The Power of Forgetting

by A M Russell

  ‘It easy to misunderstand,’ Hanson said, ‘but there is nothing I can do about that at the moment; the truth is that Lorraine found the passcodes that got Janey and me out of there. She can leave any time she wants. But only if she helps them do a few collecting jobs,’

  I nod for him to go on.

  ‘Well……she has told the camp manager that I’m going to visit in two days. If I don’t show up she might end up in danger. I asked you if you’d seen her because she has a copy that is well; rather unusual. It has been known to disappear for days, and get up to who knows what. And Lorraine is scared of Mr Charles. He’s a cold fish if ever I met one. Totally immune to her charms. It’s his punishment for what seems like rather a matter of jealously on his part. He just cannot get any other woman to take an interest in him. And he’s a real smartarse about the technology. He can build a time machine with the left over parts, it is said. Quite a bit about us had been his pet project…. I mean the duplicates, of course.’ He went quiet then and reached for the cup of weak blackcurrant. He put his hand over mine to still the tremble of weakness…. he lowered his voice; ‘I really am glad you are still will us. I don’t suppose that after everything I can expect you to believe me. You had the worst of me…. the double at the university. I can’t lie and say it wasn’t me, because you already know better….’ I had finished the drink, to he sat back again in his chair, a strange faraway look in his eyes; ‘Yes….it time to get back to reality. I’ve had enough; there’s only so much messing about with possible versions of yourself a person can handle before it all becomes a bit; well…. Tiring.’

  I blinked a few times. This was the closest he’d ever come to an outright admission of weakness. It was a start. I hoped Joe would return so that Hanson would take leave of me. Perhaps I would lie down a little.

  I was saved by Davey saying to Hanson: ‘Oliver wants you. Make it quick sharp!’ Davey was about to turn and go after Hanson had ambled out; ‘Don’t go…’ I said.

  Davey immediately came and sat down next to me. He seemed loaded with a question. I saved him the trouble: ‘I saw the Man who is from that place beyond Davey…. he was the one who showed me the way back…’

  ‘You mean like across a river or something?’

  ‘I was watching…. I was still connected to my body. I could hear what Janey said. I watched what you did; then I asked him to send me back in; and then there I was…. I mean…. here I am.’

  ‘You weren’t sure you were coming back.’ Davey’s way of phrasing it, made more of a statement than a question.

  ‘It’s true.’

  ‘Why did you change your mind? And don’t say it was because of Janey…. I know that her turn for the dramatic on occasion is not the

  ‘It was her words. Not her volume…. she is right. About so many things. She is often right. She need not go over the top; I’m…. sorry I worried you all there.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Yes…. what else could I do?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he smiled in a lopsided way, ‘it’s fairly fantastical what everyone is saying. I just wanted to hear it from your side.’

  ‘Hear what?’

  ‘That weird vision. Everyone saw something. But it is a bit confused. I think they are all in shock still…. sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you this; Joe will have me on report if I set his patient back to an earlier stage of recovery.’

  ‘I’m definitely recovering then?’

  ‘Yes.’ He gave me a very odd look.

  ‘Well I was out for quite a while…. I suppose.’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Well for how long? What day is it?’

  ‘It’s today.’

  ‘Not helpful David.’

  ‘Why do you say that? I don’t know. No one else says my name like that.’

  ‘It’s just right…. Feels right.’

  Davey looked away then; ‘You are very scary Jared. And if I was anyone else I would be afraid…. a little at least.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘It is today. The same day. You are an unidentifiable miracle. They don’t want to say it. But there is no way you could have survived. We arrived too late. The antidote only works if there is less than sixty per cent damage. After that it doesn’t matter what you do. And I tell you the truth; your liver and kidney were shot and the heart was damaged. It’s impossible. We saw something. And they are trying to work out if you are now really Jared. Or a new copy. Is the antidote really antidote or a new kind of serum that can infuse the remaining physical form and make another version that is so undetectable that nothing can tell that it is one, until it’s too late.’

  The world was blurring then; I was feeling uncomfortable, and I wanted to see Marcia.

