by Sienna Snow
I ignored the warning in her voice.
“Thanks, Sarah. I can always count on you to prioritize my stress.”
“Samina, if you want it to change, you can’t jump into bed together.”
“We haven’t slept together for at least six weeks.” I crossed my arms and frowned at the phone, then realized she couldn’t see me.
“Umm. Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you been separated for over four months? Why were you bumping uglies, and why am I finding out now?”
I cringed. No one knew about that night but Dev and me. He’d come to the house to check on the progress of the pool and found me sleeping on a lounger by the beach. When he tried to wake me, I thought I was having a vivid dream and grabbed him, pulling him toward me. Then, as always, we ended up having crazy monkey sex.
“Yeah, about that. Let’s say it won’t happen again anytime soon. The next morning, Dev assumed we were back to normal, and for me, nothing had changed. Which, in turn, led to an epic fight and resulted in him flying home to Louisiana to take that bitch Veronica to the Mardi Gras ball his grandparents throw every year.”
“Bitter much?”
“You have no idea,” I grumbled, trying to push back the hurt bubbling up.
That was the day I’d made my decision to take control of my life. A man who claimed to love me but couldn’t make me a priority didn’t deserve me in his life.
“Sam, you can’t do the same thing over and over and expect the outcome to be different.”
“I know, Sarah. I’ll try my best.”
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Yoda. You and the kids have been watching too many Star Wars marathons.”
“You were on my couch for seven of the nine movies.” She paused to say something to a person in the room with her. “Hey, I have to go. You know, the mom thing. Samina, I love you. Be good.”
“Yes, Jedi Master.”
Sarah laughed before she said, “Bye, young Padawan.”
I hung up the phone and couldn’t help but smile. We were such dorks.
Grabbing a sweater and blanket, I headed for the outdoor sofas near the fire pit. I ignited the fire and then made myself comfortable on the cushions.
I closed my eyes as the cool summer breeze from the Sound glided over my face, and the heat from the burning lava rocks warmed the rest of me.
This was my respite before the storm.
I’d never bar Dev from his own house, but I couldn’t help but worry about what to expect.
Could we live under the same roof again? I wasn’t the same Samina who’d accepted being second to his aspirations.
I wanted it all or nothing.
I released a deep yawn and snuggled under the covers.
If I stayed here long enough, I could fall asleep. Maybe a short catnap was in order. Then I’d have the energy to handle the emotions of having Dev under the same roof as me again.
“Now this reminds me of another time, not so long ago, but you were naked under the blanket.”
Chapter Five
My breath hitched as I took in Devin leaning against the pergola that shaded the pool. He no longer wore his suit but instead a pair of well-worn jeans and a fitted black T-shirt. His sandy-brown hair was messy as if he’d run his fingers through it.
He peered at me with such intensity that butterflies tickled my stomach. I’d had the same reaction the first time we met. Years later, he’d claimed I was his from that first glance. And I couldn’t deny the truth of his statement.
Devin held my gaze as he moved to the couch and sat where my feet were, picking them up and placing them on his lap.
“I’m home,” he said and started to massage my feet.
I tried to pull my feet away, but he gripped them tight.
“We can’t pretend the last four months didn’t happen.”
“I can’t change the past, Sami. It’s time to focus on our future.”
I pushed out of his hold and sat up. “I’m not doing this again. I’m not going to sweep it under the rug. I want it all, Devin James Camden, or nothing. I’ll never be your dirty little secret again.”
“I’ve never thought of you that way.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Your parents don’t know anything about me, except that I am your sister’s best friend from law school. I get that they wanted you to marry someone from their social circle in Louisiana but did you ever think it was the same for me?”
I stood and paced, then paused to watch the flames of the fire.
My father expected me to pick someone out of an approved list of men who had an impeccable pedigree and affluent family. A man who came from the same culture and background. I’d accepted the traditional plan for my life until the day I’d met my roommate’s brother. Devin rocked my acceptance of family rules and traditions to the core. For him, I turned my back on everything I ever knew.
“I told them.”
I whirled around to face him, not believing what he said.
“What did you tell them? Do they know we’re married? Or am I some girl you’re seeing?”
“They know you’re my wife. Dad said they knew before I ever decided to tell them.”
There was only one person I could think of who would get pleasure from revealing our secret.
“Papa told them.”
Devin nodded. “Apparently they’ve known since right after our honeymoon.”
“I don’t understand. Why didn’t your parents say anything?”
“Because our fathers thought we were going through a phase and would break up. They were hoping we’d get an annulment so everyone could pretend we didn’t exist.” There was a tinge of anger in his words.
“I don’t believe either of our mothers was involved. My mom has been my buffer since Papa found out we were dating. And yours has been kind to me from the beginning when Jacinta and I were roommates in law school. To this day, she calls me every week to check up on me and hear about the escapades of my clients.”
