by Marnie Cate
“It will be all okay,” he said, with a smirk. “Now let's get you off to bed before I have to face the wrath of your grandmother. I don't want her to weave any protection spells on you that I won't be able to undo.”
Cole grabbed my hand and led me past the dining room towards the hall to the downstairs bedrooms. As we passed the ladder that led to my room, I looked up. The white half walls on each side of the ladder blocked my view of all but the top of the bedroom walls and the rainbow mural. I looked away not wanting to think about the mess I had caused.
Once we reached the door to Gram's bedroom, he wrapped his arms around me and gently kissed me. He released me from his arms, kissed me on the cheek and walked down the hallway to the guest room. The same room that had once belonged to my parents.
As I watched him walk down the hall, I closed my eyes. “Goddess, please protect all those who sleep in this house tonight.”
Chapter 9
When I entered the room, both Meg and Gram were sleeping. I changed into the long t-shirt that Gram left for me on the bed. It was one of my grandfather's.
Chester Veracor was a tall, stout man with silver hair and blue eyes. His blue eyes held a mischievous sparkle especially when he was teasing my grandmother. I was only eight years old when he died but I remembered spending time with him while he worked on his creations. His work area was behind the house in a wood building that he called a barn. Gramp had told me that the barn was once full of animals that lived on the property. Most of the animals that lived on our property now roamed the Starten Forest behind us in the day and returned when night fell. We had a small covered area that my grandfather had designed to provide them shelter from the weather.
In his workshop, Gramp would work on making furniture to sell at the market and for improvements around the house. As he sanded, stained, painted and polished his wood creations, he would tell me stories about how life was when he grew up. Whenever I smell fresh cut wood, I am transported in my mind back to the time I spent with him.
Suddenly feeling exhausted, I pushed away my memories. I put my clothes in the hamper in the master bathroom and skipped brushing my teeth or even washing my face. I just wanted to…no I just needed to just…sleep. I climbed into the big bed beside my sister and I nestled into the feather mattress pad. The large mauve comforter was warm and the sheets were so soft. My grandmother had a gift for making the most comfortable beds. It was like being stuffed between two fluffy clouds.
Taking a deep breath, I smelled the lavender, cinnamon and freshness of the linens. The grandfather clock chimed ten times. It seemed so much later to me. As I laid there listening to the soft breathing of my grandmother and sister, the moonlight cast a small light on the ceiling and the glitter in the ceiling paint sparkled. When I was a little girl, I would stare at the ceiling and count the stars.
The soft tick of the clock with the comforting chimes broke into my thoughts reminding me to try to sleep. Slowly counting back from one thousand, I deeply inhaled again willing myself to just let go and sleep.
Nothing was going to be resolved in my mind tonight. “Nine hundred ninety-nine, nine hundred ninety-eight, nine hundred ninety-seven,” I softly counted. Somewhere after six hundred and forty, I lost count and faded into a deep dreamless slumber.
Chapter 10
Feeling like I had just fallen asleep, I woke to a small foot kicking my head. I looked out the window and I could see it was still dark outside. Pushing Meg's foot off me, I sat up and settled on the edge of my side of the bed. She continued to sleep. Looking around the room, there was no sign of my grandmother but there was a stack of my clothes on the fabric-covered trunk at the end of the bed.
“Looks like I am being dressed by my grandmother today,” I thought, with a smile.
Hopping off the bed, I instantly regretted it. The wood floor was ice cold and there was a chill in the air. Gathering up my assigned clothing, I entered the bathroom. Moving quickly hoping to warm up, I shed my nightwear, pulled the white shower curtain open and stepped into the white tiled shower. Without thinking, I turned the water on and was blasted with a cold burst of water.
“Damn it,” I hissed. Moving back, I held my hand out under the cold stream until it became lukewarm. I then dared to slip under the running water and I turned the silver knob to the left trying to make the water even hotter.
“The hotter the water the better,” I thought.
As I washed my hair, I realized that I still had the white bandage on my arm. Holding my arm out and trying to rinse the soap out of my hair was impossible and I gave up. By the time I was done, the bandage was starting to fall off so I slowly unwrapped it not wanting to see what was underneath. There was not pain just a slight itching. Inspecting my arm, the long cut had already scabbed over. I gently rubbed the purplish paste and bits of dried blood off my arm. I sat under the hot water spray just letting it beat on my face. I must have been in the shower for a while because the hot water began to cool.
Grabbing a white towel from the hook, I wrapped it around myself and stepped out onto the fuzzy, white bath mat. I stood under the heat lamp just absorbing the warmth. Thoughts of the day ahead pushed me to hurry up and just get ready.
I finished drying off and looked through the clothes that Gram chose. Jean shorts, a black V-neck T-shirt, my favorite black bra and white panties with a rainbow on the back.
“Funny, Gram,” I said, as I held up the white underwear to inspect. At least she did not buy the days of the week ones she had threatened to when she found them at the market fair. I had not seen this purchase. She must have been saving them for a special occasion…the special occasion being the giggles that would erupt from my little sister as the gift was given at the most inconvenient time. Knowing her, she was saving it for one of my birthday gifts to open in front of my friends.
