“The poor woman. How would they know who your father was?” She continued her protests, as if the truth were too horrid to face.
Understanding completely, he sighed and braced his hands on the back of the chair. “I look just like the man, Sarah.”
Her gaze was somber, appraising, and he nearly looked away. Instead he met her eyes squarely, letting her discover for herself the brutality she had overlooked within him.
“Very well.”
He looked at her twice. “That’s it? Do you know how many women he killed? Seventeen.”
“I’m quite sorry for them, but that’s long ago.”
He resumed his pacing, steeling himself for her rejection. “He used a knife, just like I do, Sarah.”
“No, you use a knife to protect people, he used his to hurt people.”
He searched for a suitable reply. “He was rough and clumsy, pure evil.”
“Probably so.”
“That’s my blood.” She couldn’t argue that.
“That’s poppycock. You’re as evil as a puppy dog.”
Yes, she could. She was making this very difficult. He tried to make her see sense. “What if we have children? Have you considered that? What would they be like?”
The foolish woman smiled, as if he were discussing flowers, or paint, not their future. “Well, I’ve decided we should have four boys rather than three. And God forbid if one of the boys has my hair. Poor child, he’d never hear the last of it.”
“You’re making a joke of this.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. But it doesn’t matter to me in the least.”
“You’re just saying that now. In time you’ll be looking at me with suspicious eyes.” Shrinking from his touch.
“Why should I?”
Because he would hurt her. “I’m his son.”
“No. You’re just a man. A gentle, kind man with a generous heart. That is who you are, not Cady.”
He swallowed, his mouth dry. He could almost believe her.
She put her hands on her hips and stalked about the room. “This is what Twizzlerot was threatening you with?”
“Yes.”
“Wretched man. I hope he spends many hours scrubbing the deck. Isn’t that what they do on those ships?”
Colin really didn’t know, but he did like the image of the man on his bony knees, scrubbing away the mire and muck. “He could say something.”
She continued on, discussing the future as if he were to be a part of it. “The man is a twit. No one will listen, even if he does.”
“I won’t make you stay with me.”
“This is difficult for you to understand, isn’t it?” She walked toward him and pulled his head down to whisper quite loudly in his ear. “You are the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. I told you that several times and I’m tired of repeating myself because you’re too stubborn to believe it. I love you, Colin. Why should I turn my back on the very best part of my life?”
He pulled away, wondering if perhaps she were a bigger fool than himself. She could make light of his father, his fears, but there was one piece that he could not control.
His lust.
With other women, he could turn away. With Sarah, there had never been a choice.
“What if I hurt you, Sarah? Sometimes when I look at you, I can’t think, can’t even breathe. You’re so small, so fragile, and I’m terrified I’ll hurt you.”
Sarah stared, seeing the real fear in his eyes, the brave man who was afraid of nothing. Except himself. Finally, she understood. “And so you clamp down on yourself until you won’t. Isn’t that right?”
“I try. But I’m not always successful.”
As long as he skirted the edge of the cliff, he would always have his fears. However, if he jumped, he would finally know what she knew. He would never hurt her. She thought for a moment, but when confronted with a problem, Sarah saw only one solution. Very deliberately, she went to the door and locked it. Putting a fine swing in her hips, she made her way back toward him. “Should we wager on this?”
He turned pale. “W-what?”
“I don’t believe you could hurt me, whether or not you keep that deuced rein on yourself.”
“This isn’t a horse race, Sarah. You could get hurt.” He pulled at his cravat, and she moved his hands aside.
“Here, let me. You’ll never hurt me, and deep inside you already realize that. Let go, Colin.” She tugged the knot until the ends came loose and used the fabric to pull him toward her, locked in her grasp as it were. “Do we have a bet?”
He still looked nervous, but when she pressed against him, she noticed that parts of him were not nervous at all. She slid his best jacket to the floor, the material crumpling into a heap. Giles would be up in arms.
“This is foolish,” he said, but let her kiss him. After four long beats of her heart, he was participating quite energetically.
She sensed him weakening and exploited it mercilessly. “Don’t you feel it? That hot wine that pumps through your veins?” She untucked his shirt from his breeches, wanting to touch the warm skin underneath.
“I’ll not agree to such nonsense.” But his voice wavered.
She kissed him, pressed against him like a wanton, satisfied when finally his hands settled on her waist.
“You could never hurt me.”
“You don’t know how I feel,” he whispered in her ear, his jaw rasping against her neck.
She tilted her head, sighing when his lips nuzzled her skin. “Tell me, then.”
“You make me dizzy.” He slid his hands inside her bodice, touching her breasts.
She felt herself grow warm and wet, biting her lip as he kissed and suckled. “You make me the veriest hussy alive.”
“God, I sit across from you, drinking tea, and I think of being inside you.”
Afternoon tea would never be the same anymore. “I thought of having you in the carriage this afternoon.” She lifted his shirt over his head, tossed it over a chair, and whimpered weakly at the sight of his broad chest, the hard lines of his muscles, and his tanned, sleek skin.
His hands were working quickly at the tapes on her dress. “I very nearly pulled up your skirts the night the highwayman interrupted.”