  ‘Get my girlfriend to come and see me Davey.’

  ‘Jared?’

  ‘Just go now.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said. I’m really sorry.’

  ‘Just fetch her please.’ I leaned back, and wondered where Joe had got to.

  I’m tying my boots. It’s difficult and slow and I wonder why no one has been in to check on me. Time enough…. I’m getting hungry too. The drip is still attached. I sit down again. Feeling a little drained.

  Joe returns at that moment, takes one look at the scene, leaves, and comes back a moment later with Marcia.

  She seems a little less strained. There is a faint splash of colour high on the cheek. I can’t see if she is questioning me or not. Right now I need to be believed. The addition of Hanson into this particular equation is not helping my confidence.

  ‘Sit back on the bed now Jared.’ Joe does that face that I won’t disobey. He wraps the strap round my left arm, and pumps the air in. when he takes it off it gives me a really odd look…. kind of like Davey did a few minutes ago. He carries on with each medical check, carefully, precisely; he writes it all down.

  ‘Pulse…. Fine;’ Joe looks at Marcia who is standing a little way away, not meeting my eyes. He takes my temperature with the digital thermometer; does a few other checks.

  ‘How is he?’ Marcia’s voice is plaintive and small, quite unlike her usual firmness and confidence.

  ‘Fine.’ said Joe, ‘Everything is fine. In fact, it is better than fine…. it’s textbook. If he were about to do a spot of mountain climbing, well these are better measurements than I would need for that….’ He turned to me then, and said in quite an unusually gentle tone, ‘You must take it easy Jared…. what is happening, I can’t explain. I don’t want a relapse, so be a good boy and obey the Boss.’

  My eyes flicked to Marcia, and then back to him; ‘What day is it Joe?’

  ‘It’s still the same day…. this shouldn’t be…. I’ll talk to the others. Everyone is in need or reassurance; for a variety of reasons.’ He nodded at Marcia, ‘Just help me hold this. There, that’s it.’ The drip was out of my arm, and Marcia pressed down on the place with the cotton wool. There seemed to be something going on that was freaking everyone out. But I didn’t think it was entirely to do with me.

  ‘What is happening? Something is going on Joe. Tell me what it is.’ My voice sounded stronger than it had done a little while ago.

  ‘In a few minutes. You can come through.’ He puts a dressing on the place from the drip; then adds, ‘we’ll have some dinner after that. You can have your big mug of tea now!’ he grins suddenly, ‘Some things are constants in the universe. I’ll get Davey to bring tea. You both take a few minutes. Come through when you’re ready.’

  ‘So Jared,’ Marcia said quietly as Joe left us alone, ‘What did you do then? I found you face down in the grass.’

  ‘Marcia….’ I was just staring at her, trying to see what was different about her today. She seemed so present, so real. So very, very beautiful. I reached out and curved my hand round her cheek. She brushed her face against my hand and blinked slowly.

  ‘Jared…. I am so pathetic. I just want to know…. are you staying with me? Are you going anywhere?’ her voice cracked in the mi
ddle, and her eyes became bright and spilled over, she came towards me and melting into my waiting embrace, ‘I have never been so afraid…. Jared, I’m sorry. I cannot be cool, and in charge and the Boss Lady right now…. until, until……’

  ‘Shh…. shh; Dear Eve you have me. I am only going somewhere if you come too.’ We drew back from each other slightly then; we looked into each other’s eyes. I could not remember a time when I had been so sure of anything; ‘Eve, I will marry you. It would be today, if that were possible. I want to please you. I want you to make you smile. I want you to be happy. I want to make you laugh. I will do everything I can to make sure that you feel loved. I love you beautiful dancing girl. And I will not let you go. I would take on anyone or anything for you…. Eve…. I haven’t got anything to give you right now as a token of all of this. But as soon as I can I will.’ I only stopped because she was crying. I found the tissues and handed her the whole travel pack.

  She seemed really upset. What had I done? ‘Marcia?’ I touched her shoulder.

  ‘I’m alright……’ she blew her nose, and said in a really teary voice: ‘I’m so happy!’

