myself clean. I lathered the ache away, and forgot for a moment everything.
The few drops fell as I switched the shower off. Musical plinking at the end of that waterfall concerto. Naked, I stepped out onto the rug. I wasn’t sure if the trimmer had gone too far or not far enough. Perhaps…. I always carried a normal wet razor for just such a thing to happen. I hadn’t used it for at least nine months. I thought “To Hell with it” and reached for the shaving foam from a set of glass shelves.
It was really weird. And felt cooler. I was dressed now and sitting on the bed. Long-sleeved Tee-shirt, and copper coloured jeans, that were worn and comfortable.
‘Ok! What now?’ I felt slightly drunk with lightness and a strange absence of something. I strapped the watch back on, and picking up the tea mug I decided to go and find Mother first.
She looked at me quizzically, an egg beater in one hand, and an oven mitt in the other. She put them down and came towards me. Just inside the door I hovered.
‘Jared?’ she held out her arms to me. I went into her embrace, wishing for a simple evening; and trying to put the tea cup down on the bench behind her.
‘Mum? What’s for tea?’ she turned and placed the mug firmly back away from the edge.
‘Pancakes…. with every filling you can think of,’ she detached herself from m
e smiling, ‘what do you want in yours?’
‘Do we have pickles?’
‘Definitely.’
‘Cheese?’
‘Extra, extra mature!’ Laura laughed, ‘And those funny chillies in garlic oil. But please don’t put them near Janey.’
‘Of course not,’ I kissed her on the cheek and went through to where the others sat. Immediately, Janey, Karis, and Marcia all got up and went in the kitchen.
‘Was it something I said?’ I joked.
‘Davey?’ asked Sam squinting through his cloud of smoke, then stared at me, ‘Good grief Jared! What the flipping heck did you do?’
‘It will be back by the end of the week.’ I went and sat next to him so he could take it in and get over the shock.
‘When I said be discrete, this wasn’t what I had in mind.’
‘How is our “guest”?’ I asked Sam.
‘About average for the freak show that is this place,’ Sam looked at me with a question is his eyes.
‘What do you want to know?’ I said.
‘Is this a sign of change, insecurity, losing one marbles, or just putting the cutter on the wrong setting?’
‘The first three,’ I said, ‘and what was going on just before I came in?’
‘The quantum spaces inside everyone’s mind.’
‘What?’
‘Don’t do that, you’re really freaking me out.’
‘Why?’ I asked him.
‘A better question, more suiting to the general character that you seem to project. But go easy on the hair mousse.’
‘It’s some wax stuff.’ I said.
‘I hear hedgehogs are in this season.’ He stubbed out the tab. ‘I think that Davey has gone for a strange walk around the garden with your Leo, and the Morel guy.’
‘I take it you’re not impressed.’
‘With what he can do, sure.’ Sam squinted and leaned forward, ‘confidentially I think he’s a plant. A good plant. Not a bad guy plant. It’s like the government agencies visiting UFO spotters and having words with them. You don’t know what they’ve got on you.’
‘He’s a policeman.’ I said.
‘That figures.’ Sam retorted, ‘he likes poking his nose into other people business. And from a professional point of view I’d like a few more credentials on the guy before I let him in the house.’
‘He’s my sister’s date.’
‘Date or walnut?’ Sam grimaced and started to hunt round for another pack of fags.
‘Have you a different view of the matter?’
‘Your sister is a woman. And I think that she is thinking like a woman does. When some hansom young chap wipes her normal brain in a clean erase and replaces it with the slow programme of possession; you need to watch him. That’s all I’m saying. He’s not the others side. But he isn’t one of us either….’ Sam rolled his eyes to the side to stop me from commenting on this. The person in question had just come into the room through the other door.
The girls came back in. then Leo, and lastly Davey. Wisely he came and sat next to me.
‘I found something out.’ He whispered, ‘are you ready for this?’
‘Ready for what?’
‘The truth?’ He seemed to genuinely serious.
‘I found out this afternoon that I have a connection with all your lot through my mother.’
Now he’s got my attention! ‘Any strange experiences. Or err…. odd things happened to you since you got here?’
‘Apart from this afternoon?’
‘Well of course…. apart from that.’ He stared into my eyes with that clear penetrating gaze. He eventually sighed, and said, ‘Do you still have bad dreams?’
‘Up until yesterday. Yes.’
‘I feel uneasy. I think we need to do something practical and systematic that will help clear up if these anomalous readings really do have anything to do with us. I don’t think any of us are in a together enough state to deal with something well…. odd.’ Davey frowned and then smiled as Janey came in the room.
‘That connection,’ I asked, ‘it would be as in related?’
‘Yes, how did you guess?’
‘I get my levity from my dad and my gravity from my mother.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m good at guessing. Let’s just say that.’
