by Olivia Chase
And now Autumn seems ready.
Or maybe it’s just that I can’t take waiting anymore. I feel like I might burst from the anticipation of her.
I’m not used to taking things slow.
We get in her apartment, and then she stands there in front of me, her hands threaded in front of her stomach. Her cheeks are flushed—not from alcohol, because we only had two light beers. But from the question lingering between us.
“So,” she starts, and I stalk over to her and take her mouth in a hot, possessive kiss. Her tension melts away instantly at my touch, and she wraps her arms around my neck and tugs me closer.
This dance, this chemistry, this is familiar ground. I’ve tasted her, touched her pussy, but I haven’t been inside her yet.
“I need you,” I groan against her mouth. “Tell me yes.” I can’t go further unless she vocally agrees. Because I have a feeling Autumn has never had sex before. The way she reacts when we do anything sexual is a huge red flag about her inexperience.
I shouldn’t be such a bastard to take her virginity. I should leave it for some goody-goody guy who doesn’t live in my neighborhood. I should, but I can’t. Because I need to have her. I ache for it.
Autumn pulls back and looks me in the eye. “Yes. But…”
At her flustered pause, I caress her cheek. “I know. It’s okay. I’ll go slow.”
I take her hand and lead her into the bedroom. Flick on the light and slowly strip her clothes off her. I want to take my time, even though my body is screaming for me to plunge inside her cunt right fucking now.
But not for her first time. I’m going to be gentle. I want her to enjoy it. I need her to.
I get her naked and stare at her. This is the first time I’ve seen her fully undressed, fully bared before me. She’s staring at the ground, and I force her chin up.
“Don’t you dare look away,” I order her. “You’re beautiful, and sexier than anything I’ve ever fucking seen.”
Her shy smile lodges in a deep corner of my heart, somewhere no one’s ever pierced before.
“Okay,” she says softly.
I start slow. Stroking her shoulders, her arms, her waist. Purposely avoiding her breasts and pussy. I want her to relax, to beg for me because she’s aching for my touch so much. When I ease her onto the bed and continue gliding my hand across her silken skin, she purrs beneath me.
“You’re wearing a lot of clothes,” she murmurs.
“Don’t you worry about that right now,” I reply. “Just feel. Let me turn you on, princess.”
Her skin warms under my hand, and soon, she’s relaxed and arching for me. Her lips are parted, her eyes closed. Finally, I let my hand drift to her breast, savoring the way the flesh tightens under my touch, how her nipple instantly hardens. I let myself taste her skin, and it’s just as incredible as ever. I love tasting her nipple in my mouth.
She moans and fingers my hair, my sweet Autumn, so responsive and so eager despite her inexperience. I can smell her wetness, so I reach one hand down to stroke that hot cunt.
Her groan of pleasure, her soaked lower lips, let me know she’s ready for me.
I move two fingers inside her, thrust, enjoying how juicy she sounds, how much her body is opening for me. Her legs shift apart, and she is now gripping my shoulders, nails digging into my skin.
“Please,” she pants. “I… Please.”
I know what she needs. I draw her nipple into my mouth again and bite the tip, not too hard but just enough to give a tiny flash of pain. Between that and my fingers fucking her cunt, she stiffens, and then her whole body seems to open up for me like a flower as she comes. Her fluid gushes onto my hand, coating me, and I finger fuck her until she’s collapsed into a pile on the bed.
My God, I can’t get enough of making her come.
I quickly strip and roll on a condom, then perch over her. I cup her chin, encouraging her to open her eyes. I need her to look at me as I enter her.
Her eyes flutter open, and her lips are dusky pink as she draws the lower one between her teeth. Her hands slide down to my waist, urging me between her open thighs, and she suddenly looks shy and nervous again.
“I’ll be careful,” I vow to her. I press the head of my dick to her entrance and pause, giving her a chance to get used to the feeling. “Relax, baby. Let me in.”