  ‘Oh….’ I thought I better not make her any happier or we might not get to dinner time quickly enough.

  ‘I’m so happy.’ She sobbed. So I just hugged her. Marcia being damp and slightly blotchy made her seem even more lovely in a cute and helpless kind of way. Drat! Me as well!

  ‘Your turn.’ Marcia hand me a tissue and laughed, ‘Aren’t we a right pair!’

  ‘I just want to kiss you. Please.’

  ‘And I want to kiss you too.’ She hugged me tighter.

  It was melting, melting. And I was lighter than air this time. Nothing weighed me down. I wanted to stay there, and keep kissing her.

  We stopped a minute later. She was smiling, but her cheeks were still wet like a garden after the rain; ‘It’s good. Jared, it’s alright isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. It’s all alright now. You have me. Absolutely.’

  Marcia turned as the sound of other voices reached us. Davey stuck his head through the flap. ‘Sorry to intrude; but we have a message from Dieter. I think you both better come through now.’

  ‘Alright Davey. Just let me help Jared with his boots.’ She looked back at me and reached for the clean sweater, and my canvas jacket.

  ‘Liar.’ I said.

  ‘For you I’ll do it.’ She carefully slipped the sweater over my head, then helped me into the jacket. The stiffness had yet to wear off completely.

  I suppose I was spared a dose of questions, by these new developments. Dieter had let us know that they had come into the anomaly and travelled as far as the cliff face. They couldn’t go up; so they had travelled the long way round; but then had run into the most ferocious frost. They could not go any further and had retreated to a little secluded forest area, and camped. Oliver was reading out the reports from the recent transmission.

  ‘ “We will be forced to return to the other side, if the weather becomes any worse. The temperature overnight was minus 40 degrees; and has climbed to minus ten at thirteen hundred hours. We cannot find a way through. The alternative route to your position is through the hills to the right of the mountains. But we have no way of knowing if that is passible if we get higher up. Will update in two hours…” that was at five. The time now is six forty-two. We are waiting for the transmission at Seven. I think that supper is in the offing, Davey?’

  ‘Yeah folks. Take a pew.’

  I was already sitting down. So I waited while the others gathered round. Hanson was helping Davey serve out mash and mince with onions. The effect was rather like letting a tiger serve a flock of flamingos pink pellets with their cereals. I shook my head. A lot of odd thoughts kept flitting in and out. Random seeming silliness about tea and kite flying, and the scent of roses and the taste of toothpaste. Janey sat down next to me. ‘Pepper?’ she had her serious face on.

  ‘Yes please.’ I pulled it towards me, inverted it and tipped a few grains out and swept them up with a fingertip before putting them in my mouth. I looked up. They had all gone very still.

  ‘Yes,’ said Janey, ‘Now you can relax.’

  ‘A test?’ I said.

  ‘A reassurance.’ she replied.

  ‘I’ll keep it then.’ I curled my hand round the pepper pot. Marcia sat down next to me on my left and put a big mug of tea down in front of me.

  ‘We are all wondering a few things,’ said Oliver across the table, ‘now isn’t the time for it. We’ve got too much moving too quickly for us to hear any strange and wonderful stories of your narrow escape…. Not that I don’t want too.’ He was smiling at me as he said this; ‘we’ll fill you in as we go Jared. But we’ll ask it all on debrief, okay?’

  ‘Yeah fine.’ I take a swig of tea. Utterly blissful! I hope that I can keep a few tea bags handy… maybe stash them somewhere secret later…. Davey comes in with the last of the dinner at that moment. And this strange crew sit in the quiet of a now spring-like afternoon. Marcia at my left keeps glancing at me. Everyone is concentrated and unusually quiet. I can feel my strength returning as the dinner is consumed. Janey puts salt on her mash, a light sprinkling. I shake pepper all over mine. Marcia takes the pepper and has a little too. Davey takes the salt from Janey and makes a tiny pile to one side that he dips into as he goes. I think about pickles then, and the stuff that is orangey-yellow and goes well with cheese. I clear my plate. Janey takes it and passes behind us. She says something to Marcia, who nods in agreement.