She smiled as the fabric pooled around her ankles, and delicately kicked it aside. “As long as it’s only me and no other woman.”
He turned her around and began unlacing her stays. “I wouldn’t have the patience to undress another woman. Surely you don’t need to wear these at home?” He slid them off her shoulders and let them fall to floor.
Sarah considered for a moment, but she was a countess now and should act accordingly. “A lady wouldn’t be seen without them.”
“A lady wouldn’t be seen clad only in her stockings in her drawing room, either.” He bent before her, and began to untie the garters at her thighs. She saw the nefarious gleam in his eyes, the way his hands were lingering between her thighs and before he could undo her wits completely, she pulled him upright.
“There’ll be none of that in the drawing room.”
He looked around the various furnishings in the room, shucked the rest of his clothes, and settled on the settee. Happily, she followed him. When he kissed her, she watched carefully, noting the bits of restraint that still remained in his gaze. “Let go, Colin.”
Tenderly, he smiled at her. “Of course I will.”
She didn’t believe him for a minute. She settled herself in his lap, wiggling in delight as his hands touched her breasts, but she would not forget the wager. He had seduced her so deviously last evening, but she would not be so easily gulled tonight. She pressed him back against the cushions, all that hard flesh mixed with the damask pillows. Such lucky pillows. Rife with purpose, she pressed closer and pulled the pins from her hair, shaking it loose.
His eyes darkened to black, and she raised her brows. Her arms locked around his neck, and she lowered herself until the hardness of his sex jutted impatiently agains
t her stomach. She kissed his mouth, his neck, his ear, whispering softly, “Let go.”
He kissed her desperately, wildly. And when he lifted his head, his chest was heaving. “You make me forget.”
She touched her lips to his lightly, wishing for more experience, wishing she knew how to put him over the edge. “I want you to forget.”
Still he fought, and she kissed him again, using her tongue until his hands clasped her bottom, pressing her hard against him. His flesh was so large, so hard. “Sarah, I can’t think.”
His fingers loosened, splayed over her back. “Do you know about the basilisk?” he asked, his voice unsteady.
She moaned, equal parts of frustration and fury. However, she was a Banks and thank God she had her wits. “Think of the lindorm instead, Colin. The dragon so sad. Wanting a bride so very badly. Do you remember how he turned into a man?”
Colin groaned, and she knew he remembered. She eased herself on top of him, swallowed hard, and sank further, until he was inside her. For a moment she forgot the story, let herself sink a little deeper, sighed as his arms wrapped around her. “Dear heavens.” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “Yes, exactly like that. The dragon wrapped the maiden up in his coils, and with great care he began to love her, as a man would.” She raised her hips, let herself rise and then fall.
His eyes were closed and he was still, so still, that at first she thought she was doing nothing but making a fool of herself. But then he looked up, stared at her with such longing she sighed, and he began to move inside her, hard and certain. Oh, my. She struggled to keep her wits about her, and doggedly continued. “With each stroke, his skins fell away, and the maiden quite forgot who was making love to her.”
For Colin it was very nearly paradise. He tried to go faster, but each time he moved, his elbow rapped against the settee. Finally, frustrated with the tiny thing, he slid off to the floor, taking her with him.
“Yeow!” she cried, rubbing her head. Obviously not his finest moment.
“You’ve bumped your head, didn’t you? Sorry.”
“It’s not your lovemaking that’s going to hurt me, it’s this bloody floor.”
He felt the need to defend himself. “My dear, the drawing room was your idea, not mine.”
She rose above him, all tempting breasts and silken hair, everything he had ever desired. “You’re distracting me from my purpose.”
She sank on top of him, rocked forward, and he grew dizzy. “Purpose?” She wanted to drive him mad. That was her purpose. She was winning.
She leaned down to kiss his lips, her hair falling about him. “I’m trying to seduce the man I love.”
Her eyes glimmered like liquid silver, completely trusting. She had told him he wouldn’t hurt her, and wasn’t she always right? He wanted so badly to let go. She made it so tempting. He rolled them over until he was on top of her, kissed her very gently, and slowly began to move.
Each time he sank inside her, his mind turned a little darker. Each time she moaned, he forgot for a little longer. When she looked up at him, her eyes were glittering and black. “Take me.”
He closed his eyes, hearing the sound of their bodies slapping together, feeling the sweat that drenched their skin. She moaned and he drew courage from the sound of her pleasure. He felt her lips against his ear, kissing, murmuring, sending him spiraling into the darkest places he had never been. “Colin, take me. Please.”
There was an urgency in her husky voice, a command that he could not ignore. He thrust hard and deep and then she gasped. For a moment he thought he had hurt her. But he opened his eyes, looked at her flushed face, her eyes blank with passion, and he realized she had been right all along. He could never hurt her.
And his control snapped. He went faster, she followed. He plunged deeper, she clenched tighter. With each stroke, he thought he could take no more, but instead he plunged farther inside her lair, not stopping to think, just letting himself feel.
Now there would be no turning back.
One final thrust, and his body tensed, his head fell back, and he let himself fall.