Her body eases, and I slowly push inside. She’s unbelievably tight, tighter than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I can’t stop from letting out a deep groan of pleasure.
“Fuck, fuck, you feel…” I can’t even finish the words. I’m too lost in the feel of her surrounding me. Her body under me. Her hands touching my back.
She stiffens for just a moment as I breach her all the way, pushing past her hymen, and I lean down to kiss her, needing to taste her, distract her from the pain. I pull out, then push back in. Again. Again. Soon her body is arching toward mine, and her pelvic thrusts are urging me deeper.
God. I’m inside her and she feels like nothing I could’ve imagined. She feels beyond incredible, like she was made for me and only me.
My body is tight, my balls painful with the need to explode in her. Her breathing grows ragged.
I reach down and stroke her clit, and she gasps at the sensation. “Oh my God, that feels amazing.”
“You’re going to come for me, Autumn,” I order her, slicking my hand across her wet clit. She’s soaked, impossibly so, and my dick slides in and out of her with no resistance. Fuck, that’s so insanely hot. I get her right to the edge, right when she’s tight and about to come, and then I remove my hand.
Shove her arms above me and grip her wrists tight to keep her in place.
Her eyes fly wide open. I don’t stop jackhammering inside her. I fuck her relentlessly, pinning her in place, and she wraps her thighs around my waist, taking me deeper.
“I’m going to come like this,” she says in surprise, her breath barely an exhale.
“Come all over my cock,” I demand. “Right fucking now.”
And she does. She screams as her body shudders beneath me. I keep her hands pinned in place, keep her body locked firmly under mine. Exactly where she belongs. Her head is thrown back as she unashamedly cries out, and then I’m spilling into the condom, unable to stop myself from coming.
Fuck. Fuck.
It takes a few moments for us to come back down to reality. I don’t withdraw from her, not yet. I roll us onto our sides and wrap my arms around her. Autumn is trembling a bit, her top leg locked around my waist, her other stretched alongside mine. I stroke her back.
We don’t speak.
I can’t speak. I’m lost in my thoughts. This woman just gave me something special, a piece of herself that no one else has had. And God, I fucking can’t help the way that makes me feel. Like I want to be the only one who ever experiences this—the way she gives herself with abandon, her unfettered cries as she comes.
I don’t know what this means. But I do know that something has shifted between us. Autumn’s fingers are making lazy circles on my back.
She sucks in a breath, and I know she’s about to speak. “Was that…okay?”
I finally withdraw. “Are you kidding?” I say, pretending like my heart isn’t racing. “It was amazing.”
I’m trying so hard to keep this about sex. About fun, about good times. But truth is, there’s something more here, something deeper. And I’m scared as fuck about what it all means.
I expected this morning to be awkward. For her to be reserved and shy, and for me to be fake, the way I usually am with my shallow hook-ups. Instead, I woke up with her in my arms, and she was smiling at me. We made breakfast together, during which she teased me about my lack of cooking skills.
Being with her is far too easy. Far too comfortable.
Far too addictive.
I’ve never spent the night with a woman before. I wouldn’t have with her if it weren’t for the fact that we’re visiting our dads today. Okay, and to be honest, I kinda wa
nted to stay with her. See what it was like sleeping beside someone else. I’ve never done that before.
It was dangerously easy. After sex, we both fell asleep and stayed like that until the alarm went off.
“I’m a little nervous,” Autumn admits as she peers out the passenger window of my car. “Honestly, I kinda thought this would be a one-off thing with visiting him. That I’d meet him and get it out of my system. But this doesn’t feel like that.”
I can’t help it. I reach over and take her hand. It’s clammy, and my heart breaks a little for her. She’s so unused to this, to my lifestyle.
And I have to admit, a bit part of me would never want her to be used to it. She deserves better.
“It’ll be okay. Your relationship with your father will only be what you want it to be. You don’t owe anything to anyone.” I squeeze her fingers.