  We are halfway through the sponge and custard; when we get the call on the radio. Oliver and Davey go and take the call. The rest of us wait. The radio room is too small for all of us to cram in. I am the only one who keeps on licking my spoon. I just love treacle sponge. It’s the most heavenly thing……. next to a lot of things.

  ‘…. there’s no point in getting overly concerned. We know what is going on here.’ That was Davey.

  ‘Of course,’ said Oliver, ‘It is just that we need to be clear what exactly this weather actually is caused by.’

  ‘Okay,’ Janey said to my right. ‘Give it to me boys. Then I can match it with the data I’ve recorded at the Nimbus lab.’

  I stop with the spoon in my mouth, swallow then put it quietly down. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot that we have a big bad guy; a crazy maniac who builds time machines; and the double of my ex-girlfriend lurking around somewhere. Hanson is staring at me. Everyone else is looking at Oliver, as he tells us more about Dieter’s report.

  ‘None of us escaped being copied.’ said Hanson to me.

  ‘That’s not true.’ I replied.

  ‘…. And we can decide to return, or to go down into the Lion’s Den….’ Oliver continues.

  ‘Why do you think that?’ Hanson looks hard at me and seems genuinely perplexed.

  ‘I just do. There are reasons.’

  ‘Reasons?’ Hanson is actually worried,

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You know something I don’t?’ from the quiet tone, it’s an admission of humility from him.

  ‘I have always known something you don’t.’

  ‘At the University. When you saw the double… what really happened?’

  ‘You were there.’ I am guarded, guessing now how much he felt of that experience.

  ‘The experience is recorded. I wasn’t able to access that one. But I did know you had been there. I am sorry that you were made to feel so bad….’

  ‘You are?’ I still am not convinced.

  ‘Yes,’ Hanson continued, ‘we all have our stories. Mine are being hidden from me. It seems I don’t own those other people…. Even though they are parts of my own mind.’

  ‘You have sold yourself Andrew…’ I dropped my voice, ‘….and you want me to help you get your soul back?’

  ‘There are some I would gladly be rid of. Getting rid of them has to be my priority.’

  ‘Then tell me who the twelve are?’

  ‘The twelve? He
told you about that?’

  ‘Your double did. Yes.’

  ‘Ah…. then it is just a matter of finding the right file in the mainframe. We would have to get inside.’

  ‘You have the pass codes.’ I pointed my now clean spoon at him.

  ‘No. they are rotated round every third day.’

  ‘So we have to go see Lorraine then?’

  ‘Yes. She’s clever enough to guarantee with reasonable certainty that I would go back to find her.’ At his he sighed.

  I realised the others had gone silent and were listening to our discourse with an attentiveness that was hard to not feel embarrassed by.

  ‘We are constrained by the weather on one side….’ said Janey,

  ‘….and the evil bastards on the other.’ Davey finished the sentence. They looked at each other a second later.

  ‘So tell us Andrew, how do we get back in?’ Joe raked his fork along the table cloth.

  ‘The fence does not extend into the sea. It can be got round at low tide. Lorraine can obtain the latest set of pass codes for us.’

  ‘In order to do what? I asked.

  ‘Get out again.’ He looked surprized.

  ‘Everyone has to decide for themselves, just like we did with Jared.’ Oliver is unruffled by all that preceded this statement.

  ‘Just like you did with what?’ I spoke up then.

  ‘They all didn’t believe it was you.’ said Hanson.

  ‘I see.’ I didn’t say anything else for a while. The discussion centred around the way of getting the information on all the copies.

  ‘We can stop him.’ Davey said, ‘if we want to.’

  ‘Wait a minute….’ Marcia stood and started pacing up and down, ‘there has to be an easier way of finding the information than this! I mean…. what do we do with this once we’ve got it? I understand that all of us have been compromised. We are not sure what ideas have been planted….’ She looked at me for a moment, everyone else was concentrating on her in the electric silence, ‘for example; the trigger at the golf club party came in two parts. One: I think, by touch. And two: by a key word or phrase.’