I finished dressing and towel dried my hair. Grabbing my extra toothbrush from the holder, I put the peppermint toothpaste on the brush and let the foam get to work. Once I looked appropriately rabid and each tooth felt sparkly fresh, I rinsed my mouth and began to work on my hair. Not wanting to spend time trying to dry it, I twisted it into a long braid and took my bath towel and squeezed out all the extra moisture. Opening the vanity drawer, I pulled out Gram's mauve lipstick and lightly covered my lips. Once again, thoughts of good enough filled my head.
I quietly opened the bathroom door not wanting to wake Meg. She was still sleeping as I left the room and headed toward the kitchen. There was a soft light above the table. Gram was sitting in her light blue housecoat writing in her lavender journal. In front of her was a steaming cup of coffee.
“Join me. I am just finishing this,” she said, as she patted the chair next to her and closed her writings. Sitting down, I looked into her eyes. Her light brown eyes were filled with worry.
“What do you think she will do now that we sent her away?” I questioned.
Closing her eyes, she replied, “I am not sure. I really am not sure what she has planned. But we will be okay.”
Not wanting to cause her any more worries, I stood up and kissed her on the top of her head and replied, “You are right. We will be fine. Now I am going head up to my room. I want to clean it up before Meg wakes up.”
I picked up the red mug that she had just made for herself and took a big gulp of the warm liquid. Gram's coffee consisted of strong black coffee with a generous sprinkle of cinnamon and sugar and an even more generous splash of cream. The sweet concoction made me smile.
“This was for me right?” I coyly asked, giving her my best aren't I cute impersonation.
Handing the half-full cup back to her, I smiled again. “When I am done upstairs, we will talk about your choice in underwear for me.”
“You are lucky I love you. It is not everyone I share my morning coffee with,” she said, with a laugh. “Now grab yourself a piece of the apple bread I made before you head up to your room. Coffee alone does not make a breakfast.”
Doing as I was t
old, I grabbed a big slice from the platter in the middle of the table and this time kissed my Gram on her cheek. Her soft skin felt like silk.
“I love you, too,” I called back to her as I headed up the ladder.
Chapter 11
With my apple bread in hand, I once again climbed the ladder. I greedily took large bites of the white bread with caramelized apples and raisins swirled into each bite. As I popped the last bite into my mouth, I stopped to stare at the sixth rung from the top. Running my fingers over the name Eliza, I frantically scratched my nails over it trying to erase her name completely. All of my efforts were in vain as my short nails did nothing to the hard wood.
My quick breakfast felt like a rock in my stomach. Feeling the urge to scream and destroy everything she ever touched, I pleaded, “Air, I ask your blessing of peace. Please blow away the anger I am carrying.”
A small burst of wind twisted around me. I could hear soft twinkling laughter as it circled me. The warm air lifted my damp braid and dropped it.
“Bright blessings, Air,” I thanked.
Beginning to feel calmer, I continued my climb looking forward not looking at her name. The air made one last spin around me and trailed down the ladder.
As I entered my room, I found a bucket of cleaning supplies at the entrance of the loft. Gram must have put it up here for me. I looked at the mess that I had made of our room. I was thankful Gram did not clean the room up for me. She knew that I needed to see for myself what damage I had done.
My section of the room I shared with Meg was on the north wall. My bed had not been disturbed. The purple bedspread was in place and the lime green pillows had not been touched. My small black lamp sat on my white nightstand and perched up against it were a small stuffed wolf and a small white lamb. Gram had given them to me when I was young to comfort me when I was scared.
Around the bed, I followed a small trail of blood to the corner where it pooled. Pulling a white rag, Gram's homemade cleaning solution and a large paper bag from the bucket of supplies, I scrubbed the dark blood off the floor and put the broken pieces of glass in the bag. My long dresser was bare since everything had been thrown on the floor. Most things were still in good condition and just needed to be wiped off where the blood droplets had dried. As I cleaned each item, I put everything back in the correct place. My black and white polka dot makeup bag held way more cosmetics than I would ever use but I always found myself wanting to try new things anytime I found them. I could have just thrown half of the stuff away and not bothered to clean them. But I felt extremely clingy to my things today.
In complete contrast, my white porcelain jewelry box was less full. I placed the silver earrings, rainbow bangles and barrettes back in the box. Placing the lid back on the box and setting it on the dresser, I stared at the box. I felt like I was seeing it with fresh eyes. I had known that the half flower's petals on the box represented the four elements but I never really understood how much they were around me.
“Thank you for always being here for me even when I didn't know you were,” I said to the elements. The arch shaped petals each came to life for the briefest moment and danced in front of me as if saying, “You are welcome.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the broken picture frame holding a color photo of my parents on the floor. Picking it up, I sat down and held it on my lap. My mother was wearing a short, dark green dress. Her hair was pulled up high on her head with large curls cascading over her shoulders. The thigh-high, white boots she wore must have had four inches heels to make her tower over my father, Elliott Stone. She had a smile on her face but there was a darkness in her eyes that I had never noticed before. She seemed a sharp contrast to my father. While she was fair, he looked sun kissed. His blonde hair was short and spiked and he stood six feet tall with a slender frame wearing a matching dark green shirt and a light pair of khakis. He had soft green eyes and a big smile on his face. At first look, they seemed so happy but as I continued to examine the picture, something felt wrong. I could not put my finger on exactly what was disturbing me.