We were stuffed with every kind of pancake. Even Morel was enjoying himself. Mother…. dear Laura had put him in the “green room” as she called it. Decorative order rather than a place to contemplate one’s performance. But with him I wondered if that was what he was doing. I wasn’t ready to trust him. But Karis obviously felt he was something special. Weird, considering her general revulsion for men. And that off-putting line in mathematical equations that she used to get rid of rejected suitors. But perhaps I was giddy with relief. I was happy. So unusual an emotion that I scarcely had time to consider the ramifications of what had actually happened earlier.
‘Not in a bad way then?’ it was Davey again. He did that, carried on with a conversation that we might have broken off hours ago. And just picked up as if it had been left on pause.
‘I’m feeling better that I did when I arrived if that is what you mean.’ I said.
‘I like your Mum.’ said Davey looking down.
‘She already knows what’s happening;’ I said quietly, ‘please don’t wait.’
‘What?’
‘You know what.’ I said.
‘No…. I mean, I think I know. But I like things nice and obvious.’
‘It is obvious.’
‘Marcia keeps saying that to me…. it’s obvious. But it isn’t to me.’
‘Just have a little faith Davey. Everything will be alright. It really will.’
‘Yeah…. I know. But I’m not sure that I’m going to pick the right moment for….’ he just seemed to tune out then; and picked up one of the puzzles from the low table. I watched fascinated as he broke the puzzle into the scatter of wooden pieces. And then turned them over in his hands, ‘You know.’ had said to me, ‘if I can do this then I can do anything. I have confidence in my ability to do this. Let’s see if it is justified.’
He turned the pieces over and over examining each one, not trying to fit then together. Then all at once he took one piece after another and swiftly built it back into a complete shape.
He placed it carefully in front of me, and met my eyes, ‘Would you like us to be more closely related Jared?’
‘I think that would be agreeable.’
‘Do you think Janey would agree?’
‘I think she might…. I am well…. pondering something similar myself.’
‘You are? I mean you are!’ he pushed the puzzle back to its place on the table.
‘Yes. I am.’ I whispered it firmly. Davey turned away. I think it must be scary feelings of difficulty that put him off. He has so much to give, but doesn’t see it.
Janey was over near the window. She caught my eye, it was thoughtful, quiet.... she talks with her eyes sometimes just like Mother. This was: Are you going to let me in on what's happening? And: why have you shaved off your beard? I'm not very good at this, but I tried to communicate: I might tell you something later and: I just felt like it.... She stuck her tongue out at me, and then pouted when Marcia came over to me. She's there! Mouthed Janey. I know! I mouthed back.
'Hello Jay....' Marcia's expression is complicated. She must have seen Davey and me talking. I suddenly felt nervous. Then sad; because when we were out in the ice fields everything focused on the mission: getting there and back without freezing to death; and gathering the science results. When it changed; I saw her differently: Marcia has been my reason to stay on course. She leaned close and stroked her hand down my cheek. I shivered. Strange how Love works. She eclipses everything, still water, the moon and the sun; she is all those things and more. Marcia comes and sits with me, she touches my hand and I cannot move. Nose to nose now, she is close to my eyes. Her eyes are dilated in the dimness of the room, the iri
s a gold-green with an outer ring of sage green, and tiny gold strands flecked around the pupil. She has a warm glow like sunlight on warm earth. I can feel her aliveness. She is potent like wine, or clear bracing sea water. I cannot think of anything else.
She comes closer; her lips parted breathing softly a sigh.
One kiss. I felt so light; and she has me in her embrace. She tastes of apricots and honey today. Maybe I over interpret such things; but she is the sweetest thing to me.
‘Eve…. please….’
‘What is it Jay?’
‘Would you walk with me in the garden?’
She stands and holds out her hands. She linked arms and pulls me up against her bosom. She seems so certain of herself today. She leads me by the hand out to the little brick path. And then to a little secluded bench.
‘Come Beloved.’ She pulls me into her, and I can feel my breathing become rapid and uneven.
‘I….err wanted to say….’ But it is blurry.
‘What is wrong Jay?’
‘I will tell you.’ I lay my head on her shoulder as if I’m drunk, but it is that crowded feeling of weakness.
‘I will take you inside.’
‘No…. you must know what has occurred. I don’t know what to make of it. So I’ll just tell it straight, and then you judge for yourself….’
‘Alright,’ Marcia stays cuddled up to me with her arm around my waist as I sit up in a more comfortable position.
So then I tell her. I backtrack a few times, and refer to things that have happened before, as well as today. She listens without interrupting.
‘That is it…. Well; all that I know.’ I said.
‘Mmm; very interesting…’ Marcia isn’t reacting at all how I thought she might. She has leap-frogged over doubt, disbelief, and prejudice; and is apparently deconstructing what I’ve told her in order to work out more of what has been going on than I’m consciously aware of.