“I didn’t know she did that.”
“Dev. We’ve barely spent any time together in the last year and a half. And when we are together, we’re arguing, or we’re…” I trailed off and faced the fire.
He finished my statement. “Fucking.”
I nodded.
The need for him lingered constantly.
“Why did you decide now was the time to tell your parents?”
“After you kicked me off the property last week I did a lot of thinking. I know you moved to Seattle and retook the bar for me. You did a lot for me over the years. Sami, I never wanted you to feel you were second to what I wanted.”
Devin stood, moving behind me, and then gripped my shoulders, pulling me back against his chest.
I wanted to relax into his hold, but I held myself stiff.
“I was second. I’ve never been a priority for you. If I were important, you would never have let me go to functions and parties with someone else or have taken another woman out for the image of it, and most of all you would have had me standing next to you when you were sworn in.”
“That’s not fair. I never did anything with any of them. You’re the one I’d come and lose myself in.”
I shoved out of his arms.
“Is it fair knowing the man you loved kept you a secret from his family, that his career aspirations came before yours? Or that he never wanted to be seen in public with you for fear of how a non-Caucasian, liberal attorney wife would affect his father’s reelection chances in his extremely conservative state of Louisiana? What sucks is I’m not even a liberal. Why did you marry me if you’re so ashamed of who I am?”
Tears poured down my cheeks. Through all our fights, I’d never asked that question.
I was such an idiot.
Dev cupped my face. “Because I love you. I couldn’t see my life with anyone but you. I am anything but ashamed of you.”
“No. You don’t get to say that and expect everything to
be okay.”
“Don’t you think I know this?” He stepped away from me and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I fucked up. I’d hate any man who’d do the same thing to my sister. I get why Ashur hates me.”
My big brother took overprotective to a whole new level, and anyone he perceived as hurting me, even one of his closest friends, was enemy number one.
Dev couldn’t take all the blame for this mess.
“I fucked up too. Do you want to know who I’m angry with the most? It’s me. I’m a strong, independent woman and I let my love for you push my needs behind yours. I made it okay for you to cater to your family and your job.”
“How are we going to fix this, Sami? You want to fix this, don’t you?”
The uncertainty in his voice broke my heart. He was the most confident man I knew.
I had to harden myself against him, or I’d never stop the repeated pattern of our relationship.
“I don’t know if it’s possible if things don’t change.”
“So that’s not a no. There is still a chance?”
I released a deep breath. I’d always believed I’d get married once and for the rest of my life. With everything I’d strengthened myself against over the past few months, I’d never stopped hoping. Could I do this? He was asking me to help fix the mess we made. My answer would determine our next steps.
Before I lost my nerve, I said, “Yes.”
Relief washed over his face, and then after a few seconds, a grin appeared.
“I have a plan.”
He always had a plan. This would be good.
I lifted a brow and waited.
“There is only one way to make sure you never have any doubt about how I feel about you, that I’m not ashamed of us, of you. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
He walked toward me with a glint in his eyes that made me retreat.
“And what’s that?”
“To have a baby.”
He couldn’t be serious.
“Say that again.” I continued my retreat until my calves grazed the stone surrounding the fire pit.
“I want us to have a baby.”
Devin gripped my waist and pulled me toward him.
My heartbeat accelerated. I hated when Dev looked at me like I was the center of his world.
I broke his spell on me by slipping out of his hold and moving to the couch.
“Are you out of your mind? A baby isn’t going to solve the problems between us.”
“What is more proof that I am committed to us than wanting a baby?”
I growled. “You’re such a man! I will not bring a child into this situation when all we do is argue.”
“We do more than argue, Sami.”
“If you want to prove to me I’m a priority, then be seen in public with me, let your colleagues know you’re married, don’t keep me on the sidelines. To any other man, I’d be the catch of the century. Who doesn’t want a Stanford-educated attorney who happens to be an heiress to a billion-dollar fortune?”
“Is that an ultimatum?”
“Yes, like the one you gave me six weeks ago. I want it all, or we end it now. I’d rather have a broken heart and live alone than with you and be half the person I should be.”
His gaze bored into mine, but he didn’t say anything in response. I refused to look away. He would not win this one, no matter how he affected me.
“Fine,” he said, turning away from me. “Get changed. We’re going out.”
He moved toward the house.
“What?”
I sat there in a daze. Dev’s change in mood was giving me whiplash.
“You heard me.” He paused at the terrace doors. “I’m taking my wife out to dinner.”
He’d lost his mind.
“Right now?”
“Yes, now,” he said without looking in my direction, and then stepped into the sunroom.
I blew out a frustrated breath and followed him inside.
“You do realize the second we pass through the gates, the paparazzi are going to be on us?”
“That’s the point.” He grabbed the bags he’d dropped by the base of the stairs and began to climb. “You’ve got fifteen minutes. I suggest you hurry.”