When I had found this picture after my mother left, Gram had told me that the picture was taken on the day they found out they were expecting me. Taking the picture out of the frame, I threw the broken frame into the garbage bag. I held the picture in front of me wanting to tear it up. I wanted to erase her from my memory and forget she existed. As I held it in front of me, I looked over the picture wanting to find the missing piece that my gut told me was there.
After a few minutes, I finally realized my mother was wearing a silver snake ring on her small finger. The ring twisted up her finger was the same design as the one embossed on the black clothing she wore in the image the spirits showed me. I could not remember seeing her wear the ring. I held the picture closer examining the intricate design of the snakes.
Trying to think back, my mind drifted to my father. I could not remember my father wearing any jewelry except for his wedding band. He never even wore a watch. When I once asked him why he did not wear a watch like Gramps, he told me that the only time he needed to tell was by the beat of our hearts.
Shaking me from my memories, Cole called out from the ladder, “Taking a break already I see.”
I quickly folded the picture and shoved it in my pocket. I did not want to share this with him yet. I needed to find out more by myself.
“No, I was just finishing up,” I said, as I quickly got to my feet. “Come look around and tell me what I missed putting back together.”
Picking up several stuffed animals and putting them back on Meg's bed, he added them to the collection she had of a mermaid, various dressed bears, dragons and other animals.
Smoothing the bedspread, he finished making up Meg's bed and bent down pulling out a necklace from under her bed. “Is this yours?” he questioned.
Looking at the twine string with various charms on it, I took it from him and replied, “Yes, I have been adding to this since I was twelve.”
When we had more time, I would share with him how I had been adding charms not soon after I began to think of him as more than the boy I grew up with – when I first started thinking of him as mine. I would tell him how the first charm I added was the screw nut that fell out of his pocket when he added the rope swing to the large sycamore tree in our front yard.
I placed the necklace into the box on my dresser and I began to tell him everything that had happened the night before starting with my accepting the ring and promising to protect magic. As I told him my story, he sat on Meg's bed just listening. When I told him about the blessing, he smiled.
“I know this may sound crazy to you,” I said. “But I still feel the elements around me. Just before I finished the climb up the stairs, I was feeling so angry that I felt like I was going to explode. I asked the element, Air, to remove my negative thoughts and I was surrounded by a wind.”
Then I told him my experience with my jewelry box responding to my thanks just moments before he came into my room.
“I don't think any of this is crazy. I have always known you were special,” he said, as he reached into the pocket of his jeans pulling something out and holding it out to me. “I hope you won't be adding this to your jewelry box,” he said, taking my hand. Kissing my hand, he slipped the silver ring from last night on to my finger.
I started to respond but he stopped me.
“Before you say anything, let me speak. I spoke to your grandmother this morning about us and she warned me that the tattoo she gave me was not only to protect me from harm but it would also protect you and your family. If my heart is not pure and my promises to you are false, I will feel a pain like no other she warned.” The bright eye in the center of his wrist seemed to change colors as if confirming Gram's promise.
“She then took my hand and called the elements. I felt each one as they surrounded me. I do not know if she wanted to scare me off or if she wanted to prepare me but the entire time I just kept thinking about you.”
“S
o, I am going to ask this to you again,” he said, guiding me to sit on the bed. “Mara, I have always loved you. Over the years we have known each other, the love I have felt for you has only grown stronger and deeper with each breath I have taken. I am offering you this ring as a promise to love you and take care of you until the day I die. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. No matter what this life holds for us, I want to face it together.”
I put my hand over his lips and said, “If you let me speak, I can answer you. You do not need to sell yourself to me. I realized I loved you when I was twelve and you hung the swing for me in the front yard and I have only loved you more each day. Last night made me realize how I have been holding back out of fear of losing you. I cannot keep doing that. I can't push you out of my life and end up making what I feared most come true. I cannot be and will not be in this world without you.”
“You won't be without me,” he said, kissing my hand as he removed it from his lips. “You have made me the happiest man in the entire world.”
He pulled me into his arms and we began to kiss. Our soft kisses quickly turned stronger as I pulled him towards me. Being in his arms, I felt safe and I was able to ignore the negative voice that kept telling me that I did not deserve his love.
My feeling of contentment was loudly interrupted by a high voice. “Gross! Gram they are up here kissing.” Meg called, down the ladder to my grandmother.
“Don't be like that, Meg. She has finally agreed to marry me,” Cole said, as he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair.
“It is about time, Cos,” she quipped, still standing on the ladder. “I thought I was going to be old and gray before she ever stopped being silly.”
“She is right, here,” I said, giving my sister a stern look. “We will have plenty of time for this discussion later but I am sure you came up here for a reason other than being sassy.”