She looks over at me and gives me a smile that makes my heart swell. Her gratitude, her appreciation…the way she treats me like I’m someone honorable, someone kind…I’m so unused to it.
“Thanks, Zack. You’re right. I don’t have to make a big deal out of it. It can just be whatever it turns out to be.”
I brush my lips over her knuckles and keep her hand in mine as I pull into the prison parking lot. We walk inside, and I keep her right by my side, making sure to make eye contact with every man in that place.
She’s with me.
I want them to all see that. I know most of these fuckers—and they know me. None of them will touch her now or fuck with her. I see their slow nods of respect.
“Okay, I’ll meet you here in the lobby when you’re done,” I tell her. “Stay right here until I come for you.”
Autumn nods. “Okay.” Then she heads back to see her dad, and I go to see mine.
Butch seems in good spirits when I sit at the table across from him. Even after all these years and all the shit that’s gone down, he’s still a big, imposing man. He’s still the same Butch who cracked skulls up and down the block when I was growing up.
“Zack! How’s shit going, my boy? You working on things like we discussed?”
I nod. “Things are in progress, Dad.” I give him an update on what my brothers and I did with the rats, how we called the board of health to report Smith and his brothers for unsanitary conditions at Outlaws. “That’s really going to fuck them up.”
My dad’s face goes flat. “Are you kidding me? That was your big idea?”
Technically, it was Hale’s idea, but given the old man’s displeasure, I don’t want to throw my brother under the bus. Admittedly, it’s a bummer that Butch seems so disappointed. I keep my calm exterior. “That’s what we did.”
He leans forward and hisses, “Putting some fucking rats in the kitchen and calling the board of health isn’t the way to get this done. That’s just an annoyance.” His eyes go dark. “Pain is what’ll make them cave.”
My heart gives an uneasy lurch, but I nod. I don’t trust myself to speak. Because deep down, I’m not as cool about his apparent bloodlust as I thought I would be.
And I don’t know how far we’re going to have to go to appease that…
Butch has always been known as a hothead. And I’m his kid, and he expects me to live up to his standards. When people screwed him over back in the day, he took care of shit.
And he did it in a brutal, bone-crunching style that earned him respect for miles around. People know his name.
They don’t fuck with Butch Beckett.
But for the first time, I actually wonder what Autumn would think of me if I do the kinds of things he expects of me.
Autumn
When I sit down to talk to my biological father, I instantly notice a change in how he was last time versus this time. Before, he seemed rough around the edges, but he was coherent and aware.
As he takes the seat across from me, there’s a strange deadness in his red-lined eyes, and he looks like he hasn’t showered in days. His hair is grungy, and his face is slack and pale.
My heart gives a sick thud, and I rub my hands across my jean-clad thighs. “Hey,” I say quietly.
Around me, there are tables with people holding bouncing kids. People smiling as they catch up. Most of them seem like this isn’t a big deal at all.
Maybe I’ll never be like them. I’ll never find this normal.
Especially not when it’s clear my dad has been getting high, despite his promise to me last time I visited.
Dad doesn’t respond. He just gives me a slow nod, his gaze skittering around the room. How can none of the guards see how messed up he is? I want to stand up and scream, but I’m scared to get him in more trouble.
What’s the right thing to do?
I screw up my courage and straighten my spine. “Dad. What’s going on? I can tell you’re…” I clear my throat. “Are you on something?”
He blinks, his face flashing with anger, and sputters, “What? No. Of course not.”
I stand. It’s obvious he’s lying. He can’t even stay focused on my face. “Yeah, I’m not doing this.” I’ll go wait in the lobby for Zack to get done. But I’m not going to attempt to forge a relationship with a liar. I’m worth more than that.
“Wait. Wait.” His hand darts out to grab my wrist, and a guard yells from across the room for him to keep his hands to himself. He drops it in his lap, and I can hear his foot tapping against the floor. “Sit down, please, Autumn. Okay, I’ll talk.”