The blackness and void turned bright and full of color and then his mind began to come alive once more.
He looked at Sarah, relieved to see her smiling smugly, watching him, her hair tangled, and damp with sweat. He pressed an easy kiss against her nose and thought of moving off her. He was so heavy. But he wasn’t quite able to move yet and she didn’t seem to mind.
He felt like laughing, but thought it would involve too much effort. “I believe you won.”
“I’m not quite sure. Can we try again?”
He loved her so much. God only knew how he ended up with such a beautiful woman that could love him. He didn’t want to leave her. If there were some way he could stay, he would.
Now he wouldn’t think of leaving her, instead he would think of when he returned.
He brushed the hair out of her face and stared, seeing love reflected in her eyes. For him.
“Colin? What is it?”
“I’ve decided I owe the Fates much.”
“Why?”
“Because they gave me you.”
It was much later when they emerged, fully dressed, Sarah trying to retain as much dignity as possible. Giles stared at them both, taking in Colin’s mussed jacket, and Sarah’s flushed face, and his moustache twitched appropriately. “Would you like a glass of wine, sir? My lady?”
Sarah shook her head quickly, and Colin whispered in her ear. “He knows, Sarah.”
She pursed her lips and glared at him. “You’re a very wicked man.”
His eyes moved slowly over her, caused her to blush, and then he raised her hand for a kiss. “Aye, and I’ve got a very wicked wife.”
It was early when Colin rose. He sat in a chair and watched Sarah sleep, listening to nothing but the early morning song of the birds outside. Already he had packed the few things he would need. He had to go find Etiénne in London, although there was a part of him that considered letting the man stew, watching the dead man’s house and waiting an eternity for a man that would never appear.
Sarah tossed in the bed, reaching out for him. He liked the feel of her in his arms at night, the warmth of her breath, and the way her hair would splay about his chest. Belgium would be miserable compared to the paradise that he had found here.
With a rumbling groan, she sat up, her hair tangled about her face, rubbing her eyes. “What are you about at this time of morning?”
“I have to go to Brussels.”
Instantly, Sarah was awake. She cocked her head, wondering if perhaps she had misheard him. “You said you wouldn’t go.”
“I said no such thing.”
It was far too early for this poor form of humor. “Colin, if you think I find this amusing—”
“No, I don’t believe you find it amusing at all.”
She tried to wrap the covers about her, but her hands were terribly clumsy and she couldn’t get the devilish thing to knot, and it seemed to go on forever. Finally, she beat at it helplessly. Damn the sheet. Damn him. Why did he have to be so brave now? “Why? Why in God’s name do you want to go and get yourself killed? That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Some bloody need to die a hero. Well, I don’t want you dead.”
His eyes met hers, not wicked, not humorous, only somber, and that scared her most of all. “I’m not planning on getting myself killed.”
“You don’t know, do you?” She shot out the words, her mind thinking of ways to keep him at Rosemont and keep him safe.
He smiled sadly. “No.”
“How could you do this? You talked about not wanting to hurt me. If you really didn’t want to see me hurt, you’d stay here. Where you belong.” Why did he want to leave her? To carve out some piece of her that she never even knew existed.
“You told me I was honorable and brave. A man fights for what is right. You can’t have it both ways, Sarah.” He stood, the discussion at end. “I’ve left instructions for y
ou in the study. I’ll need someone to take over at St. George. I have two names of women that would be suitable. They both live in London currently, but there is no reason for them to live there anymore. Take Nancy to see Ethan every now and again, better still, give the boy a job in the stables here. He’s getting too old to be in a foundling home anyway. Giles can see to your finances, although you’re certainly qualified to handle them yourself. I know you’re very good with sums. I’ll tell Giles.”
He was wearing his boots and his coat was probably waiting for him downstairs. She had thought he would always be there for her.And wasn’t that always the way? You thought it would be forever, and suddenly forever is today . “You’re just going to leave, aren’t you? Would you have left while I was sleeping?”
“No. Have I overlooked anything? Do you have any questions?”
She looked at the window behind him, watched the sun rising on the horizon. The flowers were blooming, the trees green and filled with leaves. All the birds were singing and flying about. She was terrified, and the world seemed happy and cheerful. Why was there no thundering or storming? Where were the hurricanes? She waited, but there was no rain. Not one dark cloud in the sky. He was leaving her and the world wasn’t going to end and put her out of her misery. “Can you leave tomorrow?”
He shook his head, stubborn to the end.
She licked her dry lips, not daring to take her eyes off him, afraid he would disappear. “I have a request.” She needed one thing from him before he left.
“Of course. What is it?”
“I want you to give me a child.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The summer was dreadfully hot. Each day she would walk with Iris, or ride with Nancy. Anything to pass the time. She went to London the first week he was gone and met the women that Colin wanted to employ. Annie was a quiet woman who worked in, of all things, a brothel. Four times she thought of asking exactly how the woman knew her husband, and four times she bit her tongue in silence. When John Roberts’s name slipped out of Annie’s mouth one day, Sarah heaved a great sigh of relief. She should have known better.
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