“Dammit, Dev.” I stomped up the stairs after him. “Hold on a minute. The guest rooms are that way.”
I pointed to the other side of the landing.
He turned so fast I collided with his chest. He glowered down at me, making my five- two frame seem microscopic compared to his six-foot-one.
“Let me make this clear, Samina mine. I am sleeping in my bedroom.”
“You’ll be alone then. I’ll move to another room.”
“You won’t be alone. Where you sleep, I sleep.”
He gave me a breathtaking smile that made me want to jump him and punch him at the same time.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Then I guess you’ll be sleeping on the floor of the living room because I’d rather sleep on the couch and there isn’t enough room for you.” I jerked my chin.
He smirked in response and said, “If you decide to sleep on the couch, I’ll be right there behind you or under you. If you recall, we had it custom made to fit both of us.”
Damn, if only the designer hadn’t made the suggestion.
“Fine, we’ll sleep in the bedroom,” I growled. “But don’t think for a second that I’m having sex with you.”
He ran a finger over my bottom lip. “I didn’t say anything about sex.”
I clenched my jaw, shoved past him, and went straight for my closet.
I threw off my sweater and pushed down my jeans. I rummaged through the racks, trying to figure out what to wear.
I grabbed a strapless summer dress and a light cardigan. Laying both on the chaise in the center of my closet, I reached behind me to take off my bra and quickly slipped on my dress.
As I reached for the zipper in the back of my dress, I felt Dev’s hands.
“I’ll do it. Lift your hair.” His voice was rough, making me realize he’d watched me change.
Goosebumps prickled my skin as he zipped my dress, and I almost let out a groan. The wetness pooling between my legs added to the constant throbbing I felt whenever he was around.
“Are you cold?”
“No.”
I refused to turn around. My body ached for Dev’s touch, and this little bit of familiarity made me want to beg him for more.
I took a deep breath and moved into the bathroom.
As I started to apply my lipstick, I noticed Dev standing against one of the walls, watching me with lust in his eyes. There was also a distinct bulge in his pants.
“Do you remember the last time we were in here together?”
How could I forget?
We’d come to inspect the house a month before our move-in date and ended in the master bathroom looking over the newly installed tile, and before I understood what was happening, Dev pushed me against the marble counter and had his way with me while we watched each other in the mirror.
“No.”
He smirked. “Want me to remind you?”
“No.” My cheeks heated.
He stepped behind me, pressing his hard cock against my back.
“Are you sure? Your shallow breath and flushed face tells me you remember every detail of what happened.”
God, what was he doing to me? This man turned me into a panting, soaking mess.
His hands went to the curve of my upper thighs, and he slowly bunched my dress upward. “Are you wet for me, Sami?” he crooned into my ear.
Just when his fingers grazed the edge of my thong, reality set in and I stopped him from going further.
“Dev, we can’t do this.”
His eyes held mine. The desire staring at me made me want to forget everything I was trying to do.
“Yes, we can.” His hand flexed under mine. “We’re married.”
“No sex. We can�
�t fuck our way out of our problems.”
A frown crossed his face, and he stepped away.
“Fine. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
He tugged his shirt over his head to reveal his hard, sculpted body underneath. One that made me think of all the dirty, naughty things I wanted to do to it.
He paused, smirked over his shoulder, and then walked into his closet.
Bastard. He’d done that on purpose.
“Not bad for our first public date in five years.” Dev offered me his arm, and I slipped mine into his.
I smiled up at him as he kissed my forehead. “I couldn’t agree more.”
We’d left our community in my neighbor Debbie’s SUV so no one would suspect Dev and I were in the back.
Debbie had driven us around for an extra twenty minutes before she dropped us off near Dev’s office, where we took his car the rest of the way.
After a short drive out of the Seattle area, we relaxed and enjoyed our evening. I’d decided to stop overthinking things and see if it was possible to go out like a normal couple again.
We went to one of our favorite hole-in-the-wall seafood places and ate until our stomachs felt like exploding. No one seemed to pay attention to us, and if they did, they kept it quiet.
It was almost like it had been when we’d first met. Before the high-powered careers and all the secrets. I hadn’t laughed so much in what seemed like years.
At first, it had felt awkward. We’d barely spent time together in eighteen months, and when we were together, they were outings to vacation spots nowhere near Seattle and usually filled with nonstop sex.
Tonight, once we got over the initial uneasiness, it was natural and carefree.
Dev wasn’t the stiff Southern judge who went by the book, and I didn’t have to pretend I was the ball-busting Texas transplant.
“You realize this isn’t going to last?”
Reporters were sneaky, and you never knew when they might jump out from a hiding spot. Right after Clint had first referred to me as “Hot Stuff” and threw me to his fans, a reporter pretending to be a patient had followed me into my gynecologist’s office. Awkward was an understatement when the male reporter realized where he was scheduled for a pap smear.