Reluctantly, I take a seat.
His gaze drops to the table, and he sighs, rakes a hand across his greasy hair.
“What’s going on? How are you getting drugs here?” I ask baldly, albeit in a hushed tone.
He rips his gaze up to mine. “Look. There’s this guy who runs the drug trade. He’s been…” He swallows and glances around, like he’s afraid we’re being overheard. “He’s given me some pills in exchange for me snooping on some people in here.”
My stomach sinks.
My father must be able to read my expression, because his eyes turn sad.
“I…I didn’t wanna at first. But sometimes in prison, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. This man has a lot of connections, and he could fuck me up real good if I didn’t agree. I didn’t want to spend every day wondering what would happen because I said no to him. Worried I might get shivved in my sleep or some shit. When he asks a favor of you, you do it.”
“Why didn’t you just flush the pills then?” I ask. “You didn’t have to take them.” It’s not my business, I know. He’s a grown man; he can lead his life how he chooses. But dammit, I’m disappointed. Stupid me for actually believing him. That’s what I get.
His sigh is so sad that it makes my chest ache. “Because I’m an idiot. Because I’m weak. And I wanted to escape the pain of being trapped in here however I could.” He pauses, shrugs his thin shoulders. “I know I told you I was going clean. I meant to. I don’t know what else to say. I haven’t been accountable to anyone else in so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like.” He turns his eyes to mine. “I’m sorry, Autumn. You deserve better than me.”
Those sad eyes are so familiar that my heart hurts. This man is my blood, whether I like it or not.
“I just want you to get clean and get out of here,” I say. My eyes begin to burn, and I blink away the threatening tears. I don’t want to cry here. I want to be strong. Not let anyone in this place see any weakness.
I almost laugh at myself. Hell, I’m not even a prisoner here, and I’m already falling into that mindset. The attitude of trying to present yourself as whoever you need to be. Is that what my father does? What Zack does?
Is this who I will become?
The questions aren’t easy. They leave me unsettled.
“I’ll try again,” he promises me.
The words ring hollow. I know better now than to believe them. But in this moment, I also know he wants them to be true. So I offer him a weak smile, and I talk about my students. A safe, neutral topic change.
I manage to wrangle a few crooked smiles out of him. “You sound like a good teacher,” he says. “Might’a stayed in school if I’d had someone like you leading my class.”
“How far did you make it?” I ask him.
“’Bout tenth grade. Your ma, too.” He shrugs. “I figure you’re the first in both our families to go to college. You should be proud.”
At his words, I realize the impact of having two parents I hadn’t met. It’s not just them. It’s their families too. I don’t know anything about them—do I have living grandparents? Aunts or uncles? Do I even want to try to see them? Know anything about them?
“You know, maybe you should stop doing favors for that guy,” I offer after a silence.
My father sighs heavily. “Butch isn’t the kind of guy you turn down,” he says. “But you wouldn’t understand.”
“Did you say his name is Butch?”
My father nods. “Yeah. Why?”
I feel sick. It has to be a coincidence. Has to be. Please don’t let it be the same man whose name I heard that first day I met Zack. I can still remember those thugs out front asking if Zack was Butch’s kid.
“No reason,” I say, finally.
I need time to think on this. To figure out what to do.
A glance at the clock on the wall confirms it’s almost time to wrap it up. Clearly he can tell too, because he straightens and gives me a polite smile.
“Well, appreciate you stopping by once more. Thanks.” The words sound so final, like he’s sure I’m never coming back again. But why should he think otherwise? I’m not even sure if I will.
“I have a lot of thinking to do,” I tell him honestly.
He gives me a steady nod. “Understandable.”
“But I will be in touch at some point.” I pause. “Please…think about what I said. About cleaning up.”
“I will,” he says in a solemn tone.
I leave before he does, not wanting to watch him be led off by the guards. Sitting there, it’s almost easy to forget he’s a prisoner. Except for the uniform…and the guards…and the environment.